Who Am I Really?
Who Am I Really?

Adoptees telling their own stories of life in adoption, their search for their birth family, and how their reunion attempt turned out. Stories that make you laugh, cry, or simply say "wow". This podcast has two purposes: 1) To help you explore your own feelings about your adoption, accept your desire understand your own personal history, and decide for yourself whether reunification with your biological relatives is right for you. It will help you understand how others have dealt with issues related to protecting the feelings of their adopted families who may be supportive of your search, or question your motives and present challenges. 2) For non-adoptees, this podcast will help you understand some of what is in the minds of your friends, family members, or others who are adopted. Perhaps you had questions for them but you didn’t know if you should ask. The stories will make you smile or bring you to tears, but they’re all true as told by the people who lived them. In them, I hope you’ll find something that inspires you, validates your feelings about wanting to search, or motivates you to have the strength along your journey to learn “Who Am I Really?”

Alex, whom I spoke with live in Los Angeles, California, said growing up, he could never quite pinpoint the out-of-place feeling he carried in his adopted life. When his children began asking about family medical history, an incredibly lucky mistake with 23andMe DNA testing kits led Alex to his full-blood brothers.Alex and his brothers agree that the timing of their reunion was fortuitous for everyone. Their mother was not forced to face the pain of the past, and his brothers were able to bond without being inhibited by anyone else’s feelings.This is Alex’s journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? WebsiteShare Your StoryDamon's storyFind the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneInStitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Mikayla (alias), from Australia, never wanted to confront her adoption until she began thinking about starting a family of her own. Through DNA testing, she uncovered both maternal and paternal connections, each marked by different levels of openness and receptivity that evolved and, in some cases, completely flipped.Ultimately, Mikayla earned the trust of her birth mother and met her face to face during a busy post-COVID period, amid an early pregnancy and wedding bells for someone special in her life.This is MiKayla’s journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? WebsiteShare Your StoryDamon's storyFind the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneInStitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Dr. Abby Hasberry spoke to me from Baltimore, Maryland. Transracially adopted, Abby was brought into a family that believed in racial harmony but didn’t support her ethnic expression as a teen. She became a first mother and was misled about the choices she made when placing her son. She has endured the ups and downs of adoption reunion with her firstborn and her own biological family.Today, Dr. Abby is a therapist supporting people across the adoption constellation through her practice.This is Abby’s journey.Dear Abby CounselingAdopting PrivilegeInstagram: d.e.a.r._abbyWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? WebsiteShare Your StoryDamon's storyFind the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneInStitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Alejandra, who spoke to me from Tampa, Florida, said that growing up she towered over her Mexican parents as a blonde white woman. They loved her deeply, making her feel safe she feels loyalty towards them. But adoption reunion, found Alejandra twice. Her maternal side had searched for decades to find her. Her paternal aunt found her then introduced her to her half-Brother. Alejandra has special gifts that made her super fast, overwhelming maternal reunion, a challenging adventure. This is Alejandra's journey.I Just Can't Make This Sh!t UpWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Yvette, from Memphis, TN, shared that In her childhood no one would say the word "adopted",. After a tense moment in the neighborhood and a series of events, Yvette figured out the truth. In reunion, Yvette learned she was placed for adoption at an odd place in the birth order of her siblings, corroborating an unsettling suspicion she had about her parents' relationship. However, she has also met some wonderful birth family members, one of whom she said is the best thing that has ever happened to her. This is Yvette's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Lauren, from southwest England in the UK, grew up knowing she was adopted and was loyal to her family, but applying to university and thinking through her life made her want to trace her roots. When she found her birth mother, she met a woman who started off chilly but warmed up when Lauren got to meet her parents, and Lauren learned that mother and daughter have something in common. Her birth father found her too, after Lauren sent a letter, but in the end she's not connected to either side of her birth families, choosing to let things be as they are.This is Lauren's journey.Women Of A Certain Stage, Instagram, LinkedIn, YouTubeWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Nicole, from outside London in the UK, grew up in Australia. As a teenager, Nicole struggled with her adoption, so after reaching out for help, her birth mother was found, but that caused challenges with her adoptive parents. Soon after, Nicole’s birth father was found and proudly showcased, but she admits she wasn’t ready for that paternal relationship and wishes now that she had invested more in it back then.Nicole also shared her feelings about how adopted people invest in parenting our own children.This is Nicole’s journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Greg, from Minneapolis, Minnesota, said when his son was born, he thought he could stroll into the D.C. adoption system to ask for his adoption records, but he learned there were significant barriers to access. He’s one of the few people who found reunion through a registry, meeting his birth mother just in time to form a bond, then inheriting the true documentation of her past, more valuable than anything the courts could provide.Greg still holds out hope that his birth father will warm up more quickly to get to know him one day. Until then... ...this is Greg's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Christy, who called me from Utah, was deeply loved by her adoptive parents, who prayed she would be delivered to them. But throughout childhood, she was unable to shake the feeling of being abandoned. In reunion, Christy heard the hard truth of her conception, self-medicated to escape her feelings, then recovered to center herself in motherhood. Christy shared the importance of telling our stories, as another adoptee and journey mate did for her. This is Christy's journey.New Book! Inside the Adoptee ExperienceWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Neshia, from outside of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, said her birth mother lived the street life and exposed her children to the full dark side of the choices she was making back then. Neshia credits one amazing foster family with showing her what a normal life as a child should be, but it was short-lived. Transplanted from the city into a rural transracial adoption, she was cast out as a teen, and trauma cycles repeated themselves. But today, Neshia is doing her best to be a mom to her own children, focusing on the glimmers of hope in her life. This is Neshia's journey.New Book! Inside the Adoptee ExperienceWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Today is a special double adoptee episode with Noreen and Adrian. They both live in Massachusetts, but they were together in New Hampshire to meet someone special in Noreen's search. Her adoptive mother was very supportive and even spoke with her first mother.For Adrian, the maternal search has had its ups and downs, including finding a grave, but their stories ended up converging when they found each other through DNA, developed an instant bond, and have since supported each other through a shared paternal search. These are the individual and convergent journeys of Noreen and Adrian.New Book! Inside the Adoptee ExperienceWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Lori, from Missouri, said that growing up she wondered who her birth mother was, but it wasn’t until she received her original birth certificate that the gravity of her identity truly hit home.Incredibly, documenting her search on social media led her to a very supportive search angel who already knew exactly who Lori was looking for.She tried to correspond with her birth mother, but Lori was blocked and rejected, leaving her with only hope for the future. Still, Lori said finding each piece has given her peace.This is Lori’s journey.New Book! Inside the Adoptee ExperienceWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Sharla, from West Texas, grew up never wanting to find her birth family. But in truth, she knows she was suppressing that feeling. After a DNA test, Sharla finally figured out she had made a paternal connection, but she didn't realize how close she had actually come to meeting her birth father.Unfortunately, Sharla has gotten mixed signals from her birth mother, and now the woman has left her with negative comments. Sharla refuses to let her negativity drag her down.This is Sharla's journey.New Book! Inside the Adoptee ExperienceWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Elina, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, was born in Russia. She spent her early years in her birth family’s care before moving into foster care. Then, as a minor, she finalized her own adoption before departing for America. Elina grew up as one of four adoptees, each experiencing the impacts of adoption at different stages of their lives.Elina has been contacted by her extended family, but she’s not interested in reconnecting with her birth mother. Instead, she’s focused on the deep healing work she wants to do for herself.This is Elina’s journey.New Book! Inside the Adoptee ExperienceWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Angie, from Southern Maryland. Growing up, Angie was frequently defined by her skin tone, as her relationship to her adoptive parents was questioned. Her contrast against her schoolmates and surrounding community made her stand out. When Angie found her birth mother, she was welcomed home—even by the woman responsible for her placement. But her paternal reunion was marked by an unremarkable connection and vitriolic remarks, which led Angie to take control of who she keeps in her life.This is Angie’s journey.New Book! Inside the Adoptee ExperienceWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Donna, from New Jersey, grew up questioning the origins of her looks. In college the uniqueness of her appearance sparked curiosity. Donna spent years with no way to locate her birth family until DNA testing presented links to her maternal and paternal families simultaneously. While it was tough to find graves on her search, Donna takes fulfillment from the acceptance she's gained and the fostering she provides to children in her community. This is Donna's journey. New Book! Inside the Adoptee ExperienceWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Rosalyn spoke to me from the suburbs of Cleveland, Ohio. As a teenager, she learned the truth about her adoption at her adoptive mother’s funeral—a discovery that was revealed harshly and without warning.In reunion, Rosalyn said she found peace in the mirroring she saw with her first mother and her paternal family connections. But she refused to remain an unacknowledged secret with her birth father.Make sure you listen through to the end, where Rosalyn reveals why her informal adoption has created serious problems for some of her most basic freedoms. This is Rosalyn's journey.New Book! Inside the Adoptee ExperienceWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Dr. Liz Debetta spoke to me from Plymouth, Michigan. Growing up, adoption was an open topic until her younger brother's birth changed the family's focus. A series of bad relationships and feeling lost in life led Liz back to school where she rediscovered writing and the award-winning adoption story she's always had inside.In reunion, Liz found the first mother whom she always knew wanted to know her. But herdeep exploration of her adoption has driven a wedge between Liz and her older brother. This is Liz's journey.LizDebetta.comInside the Adoptee ExperienceWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
David, and his birth mother Margaret's story of adoption relinquishment, lives lived apart but close to one another, and their brief emotional reunion is told in the book, "American Baby", written by New York Times Best Selling Author, Gabrielle Glaser. Gabrielle first met David while he was on kidney dialysis awaiting a transplant where he shared that he hoped he would find his birth mother one day. In reunion, David learned that he had always been loved, and his birth parents never forgot about him. Gabrielle share's David's journey.
DL called me from Manhattan, New York. He talks about his youth in a home with a mother addicted to prescription medications who probably wasn’t fit to adopt. When he moved out at 18, he followed his natural talent to climb his way into the music industry. However his suspicion that his birth mother was alive, contrary to what he was told, never left him. In reunion, DL's birth mother nearly backed out of meeting him as the guilt of his relinquishment washed over her decades after her decision. Thankfully DL’s sister made sure their reunion, and his reunion with his sisters, did happen. This is DL’s journey.
Lisa Marie chatted with me via Skype from Lake Garda in the North of Italy.In her journey you'll hear the impact of a transracial adoptee who grew up in a homogenous world that didn't look like herself, and the serendipitous meeting that allowed Lisa to free herself from part of her past. Even though she lived a world away, technology allowed her to find her birth mother and spend the entire day online with her and her birth family. In front of an intimate audience in Colorado, Lisa got the once in a lifetime opportunity to sing to one special woman sitting in the front row of her show. This is Lisa's journey.
Isaac, from Hawaii, talks about himself as a boy who was loved, but struggled to connect with his adoptive parents in certain ways. Having left the island, a chance musical gig put him back on Hawaiian soil and in position to launch his adoption reunion search. In reunion he reconnected with both of his parents at the same time, elected to move back to Hawaii to reconnect with the land and his people, and even found that learning more about the island made him closer to his adoptive family too. This is Isaac’s journey.
Tracey called me from Nashville, TN. She was raised in a family with a genetic trait that deeply impacted her middle sister, driving her appreciation for the power of genetic testing. Tracey knows a lot about her birth mother even though the woman rejected her twice.Process of elimination led her to her birth father, several loving siblings, and healing from the heartache of her first attempt at reunion. This is Tracey’s journey.
Kristen, from Minnesota, was a multi-sport athlete in high school, even competing while pregnant with her daughter. She tells the story of giving birth, placing her daughter, then needing years to get her life back on track. In one incredible year, Kristen learned that her birth parents were looking for her, her daughter wanted to find her and that reunion can bring closure and healing while revealing unbelievable coincidences. Kristen talks about some of the right decisions she made in her life and some of the missteps that she wishes she would have done differently as a parent. This is Kristen's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Share Your Story Listen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
In Debby’s home adoption was an open topic because she was fostered by her grandparents and adopted by their daughter. Unfortunately, she wasn’t welcome as an adoptee by her adopted father and she and her family faced abuse by her stepfather. In reunion Debby found out her birth parents tried to stay together and she has full blood siblings. But her biological father has tried to deny she is his, even though she and the rest of the family know their truth.
For Shelby, growing up as a Korean adoptee left her feeling “othered” as she didn’t quite fit into her community. The Korean school her parents tried to raise her in wouldn’t accept her either. She was forced to live in between her culture and what Americans would or would not let her be.On a heritage trip to South Korea she experienced the heavy emotions of reunion with her birth mother, the challenge of remaining a secret, and witnessed the frustrations of her brother who couldn’t locate his biological family. Shelby also gained a real compassion for her adopted mother whose reasons for adopting brought Shelby and her mother closer together. This is Shelby’s journey.The post 106 – Beautiful Truth appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Shelby (00:02):She had been raped and she got pregnant and her parents did not want to help raise the baby. So they essentially told her like, you have to give this baby up for adoption or you can't stay here. So she felt like she had no option. And so it's been a lifetime of pain for her.Damon (00:32):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members? I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Shelby who called me from Valrico, Florida due East of Tampa for Shelby, growing up as a Korean adoptee, left her feeling othered as she didn't quite fit into her community and the Korean school, her parents tried to raise her in. Wouldn't accept her either on a heritage trip to her home country. She experienced the heavy emotion of reunion with her birth mother, the challenge of remaining a secret and witnessed the frustrations of her brother who couldn't locate his biological family. Shelby also gained a real compassion for her adopted mother who's reasons for adopting brought Shelby and her mother closer together. This is Shelby. When I spoke to Shelby. She was frantically packing and planning for a very special trip to New York with her adopted mother. She started off telling me about her adoption that originated overseas.Shelby (01:47):Well, I was adopted from South Korea when I was almost one year old and I flew over on a plane to an airport in DC. And my parents picked me up at the airport and that's where I met him for the first time. Um, my mom always tells me that the first time she held me, I just looked straight into her eyes and she, um, felt like I was asking her, are you my new mother? Now? She always gets emotional when she tells that story. And I do too. Um, I do feel like I bonded really quickly with her. I don't remember, but I just felt my life. I felt so close to my adopted mom. Um, and then when I was put into my dad's arms, I took one look at him and I immediately cried because he had glasses, blue eyes, very pale skin, that eighties moustache. So it took me a bit of time to warm up to him, but he did take off a few weeks of work, uh, so that he could connect with me and for me to become comfortable with him, that was good that he was able to do that.Damon (02:59):The family lived right here near me in silver spring, Maryland until she was five years old. When they moved to North Carolina, they spent a stint in Montana. Then back to silver spring, the family finally settled in Jupiter, Florida near West Palm beach. Shelby admits. She doesn't have many memories of those early days, but during that time, the reality of adoption hit her hard.Shelby (03:23):It was about when I was around five or six is when it finally hit me, what adoption meant. And my mom always tells me that I was devastated and heartbroken. And, um, my, my brother who was, uh, they adopted him from Korea as well. And he's two and a half years younger than me, but he, we, we are not biologically related. Um, he saw my reaction of, uh, just incessant crying. And I apparently was begging my parents to go to Korea and find her and bring, uh, my biological mother back so that she could live with me because ever since I can remember, they just told me that I was adopted and my mother gave me up out of love to give me a better life because she was so poor and so that whole narrative, that simple narrative, um, which I think is dangerous to tell a kid, it didn't make sense to me. She was so poor. Then she could come live in this big house. I thought it was a very big house. You know, why would, why would they, why would they separate us?Damon (04:34):Shelby's mother could only deliver the message to her daughter in the ways that she learned to do it. She went to conferences where adult adoptees spoke and exposed her to different narratives. So her mother did the best she could with what little information she had. And Shelby said she did something else that helped a lot.Shelby (04:53):She gave me like a lot of space to be able to talk about my feelings and emotions, especially if it had anything to do with adoption. So I always had that and I think that's why we're really close. Um, and my dad, you know, to be he was not the greatest at talking about his own emotions, but he did the best he could. And, um, I do remember this when I was really young, that I would fantasize about being the princess of Korea and that my real mother would come back or would find me. And then I would go Google Korea. So that definitely was a fantasy of mine. I would imagine what she looked like, because that was really difficult, not knowing who I looked likeDamon (05:39):Shelby wanted to see who she looked like, where she got her personality traits from, and so much more to frame things. Shelby's parents are white. Her father is a tall man with light Brown hair. Her mother is Italian with more olive skin and darker hair. She'll be says she with her mother for several months before she was placed into foster care in South Korea. So she probably got familiar with her birth mother's face and therefore felt some sense of familiarity with her adopted mother's Italian features, going back. The many moves the family made were in pursuit of her father's job opportunities as a scientist. But when the family was in silver spring, Maryland for the last time, the school year commute and the increase in crime in the area got to be too much for her mother that's when they moved to Florida.Shelby (06:27):The only thing that was unfortunate about that move was my parents did, there was a lot more Korean adoptees and Korean or translational adoptive families in the area. And so we would go to like groups and meetings and there was a culture camp we went to. So I think I also, well, I know I also had a Korean babysitter even who would talk to me, in Korean and my mom's told me that like I understood basic Korean up until I was about four. So I had a lot of exposure to the Korean culture, but I don't really remember it. And then, so we moved to Florida because of the warm weather. It's safer, I guess. Uh, and it's a very predominantly white community. And so besides the moving stressful, and it was just a stark contrast of, um, the people around, around you. I remember in public school, this is, this is when I start getting like Cooley or crystal clear memories, um, of kids making fun of the way I looked.Shelby (07:32):And that was new to me. So I am a very quiet, introverted person. So I usually would shut down and I wouldn't know how to react, but when a kid would call me Chinese Japanese, look at these, and then they would like pull their face back to
Sean from, Fishers, Indiana, grew up the only person of color in his entire rural town. Yet his ethnicity was hidden from him by his adoptive mother. In Reunion, Sean finally met his birth mother, but realized he needed to establish a special boundary with her to protect his adopted children. Lacking mirroring all his life, Sean finally heard one of his paternal relatives say, he looks just like someone special in their family. Sean's book is called Born Without a Race. This is Sean's journey.Born Without A Race:The Struggles and Confusion of a Racially Ambiguous Adoptee, and How He Discovered His, By Dr. Michael Bauer (Sean)New Book! Inside the Adoptee ExperienceWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Santo, from Redding, PA, grew up knowing he was adopted, and that his family could have also adopted his siblings from Italy. As an adult, when a friend's wedding took him to Spain, he arrived early to make the long drive across Europe to northern Italy to be face to face with his birth mother.  Santo and his team made a documentary about his life is called Il Mio Posto a Tavola, or My Place at the Table where he uncovers research about his thread in the mosaic of European children adopted into the United States. This is Santo's journey.New Book! Inside the Adoptee ExperienceWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Jeff, from southern California,   grew up with the knowledge of and separation anxiety about his adoption. In reunion, he found his birth mother who mirrored his looks, but who has pushed the boundaries of their relationship, and a birth father who is simply not his type of guy.Jeff is the inspirational photographer behind the adoptee focused innocent People Project. This is Jeff's journey.Jeff Forney.com/Innocent PeopleIG: @JeffForneyFB: Jeff Forney PhotographyNew Book! Inside the Adoptee ExperienceWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Julie from Chicago, Illinois is rare in the world of adoption because she wasn't adopted alone. She and her identical twin sister were placed together, secure in their sense of family. The twins never sought adoption reunion until health concerns emerged for Julie in adulthood. Julie describes the initial rejection of her first mother, the misidentification of her birth father, and the eventual softening of the feelings of a mother of twins who finally needed to know that her girls were okay.This is Julie and Jenny's journey.Twice the Family: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and SisterhoodTwice a Daughter: A Search for Identity, Family, and BelongingNew Book! Inside the Adoptee ExperienceWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Melissa, who called me from Harrison, Arkansas, says she always felt chosen and grateful for her adoption. But after decades of peace with her origin story, something shifted. A small-town newspaper article, a newborn daughter, and an aging parent all conspired to push her toward a search.When the time was finally right—when a DNA match opened the door to her paternal family—she stepped forward in grace, only to be met with silence on her maternal side. Melissa took a clandestine trip to see the woman her half-sisters had been blocking access to.This is Melissa’s journey.The Adoptee ExperienceWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Ryan, from Edinburgh, Scotland, grew up ashamed of his Moroccan heritage and faced bullying due to his background and religion. At 18, a letter from his mother revealed his adoption, shaking his world and leading him to hide the truth for 13 years. Ryan struggled with depression, substance abuse, and a pervasive sense of otherness. Eventually Ryan confronted his adoption trauma, seeking therapy and connecting with the adoptee community. Ryan's continues his relentless search for his birth family in Morocco. This is Ryan's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Katie was adopted from China as a baby and raised in a predominantly white suburb south of Boston. Her adoptive family gave her a life full of opportunity—but as she grew older, the distance between who she was and the world around her only deepened. In this episode, Katie shares how her search for identity has expanded beyond finding her birth parents. She opens up about being raised without cultural mirrors, navigating the silence around her story, and reclaiming pieces of herself that were left behind.This is Katie's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
George grew up in Soviet Georgia knowing he was different—both visibly and emotionally—in a society where adoption and his sexuality were dangerous secrets. He spent his early life navigating fear, hiding truths, and surviving systems designed to silence him.When a search angel from Russia responded to a single Facebook post, everything changed. George embarked on a digital trail of late-night texts, uncovering the truth of his birth, a sister who had been searching for him for 50 years, and a family that thought he was lost forever.George shares how he’s learning to trust again—reclaiming a birthday, a name, and a history that had been buried for decades.This is George’s journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Forrest's life began in chaos, abuse, and danger at home and in the foster care system. Forest says he joined the military to make an honorable exit from this life and shares the moment he found his calling as a tattoo artist to his brothers in Iraq. But when Fort decided to get his passport, the process revealed that he had been adopted by a devious woman who had taken him in, but had never told him her plans. Today he has transformed his life into one of purpose and healing. This is Forrest's journey.Angel Blue - A Song of Redemption, by Forrest LangWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Raised in the mountains of the midwest, Misty endured neglect and abuse when she was a child. She took matters into her own hands to separate from her family, survived a period in foster care, then was adopted by her extended family. Misty, was forced to learn what life should be like in a properly functioning family while unlearning what she had experienced in her first family. Today Misty uses lessons from her past to maintain stoicism to move forward in life.This is Misty's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Dr. Amy Geller, from Wykoff New Jersey, had had an idyllic adopted life as the youngest child and the only girl in her family.  But an accidental discovery put her in front of her adoptive parents facing an uncomfortable situation and feelings she chose to bury. As a young adult, Amy was found by her birth mother, found herself angered by the intrusion, but had the presence of mind to pause to gather herself in order to enter reunion with caution. Today, Amy is a therapist and adoption researcher with an exciting new online resource called Adult-Adoptees.com.Ride with us on Peloton: #AdopteeVoicesThis is Amy's journey.Who Am I Really?**New Book: The Adoptee Experience **Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Tezita (te zi TA) called me from Sacramento, CA, but she tells a harrowing story that originates in Ethiopia. Tezita’s adopted family had many other international adoptees, but she was singled out for solitary confinement. She was sent back to her homeland where she thrived mentally in a boarding school away from her adopters. When she returned she witnessed more abuse and decided she’d had enough. Kicked out of the family, she was forced to thrive independently relying on her communities in faith and adoption.This is Tezita’s journey.
Carrie called me from Lynchburg, Virginia. In her journey you’ll hear her talk about the moment she realized she was found, and how she was in contact with her birth parents at the same time one the same day. Carrie talks about two amazing reunions: one where she got to see her birth mother in competition, the other where she got to meet her maternal and paternal siblings together. She also talks about herself as an adoptive mother to a special young man who came into her life at a time when he needed her most. This is Carrie’s journey… Carrie (00:03):One reason why it's all been so positive for me is that, you know, the minute I learned that they were looking for me, it was kind of like, Oh, well, they really did want me, you know, like they really did. You know, it wasn't like I was just discarded or somebody's secret or anything. No.Damon (00:25):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Carrie. She called me from Lynchburg, Virginia, in her journey you'll hear her talk about the moment she realized she was found and how she was in contact with her birth parents at the same time. On the same day, Carrie talks about two amazing reunions. One where she got to see her birth mother in competition, the other, where she got to meet her maternal and paternal siblings together. She also talks about herself as an adoptive mother to a special young man who came into her life at a time when he needed her most. This is Carrie's journey.Damon (01:29):I had the good fortune to interview Carrie on January 2nd, 2020. I wished her a happy new year and added what a special anniversary this day was in her life. One year ago, that day was the first time Carrie had received an email from her biological mother over the holidays. Last year, she received a generic piece of mail that looked like a credit card offer or something. So she just stuffed it in her purse and dismissed it on new year's Eve. She was cleaning out her purse when she found the correspondence that said the sender's client was looking for someone that they thought might be Carrie, the woman who sent the letter was out for the holidays. So she didn't receive Carrie's reply until she returned to the office on January 2nd, 2019. Before we get to that though, let's go back to the beginning. I mean, you didn't think we were just going to jump right into the good part. Did you? I asked Carrie to tell me about adoption for her as a kid in her family and in her community. She said she was adopted at six weeks old from Catholic family services in Roanoke, Virginia. She grew up in a small town called Alta Vista, South of Lynchburg, Virginia.Carrie (02:45):I have had the most amazing parents. I mean, I have never wanted for anything. I've never known anything other than a house full of love, um, which has been super amazing. And, um, I think actually kind of this year has really highlighted that more for me and given me a bigger sense of appreciation for all that I have had growing up,Damon (03:08):Carrie had one brother, six years older than her. So he had his own set of friends. She said she was alone a lot. So she played make-believe games, did art and entertained herself. In her small town she grew up through school with nearly all of the same friends until she went away to college. She said when she was a kid, people in the community would often say she looked like her adopted mother.Carrie (03:34):She would look at me and be like, should we tell him? And so we would always say, you know, well, I'm adopted. And so I've known, you know, since before I can remember that I was adopted, um, it's never been secret or anything, you know, I don't even really remember how I found out. Uh, I just know that I've always knownDamon (03:53):Carrie said she always got support, love, hugs, and kisses. She can't even remember any tough discipline growing up. Carrie said she could go on and on about her parents and how she shares their taste in music. She's good at fixing things like her father and she enjoys having her mother edit her writing, even though as an English teacher, she can be pretty brutal. Carrie said that as adults, she and her brother have gotten closer these days, enjoying memories with their parents. Carrie went to show on university in North Carolina, graduating with a graphic design degree, then went on to old dominion university, achieving a master's in higher education. When she met her husband back in the Hampton roads area at ODU, they decided to move back to Lynchburg. So with what sounds like a wonderful life and no gaping holes to fill in her identity, I asked if she ever wanted to search for her biological relatives, access to the internet, sparked a nascent curiosity that had her going online, adding her name to adoption registries. But it was just a mild curiosity because it was the first time she had that level of access to information. Then a few years later,Carrie (05:08):Maybe two or three years into our marriage, um, uh, we were talking about, you know, maybe having kids and seeing how that would go. Um, you know, that got me really curious as far as like my medical history and all that kind of stuff, which I think is pretty common. A big question people have when they're adopted is, you know, what the heck? And especially like going to the doctors throughout my whole life, they're like, what's your family history? And I had to go through the whole thing. I don't know. You know? So, um, finally I was like, well, if I'm gonna try to bring a child into the world and I probably should have some information,Damon (05:48):One of Carrie's friends who had done extensive adoption research, turned his skills towards her story. Then he gave her some information about herself on a whim, on a shopping trip in Roanoke, Virginia, about an hour from her home, Carrie proposed dropping into the courthouse. She gave the clerk, the information, her friend had dug up about her. The woman went away, but came back empty handed, saying her records were sealed and Carrie would have to petition the court to access them. She wasn't so interested in accessing her information that she wanted to pursue a court case. So she just kind of let it go. That was five years ago, a short while after that, Carrie is going to work on the final day of a job that she was miserable in on that very last day of work.Carrie (06:39):I got an email from a guy, um, who thought that he might be my brother and he thought I was his sister. I mean, he had just learned that his mom has had a baby and given her up for adoption, same day that I was born from the same hospital where I was born. And so he was trying to find his sister. And so he had found my information on whatever that site was that I had registered on years ago. And so he just reached out to me, hoping that I was his sister and I wasn't, but I know it's really weird is this guy actually lived in the town where I had worked for four years. And I got the email from him the last day that I worked there because I had quit my job. And so it was my final day driving to this place. And this kid had emailed me and we shared pictures and I was convinced that we were, we were related, even people near me. You know, my friends were like, Oh my gosh, he looks just like you, you know, that can really be your brother. That's a very strange, very strange.Damon (<a href="https://www.temi.com/editor/t/ay3MWG4jTEPtwqjXELzl7wIbfZjUxB-q0f7-YyqUfVkDV8sXJ73d-MhVIHtOF_Hux9lGzIPYiHDFAQa3EtyGfYznuYE?loadFrom=SharedLink&ts=457.63"...
Diane called me from St. Petersburg, Florida, but her’s is a story that originated in Germany. Diane tells the story of her parents wanting to form a family with her, but her grandmother frequently talking about her adoption such that no one could ever move on. On a trip back to Germany, Diane stood in the orphanage where her story originated, but answers to her questions were not to be had. It turned out that her birth father was her first connection, and he led her back to her birth mother’s family. Diane met her birth mother’s widower who said her mother always searched for her, and made him promise to accept her if Diane were ever found.This is Diane’s journeyThe post 103 – Fixing The Fates appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Damon (00:00):Hey there. I just wanted to take a sec to let you know that I took time to write a book about my own adoption journey. It's called, who am I really? Of course, go to who am I really? podcast.com and click shop. I hope to make it to your reading list. Okay, here's this week's show.Diane (00:22):He said, I've always wanted to meet you. She told me all about you. She told me that she was going to look for you and she did look for you that for the rest of her life she tried to find you and they couldn't. They wouldn't. They wouldn't let her have the records and he said during the 50s when they were courting, she had made him promise. She told him about me before they were married and she'd made him promise to be my father if she ever found me.Damon (00:55):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (01:02):Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and today you're going to meet Diane. She called me from st Petersburg, Florida, but hers is a story that originated in Germany. Diane tells the story of her parents wanting to form a family with her, but her grandmother frequently talking about her adoption such that no one could ever move on. On a trip back to Germany Diane stood in the orphanage where her story originated, but answers to her questions were not to be had. Diane met her birth mother's widower who said her mother always searched for her and made him promise to accept her. If Diane were ever found. This is Diane's journey. Diane was an only child in her adopted family in Philadelphia. She says her adoptive mother was related to the people who ran the orphanage she came from in Germany.Diane (02:08):I had a kind of six degrees of separation kind of experience because my parents, my adoptive parents in Philadelphia were related to the person who ran the orphanage in Germany. Um, so what had happened was I was surrendered in a German orphanage at age one. Um, and prior to that I was in what's called a kinder home. So it's a children's home, but the mother, the biological mother can still visit you there. None of this I was aware of, but what I was aware of from a very early age and all along was that I was adopted and was that I was in a German orphanage and that my adoptive maternal grandmother's brother ran that orphanage, that he was a child psychologist. And the implication was always that, um, you know, I was lucky to escape the fate of being in that orphanage. I was lucky to have been brought to America, to these loving parents outside of Philadelphia and to be raised in this comfortable home. Um, so, so that was, my awareness was kind of a, a kind of survivor's guilt or, or a kind of a feeling of escape. Like I had escaped from something and I was just sort of like, whew, that's a good thing. You know, that's, that's past, that's behind meDamon (03:40):as a first generation immigrant family. Her adoptive mother's mother had moved to the United States from Germany and she lived close to them in Philadelphia. They had many family meals together and it was she who communicated the idea that Diane had been lucky to escape and was very proud of the fact that her brother ran the orphanage and basically brokered Diane's adoption. He had sent her parents photos of Diane and made the recommendation for her adoption.Diane (04:08):She communicated it. Um, I think she was proud of the role that she played in it. She was proud of her brother. I think my adoptive parents, they could have done with less of this story floating around all the time.Damon (04:21):Why do you say that?Diane (04:21):Um, well I think they just wanted to get on with it. Right. They were coming out of that time of loss of not being able to conceive as a young married couple and they kind of wanted to put that period behind and they didn't, I think they wouldn't have kept that story alive as much as my grandmother did. Um, you know, she was always saying, well, I, I, I'm the one who went and got you. I flew over there and we got you from the orphanage and I brought you here. And they had this film of her descending the plane steps and those days you went down onto the tarmac and carrying me and bringing me into the terminal at Philadelphia airport and handing a to my, to my mother, my awaiting mother and father. So it was just this moment of pride that she had where I think my parents were much more interested in me assimilating and in them completing their lifelong wish or their wish together as a couple to have a child to kind of complete their family and to complete a dream, you know?Damon (05:32):Yeah. That's an interesting thing. It's in any sort of challenging, deeply emotional situation. There are those who want to move on from it. Like you want to acknowledge it, you have lived it, that has happened and now you know it's time to move on with life. And then there are those who have also been in this situation and they keep saying, you remember the time you remember back then? Oh my gosh, I remember when, and you, and they prevent you from moving forward. And it's, that can be an interesting juxtaposition for, and especially as you've said, your parents were trying to move on also from the probable pain of not being able to conceive a child themselves. And so here's, you know, her own mother, this was your mother's mother, you know, this is her, you're her own mother who's constantly saying, you remember the time when I brought you this baby? That must've been really tough. Huh?Diane (06:31):I really agree. And I think it's a brilliant point because there is a way in which the wound never quite healed over. Right. It's constantly being re-exposed. And I think that for my mother, I think that was aggravating. And for me, you know, I kind of adapted this source of pride. Like I assimilated my grandmothers message. I was lucky to be here. I was lucky to have this family. I was lucky to have this situation. Um, it was unique. It was somehow special. Um, it differentiated me. But then as time goes on, as a kid, you just want to blend in. You, you don't want this story anymore. You want to just be a cool kid like everybody else on the block and not be special anymore. And it won't go away.Damon (<a href="https://www.temi.com/editor/t/_0-tTafRguEpH547NpPpSHidwHfvweGlB5pSWhYc93mxUtZZy7sOwcg3UGSlAKvSM8CYSQvuOQykaSkJbFpfAK3g0K0?loadFrom=SharedLink&ts=442.61" rel="noopener noreferrer"...
Pam, from Emeryville, CA, told me her desire to search started when she was a kid, but it was Oregon’s laws that changed everything for her search. When she met her birthmother she encountered a woman who couldn’t relay the details of her past, leaving Pam with only her paternal side of the story. He says that what is alleged against him is not true, but Pam is having a hard time forgiving the man. This is Pam’s journey.Pam (00:04):So I thought that from the time I was 19, until I started meeting people in my mid thirties, that was part of my trying to identify what it meant to be alive. Even it's like, Oh, and then I thought, gosh, my mom might not want me to come find her because maybe I'm a traumatic thing. She wants to forget.Damon (00:32):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Pamela. She called me from Emeryville, California. Pam told me her desire to search started when she was a kid, but it was Oregon's laws that changed everything for her. When she met her birth mother, she encountered a woman who couldn't relay the details of her past leaving Pam with only her paternal side of the story. He says that what was alleged against him is not true, but Pam is having a hard time forgiving the man. This is Pam's journey. Pam grew up in a suburb of Portland, Oregon called Milwaukee and in Redmond, Washington and Pamela's family. They didn't ask about adoption when she was four or five. Her parents took time to convey that she was loved, chosen and special in her experience. She had everything a child could want and everything that came with what she called a privileged white, upper middle class upbringing and upbringing, devoid of emotion. I asked Pam what she meant by that.Pam (02:06):I was discouraged from being an expressive child. They were very sort of stoic people. And so if I were to express some bright emotion, it would be tamped down somehow I would be told I was being hysterical or you know, these kinds of things. So it was just, I think we were really mismatched with each other. I'm a very warm emotive person and they were very cool unemotive. People.Damon (02:37):It sounded like her passion and fervor for life were not at all meant by her parents' personalities. She said, she always felt very odd and out of place. Pamela has one older brother non-biological to herself and her parents conceived one biological son as well. She's sandwiched between her brothers and they're all only about 16 months apart in age, she said in her toddler pictures, when you look at her adoptive mom, you can see she's expecting their younger brother. I was curious about how the siblings got along, especially since she and her older brother share an adoption kinship. I wondered if it drew them closer.Pam (03:15):Actually, not really. No. My brothers are very close with each other and I'm kind of the, the black sheep person in the family. My oldest brother was adopted at birth and I was adopted later. Um, I was five months old and kind of came to my parents as a, uh, a special case. This child has been hard to place. Can you please take her kind of a thing? And so they did, and I didn't get returned, but I think as a traumatized infant, I think my mom just didn't really know how to address my emotional needs. There was no training for parents about how traumatic it is to be separated from your, your birth mother in this sort of thing. I mean, I just know it just didn't get discussed. And that the paradigm at that time was that, Oh, these children are a blank slate and they will never know any different.Damon (04:18):Pam said she was a very rebellious teenager. She ran away from home. She even stole the family car and drove to Canada with her friends.Pam (04:27):I was pretty awful to them. I think that, uh, I had issues that I didn't have words for. So I acted out and it was hard for them or they just, they didn't know how to address my needs.Damon (04:43):I asked Pam what the catalyst was for her search. She said her parents sparked the flame that would burn within her when she was about eight years old.Pam (04:52):When my parents explained to me about adoption and that I was adopted, they told me that I had parents who couldn't take care of me because they already had five children. So I thought, what, there's five siblings out there somewhere. And I thought, gosh, maybe, maybe some of those are sisters. Cause I had brothers didn't have a sister. So that was super compelling for me as a child that I had sisters out there or maybe had sisters out there. So that was always super compelling for me. And I knew the minute I could find anything and I could look, I was going to do it.Damon (05:35):She remembers being inquisitive about her adoption, but she sensed her mother's unwillingness to discuss the topic further. So she didn't broach the topic very often. Pam bided, her time listening to conversations between grownups waiting for them to divulge clues that she could hold on to. She said her mother had a baby book upstairs in her closet, but she didn't make it available to Pam. She seemed to believe it truly belonged to her. And it was not to be shared with Pam, even though it was all about her,Pam (06:07):But I would go in there and sneak it down sometimes and look for clues, trying to figure stuff out, looking at pictures. And I remember at one point finding a letter that looked like it might've been from a previous care giver. I don't know who this person was, but I was obviously in their home. So I don't know if it was a foster home or if it was one of the placements that didn't work out. I'm not exactly sure. Um, but, um, I, I would just always be looking, looking for stuffDamon (06:39):That letter from the caregiver or social worker or whatever, had some juicy stuff in it. And she was glad she found it. But Pam didn't try to search until the internet began to blossom as an information resource. She didn't know enough to search before then. So her efforts like signing up on adoption reunion, registries were purely shots in the dark at an unknown target. Pam decided to go into museum studies with the goal of being trained as a researcher, knowing that skill set would be really helpful in her search for answers about herself. But she said her search really began when the state of Oregon opened its adoption records in 1998, she went online, filled out the forms and sent in the application with her $25 fee. One summer afternoon in 2000 of very plain looking envelope from the state of Oregon showed up in the mail and she knew exactly what it was her unamended birth certificate.Pam (07:39):And I thought, bingo, here we go. I'm going to have names now. Now I can really search. So I get this document. Oh my gosh. So I take it out and I look at it. I looked down at
After the adoptive father she loved so much died, Alison learned her birth father, Tim, was looking for her and she took it as a good sign of things to come. Sadly she found herself disappointed in him, and later in her birth mother, Jean, whom he contacted without telling her. Alison had no idea her birthmother struggled with mental illness, so their contentious relationship was inexplicably challenging. After Alison took legal action to gain access to her adoption records from the agency that refused to turn over her information, she finally laid eyes on the detailed context of her past that meant so much to her, and only her.Read Full TranscriptAlison:                         00:00:01          I am the one that had no choice in this. Right? You know, like when you realize like, you know, my, my adopted parents had a choice. They choose, they chose to adopt. My birth mother had a choice, even though in some sense she didn’t, but there was still choices made, right? That weren’t my choices. I mean, I’m the only one that, that completely had no choice. So I realized that like, and this in reunion. I can choose who I have relationships with and who I don’t, you know, I, I, you know, so I realized it’s okay. Like I don’t need to make this work with my birth mother.Voices:                        00:00:35          Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:00:47          This is, Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Alison. She called me from Massachusetts. After the adoptive father that she loved so much died, Alison learned her birth father was looking for her and she took it as a sign of good things to come. Sadly, she found herself disappointed in him and later in her birth mother whom he had contacted without telling her. However, after Alison took legal action to gain access to her adoption records from the agency who refused to turn over her information, she finally laid eyes on the detailed context of her past that means so much to her and only her. This is Alison’s journey. This is Alison.Alison:                         00:01:40          I just want to tell you, but I, you know, found your podcast not that long ago.Damon:                       00:01:45          I always like to hear how the show is impactful for people.Alison:                         00:01:49          And um, I, I shot you an email after the first one I listened to, you interviewed your friend,Damon:                       00:01:54          she’s talking about one of my lifelong buddies, Andre, whom I featured way back in my very first episode.Alison:                         00:02:01          And he, he actually used this person named Sheila Frankl in his search and at some point in my journey she helped me in actually getting my unredacted adoption record.Damon:                       00:02:13          Are you serious?Alison:                         00:02:15          No. Small world thing. I was like, oh my gosh. Like his story was so much like mine and then I listen.Damon:                       00:02:20          That’s so amazing.Alison:                         00:02:21          Yeah, it was amazing. And then I’ve just been, you know, listening, I’m not done, but it’s impressive how many I’ve listened to. I would just, I’m always plugged in and I just like, just can’t believe you did this. Like it’s so good and there’s so many people like us and we need to hear each other’s stories. So, um, yeah. So I completely appreciate it. It’s really good.Damon:                       00:02:43          No, man, I really appreciate that. Thank you so much. And to now, here we are. Alison is episode 85 crazy how time flies in this small world of ours. Anyway, Alison’s parents had tried to have children for almost 10 years before they adopted her older brother Bradley in 1961. She was born in 1963, in Boston. Two years later, their mother gave birth to their sister after 15 years of infertility. Alison said she always knew she was adopted and her parents always made it special and tried to normalize it so much so that their sister,Alison:                         00:03:21          my sister
Andrew lives in Murphy, Oregon, near Grant’s Pass but his is an east coast story. Andrew grew up kinda feeling like an odd man out in his family, not fitting his parents ideas of who he would be. In an amazing coincidence, his pen pal relationship with an elementary school class was key to unlocking his adoption reunion search. The open road took him to meet his birth father who introduced him to his maternal grandmother.She welcomed Andrew at first, but ultimately she was unable to separate him from the memories of what his birthfather did to her daughter years before. This is Andrew’s journey.
Jessica is a rare native, born and raised, in Las Vegas, Nevada. She shares how she found her biological relatives through DNA testing despite her best attempts to get information from the Mormon church, an entity focused on global genealogy. Jessica discovered she looks like her birth families and has similar traits to them. But Jessica also learned that for all she has in common with her birth mother, and how much she wants to meet the woman, they are barred from seeing one another. This is Jessica’s journey.
Laura called me via Skype, would you believe, from Falkirk Scotland. Laura told the story of her childhood knowledge that she might have siblings out in the world, and her quest to meet them. When she met her biological mother things started slowly as Laura tested the woman to make sure she wasn’t going to leave again — and she didn’t — then she did. Laura’s developed a great connection with her paternal sister, even though Laura never got to meet her biological father. This is Laura’s journey.The post 095 – I Tested Her To See If She’d Give Up appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Laura (00:03):Yeah,Laura (00:03):That would see her call and she would text me and I just, I couldn't, I didn't feel able to respond. I was too frightened to answer and to go into, I don't know why I was maybe texting her, maybe just to see if she would give up on me, but she doesn't.intro (00:24):Who am I? Who am I? Whointro (00:27):am I? Who am I?Damon (00:31):Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Laura. She called me via Skype. Would you believe from fallkirk, Scotland. Laura told me the story of her childhood knowledge that she might have siblings out in the world and her quest to meet them when she met her biological mother. Things started out slowly as Laura tested the woman to make sure she wasn't going to leave again and she didn't. Then she did. Laura developed a great connection with her paternal sister even though Laura never got to meet her biological father. This is Laura's journey. If you heard last week show with Barry, you're probably wondering what's up with all of these guests from Scotland all of a sudden, I promise you it was purely coincidence that Laura's story followed his. Laura made time to speak with me after running two races that morning, uh, 5k and a 10K. so as we settled into her recovery time, I asked Laura to take me back to the beginning of her journey, which started in Alloa Clackmannanshire. And yes, I really wanted to say Clapman Shire.Laura (01:48):Well, I feel like I approach my own story with caution because so much of it is only known from the social work records that I have and from the stories that my adoptive parents told me. Um, from what I know, my parents, who I was born to, were and our relationship for our own nine months. And that came to an abrupt end upon the discovery of my mom being pregnant with me. And I think she only discovered that pregnancy at around five months. Then so quietly, wow. My parents worked in the hotel trade. My mum was a training trainee chef and my dad was a waiter and when I was born, my mother was aged 20 and my dad was 33 so she was quite young. And my dad, my dad was fairly young, but he was in the middle of a, a second divorce. Um, so I think maybe my mom had been an affair or maybe I rebound following the breakdown of his marriage. Um, so I often wonder if when I was conceived and by what, by what accident of failed contraception or drunk and forgetfulness, I came to be, eh, but the, the decision to have me placed and to care seemed to send around, eh, the lack of support that my mom had from my father and from our family. And maybe I'll lack of confidence on her part and perhaps a lack of money because where she was working, she, you still have end the hotels. And when I was born she was living in homeless accommodation.Damon (03:25):So Laura's birth mother was living in a homeless shelter that September while she was in the hospital for eight days before moving to foster care. She stayed there for three months until she met her adoptive parents who took her home in December of that year. Laura was rattling off the facts of her chapter one backstory when she said this,Laura (03:45):If it feels so unpassionate, they talk to them about the story because it doesn't feel like it's about me. The fact I was born with a different name. It makes it feel like that baby is someone else.Damon (03:54):I know.Laura (03:56):it feels like recounting the story of a stranger, but for as long as I can remember, I knew that I was adopted and it felt like my family accessed it as ghosts walking around. In my mind. They weren't physically there, but it felt like they would ever present.Damon (04:14):Are you referring to your birth family?Laura (04:16):Yeah. Yeah. it felt like. it felt like my birth family, I knew, I knew that they were there, but for whatever reason I wasn't sure why I didn't ask bucket and half of them. Um, so it was a bit strange.Damon (04:29):Laura's adoptive parents mentioned to her one day that there was a possibility that she had biological siblings. The announcement made her really curious about what parts of herself were out there. I asked Laura about when she remembered having that ghostly feeling.Laura (04:44):I think one day my adoptive mom and I were having an argument. I was only maybe about seven or eight and I think I was misbehaving and I must've really upset my adoptive mum and she said to me, in anger. You know, you can go back to your birth mom, we can send you back. And my reply was when I'm at that stage, she got really, really angry and I think it was from then it seemed to validate that my family were real and that they were out there, I wonder what they looked like. I became a lot more conscious of the fact that I didn't look like anyone and I think that's when, that's when it became more prominent. I thinkDamon (05:31):Laura describes herself as having fair light, blonde hair in a family of Brown haired parents. It wasn't a stark difference enough to prevent her from passing as their child with others, but it was striking to her that she had no similarities with them. No one's mouth, eyes, nose or jawline. She said the differences weren't significant to her. Just noticeable. But it became pronounced when she noticed the joy her parents, other people took and comparing themselves to their own parents. Of course, family similarities and dissimilarities are not limited to physical traits. Did you notice any differences in your own personality traits in likes and dislikes?Laura (<a...
Dan has barely told anyone the his whole story until this episode. He shared that he was in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) as an infant. Then his son's rare medical condition and his wife’s ability to share her heredity while he could not was a catalyst for his search. Dan is thankful for the warm welcome he’s received in his paternal family, and is still hoping that his birthmother will come around to wanting to know him. This is Dan's Journey.Dan (00:04):I kind of find it ironic that now that I found my birth father, that my birth parents had passed away. So it's like, I hear a lot of people when you try to read to your birth parents, it's like your chapter one in the beginning. You don't know that. But now that I met them, I'm getting more about my beginning, but I don't have my parents to give me chapters one and two, you know, when you're real young and you don't remember everything,Damon (00:30):Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:35):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Daniel. He called me from Nicholasville, Kentucky. Dan has barely told anyone his whole story until this episode, he shared that his son's rare medical condition and his wife's ability to share her heredity while he could not was a catalyst for his search. Dan is thankful for the warm welcome he's received in his paternal family and is still hoping that his birth mother will come around to wanting to know him. This is Dan's journey. Daniel was born in January of 1980, adopted four months later after he spent that period of time in the neonatal intensive care unit, the NICU.Dan (01:34):So I was born six weeks premature, and I had some brain and lung issues. So I was in the NICU for the first four months of life. The doctor didn't think I would live to two may never walk and could be blind.Damon (01:48):Dan's adoptive parents had a variety of personal setbacks that prevented them from getting pregnant. But four years after Dan was born, his little brother who is biological to their parents was conceived. They grew up out in the country, outside of Morgantown, West Virginia, and the brothers got along just fine. Their father's side of the family lived nearby. So all of the kids just ran up and down from house to house, taking advantage of being outdoors.Dan (02:15):Two of my uncles live within a mile of me, so we could walk. I could walk house to house and run around and displaying the neighborhood.Damon (02:22):That's incredible. That's some of the best growing up, man, when you can just go between house to house, safe and sound. No worries.Dan (02:31):Go run around to the woods in the neighborhood and play, stick guns and just run around. And so, yeah,Damon (02:37):I love that. That's really amazing. Yeah. Dan said he never felt out of place in his family. He said he always knew he was adopted. And his adopted mother used to talk about his birth mother calling her by name. Dan said, he'd share more about that later. In his fourth grade health class, Dan learned what adoption truly meant. I asked him how felt when he learned the meaning of adoption at that age,Dan (03:03):I kind of cut kind of quiet about it. And what was interesting in my house, my mother was adopted around the age of eight. She was adopted, but learning later on when I became in my twenties and thirties, learning about her adoption, it's much different and darker in contrast to my own story. So I never really talked to her about it at all. Despite the commonality that we have. So, um, once I found out, I remember feeling kind of confused about why I was adopted and even though you're adopted and my family was great. It's still kind of like you fit in. You know, even though you fit in with your family, you still know there's something else. It's kind of different. If that makes sense.Damon (03:41):Dan kept quiet about adoption growing up, going on to graduate high school, attend the university of Kentucky for college, then earned his PhD in biomedical engineering. It was in grad school where he met his wife and they eventually had a son together the whole time Dan's own adoption. Never really came up as a topic of discussion.Dan (04:02):All honesty. No, I kept it to myself. I think I told my wife while we were dating. And then I really didn't bring it up hardly at all with anybody, I guess I didn't know how to talk about, so I wasn't sure how to process it. So I just never talked about it. So for me to come on this podcast to talk to you is kind of a big step.Damon (04:22):Wow. Well, thanks for doing it, man. You're going to, yeah, it's going to be interesting to see how you feel at the other end, after having delved into everything. And then I'm sure you're going to help somebody else by sharing your own story too.Dan (04:34):That's a part of the reason I agreed to do it. Cause I contact you and I'll talk about it here a little bit later when we get into the search of how I found the podcast while I was searching.Damon (04:43):Interesting. Well, that's exactly what I was going to getting ready to turn to then is you sound like you found out what adoption truly meant when you were maybe eight years old. Fourth grade? Yeah. About eight or nine. Yeah. You kept it in the back of your mind. Never really talked about it at all. You revealed it to your wife when you, before you got married when you started dating, but that was it. So what was the catalyst for you to even begin a search? Because it sounds like you pushed it down and didn't really have any interest in, in looking. What was, what, what sparked your interest? All of a suddenDan (05:17):The first one started in 2010 when my father passed away. So I started thinking, what if it's too late? I don't want to hear a second hand about my biological parents. I'd like to be able to at least meet them or talk to them hopefully and see if the name that I had initially for my birth mother was correct.Damon (<a href="https://www.temi.com/editor/t/X15fKgRhj8jgGSi_RxApPs02IoQWYgeGj887drs2_oax2uc9nUmnsTJC53R7daubSeWZWdtuJG0cifqTzqit_Uhqg7k?loadFrom=DocumentDeeplink&ts=335.91" rel="noopener noreferrer"...
Before becoming an adoptee advocate Rich was searching for his own identity. As a child, his older adopted sister vengefully told him their mom wasn’t his real mother. It made him wonder who the other woman could be. When he was in college, his adoptive parents gave him an envelope of non-identifying information. Many years later they handed him another document that revealed his birth name. Rich found himself resenting their decision to withhold information from him that he clearly wanted. When he found his maternal aunt they discussed his birth mother enough to realize she wasn’t the only sister in the family to have relinquished a son in Denver.Read Full TranscriptRich:                            00:00               I started reading her the description of the birth father from my non identifying records and she got really quiet and she said, oh, this changes everything she goes, I know who your birth father was and so once we sorted it all out, we were both in bed for two days because she hadn’t known that her younger sister had done this.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Rich. He called me from Denver, Colorado where he works in adoptee advocacy, but before he took on that body of work, Rich was searching for his own identity. When he was in college, his adoptive parents gave him an envelope of non identifying information. Then years later he received another document with his birth name. When he found his maternal aunt, they discussed his birth mother enough to realize she wasn’t the only sister in the family to have relinquished a son in Denver. This is Rich’s journey. Rich has an older sister who was adopted, like himself, and a younger sister who was the biological child of his parents. Like many adoptive parents, they didn’t think they could conceive a child until she was born. They were set with their daughter and son they had adopted and there was no plans for any more children. It’s amazing how often that storyline is repeated in adoption. Interestingly, since adoption was such an open topic in their family, at one point their younger sister had a bit of an identity crisis.Rich:                            02:03               The funny thing, you know, how families show slides and baby pictures and that sort of thing. And um, my younger sister was the only one with the newborn new new newborn photos. And at one point she sort of had an existential crisis thinking that she was adopted too, but they just weren’t telling her.Damon:                       02:23               Oh, interesting.Rich:                            02:25               You’re, you’re the only one with the pictures in which your purple.Damon:                       02:30               Hmm.Rich:                            02:32               They’ve got, they’ve got the evidence.Damon:                       02:34               Yeah. You’re new new newborn in this. Wow. That’s really fascinating. I’ve never heard anyone talk about their sibling who was biological to their parents having this alignment of their identification with you and your sister as adoptees before. That’s fascinating. Yeah. The mind of a child, you know, you want to be like those around you. And if the two out of the three children in your home are adoptees you must figure, oh, I must be adopted too.Rich:                            03:03               Well, and it was, it was a hot topic for a while, uh, because my, uh, older sister one day was angry with me and she presented it to me in a different light when she said, rather than saying you were adopted, a lot of them wanted and chosen and all those things that we hear. She said, mom’s not your real mom. And I was five at the time. It was, it was pretty devastating to me. It shook my world. I said, I just said, what? So she just repeated it. Nope. Mom’s not your real mom and sort of gloried in the triumph of having stunned me. And so of course I went and asked my mom about it and she explained that even though they’d said that we were adopted, that was different than thinking that there was another mom out there somewhere. And I really struggled with that.Rich:                            04:00               I moped around and was depressed and was saying, I wish I knew who my real mom was. And finally at one point she just said, well, I’m your real mom. She was your first mom. Something in my head said, okay, and we, we move forward with that. But it never, I always wanted to know. Uh, the unfortunate thing is, is she told me I would never know. And so that hung with me and there’s a part of me that was very saddened by that and the part of me that filed it away kind of like saying, well, we’ll, we’ll see. You know, we’ll see if I never...
Joseph is a really outdoorsy guy who lives in Edmonds, Washington, about 30 minutes north of Seattle. He likes mountain biking, trail running, camping and skiing. Joseph grew up in a family of several children, some biological, and one other adoptee you might already know. He told me that he never could have pinpointed what it was, but he always seemed to be searching for something. Joseph started his journey searching for answers from his biological mother about his adoption. Instead he found mystery surrounding her life, unanswered questions and a connection to his brother that means the most to him out of everything. This is Joseph’s journey. The post 099 – We Were Both Missing Something In Our Lives appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Joseph (00:03):I'm not going to fault her. I mean I was adopted by by great parents and they've had a good family life. I've had a good life, but I was, it was hard to hear that the things behind my adoption were because of her addiction possibly. I guess the first thing that came to my mind was like I was not her priority.Damon (00:32):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Joseph. He called me from Washington state. Joseph grew up in a family of several children, some biological and one other adoptee. You might already know. He told me that he never could have pinpointed what it was, but he always seemed to be searching for something. He started his journey searching for answers from his biological mother. Instead, he found mystery surrounding her life unanswered questions and a connection to his brother. That means the most to him out of everything. This is Joseph's journey.Damon (01:30):Joseph is a really outdoorsy guy who lives in Edmonds, Washington, about 30 minutes North of Seattle. He likes mountain biking trail running, camping and skiing, reflecting on his childhood. Joseph said his was pretty normal for the most part. He was adopted at almost two years old and they lived in central Washington. It was a middle class upbringing with five children in the family. His father was a civil engineer, so their family moved around occasionally for him to take jobs in public works. I asked him about his memory of being adopted at the age of two years old. I was going to ask you about whether you remembered a transition at two at all, if you had any sort of stark memory or any even general memory of just a transition of, of scenes. Like one minute you're in one place and even at two year old, two years old, you recognize like, Hey, this is a different place.Joseph (02:28):What I can remember I have one memory, uh, prior to living with my adopted family and, and that was confirmed by my mom when I told her. I said, you know, I would have, I started having this reoccurring dream, which was me and this other girl playing with a red ball. And we were just bouncing it back and forth to each and for some reason I don't, I don't know how it happened, but when the ball came back to me, it hit me in the face.Damon (03:08):(laughter) Oh no.Joseph (03:08):And uh, you know, I just remember crying because I think it just kinda, it wasn't anything out of malice or anything. I just remember we were applying and the ball got out of control and hit me in the face. And I remember the girl like really holding me and saying, you know, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. And my mom said, you know, that was probably your foster sister Stacy. I was in foster care leading up to my adoption and that, that is my one and only memory.Damon (03:41):Joseph said that it wasn't until he was four years of age when he actually remembers his life when they lived in Richland, Washington. Recall that Joseph had four siblings. The two oldest are biological to their parents. His sister, Leslie was also adopted and their parents had one more biological child after Joseph and Leslie. Joseph said his earliest pictures of himself that he had seen before reunion were from the transitional period when his adoption was being processed. He was visiting with his adoptive family meeting and playing with his new siblings and staying the night.Joseph (04:19):I had never seen any pictures of me as an infant, as a child, like a baby or anything like that, which was kind of significant for me. I'm someone who's really into photography. I love the medium and so, you know, like having pictures of me, were really important, you know, it, it really helps me look at, you know, my life as an adopted kid, so to speak. I don't know, I just, that's something that always resonated with me. And so I know that I was, was really curious to see, you know, pictures of me maybe with my biological mom or as me as an infant and my adopted mom and I, you know, we would talk about that a lot as well. Like it would just help me kind of complete the picture.Damon (05:12):Joseph said he and Leslie bonded over being the adoptees in the family.Joseph (05:17):Uh, knowing that we were adopted was significant for both of us. Sometimes, you know, I can't speak for my sister Leslie, but for me, I felt like when things were, I dunno, like when we are frustrated with our parents or something, you know, like, you know, being told to do something we didn't want to do or having to go to bed at night early when the rest of the family got to stay up and watch television, we were like, this is, this isn't right. You know? And we've been, you know, the bonding of like us to say like, well, it's us against them. I certainly had that feeling. I had nothing against my family at all. I love my parents and I love my brothers and sisters tremendously. But, you know, when you're a little kid and you're feeling like it's you against the world, knowing that my sister was also adopted, you know, that was something that we really connected over. And to this day I still feel that way. It's, um, my sister's experience and finding her biological family was really important to me. I watched and listened with bated breath, like as she was going through this whole process. It was a great, it was great to have another kid in my family that was adopted.Damon (06:37):I was glad to hear that Joseph really felt loved in his family. That's an important point for adoptees to clarify when it's applicable. I guess I should tell you that Leslie Joseph's sister is someone who story you've already heard. She was my guest on who am I really on episode 56. 'I feel whole finding him was the key.'Leslie (06:58):It was just surreal to me because it's like, here's this perfect stranger that all of a sudden I'm thrown into his life and he's thrown into mine. And you know, with the history of my mother, I was very cautious because I was expecting him to not be so open about it. But yeah. And when I flew down to see him, we both started crying. I mean, it was just amazing and he just would stare at me, you...
Steve, from London, Ontario, Canada shares his story of being adopted after his mother lost a child. Steve and his mother never connected, in fact, she stifled his social development and seemed to be holding him back because he didn’t look like their family, and didn’t fit in. As a teen, Steve was out on his own in the streets when he learned that he had fathered a child – that’s when he became a single father.In reunion, he found a connection to his birth mother, but her empty promises ended with rejection that surprised him.Read Full TranscriptDamon:                       00:00               Hey there. I just wanted to take a sec to let you know that in between producing the show, chasing my son Seth around and generally living life, I took time to write a book about my own adoption journey. It’s called Who Am I Really? Of course. If you’d like to pre order a copy, go to WhoAmIReallypodcast.com and click shop, where you will be redirected to the publishers bookstore. I hope to make it to your reading list. Okay, here’s this week’s show.Steve:                          00:33               My birth mother tells her, look, I’m not allowed to have contact with him. The kids have his contact information. If they want to contact him, they’re welcome to. I’ve given them, you know what I mean? Everyone’s aware and man, that felt like a knife through the gut, and I don’t know why. Like I guess in that moment I just, I felt orphaned.Voices:                        01:02               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       01:13               This is, Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Steve. He called me from London, Ontario, Canada. Steve shares his story of being adopted after his mother lost a child, but Steve and his mother never connected. In fact, she stifled his social development and seemed to be holding him back because he didn’t look like their family and didn’t fit in. As a teen, Steve was out on his own in the streets when he learned that he had fathered a child, that’s when he became a single father. In reunion, he found the connection to his birth mother, but empty promises ended with rejection and that surprised him. This is Steve’s journey. Steve doesn’t recall being told he was adopted. He just always knew it, but he doesn’t know how he knew that fact. By his description, his parents were typical adoptive parents in the 1970s who wanted the dreams of family many parents aspire to back then, but his adoption came about out of adversity.Steve:                          02:19               They wanted their 2.3 kids in a white picket fence. They had a girl. Then they had a, a baby who was stillborn and they were told that they would never be able to conceive again. And so at that point, um, they pursued other options and, and ended up adopting me. A year and a half after that, my mom got pregnant, so my little brother was born as sort of the miracle baby. And I think that sequence of events affected me and my life in a number of ways, that I didn’t really understand until, until much later. So here I am and I’m in this family. This is a Norwegian family. Everyone in my family is over six feet tall, blonde hair, blue eyes. They get a sun burden walking under a light bulb. And I am not like that at all. You know, I am, I am on a shorter side. I’m five, seven now, fully grown. I got black curly hair. Well, it’s gray now. Yeah, just didn’t look anything like them. And it’s very obvious, you know, in the family pictures and whatnot. So I think I always felt different. Also, I have a really unique surname. Uh, you’ve never heard it before. And so when people comment on the surname, they say, oh, that’s, and I still get this often. Oh, that’s a nice name. Um, and then I have to explain that I’m Norwegian and uh, I am obviously not Norwegian.Damon:                       03:52               Hmm. Interesting. So you have to explain something that people can see in your surname as unique and different, but they don’t know how unique and different it is because in fact, you are not even of that surname.Steve:                          04:06               Right Yeah. And I just, uh, yeah, I mean the truth is, uh, yeah, my name is, is an anglicized version of a Norwegian name that a grandfather, I guess changed it when he came over here. Regardless of that, I don’t, I don’t bother explaining it any more, now. People say, oh, that’s a nice name. I’m like, yeah, I didn’t pick it, but thank you.Damon:                       04:26               Steve has had time to explore his lack of connection with his adopted mother and his research has helped him understand why the creation of a family through adoption doesn’t always follow the script for parents and children to connect.Steve:                          04:39               But I’m still sort of trying to sort this out. So I had a decent child life. I have a childhood. I don’t really have anything to complain about. My needs were looked after, but I wouldn’t say it was a, I wasn’t happy. And I always, honestly, I just felt like my mom in particular, she just didn’t like me. But I think, and so like I’ve come to some understandings much, much later after going sort of through my reunion thing and starting to read some books and do some research and I’m coming to understand that, you know, a lady who’s grieving the loss of a, of a baby was handed another baby who was 11 months old and, and told, this’ll take all your grief away. You know, and then there’s a baby that’s been ripped away from a parent handed to another lady and you know, they’re convinced that lady’s going to take all the babies grief away. And there’s two people who, you know, needed something from each other and didn’t get it. And I, and I think that kind of explains, you know, that that’s where the relationship started and it just, it...
Kyle tells the story of growing up, towering over his mother and sister and looking very different from them, but being loved. Locating his birth mother he was amazed to see someone he looked like but struggled to get along with as she battled her own pain. In the end, he was able to truly connect to his Native American heritage while discovering the pain that was deep within him. His experience inspired him to write two songs.Read Full TranscriptKyle:                            00:03               And that’s the thing is she’s a great person. It was just very hard towards the end to have the relationship because I think she felt she wanted to be my mom. I just period and she couldn’t be. She didn’t raise me and it was a very tough thing for her. And I think it’s just the trauma, you know, it’s easy to get wrapped up in my own trauma, but you know, that can’t be easy… Giving up a baby, especially when you don’t want to.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and my guest on the show today is Kyle. He called me from Seattle, Washington. Kyle tells the story of growing up, towering over his mother and sister and looking very different from them, but being loved, locating his birth mother. He was amazed to see someone he looked like, but struggled to get along with as she battled her own pain. In the end, he was able to truly connect to his native American heritage and the experience inspired him to write two songs. Here’s part of one of them called the saddest song and did this is Kyle’s journeyKyle Singing:                02:15               [Music] See all of me. I’m there before you. You’re In my dreams, but I don’t know you.Damon:                       02:33               Kyle said that he had a good childhood, but they didn’t really talk about adoption still. He felt like everyone in the family knew he was adopted and some folks were a little nicer to him in his extended family while some folks were less so within Kyle’s nuclear family. His mother told him the story of how she had several babies to choose from, but she picked him and he liked that his dad was engaged, cracking jokes, and he was a fun Dad, but his parents separated when he was young, so the challenges of switching between houses made things a little tougher. He acknowledges that he did feel kind of different.Kyle:                            03:10               Really good childhood. I think I always felt a little different, but when you’re a child you don’t really know why. I just thought I was very shy, so I think I attributed a feeling different. Just that I wasn’t outgoing. My sister is very outgoing and so I thought, well, it’s just because I’m really shy that people don’t notice me as much or you know, I feel different. Yeah, we’d go to my grandparents’ house. They have a farm in North Dakota and go there as children for the summer and my grandmother did the opposite. I was the youngest, so a lot of times the older kids didn’t want to play with me so she would take me under her wing and teach me things and my grandfather would take me with him and he, you know, fix farm equipment. And so that was a, that was actually some of the best memories I’ve had in my life was growing up on the farm.Damon:                       04:05               Those were great because Kyle could just tag along as his grandmother baked and did other things around the farm. She taught him a little about how to play piano and told him stories about when his father was younger or when she first met Kyle’s mother. His grandmother knew he was shy and she needed to reach out to connect with him. She even attempted to connect him with his heritage.Kyle:                            04:29               They always knew that I had some native American blood, but they didn’t know what tribe or anything else, but I remember when I was really young that my grandmother took me by myself all the way up into Canada to go to a powwow and at the time I didn’t really know. Yeah, I didn’t think it through. I just thought, oh, this is kind of cool. Or by herself and, but looking back he was trying to show me things that I wouldn’t have seen otherwise. Um, my family is very scandinavian, so that was a very, a very interesting.Damon:                       05:05               You appreciate that. She did that or like, what’s your feeling about that?Kyle:                            05:09               I think she, she knew of my birth heritage and just thought I’m going to, I’m going to take him up there and expose him to cultures that may be like, you know, some of his ancestors. I also remember she would tell me ,well, When she was little, it was still in a lot of places to kind of the wild west, you know, so she remembers a chief that would come into town and trade for things when she was a little kid, so she told me about him all the time and how he was really tall and proud and so I think she, yes, she used her, her real experiences also to connect with me in ways that I didn’t even fully. I mean I appreciate them, but I appreciate them more now.Damon:                       <a...
Katherin called me from Atlanta, Georgia. She grew up in a challenging environment with an adoptive mother on dialysis, an adoptive father who disengaged from parenting, and life lessons that taught her to suppress her emotions. Seeking connection, Katherin turned to the affection of men to fill the emotional voids in her life.In reunion, Katherin discovered her birth mother's struggles with mental health and gained a sister with whom she shares a close bond. However, building a relationship with her birth father has been difficult, as his wife harbors resentment over his past transgressions.This is Katherin’s journey.In Search of a Salve: Memoir of a Sex AddictWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Amy shared her story with me from Carlisle, Pennsylvania. She learned about her adoption before her teen years—a revelation that left her in shock but also helped her make sense of her family dynamics.In college, Amy’s coming out created a rift within her family, leaving her worried that pursuing an adoption reunion might lead to similar tensions.Thankfully, Amy’s birth mother embraced her happiness and wholeheartedly committed to supporting her in their reunion. Listen until the end when you hear how Amy had to adopt her own child even though she's married. This is Amy's Journey.Let me know if you'd like further adjustments!Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Virginia spoke to me from New York. When she was young, her single mother struggled to raise her and her two younger brothers, battling addiction and mental illness, which ultimately led to their family being separated. While Virginia was reunited with her mother, she was not reunited with her brothers and was devastated by the terrible news that she would never see them again.As an adult, Virginia felt something wasn't right about the story of her younger brothers. Determined to uncover the truth, she embarked on a mission to find answers. Although Virginia is not adopted, her brothers were. This is Virginia's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Bobbi, who lives in Montgomery County, Maryland, reached out as an ally to the adoptee community. After we chatted, she realized something important about her own journey.She shared her tale of generational kinship adoption, the heartbreaking discovery that her beloved granny had likely endured an assault, and the DNA discoveries of multiple adoptees who were placed from her own family tree. This is Bobbie's Journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Jean, from Boulder City, Nevada, shared that her raising parents had their flaws, from addiction to enablement, but she knows they loved her and they did the best they could with what they had in their toolbox. Searching for her birth mother, the woman was found quickly, their resemblance was shocking, and after discovering some disturbing facts about the woman's past, maternal reunion remains an unmet need for Jean. However, when she learned there would be no reunion, Jean could not have been in a better place than among other adoptees. This is Jean's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Curt, from in Las Vegas, Nevada, felt like something was off in his family when he was a kid, so he he set out to find his own way. As an adult, Curt got curious about locating his birth family, but chickened out on submitting a DNA sample to launch is search for reunion.On his maternal side, Curt was finally able to meet his birth mother, but she seems to be keeping him at arm's length. Curt's birth father knew he had fathered a child, prepared his family to hear from Curt one day, and was more prepared to welcome him into his life than his birth mother.This is Curt's Journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Patrice, from Northern Virginia, said that in her house adoption was never discussed when she was a kid. So her curiosity led to a secret search as an adult. While her birth mother had no plans to meet Patrice, in reunion, her birth father told everyone about his long lost daughter.Unfortunately, the loneliness of the COVID 19 lockdown drove a wedge between Patrice and her birth father. This is Patrice's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Sharon, from Springfield, Missouri, grew up in a small town as part of a large family. After leaving home, she became pregnant and was abandoned by the birth father. Following the placement of her daughter, she suffered in silence for years. For decades, Sharon hid her pain behind a smile—until the day her daughter found her.When they reconnected, they finally saw the beauty in each other. Sharon is a birth mother, and this is her journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Janet spoke to me from her home in Nantucket, Massachusetts. She grew up with an adoptive mother who presented to the outside community as a saint whom everyone loved. But at home she was unkind to her family. Janet said she spent her whole life wanting to know her birth mother when she finally found the woman. Janet's birth mother didn't want to know her and only met her after her other children forced the issue. However, her birth father welcomed her with open arms and compassion, the kind of welcome every adoptee hopes for. This is Janet's Journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Here is the edited version with improved grammar:Baya called me from Basking Ridge, New Jersey. She was raised in Germany by parents who grew up in post-World War II Germany, along with an abusive older brother. In her town, everyone knew Baya was adopted, and she even knew who her birth mother was. However, to this day, Baya has not yet reached the point where she feels ready to take the next step—coming face to face with the woman she has known about her entire life.This is Baya's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Jim, from Gilroy, California, Jim was born in the early 1960s in San Jose, California. His adoption story is complex, shaped by the trauma and loss his adoptive parents faced after losing their youngest biological son. For Jim, the love he sought from his adoptive father was elusive, replaced by emotional and physical abuse in his adoptive family. As Jim searched for his biological family he was disappointed by some misleading events. and he uncovered some unexpected connections and painful revelations. This is Jim's Journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Moses is an adoption trauma educator and therapist, but his own personal journey as an adoptee is one of hardship and resilience. To use his words, Moses was stolen from South Korea at the age of two, by his famous mother, to grow up as part of a transracial, international, and high profile family.However, beneath the surface of fame Moses faced deep trauma, isolation, and tragedy. His story raises challenging questions about the adoption industry, This is Moses Journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Breanna learned that she was fostered then adopted but for financial gain and she described her home as a hostile environment. Her adopted mother was abusive, and Breanna ultimately ran away from home to the military. But before bootcamp she contacted her birth mother, and learned the hard truth about her conception. In reunion, she was forced to watch her birth father’s judgment for his actions.The post 102 – It’s Always Maybe appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Breanna (00:05):She feels really guilty and I think that's why she doesn't want me to hate her. She thinks that I should hate her and I don't hate her. It does make me angry now that like you're wasting time. We could be like, we could be going forward, but like I don't hate you for giving me up like I really don't hate her.Damon (00:32):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members.Damon (00:53):I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Breanna who called me from Jacksonville, North Carolina. Breanna learned that she was fostered then adopted but for financial gain. Her adopted mother was abusive and Breanna ultimately ran away from home to the military, but before bootcamp she contacted her birth mother and learned the hard truth about her conception in reunion. She was forced to watch her birth father's judgment for his actions. This is Breanna's journey. The weekend I spoke to Breanna. She was teaching her six year old daughter to ride her bicycle. When she spoke of her parents, she said they never really talked about adoption, but she remembers a time when she was six years old at church when her status as an adoptee stood out in her mind.Breanna (01:41):When we joined the church, they introduced themselves and they said, we adopted four kids and we have two of our own. So they didn't talk about it and they didn't really want to talk about it. My dad was more like, Oh, we're your parents we raised you and are the ones who who've taken care of you, you know? So we left it alone. It wasn't like a topic.Damon (02:02):Breanna's siblings who were biological to her parents were many years older than the adoptees in their home. You heard Breanna say she has four adopted siblings. Breanna is in the middle of the adoptees. They were all foster children. First adoptees who didn't know their own stories. Her parents had adoption folders for every child, which Breanna found in their garage. They had pictures and photo books for every child. She learned that some of her adopted siblings were children of drug addicted parents. Breanna located everyone's folder except her own, which was frustrating. She talks a bit about why her parents fostered them. FirstBreanna (02:43):they said that they adopted us because they needed money and there was money to foster care and they got paid for us and then they were offered more money if they adopted us. So they actually got paid up until we were, we graduated from high school. So originally that's why they went into foster care. They, so I don't, I guess eventually it wasn't like a need.Damon (03:08):So did you, could you feel that need like were, how were they as parents? I guess what I'm asking is when I think of parents who choose to foster out of financial need, I have a, I'll admit I have a little bit of a negative feeling in my gut about that. Tell me about your home in terms of this particular stereotype that I have.Breanna (03:34):I say like the home was really a hostile place to be. Like I avoided my, my house. And I think like now that I'm older, I know that my dad of what at the house because of like my mom, I think I'm pretty sure she struggled with mental illness, but like my dad, I told you like he always lived away. He always worked away. Like he only came to visit us on the weekends and like he would tell us like once we got like to teenagers, we'd be like, why can't, like, why won't you like divorce her? Or why won't you like, let us move in with you? Or something. He was like, you know, this could be like, you guys could be worse off if you were with like your biological families or if you were somewhere else. Like it could be worse, you know? And he kind of left it at that and he was really like soft spoken. Like he didn't say very much. So I can't say like, he was horrible, but my mom, like, she did really horrible things to us and would say things to us. So, no, I can't say my childhood was great and, um, at all. And I was a very depressed child. Um, now that I'm older, I can realize, I realized thatDamon (04:43):Breanna describes herself as a quiet keep to herself kind of child, so people may not have recognized her depression. She's a writer and a poet, not really much for talking. Her siblings were more boisterous, outspoken, throwing tantrums and that kind of thing. Breanna describes herself as a people pleaser who earned straight A's in school.Breanna (05:04):Like I tried to do everything perfect and like I was a helper to like, to like avoid, um, um, like we never knew how she was going to be, like when we walked in the house, you know, like from school, like how was, how was she going to be today? I, and she would tell us like, if it wasn't for my medication, you know, so like you could tell like they didn't, I don't think they adopted because they wanted us, you know, I do think, I'm pretty sure. I know that they love us. Um, like they, they, they, I, my dad loved us. I know and I'm pretty sure my mom loved us, but I think because whatever it is going on with her mentally like something was wrong, you know?Damon (05:47):Interesting. Did you say something? Tell me what you were about to say with regard to her saying you can tell when I'm not on my meds or something like that. What was that?Breanna (06:00):My mom was really abusive so I don't, I don't think I should get into the abuse that she would do, but like she would do stuff and then she would be like, if it wasn't for my medication, like you guys would probably be dead type of thing. You know? Like if it wasn't for my medication,Damon (06:16):Breanna's adopted father stayed away from their home a lot, working in other cities, coming home on weekends to visit, but never staying in that environment. He died when she was 16 years old. She said she remembers her mom having a boyfriend a short time thereafter. I asked Breanna when she got the urge to search.Breanna (06:37):I'm pretty sure I had this feeling since I was a little kid, but I always felt that my mom would come back from me or she...
After two years in foster care, Janet was adopted into the foster family. An interracial woman, she grew up in a white midwestern community in Ohio. Janet recalls the love she felt from her family and the isolation of being one of two people of color in her town. Through the International Soundex Reunion Registry (ISRR.net) she connected with her birth mother who had been waiting for her to register for years. In reunion, Janet forged a tight bond with her birth mother and maternal brother. On her birth father’s side, she finally met & bonded with her brother, the first person of African American descent she ever met that she is related to.The post 041 – I’ve Finally Gotten Myself To A Sense Of Peace appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.
John called me from Charlotte, NC, but his story starts in Ontario Canada. He shares how he grew up in a strict home and how even though he was mischievous, he didn’t think his actions warranted his unceremonious delivery to boarding school. After decades of dedication to his search, he finally discovered his birth mother’s identity, accidentally uncovered deeply held lifelong secrets, and he hopes to have a pint with the man falsely named as his birth father. This is John’s journey.
Marilyn called me from Southeast Tennessee. When she met her natural mother, she finally learned the story of what the woman had been through as the pieces of 50 years of history returned to her memory. Maryilyn admits she didn't have a huge void to fill in seeking reunion but that being in reunion has opened up closeness with her natural mother that some of her closest friends have waited years to achieve. Listen at the end for the cute story of how her son met his grandmother for the first time right at his own school, you're gonna love it. This is Marilyn's journey.
Gayla called me, with her best friend Lisa, from Georgia. Gayla said she was loved so much by her adopted parents that you never would have known she was an adoptee. When she found her biological mother they got really close until the woman said something unkind about her adopted mother that strained their relationship some. Locating her biological father, Gayla was met with rejection until she drove 5 hours to meet the man face to face. A well intended misstep drove a wedge between them, so she holds out hope that her apology will be meaningful and they can be friends. This is Gayla’s journey.
When he was a kid, Bill saw clues here and there that he was adopted, but no one ever actually said it. It wasn’t until he called an uncle he’d never met before that the truth was revealed, turning Bill’s world upside down. Reunion with his birth mother was an emotional event with a woman who was told never to speak of his existence again. Bill talks about how he felt toward the father he grew up who took the secret of his adoption to his grave, and how redemptive it’s been to be accepted by his birth parents and his new siblings on both sides.Read Full TranscriptDamon:                       00:00               Hey there. I just wanted to take a sec to let you know that in between producing the show, chasing my son Seth around and generally living life, I took time to write a book about my own adoption journey. It’s called Who Am I Really? Of course. If you’d like to preorder a copy, go to WhoAmIReallypodcast.com and click shop where you will be redirected to the publishers bookstore. I hope to make it to your reading list. Okay, here’s this week’s show.Bill:                             00:30               I just realized that what was so upsetting was all the stuff I had missed. I missed 54 years with these people. I missed 54 years with my parents. I missed 54 years with my aunts and uncles and my sisters that I’ll never get back and that was really, really weighing on me and I just, I got to a point where I learned that I have to just accept that and I got to try to get past it.Voices:                        01:05               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       01:16               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Bill. He called me from Virginia Beach, Virginia. When he was a kid, Bill saw clues here and there that he was adopted, but no one ever actually said it. It wasn’t until he called an uncle he’d never met before that the truth was revealed, turning Bill’s world upside down. He talks about how he felt toward the father he grew up with after learning the news and how redemptive it’s been to be accepted by his birth parents and his new siblings. This is Bill’s journey. Bill tells his adoption story in parts. I gathered, It was because he’s had to accumulate the facts over his lifetime. The first part of his story he calls, what I knew, where he describes exactly that, the things that he knew were the facts of his life. For example, he was born in January of 1963 his birth place was a Methodist hospital in Omaha, Nebraska. His father’s name was Bill. His first wife’s name was Audrey.Bill:                             02:27               I knew that sometime when I was two years old, Audrey passed away in June of 65 and I know that, uh, my father remarried my mother who raised me and uh, November of 67 that I knew, I knew that I grew up with a mother who wasn’t my real mother. I knew she was my step, but I grew up with that stereotypical Walt Whitman, uh, suburban family. There was nothing that we couldn’t do. Daryl and uh, his wife Jean went on to have four children, two boys and two girls. So I grew up as the oldest of five. Typical Irish Catholic family in Nebraska, the siblings, we were very, very close, but we fought like cats and dogs just like kids do. They were never any knock down drag outs. They were just those, you know, he took my toy, that type of stuff.Damon:                       03:25               sibling rivalry stuff.Bill:                             03:27               Yeah. Yeah. Now if someone outside of the family, picked on one of us, well then it was on because we would all take care of each other. But we’ve, you know, we fought like cats and dogs.Damon:                       03:39               Bill said he did all of the typical stuff boys did back then. He was a scout. He went camping and hunting, hiking and stomping through the creeks. Bill attended Catholic schools through high school when he was 16, the family relocated to California, but back when he was around 11 years old, he got his first piece of hard evidence about his adoption.Bill:                             04:02               I never had any clues that I looked at as clues at the time that I was different than the others. I knew that she was my stepmother, but I, I just didn’t. It didn’t matter. She was my mother. A couple of times, I remember asking my father to tell me more about my mom’s side of the family, Audrey’s side of the family, because we are an Irish Catholic family, but we didn’t have cousins. Um, my father, my father had a older brother, but he was, he was mentally handicapped and never married. And My mother Jean had a, had a brother, but he was the stereotypical California lifelong bachelor. So when all my friends would go visit cousins and stuff over the summer and Christmas, we didn’t do that. So I remember asking him about my mom, Audrey’s family, because I knew about his family, but I didn’t know anything about hers.Bill:                             04:58               And the answer I got on two separate occasions was, it’s not something that I like to talk about because you know, I loved her and she died from cancer and I, it’s just not something that I could talk, I can talk about. And as, as a kid I just kind of said okay. And I didn’t push it. There was another time, uh, I was, uh, using the parish directory to call a friend of mine to...
Sara, from Seattle, Washington, was an over achiever adoptee who was secretly struggling and going off the rails. She intentionally avoided babies until her sister gave birth.. and having kids of her own drove home just how precious babies are. Sara feared reunion would literally kill her adoptive mother. But in reunion she finally heard from her biological mother that they looked just a like, a comment she had waited to hear her whole life.This is Sara’s journey.
Karen is from Stratford, Ontario, Canada. She shares her story of growing up a woman of color who stood out in her family and community.Locating her birth mother she found little connection and a bit of tension, but ultimately she wants to keep the relationship going. That’s partially because her paternal reunion, while fulfilling in the most heartwarming ways, was sadly too brief. This is Karen’s journey.The post 104 – You’re Obviously One Of Us appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Karen (00:04):I was so sad at the time. I wish that that had been possible just because of everything I had been through as a kid and never feeling like I belonged and realizing that there had been a possibility that I could have been raised by him that he wanted to, but wasn't given an option.Damon (00:32):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:44):Who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members? I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Karen. I spoke with her from Stratford, Ontario, Canada. She shares her story of growing up a woman of color who stood out in her family and community locating her birth mother. She found little connection and a bit of tension, but ultimately she wants to keep the relationship going. That's partially because her paternal reunion while fulfilling in the most heartwarming ways was sadly too brief. This is Karen's journey. Karen opened by saying how helpful the show has been for understanding how other adoptees feel, because it's not often that the subject of our own adoptions comes up. So sometimes the people who are closest to us don't even know we're adoptees. The night before our interview, she was sitting around a campfire on the beach where she told someone she's known for 10 years, that she was going to be interviewed the next day about her adoption, her friend, remarked, that she didn't even know that fact about Karen. I hope you'll forgive the raspiness of Karen's voice. Apparently it was a great time around the campfire that night. Karen shared that she was born in Toronto, Canada and adopted as an infant after spending time with two different foster families in the Toronto newspaper. In the 1960s and seventies, there was a column called today's child, which listed children for adoption, who were considered less desirable for adoption to use Karen's words. These children were older, were not white, or maybe had some sort of disability.Karen (02:30):I was one of those children. And, um, I have a copy of that, that article. So there's picture of me when I'm nine months old and then they write a description about me. And it's funny, I just went over it again this morning. And the description that they wrote about me then is still the same for me now,Damon (02:51):Really it was an accurate depiction of who your personality is, and isn't that fascinating to read that it really is.Karen (03:00):It really is. And I mean, I've read this, but I'll call her a million times. But each time I think I'm seeing it from different eyes, depending where I am in my own life experience.Damon (03:15):She was adopted by parents who had three children of their own, but her adopted mother was told not to have any more children. Her youngest naturally born child had medical issues that required a complete blood transfusion, but the family wanted more kids. Karen was adopted into a white family whom Karen said, didn't really know any other black people. And there really weren't any people of color in her community. She was the only oneKaren (03:42):Growing up in my family was it was a good experience, except for always feeling like I didn't really belong anywhere. I was a pretty strong kid, as far as just making things work. I ended up probably becoming the class clown because of that. And I ended up excelling in sports, I think because of that, because I needed a place to fit. Right. So when I think back on it, I think that's how I found my place was just by excelling or being funny.Damon (04:17):It's interesting. It almost sounds to me like you were already out there, there was a spotlight on you regardless. So it sounds like you just embraced it and said, I'm going all in. You're already looking at meKaren (04:33):Exactly. Right? Yeah. I'm glad that that's, that was my personality to be able to do that because otherwise it would have been really difficult. But even from, from being a little kid, some of my first memories are feeling like people are staring at me because I'm walking in with this white family and me and, and I, I stood out because there weren't any other black kids around, you know? So, um, when I was really little, um, maybe three years old, I think anyways, uh, my mom said we were walking past a window full of mannequins and it was mannequins of different nationalities maybe. And, uh, um, I looked at my mom and I said, she was like my Brown. So I was always aware of being different. People often say that kids don't know that there, that there's any difference between children. You know, children are just children and people don't kids don't see any difference. But I knew I was differentDamon (05:46):Thinking about growing up in a homogenous environment where she was the kid that stood out. I wondered what it was like for Karen. When she and her friends started dating, she recalled one dance where the girls are supposed to ask the boys to be their dates. A Sadie Hawkins dance was what came to mind for me. But I had to admit to myself, I had no idea what that really meant. Wikipedia says the Sadie Hawkins dance was created from a comic strip called Lil Abner that ran for 43 years from 1934 to 1977. It was about some fictional hillbillies who lived in some Podunk town called Dogpatch USA in the comic strip. An influential man in town is concerned that his not so attractive daughter, Sadie Hawkins will never get a date, get married and move out. So he flips the script and declares Sadie Hawkins day, where the women are to chase after the town's bachelors with the intent to get married. Now, imagine for a moment that you're a young woman of color in a town full of high school students who don't look like you and it's time for the Sadie Hawkins dance.Karen (06:58):I can remember one of the dances in high school where the girls asked the boys and there was one other black family in town, but by high school, there was one other black family at my high school. And I just assumed that I was supposed to ask that boy, I didn't even know him, but he was the boy I asked for this dance because I thought that's the way it was supposed to be. I didn't really think I had any other options. And that would be super uncomfortable experience because we didn't need to know each other. So, you know, me telling me yep. Yep. He accepted gladly and you know, I've never really had a conversation with him about that since I should. He was probably glad to be asked toDamon (<a...
Wendy, from Massachussetts, was adopted through Louise Wise, an agency with a notorious reputation. Separately, the tragic murder of Lisa Steinberg triggered her adoptive mother to give Wendy open permission to find her birth mother to let her know she’s ok. On her search, Wendy found her birth father first, but connecting with her birth mother is where she’s found similar interests and a relationship that continues to grow as she introduces her birth mother to her family. This is Wendy’s journey.Wendy (00:02):You know I called my adopted mom and said, you know, this is what happened. So she's been, you know, she has been part of the process the whole way along. And um very supportive, which I think is huge to have that kind of permission from your adopted parents and that, you know, comfort them being comfortable with the process has really been helpful to me.Damon (00:32):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am IDamon (00:42):Who am I, this is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show, you're going to meet Wendy. She called me from Massachusetts. Wendy was adopted through an agency with a notorious reputation separately. A tragic headline triggered her adoptive mother to give Wendy open permission to find her birth mother, to let her know she's okay on the search. Wendy found her birth father first, but connecting with her birth mother is where she found similar interests and a relationship that continues to grow. This is Wendy's journey. Wendy was born in July of 1968 in New York city adopted a few weeks later through the Louise wise agency. If the name of that agency sounds familiar, it's the one that was at the center of controversy in the documentary film, three identical strangers, the story Chronicles, identical triplets, who were separated at birth and intentionally placed for adoption into three different homes with different socioeconomic makeups. The men were studied throughout their childhoods. Then they found one another completely by accident. As young adults focusing on Wendy, her parents had been married six years before they adopted her through private adoption. Two years later, they adopted her sister through an attorney in California, then a year and a half after her parents unexpectedly had a biological son. That's three children in three and a half years in their home in Northern New Jersey. Wendy said when she arrived, her parents sent out announcements that had both her birth and adoption dates on them.Wendy (02:37):You know, I felt very loved. It was a very positive family experience, very accepted by everyone in the family. Although the family was very small. So my mother, my adopted mother is still alive. She's 80 years old. My adopted father died when I was about 28 years old. So it's been quite a while. And um, in the community, my parents were, um, never hid the fact that my sister and I were adopted. Although, you know, it wasn't like a frequent topic of conversation. And I didn't, you know, I told people if asked, I don't think I really went around, announcing it to friends. You know, even through my search and reunion process, people who know, who have found out, some people have said to me, well, I never knew you were adopted.Damon (03:28):Wendy felt she could pass as her parents' child. In some ways they had similar eye and hair color different from her sister who kind of stood out more from them. I was curious about how the siblings got along with one another. They were three siblings of completely different biological makeup. Wendy said her sister was competitive with her and these days their relationship is strained. But with her brother, Wendy has a good relationship despite their age difference.Wendy (03:57):If you spent time with the three of us, you could observe certain, um, you know, values that we have and things about us that really are all very similar and probably came from our upbringing. And then you did observe some really stark differences amongst us.Damon (04:14):Wendy's father died of cancer. After a three year illness, she had just started her second career in nursing and was a new mother. Her own daughter was only 10 months old when her dad passed. I asked her about that time in their lives.Wendy (04:30):He was probably one of my greatest supporters in life and we were very close. So he was, uh, uh, his loss was massive to me. And, um, you know, still to this day, I really, uh, have, you know, some degree of grief over it. So he was, um, a stellar father, even in my non identifying information. It's so interesting. Cause he, when I received that he shined through in personality as somebody who, you know, knew nothing about babies, but immediately took to me. And he was very active and involved father. Um, so yeah, that was a really tough loss.Damon (05:11):Growing up. Wendy said, she always wondered and wanted to know about her biological family, but she was hesitant to ask questions of her parents because she didn't want to hurt her parents' feelings,Wendy (05:22):Even sometimes having, you know, some crazy thoughts about if I ask, they're going to ask me to leave.Damon (05:29):Wendy's parents did share some things about her adoption with her, but she still held off on pursuing more information. She fantasized about who her birth parents might be and living close to and visiting New York city frequently. She wondered if she was passing her birth mother on the street and neither of them were the wiser in the fall of 1987. Wendy had started college and she was home for Thanksgiving right before her return home a tragedy hit the news and adopted girl named Elisa Steinberg was beaten to death at the hands of her adopted parents. It was big news. Wendy's mom sat her two daughters down to discuss the tragedy and what she felt. It meant to them.Wendy (06:15):My sister and I down at the kitchen table. I can vividly remember this talking about that event with us and basically said, you know, each of you needs to find your biological mother. She needs to know you're alive. You know, we raised you well you're okay. And, um, you know, that was a moment of like so much permission that I, I felt from that point on, I really had kind of permission to move forward, but, um, you know, my adopted mom while she's always been a big supporter of, um, my search, I think, you know, she's never known really how to search. So she's always told me, Oh, so, and so did this or so, and so did that. Why don't you try this? But you know, for me, the, the permission part was big. So, you know, even on that was 1987, I didn't really move on it much. I mean, I was in college, I was busy studying, hanging out with my friends, you know, developing kind of my life. And I didn't really know what to doDamon (07:15):As with so many other adoptees, the birth of Wendy's first child and the gravity of bringing another person into the world who was the first blood relation she had ever had sparked...
James called me from right up the road in Laurel, Maryland and we have one degree of separation with one of my adoptive father, Willie’s, friends. In his story you’ll hear his struggle to find himself and an identity as a youth in a family that didn’t look like him. It took him years to find his voice after a bitter divorce left him and his adopted siblings abused. Thankfully James’s wife, an excellent investigator found his birth parents and helped initiate meaningful reunions that allowed James to express forgiveness and find belonging.Jame's book, "The Miracle" is available here: https://amzn.to/3kMYSxVThe post 097 – You Gotta Forgive appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.
Meredith had enough adoptees around her growing up that adoption was no big deal. Yet, her parents never felt comfortable actually discussing adoption. After getting pregnant, and spurred on by her mother-in-law’s intuition that Meredith wanted answers, she started searching. When her social worker found her biological parents, they were married with children. Her reunion has filled her with mixed emotions because she’s thankful for the life she’s led but’s she’s seen the family photos for the life that could have been.The post 053 – Seeing The Life That Could Have Been appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Meredith (00:03):In the beginning. I, I didn't set boundaries for myself, for the relationship with them, for, I didn't give myself time to feel anything. I think I was, you know, adoptees are people pleasers and that's what I was being. And I was so concerned about what everyone else was feeling. And I don't, I didn't recognize what I was going through. And I think maybe that's why I struggle a little bit more now with my emotions.Damon (00:35):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Meredith. She called me from Northern Virginia, but her story takes place up North in a small town in Massachusetts. There, she felt loved and adoption was no big deal growing up because there were adoptees around her and life was good. Her reunion happened quickly, but it was transformative for her when she learned her biological parents were together and her adopted parents felt betrayed. This is Meredith's journey. Meredith grew up in a quaint little town in Western Massachusetts. She said she doesn't remember even being told, but she always knew she was adopted. She also had an older sister, also adopted, but unrelated to herself, coincidentally Meredith's childhood best friend who lived right across the street was also an adoptee. SoMeredith (01:49):It just felt very normal to me. And then actually the day that I was adopted, I was adopted a month after I was born. Uh, we celebrate that as my special day. And, um, my mom always would make cupcakes for the class at school. Um, so it was kind of like a second birthday for me.Damon (02:10):That is so coolMeredith (02:10):Yeah. And we still, you know, she'll send me a special day card every year, which I still get. So yeah, it's always just been something that made me feel unique.Damon (02:21):Both sisters got birthday and special day celebrations and the girls were made to feel cherished and loved Meredith said she always had questions about adoption, but when she was younger, sometimes she would get a little pushback from her mother when she broached the topic. So she usually didn'tMeredith (02:38):It didn't, I didn't start to really think about it more until I was like in high school. And I don't know if it was partly my curiosity too, but a lot of people would ask me questions, which I think maybe sparked like me wanting to know more too. Does that make sense?Damon (02:58):Something that you haven't really Thought about, but as other people think about it more and more, it definitely invades your own mind. Right?Meredith (03:06):Right. But honestly, when I was in high school, like I didn't even know where to start. I, I, wasn't still in contact with the other adoptee friend that I had. So I didn't really have a community of people who understood it or even knew like how to help me.Damon (03:22):Those were pre-internet days in the 1990s. So while she wanted to search for her relatives, Meredith didn't have any ways to do so easily. While in high school, she says she didn't talk about adoption much with others on any meaningful level until she got married. She discussed being adopted with her husband and her mother-in-law.Meredith (03:42):Cause she's just a very curious person. And she would ask me a lot of questions. And she's actually someone who helped me a lot in my search when I actually got answers.Damon (03:53):Meredith thinks that part of the reason she didn't search sooner was a little bit of fear, a lack of a real support system. And just not even knowing where to start narrative has already said that she only casually discussed adoption with others. So I wondered what it was about her mother-in-law that made Meredith open up.Meredith (04:12):I think maybe because I knew that she genuinely cares about me and I think she saw that I wanted answers. And you know, sometimes you just need that little push that person to nudge you along and bring that out of you. And I feel like I knew that she would support any decision or outcome and she would be there for me.Damon (04:36):So her curiosity, her curiosity and support, evoked a feeling of trust. Yeah. for sure, just after Meredith and her husband got engaged in 2008. They were back in Western Massachusetts for her bridal shower. Her future mother-in-law traveling with them. The group was at Meredith's mother's house. And since adoption was an open topic among them, they decided to have a look at her baby book, which had her adoption information easily accessible within it.Meredith (05:06):And we were just curious, and we were looking through adoption papers that my mom had just, um, non identifying information. And we noticed something on one of the papers. There was some whiteout and I had a friend with me there too. And so my mother in law and the friend noticed the whiteout and then they got kind of sparked my interest. You know, I've looked at these papers all my life. Why have I never questioned this whiteout? Um, so we start investigating and realized that there's a name under there. And we couldn't tell what the name was. It started with an E you know, we, we weren't sureDamon (05:43):The friend and her mother-in-law were trying to figure out what the name under the whiteout could have been, but it was a covert operation and Meredith didn't want her mother to know they were analyzing her adoption records. The whole...
Paul grew up in a family where he didn’t look like his parents, his father was Mexican and his mother was Japanese. In his childhood, his mother turned incredibly harsh and abusive, especially toward his sister. Searching for his birth mother, Paul made a misstep when he didn’t follow the advice of his search angel, and it cost him a valued relationship. Luckily he was able to connect with his half-siblings on both sides, but one relationship ended abruptly when a spouse fired his gun at Paul! All told, Paul found links to his personal history, and that’s given him the identity he was seeking.Read Full TranscriptPaul:                            00:02               But the one thing that would happen, my aunt told me and one of my older cousins had told me, when I was little, the only person that could get me to stop crying was my dad’s sister. As soon as I was in her arms I would shut up. I would stop and the reason, and here’s, here’s the reason why, this is why I’ve always known that voice. My, my birth mom’s voice is exactly identical to, at least to my ears, as my dad’s sister.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Paul. He called me from Tucson, Arizona. Paul grew up in a family where he didn’t look like his parents and eventually his mother turned incredibly harsh and abusive. Searching for his birth mother, he made a misstep when he didn’t follow the advice of his search angel and it cost him a valued relationship. Luckily, he was able to connect with his half siblings on both sides. But one relationship ended abruptly when a spouse fired his gun at Paul. All told Paul found links to his personal history and that’s given him the identity he was seeking. This is Paul’s journey. Paul figures, he was with Catholic social services for about three to four months before he was adopted. His father was Mexican and his mother was Japanese. He met her in Japan during the Korean War and they got married in the United States.Paul:                            01:50               So right there, when I was old enough to look in the mirror and everything, I was like, well, you know, one of these things is not like the other. I don’t Look anything like either person and I, you know, I was little so I didn’t knowDamon:                       02:04               but either. The two of them don’t look alike. So how do you not look alike?Paul:                            02:11               Well you know, my mom was, you know, she’s Japanese and she was small and she really had extreme Japanese features. So I’m like, I’d look in the mirror and I’m like, well, I don’t have those features. And then, um, my dad, I, you know, I like can’t say I really didn’t, you know, I really couldn’t make the total comparison, but I’m like, something’s not right here. And then as I got older, not much older, but the differences kept getting more pronounced. And I remember one of my earliest memory, Geez, I probably was four, maybe five, I was out in the backyard crying I wanted to go home. And you know, um, my dad comes home from work and sees me out in the backyard and asking me, asked me what’s going on, I’m in the backyard bawling my eyes that I want to go home. And then that’s when I got, this is your home. You know, I was like, no, this can’t be my home. I don’t look like you.Damon:                       03:08               Paul told me that he had recently read the book, The Primal Wound, where he learned that his experience as a child of wanting to go home is not uncommon for adoptees. He had one sibling, a younger sister who was adopted about a year and a half after himself. He said the older he got, the more he picked up on his differences with his parents. He noticed something about his adopted mother. She was always overly excitable about everything. He was young, so he didn’t recognize what was going on, but things were changing.Paul:                            03:40               Somewhere around when I was nine or 10, something clicked in her or something and she just became the most abusive, horrible person you could ever want to meet and more so toward my sister then to me, and then as I get older and learn about Japanese culture, they, they favor the son and so that’s why I kind of figured that a lot of her stuff wasn’t, I avoided a lot of it, but the thing is I had to sit there and witness what was going on with my sister and the thing was with my mom, this is what made the whole younger years really difficult, is the abuse she had rake on her, but also with me, it started to become a point where I was, I could never do anything good enough. And then she always had a focal point of another family that was like best friends with my dad.Paul:                            04:31               And actually the couple were my godparents when I got adopted. They had a son, a natural born son, but my mom all of a sudden started making this kid their son, like the example point. So why can’t I do what he does? Why can’t I do what he does? So as time goes on and she just gets worse and worse, that just happened more and more. And then the other thing that was really weird and then as I got older, I found out, cause I was too young to remember it. Supposedly I was a very sickly, sickly, sickly child practically on my deathbed but the problem was is I never felt sick, never thought I was sick. Um, apparently she was doing the Munchausen’s by proxy thing with other folks so she could garner attention or more attention.Damon:                       <a...
John Dorenbos, the Magic Man, contacted me from his home in Los Angeles. John grew up in a wonderful family until he was 12 years old, when he came home from playing and learned that his mother was taken from him. John made it through his family's tragic turn thanks to kinship adoption, lots of counseling, and two outlets he is eternally grateful for --football and magic! John had a long career in the NFL with the Philadelphia Eagles, but an injury that forced him off the field ultimately saved his life. What you're about to hear is the magic of a man who lives the power of positivity. This is John Dorenbos's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Lynn retains a New York accent, but she called me from North Carolina. As a young girl, Lynn should have been a carefree time in Lynn's life, but her home was a chaotic place. She said characterizing her home life as having a few challenges will be like saying Noah's Ark experienced a little rain. Instead of being a carefree kid. Lynn told me that she felt a responsibility for her younger siblings who experienced the same chaos she lived through at home. She was searching for a place where she would matter to someone at a young, vulnerable time in her life.Pregnant with nowhere to turn, she placed her daughter for adoption, the hardest thing she's ever been forced to do. In reunion, Lynn was stunned to receive her daughter's call out of the blue. She was thankful at how quickly they were able to see each other but is disappointed that the relationship has not gotten deeper.Lynn is a first mother, and this is her journey.SURVEY: Preliminary Exploration Into Adoption & ReunionWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Ken grew up in a mixed home with both biological and adopted siblings. While Ken was loved and treated equally, when his son was born, he felt the urge to learn more about his birth mother. When he found the woman living nearby, she answered Ken's phone call with inspiring words, expressing her expectation of that moment finally happening for her one day. Ken said there was a moment with his birth mother when it felt like time was standing still.With her, he finally feels like he can be himself without people-pleasing behavior. This is Ken's journey.I Will See You Again, by K. R. DeStefanoWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Regina spoke to me from her home in North Carolina. When Regina was a child, she learned she was adopted and how other kids cruelly viewed adoptees. She never told anyone about being an adopted person until the big reveal in adulthood. After seeking counseling to overcome the monster of adoption, Regina finally sought reunion. She found her birth mother and father in the same day, and eventually heard from her siblings that she was fortunate for the opportunities that adoption provided her. This is Regina is journey.Book- Adoption: The Unknown BlessingWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Steven, from Bainbridge Island, Washington—across the Puget Sound from Seattle—shared his that when he was a kid, it only took one incident to solidify his resolve never to ask his adoptive mother about his adoption. In a maternal reunion, Stephen was confronted with the reality that, while his birth mother was not mentally capable of taking care of herself, she never forgot about her son.On his maternal side, it was DNA testing that finally gave Steven the breakthrough he needed after decades of inquiry. This is Steven's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbeanCastbox
Lena, from just north of Tampa, Florida grew up surrounded by adoptees. However, as she got older, Lena began to feel how different she was. While working toward her degree in social work, Lena's studies unexpectedly led her down the path to reunion. While her birth father has been nothing but supportive, Lena said she can't force a maternal reunion with someone who has not healed yet herself.This is Lena's journey. ​ Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
One of the important things to do when sharing adoptee stories is try to empathize with our birth mothers. This is a special presentation of the "Who Am I Really?" podcast for "Birth Mother's Day". Working with Ed DiGangi (ep. 130) we highlight the stories of three birth mothers, Yvonne, Sarah, and Laura who share their personal stories of being stigmatized, coerced, and misinformed about their child's adoption. They share their struggles carrying the memory of the children they placed, the process of mental and physical recovery from giving birth, and the secrecy some held for years about what they had endured as young women. Birth Mother's Day is observed on the Saturday before Mother's Day in order to honor birth mothers' experiences. D. Yvonne Rivers - Host of Birth Moms Real Talk podcastLaura Engel - Author of You'll Forget This Ever HappenedSarah Maury Swan - Writer and multiple book authorEd DiGangi, Adoptee - Author of The Gift Best GivenWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
When a child is in need of support to help navigate the traumatic experiences in their lives. Renowned psychiatrist, neuroscientist, and leading authority on childhood trauma Dr. Bruce D. Perry is the man to call. Dr. Perry has researched childhood trauma and its impact on brain development and behavior throughout his decades, long distinguished career. Perry's dedication to understanding and addressing the effects of trauma on individuals, families, and communities has played a pivotal role In advancing our understanding of trauma informed care and resilience, building strategies. Dr. Perry is the co-author of the New York Times #1 best seller. "What Happened To You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing," co-authored with none other than Oprah Winfrey. You're about to hear Dr. Perry delve into the transformative power of understanding trauma, our ability to reprogram our brains, and a wonderful explanation of a theory a lot of adoptees have relied on for healing. It is my pleasure to present to you my conversation with Dr. Bruce D. Perry.Neurosequential.comWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Doris, who lives between Sacramento and Lake Tahoe, California, was adopted after her adoptive mother's repetitive attempts at pregnancy. Doris then had to endure herself centeredness -- a residual trauma of her failed pregnancies -- and her narcissism, which prevented her from being the mother Doris needed. In reunion, Doris was welcomed by some of her extended family, but chose to try to meet her birth mother face to face, to hopefully avoid being rejected. You will be stunned by the outcome of Doris's trip to her birth mother's home and empowered by how she focuses on the positivity of her experience. This is Doris his journey. ReckoningWithThePrimalWoundWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Monica, from outside of Sacramento, California, shares her double story as an adoptee and a birth mother. When Monica was a kid getting dumped by her adoptive mother sent her down a path of bad-girl attention seeking that, put her in dangerous situations. In reunion she discovered her heritage is tied to native people of North America and that her instinct to search was well-timed because her passionate drive was matched by someone else very important to Monica who was looking for her too. As an adoptee, Monica holds a unique perspective that helped her prepare for one of the most pivotal moments in her life. Trigger warning: Around 20 minutes into the episode Monica discusses a violent act inflicted against her. This is Monica's journey.MonicaHall.comWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Angela, from Seattle Washington, grew up in a home full of adoptees whose adoptions were prioritized because of perceived medical needs, including her own. Angela pursued reunion, expecting she would search for and find her birth mother and they would look just the like,Instead, Angela first found a man who was loved by his community and when she appeared there in his town where she was born, everyone knew exactly who she was because of her close. paternal resemblance.Angela's maternal reunion started with a jarring introduction that initiated with what she thought would be a reunion rejection, but eventually evolved into a maternal connection. Angela is the author of "You Should Be Grateful: Stories of race, Identity, and Transracial Adoption".AngelaTucker.comThis is Angela's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? WebsiteShare Your StoryDamon's storyFind the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Jane, from outside of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, grew up knowing she was adopted, comfortable with the fact, and even knowing her birth name from a young age.After her adoptive parents passed away, Jane obtained as much identifying information as possible and submitted two DNA tests. The amalgamation of resources all provided supporting clues to her maternal and paternal sides.In reunion, Jane found a man who didn't even know she existed, but wanted to get as much information about what transpired behind his back when he was a teenager as possible.Listen at the end for the touching moment where Jane took her birth father to a special place.This is Jane's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? WebsiteShare Your StoryDamon's storyFind the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Brad, from McKinney, Texas, just outside of Dallas grew up thinking something was off in his family. But Brad internalized his differences from his parents as his own inability to adapt to their personality traits and abilities. As an adult DNA testing revealed that something far more foundational to his being was the reason for their differences. The revelation set off a series of forced confrontations, unexpected sibling introductions, and being face to face with an incarcerated man Brad had no intention of bonding with... until he did. Make sure you to listen until the end to hear how Brad's paternal reunion played out. It is heartwarming for sure. This is Brad's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbeanI7u5q8UrFim2sniNJlaA
Linda’s childhood was tumultuous after her mother’s death as she was raised in what she thought was her grandmother’s home. When she learned the truth about her life from the neighbor’s kids, at age 10, Linda immediately wanted to find her birther father. She endured years of abuse in her grandmother’s home with no love. She characterizes her story, not as an adoption, she thinks of herself as stolen from her biological father.You can find Linda’s book at LindaBlackmer.com or you can search “My Father’s Eyes: A Story of Stolen Lives” on AmazonRead Full TranscriptLinda:                          00:03               Grandma’s drivin. Then we’re driving down the road and she begins calling me names and then she gets quiet and she goes, you know, Linda, you’re right. Your Dad is not your father. And it was like, wow, you know, my abuser is actually finally telling me the truth.Voices:                        00:27               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who Am I?Damon:                       00:38               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Linda. She called me from Farmington, New Mexico where she lives so far away from it all, that she had to drive into town from her house to get a good mobile signal so that she could share her story with you. Linda’s childhood was tumultuous after her mother’s death as she was raised in what she thought was her grandmother’s home. Once she learned the truth about her life from the neighbor’s kids at age 10, Linda immediately wanted to find her birth mother. She endured years of abuse in her grandmother’s home with no love. She characterizes her story not as an adoption, she thinks of herself as stolen from her biological father. This is Linda’s journey.Damon:                       01:32               Linda admits her journey is convoluted, but you already know that many of our stories are on November 22nd 19, 63. President Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, Texas. The next day, November 23rd. Linda’s mother was killed. Linda was about three years old. Her sister was four the girls, went to live with their maternal grandmother as the family tried to make a plan for their future.Linda:                          01:59               The people in the family were trying to figure out what to do with us, and one day a grandma Brown into the house and sitting on her chair was a strange man that we had never seen before and so my sister and I, we looked at each other and looked at the guy and he had two great big white teddy bears and he held out his hands and said, hello. I’m your Daddy. And we’d never seen him before. Again, it was really strange and really confusing.Damon:                       02:35               Okay,Linda:                          02:36               so we did go to live with him and he could not handle raising a three and a four year old, so he took us to his parents. So we grew up with our Dad’s parents and we of course called and grandma and grandpa.Daon:                          02:54               Can I just ask quickly when you were two, I make the assumption that you were living in a two parent household when your mother was killed, is that correct?Linda:                          03:05               That is not correct. Okay. Um, basically our mother, she was divorced but she was living with a man and we were living with him too and he was her boyfriend and the one who caused the accident related to her death. Um, so it was actually vehicular homicide. We just remember bits and pieces of him, but apparently he was severely abusive and uh, the story goes that she wanted to break up with him. He was pretty angry about that and that should be one of the reasons that caused the accident.Damon:                       03:48               Do you remember any of your feelings at the time as a child who has lost her mother? Do you feel that you remember the grief or anything?Linda:                          03:58               I didn’t remember that we were told that she had died and so I remembered… What I do remember is we were being babysat by one of our aunts and I remember standing on the couch looking outside the window waiting for mom to come and pick us up and what I saw is her father or Grandpa come and start picking up our toys in the front yard, put him in his car, and when I asked him, I ran up to him and said, hey, where’s mommy? He totally ignored me. He wouldn’t talk. He wouldn’t look at us, nothing. So that was really confusing to me because again, I was only three, but apparently we were told that she had died. That I don’t remember that at all.Damon:                       <a href="https://www.temi.com/editor/t/DIoDIBHb3AkVEq_2esju83vaT48fmPr46XBI2dgbeVWTMCtCMnlhGJnkmETuan4XnKDfZ5EWMwzfyv9VQWZGDRiZD_M?loadFrom=DocumentDeeplink&ts=292.83"...
April called me from New York, New York, but her story originated in New England. She is a transracial adoptee whose search took her to a quintessential New England town and the connection to her birth mother’s former home which put April and the woman on the phone that night. But the pain of April’s conception was too much, so the pair never connected. Now April holds out hope that one day she’ll know the man with whom she shares DNA. Until then she maintains a strong foundation in her own identity. This is April’s journey.
Chris lives in Northern California outside of San Francisco. He shares how he selflessly discovered his adopted brother’s birth mother just in time for them to meet. Chris said he was thankful that at least one of the two brothers had completed their search. When Chris told his parents he launched his own search it created animosity between them that they’ve worked hard to get over. After finding a birth mother match through DNA testing, Chris has connected with a loving family that has wondered about him for years. This is Chris’s journey.Recorded on my son, Seth's, 12th birthday, January 16, 2020!
Michelle, from North Hollywood, California, is an Asian American, but her specific heritage is unclear, and she doesn’t think she’ll ever fully know where she comes from. There’s no information about her in the year before her adoption, only a note that says "This baby was found..." Michele describes her feelings about being adopted by Asian parents, her lack of a specific birth date, and her creative outlets that keep her going instead of searching. This is Michelle’s journey.
Ginger who lives in Los Angeles, began her reunion journey as a teenager who found her birth mother, saw her picture, emailed her, but never made the leap to meeting the woman. In adulthood Ginger had given birth to twins who emotionally impacted her and reminded her of the story of her own birth shared by her birth mother via email many years before, so she resurrected their relationship. This episode is unique because we captured Ginger’s story in the lead up to her cross country reunion, then we followed up shortly after to see how things were in the aftermath of hours spent face to face with her birth mother. This is Ginger’s journey. Ginger (00:05):And I sent it to her and she wrote back and said, you have no idea what you have done for me. You have just uncapped 34 years of guilt and shame and made me feel so much better. And she asked me, would you be willing to, to meet and I said, Oh yeah, I definitely would.Damon (00:31):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Ginger who lives in Los Angeles. Her reunion started as a teenager who found her birth mother emailed her, but never made the leap to meeting the woman in adulthood. Ginger had given birth to twins who emotionally impacted her and reminded her of the story of her own birth shared by her birth mother many years before. So she resurrected their relationship. This episode is unique because we captured Ginger's story in the lead up to her cross country reunion. Then after to see how things were in the aftermath of an hour, spent face to face with her birth mother. This is Ginger's journey.Damon (01:37):Back in the summer of 2019, I was sitting on a plane ready for takeoff. When I checked email one last time before setting my phone on airplane mode, I found an email from Ginger who said she was meeting her birth mother in a few days. And she knew there was only going to be one chance to capture herself in the version of who she was before reunion. So she hoped we could record before and after interviews. I immediately recognized that she was absolutely right. We are different people before reunion, then we are after. So I emailed her back to say, yes, she admitted she had been listening to who am I really a lot in the days leading up to her reunion,Ginger (02:21):I was listening to it thinking, Oh my gosh, all these things are going through my mind about like, what's about to happen. And this is like an interesting spot to be in like that I'm in right now. And I won't have this spot anymore after this weekend. It's like, my life is going to be like before and after this weekend, it's going to be like, I'm a, I'm going to be a different person with different views. So I'm like, I shouldn't, I don't know. I just want to record and like tell the story like, as it happens so that, uh, the emotions are raw.Damon (02:55):Since I was traveling, I didn't have my normal recording setup. So I spoke to GingerDamon (03:00):Through my laptop with ear buds and their terrible microphone while sitting in the lobby of a library in Sacramento, California. So I hope you'll forgive me for the sound quality of part one of this episode, as we traded in for the experience of hearing Ginger's story, as she packed her bags for her reunion day. So what you're about to hear is Ginger's perspective before reunion in August of 2019, then her recount in September, 2019 of her reunion, two weeks before our call Ginger celebrated her 35th birthday. She said she felt like she was living in an alternate universe, given the surreality of what was about to happen in her life. Ginger admitted that her main thought was concerned that she would fly to Kentucky. Then her birth mother would back out of their meeting. So this was an interesting interview because we could only record the first half without any knowledge of how things would turn out. So like I always do. I asked Ginger to describe her life in her home and in her community as an adoptee, Ginger grew up in a small coal mining town called Harlan, Kentucky way down in the Southeast corner, near Virginia and the Northern border of Tennessee. She said, it's a place that's unlike the rest of America. Ginger's parents were trying to have children for 10 years before the call came for her parents to pick her up.Ginger (04:30):She said she ran right out to Belks. That was her store that she liked to go to. And she bought the prettiest little baby clothes and bottles and all this stuff. And she drove, um, the requisite hours to come and pick me up. And she said, she, she went into the hospital, she and dad, and they looked into this window with little bassinets of all kinds of little babies. And she said, she looked at me and she didn't know which was her baby, but she said, Glen, I hope it's that one. And she said, I was the prettiest little baby in the bassinet room. So she, she, um, said that they took her into a little room, um, and said, get ready for your baby. And they brought the baby in and it was indeed me. And so with that story, um, she tells it with such love and she, she just, uh, has always made me feel like adoption was a really special thing rather than like a thing that I should be self conscious about or anything.Damon (05:37):So since Ginger felt special, she flaunted her adoption for how special she was to have been chosen. But every once in a while, as she expressed her pride for being adopted, the person she was telling would respond apologetically as if she had admitted something with pride that she should have been ashamed of. It hadn't occurred to her that there might be a sad story to be told about being adopted. Still her mom and dad were wonderful parents as is often the case after a child is adopted Ginger's birth parents had a biological child three and a half years after her adoption. So they lived a bit of a nature versus nurture experiment. Seeing how her sister developed in contrast with her own development being raised by the same parents. I asked Ginger what she noticed in their family.Ginger (06:28):According to my own case study, I would have to say that nature and nurture are both very viable factors in how we turn out, like what our morals and our, our goals and, and our like, values are. Um, but like certainly nature is a huge, huge part of it. You, you can not deny it.Damon (06:56):Ginger says her family are very quiet people, not big talkers, very kind and loving. They're dark haired, not super tall, not particularly adventurous. And generally by the book kinds of people.Ginger (07:10):And I, on the other hand am like the Flamingo, uh, just crazy tall, um, blonde, blue eyed, uh, loud artistic person who, um, uh, I, I was, uh, I was just the multicolored sheep of my family, I guess you could say. And luckily my mom and dad, they, they nurtured this side of me. My mom put me in like every, she put me in piano lessons and all the different sports and all the different, um, singing, acting, all that stuff. And it was cool because though my sister and I are worlds apart when it comes to personality, we we're still just best friends to this day because we, we just get each other. And I wonder sometimes like if we were, uh, a lot closer in personality, if we would be as, as close, because we, we never like experienced competing or anything at all, my mom was so attentive to like,...
David from Columbus, Ohio said he was practically at the front door of reunion, but drove away. Years later he finally found some siblings who looked almost exactly like him, and others who’s genetic connection was undeniable. David admitted he’s not an emotional guy, but the rollercoaster of his adopted mother sparking his curiosity, his fear of what he might face on a search, inaction when he had the chance, and the combinations of acceptance and rejection were a lot to bear over the years. This is David’s journey. David (00:08):And like I said, by nature, I'm not a very emotional person. I don't wear my emotions, on my sleeve but man, this was probably the most emotional thing. And I've buried three parents. And by far, this is the most emotional thing I've ever done in my life.Damon (00:32):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is David. He called me from Columbus, Ohio in David's story. You'll hear a man who was practically at the door of reunion, but drove away years later, he finally found some siblings who looked almost exactly like him and others whose genetic connection was undeniable. It's a story made for a book or a movie. Thankfully David has filmed it all. This is David's journey. When I spoke to David, he was in the process of filming a documentary about his adoption journey. He said that from what he's heard, he had a pretty charmed adoption. It was an arranged adoption. And he went straight from the hospital to his new home where he describes a fantastic life. His mother was a stay at home. Mom, his father ran a local used car lot.David (01:46):I had a, you know, just total attention and they showered me with love attention that stayed active in everything. Church, small groups played sports and did everything. So any and everything that I could ever want need think about was provided before I could really even think need or want it. So I was very fortunate in my situation to know nothing but love. And, and, uh, so I was very blessed as a child. And that continues to this day.Damon (02:19):David said he was an only child. His adopted mother was able to get pregnant one time, sadly, she had a bicycle accident and she was never able to get pregnant again. He said he had people in his life who filled the roles of siblings though. One dear cousin was like a big sister to David. He had a close buddy in the neighborhood, Kevin, who was also adopted, who was also adopted and was like a kindred spirit. And they grew up almost like brothers. They were that close. When I asked about adoption as an experience in his home, he said they only spoke of it twice in their house. The first time was when David was a boy, maybe five years old.David (03:02):You know, when I was old enough to understand my parents sat me down and told me that I was adopted. And then it was never really an issue after that. I mean, I look so much like my mother that, you know, there was never any, any thing, you know, where wow, you look totally different or, you know, if you didn't know better, you would have thought. My mother gave birth. It was how much we looked alike. And as far as the love or the thing, it was never an issue, you know, within the family cousins, you know, I mean, it was known, it wasn't a hidden thing, but it's just not something you sat around and talked about. It never, never really was an issue for me growing up. And they never made me feel any different. Uh, I would assume this is how, you know, most families areDamon (03:56):In adulthood. David's mother fell ill. She was taking care of her personal business and tidying her affairs with her loved ones. That was the second time they talked about adoption.David (04:07):And then the second time was when my mother was taking care of her business at the end, when she was sick and knew she wasn't going to be here much longer. She sat me down and I was 39, man. So we, uh, and we talked about it again and that conversation was, Hey, if you ever want to look, it's okay. There's a picture of your birth mother here. And you will recognize it when you see it because you look just like her. So, um, we talked about it once when I was five. And then once when she was getting her affairs in order before she departed. So those were the only two times that it really ever came up.Damon (04:53):What do you think when she said that to you at 39, there's a picture of your birth mother here and you look just like her?David (05:00):Well, naturally I really, you know, my thing was, why are we even talking about this mom? You know, what, why, why is this coming back up? And you know, it was one of those boys just be quiet and listen, let me say what I got to say type thing, because I had such love and I never felt like I missed out on anything or never really. I mean, it was always in the back of my mind and the not knowing, but I never felt as if I was missing out on anything. So, you know, it was kind of one of those things, why are we even having this discussion? And, uh, but she had the foresight to see that later on, you know, as I got older that I may want to, and she just wanted to let me know it was okay with her, that from me not to feel guilty or not to feel any type of way, if I ever did decide to look and that there was a picture there, if I wanted to find it. And all of that, she was is basically telling me there's access to it. If you decide to do it, it's okay with me.Damon (06:06):That's really amazing that she took that time to do so as she was preparing for her own transition, because there's so many adoptees who start their search, some of them don't even tell their adoptive parents that it has begun and then the person passes away and they don't actually have a concrete feeling as to how their parents would have felt about the search. But she, as you said, had the foresight to say, this might be something that comes up for you. I just want to make sure you know, I'm okay. I think that's amazing.David (06:40):Oh, it was, it was, it's just one of many acts of love. And, and we'll get into this a little later, I'm sure. But just one of the many acts of love that she's shown through my life and for her to do that because, you know, I would have never, never thought about looking while she was alive. Like I said, I didn't miss out. And I had a fierce sense of loyalty to her, but she knew that through circumstances, whether it be through health issues, curiosity, whatever the case may be, there may come a point in time that I wanted to look. And so she just kind of gave me a clue or two that if I did, Hey, it's okay. And here's something that may help you. So that was very big on her, but that's the type of person she was. The type of person my mother was. She always thought of others. So that's one of the things that I love most about herDamon (07:39):David's adoptive. Dad was from a large depression era family out of North Carolina. He was the kind of guy who showed his love by getting up every day and going to work to provide for the family. They did father, son bonding, things like fishing,...
Dr. Julie Lopez lives and works in Washington, D.C. Julie’s early childhood was happy at home, but it was her circle of friends that made her question just what was wrong with being adopted? When she graduated college, her need for information, for professional reasons, made her stumble across an old document she’d seen before, which impulsively steered her down the path toward reunion. Along hat road she found trauma that she was already prepared to handle and disappointment that she’s also thankful for because the whole experience keeps her grounded.Dr. Lopez runs the Viva Center – https://www.vivapartnership.com/You can find her book: “Live Empowered: Rewire Your Brain’s Implicit Memory To Thrive In Business, Love, and Life“The post 098 – Trained In Trauma appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Julie (00:05):Okay. I think behind every adoption there's usually trauma and then there is the just families don't give up children without some kind of distress and circumstance. You know, it goes against human nature.Damon (00:28):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Julie. She lives in Washington D C Julie's early childhood was happy at home, but it was her circle of friends that made her question just what was wrong with being adopted. When she graduated college her need for information, for professional reasons made her stumble across an old document she'd seen before which impulsively steered her down the path toward reunion along that road, she found trauma that she was already prepared to handle and disappointment that she's also thankful for. This is Julie's journey. Julie grew up in McLean, Virginia. She said her parents were very loving people who were somewhat open about her adoption from Catholic charities. Julie was the oldest child in their house, followed by a younger sister, adopted from San Antonio, Texas. A few years later, her parents were approved for a third international adoption from Mexico when her mother got pregnant.Julie (01:48):And I remembered her asking me, cause at that point I was seven, you know what, what should, what would I like to have happen? And she was pregnant, I'm going to have a child. And we all knew, you know, the adoption had gone through and what should we do. And I said, Oh you know what a both, but they didn't end up adopting the child from Mexico. And then my parents had another biological child two years after that. So there were four of us, two adopted and then a pretty big gap. And then two more children that were biologically connected to my adoptive parents.Damon (02:26):So in their home there were two older adopted girls, a five year gap, then two younger boys who were biological to her parents. That age differential can be challenging. But Julie said she was still close with her younger brothers, almost like a second mother to them while navigating the normal healthy battles that come with having a younger sister closer to her own age, but in her family they didn't talk about adoption much, at least not as much as they could have. She said she didn't know enough to be curious and ask questions.Julie (02:58):If I brought it up they would would've talked about it, but most of it would be their anxiety about me being upset. Right. It was like they definitely wanted to shelter me from that and so it wasn't really talked about hardly at all unless it was like more factual. Like I had this fact sheet about my biological mother and father had their age and their weight and their height and their interests and their nationalities and stuff like that. I always had thatDamon (03:31):This fact sheet wasn't comprehensive at all. It only spoke of her birth parents in generalities far less than what her actual non identifying information would have. Julie's parents let her see the document and she knew it was in a file if she ever wanted to review it again. What's interesting is the concept of adoption and its perception among her friends and in the community was the more challenging piece for her growing up.Julie (03:56):And so I would say the bigger impact on me as I understood it growing up was in school and the peers and things like that. The idea that I was adopted, I didn't have to know other people that were adopted. Like there was this one family in our church that had clearly adopted a child because their child was black and they were white. That type of thing, like an international adoption, but, but I didn't even really know them. I could just see them across like, you know, we were part of a pretty big church so I really, aside from my sister, didn't know anyone else adopted. Although like looking back there probably were other adopted people. I just didn't know that. But I definitely knew when we did, well, first of all, every time I went to the doctor and they would ask questions about health history, those types of in jokes like other kids would say about being adopted was basically equated with being unwanted or kind of defective actually. It was like an insult you'd say to someone if I would say I was adopted. Most of my friends didn't want that to be true. Mostly because they liked today and it's that like that's not true. I'm like, no, it is true. They're all like, no, because, because they, I don't know, I guess they thought I was normal and nice and kind and that couldn't be what an adoptee looks like or something. I mean, they never said that, but I just know they didn't want me to be adopted, so that was, I don't know. That was hard.Damon (05:29):In fifth grade, Julie had one special best friend. They were both little tomboys and they played all kinds of sports together. Usually the only two girls in the mix with the boys. At school, the kids were learning about dominant and recessive traits. Their assignment was to note their mother's eye color, their father's eye color, and the kids were supposed to use a chart to pick the probability of their own eye color.Julie (05:54):And the teacher picked mine as an example. Like she was like, let me have one as an example. She showed what I had written. Well of course I guess I had that fact sheet, but at that age I didn't, I don't know. I didn't know that info. So I just put down my adoptive parents info and my friend, so this is in front of all class, that's the whole thing. And she was just being like scientific, I guess, you know. She was like, what? Wait a second. That's not relevant. This whole discussion is not relevant because this is not her biological line. And I remember just feeling so embarrassed that she said that even though it wasn't mean hearted, it was like more trying to understand the truth or factual piece that the teacher was trying to teach. But I was like, Oh my gosh, like kind of horrified. I didn't keep it secret from people, but I wouldn't have announced it like that in front of, you know, 25 kids.Damon (06:50):When Julie finished college at 22 she was traveling a lot for work as a consultant in systems engineering and she needed documentation to update her...
Christie was a shy child who wanted to participate in activities but held herself back from engaging. It wasn't until she was an adult that her adopted brother unexpectedly suggested Christie might want to search. That’s when their mother shared her adoption information. When she found her birth father, he openly acknowledged their relationship and explained that he and her birth mother would have been very young parents with no parents of their own. He introduced Christie to her birth mother, and the women took it slow, getting to know and trust one another. The biggest reunion surprise for Christie was realizing she wasn’t as well-adjusted about her adoption as she thought. Her reunions uncovered buried emotions that had plagued her since childhood, but she’s putting in the work to heal herself.The blog post Christie references is: https://adultadopteesupport.blogspot.com/2014/01/am-i-blood-or-am-i-water.htmlRead Full TranscriptChristine:                     00:04               That was the essence of what I grew up with, this feeling, this and not anything that my parents put on me. It was me putting on myself and from such a young age, I don’t even recall it happening, that I have felt ashamed of being adopted, that I knew that I wasn’t worthy of being kept, you know, so I’ve done a lot of work and it’s really profoundly changed me as a person.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Christie. She called me from Rocklin, California, a suburb of Sacramento. christie tells the story of being a shy child who wanted to participate in activities, but she held herself back from engaging. It wasn’t until she was an adult were her adopted Brother unexpectedly suggested that Kristi might want to search that her mother shared her adoption information with her. When she found her birth father. He openly acknowledged their relation and explained to the complexities of their situation as young parents Long ago. He introduced Christie to her birth mother and the women took it slow getting to know and trust one another. This is Christie’s journey….Damon:                       01:40               christie was born in the early 1960s in San Diego, California. Her adoptive parents took her home from the hospital when she was three days old. She always knew she was adopted, but her adoption was closed so her parents either didn’t know or never shared the details of for her adoption with her. Christie has a younger brother, also an adoptee, but they’re unrelated. They had a loving family where adoption was an accepted part of how things were. She talks about her demeanor as a child.Christine:                     02:09               I was a really shy child. I would say. That’s what I thought it was. I thought I was shy. I never wanted to draw any attention to myself. Um, I, I mean I had friends but I wouldn’t say I was terribly outgoing and, and I could never really put a label on it, but I would always compare myself to other people and find myself lacking in certain ways. Like, you know, they were always prettier than I was or smarter than I was or more interesting or whatever. So I always felt like I was not, um, that I was, I don’t want to say is good. That’s not really the right word. And I couldn’t really put a label on it for years until I dealt with it later on. But definitely a lot of things I didn’t choose to do, like sports and, and even though I had an interest in them, but I didn’t choose to do them because I didn’t want. I guess I didn’t want other people to judge me or find me lacking in areas. So I didn’t want to draw any attention to myself. I didn’t go to school dances or things like that. And I mean, like I said, I had friends that I would go hang out with. So it wasn’t like I didn’t have some sort of a social life, but if I was the person I am today, I would have probably done things much differently as a child, I thinkDamon:                       03:32               that’s a really fascinating. Adoptees often talk about fear of rejection and things like that, but it sounds like you almost were preempting other people’s rejection by pushing yourself down.Christine:                     03:47               I think so. I mean, looking back and having the perspective on it now. At the time I never really related it to being adopted. I didn’t associate the two. I didn’t really. I mean we didn’t even really discuss adoption in my house. Not that it was a secret because they had told us about it, but I don’t think it was necessarily encouraged to talk about and, and I don’t, I don’t recall any instances of me bringing it up and they and my parents squashing the conversation, but I just always had the sense that if I expressed any interest or questions or anything like that, that it might hurt their feelings and make them feel like they weren’t good parents or they weren’t enough.Damon:                       04:34               Christie wishes their family had talked about adoption more, but she acknowledges that in the 1960s the prevailing wisdom was you could just transplant a baby to a new family with no repercussions. There was no need for open discussion therapy or transitional supports. christie said she didn’t want to hurt her parents with inquiries about adoption, so I wondered if she ever discussed it with her brother. They never did when they were young, but Christie did broach the topic with another child in her neighborhood who would openly discuss her own adoption in front of her mother. It was very different from Christie’s home, but even those open conversations away from her house didn’t make Christie feel like she could talk about it at home. She thinks she was in the fog as we adopt these, refer to it. She said she occasionally fantasized about what we’re union might look like for herself, but it wasn’t until she was an adult that her brother randomly, but possibly very intentionally open to the opportunity for christie to explore reunion.Christine:                     <a href="https://www.temi.com/editor/t/-nSkCR_tMV0ToLYmndtFFSZo3xNDkpdw6KOpyl7m5Ep02Njmz9sZsMzoC0Y6z57DTVHhkttj6OkTUKmh1jpLZ66F8gY?loadFrom=DocumentDeeplink&ts=336.78" rel="noopener...
In collaboration with my friends, Louise Brown and Sarah Reinhardt I'm bringing you a conversation we had a while back when I appeared on their show "Adoption, The Making of Me. Sarah and Louise are both adoptees with unique stories of their own. These two friends and former business partners Launched adoption, the making of me to open up more frank, honest conversations about adoption with a unique twist. In each episode of their podcast, they recap a chapter of a book that focuses on adoption. Today, I'm sharing with you my story from season one, episode 10 of ATMOM. Adoption: The Making of MeWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Deanna, from outside of Tampa, Florida, could see in her youth that she didn't look like her adoptive family. In elementary school she discovered her name change documents under her parents bed which added to her desire to search for her birth family. When Deanna found her birth mother, she cried repeatedly listening to the woman's voice and when her husband found her she told him, 'We have to go to her now'. Unfortunately, her birth mother kept her vow of taking Deanna's birth father's name to the grave. But Deanna had her personal search network, her own patience and drive and God to thank for finding Mr. Greek. This is Deanna's journey.Florence Fisher, Advocate for Opening Adoption Records, Dies at 95Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Nina, from Minnetrista, Minnesota felt nothing but love in her adoptive family so much so that she wore her adoption as a badge of honor. Early in Nina's life, her adoptive father shared identifying information about her and, coupled with the birth of her children, Nina could no longer push down her desire to search. Nina's search did not turn out the way that she had hoped at all, But she she tries to move forward from a place of empathy for everyone involved in her origin story.  This is Nina's journey.  Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Margaret Jane lives right in the middle of rural Michigan, outside of Carson city. When Margaret Jane asked her mother if she was adopted it was an emotional revelation both for her adoptive parents and for MJ who learned her community already knew she was adopted. Incredibly, since her earliest days, MJ has been connected to her husband, her in-laws, and unbelievably her birth mother too -- but she didn't even know it. MJ shares her challenges with everyone knowing that she was adopted when she did not juxtaposed against the truly positive experience of everyone coming together in loving, accepting ways to reform their unique family. This is Margaret Jane's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
John, from Bowling Green, Kentucky grew up in Houston, Texas questioning why he looked different from his parents. When he asked about himself as a baby, his parents broke down. His adoption from Chile happened during a tumultuous time when their government supported the adoption of its own children, but the source of John separation from his family was much closer to home. In reunion John made the long journey to be face-to-face with his biological parents, see his homeland and reconnect with his birth family with what he believes is support from his adoptive parents from above. This is John's journey.Chile's Stolen ChildrenWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Bethany, from Gaithersburg, Maryland could see differences in herself and her white family, but her parents explained to those differences away and she believed what she was told.Unexpectedly, Bethany's birth mother found her, but the woman was not prepared to discuss her past nor reveal the truth about Bethany's true heredity. Fortunately DNA testing revealed the one thing that everyone close to Bethany was trying to hide, unlocked the relationship with her birth father, uncovered the truth about chapter one of her life. This is Bethany's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Tracy, from Ottawa, Canada lived in a unique situation with a mother who was the disciplinarian in their home. When Tracy found her birth family, she was shocked to see how much she resembled her sister among other huge family surprises. After reunion, Tracy's adoptive mother was not able to accept what she perceived as Tracy's betrayal once she found her birth parents. But Tracy says she has no regrets about any part of her search and reunion. This is Tracy's journey Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Mike, from Modesto, California, is a self-proclaimed introvert who was raised by a family of extroverted performers. With his adopted brothers, help Mike located his birth family, was well received on his paternal side, but was blocked out by a wall of defense by his birth mother. Thankfully Mike approached the reunion process with no expectations and lots of patience. He held out hope that one day she would change her mind about meeting him. This is Mike's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Barbara who called me from Grand Rapids, Michigan, grew up an emotional child adopted by two refugees of war. When she found her birth mother, Barbara felt an immediate connection, struggled to get answers about her birth father, and uncovered lies about her origin story after the woman passed away. DNA helped Barbara locate her birth father, But the man refuses to admit he may have been with her mother. So Barbara is left feeling lied to and disconnected from family members from every corner of her life. This is Barbara's journey Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
John, from Southern California, learned at 10 years old he was adopted. But he didn't do anything with the information for four decades while he lived a dream playing the game of basketball as a collegiate star, professional player, and international coach. On his search John found the man who transacted his adoption, heard stories of another man like himself who had trekked deep into Mexico to find his roots, and finally reached the inner calm that comes with knowing where he is actually from and who his people are. This is John's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Becky, from Sydney, Ohio, said she has always searched for someone who resembled herself. When she found her birth mother, she was wounded by the woman's fear reaction to having been found after two decades apart. Becky lived with her adoption reunion rejection trauma for years until she found the adoptee community, gained clarity on her birth mother's probable trauma, then finally reached out to give the woman a second chance to release the pressure of her secret. Finding her birth father gave Becky a sense of taking her power back as she figured out her conception story, located the man at a live event, and was welcomed into his heart. This is becky's journeyWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Elianna who called me from Santa Cruz, California, said growing up her family moved frequently, which taught her it was easy to uproot and restart. When her adopted brother triggered her search with his own desire to find his birth mother, Eliana got very emotional about her inability to locate the woman she wanted to find. Wishing and praying their, connection became reality, but Eliana could not have predicted the eruption of resentment she would feel when she moved in with her birth mother. Eliana was separated from her birth parents, broke ties with her adoptive parents, and reunited with everyone. This is Elianna's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Linda, who called me from St. Petersburg, Florida, said that when her adoptive mother found herself single parenting her two daughters, they moved to the south where her family shunned the children for being adopted. In reunion with her birth mother, Linda found a woman who had a tough story to share about her conception, who was seemingly afraid of the truth coming out to her family, and who went to extreme criminal lengths to try to make Linda lose custody of her own daughter. Through it all Linda stands strong on the firm base her adoptive mother gave her. This is Linda's journey.Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Fred called me from outside Milwaukee, Wisconsin, near lake Michigan. Fred grew up an only child loved and supported by his parents, but sometimes feeling out of place and misdirected by them when he tried to pursue some of his interests. As an adult, a slip of the tongue of one of his relatives revealed something he had never suspected. That he was adopted. In reunion with his birth mother, Fred found a woman so deeply traumatized that she wanted to maintain her secrets after her death. Fred is now on a quest to remove adoption stigma while fighting for open records in adoption. This is Fred's journey.This is Fred's Book: Forbidden RootsWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Kamina called me from Dubai, but she grew up in Texas. Kamina said she was always confused about why she didn't look like her adoptive family and no one would ever admit she was adopted. Turmoil between her adoptive parents led both of them to alcoholism, poor judgment, and an awful love triangle that got Kamina kicked out of her home at a tender age. After years on the street, then time in the military Kamina decided part of ending her years of self-sabotage was to finally face the truth about her adoption she seemed to be running from. This is Kamina's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Trish from Arlington, Texas had open access to her adoption records which provided the information she needed to find her birth mother. But just because she was found didn't mean the woman wanted to talk. When her birth mother's reluctance to meet Trish softened, they formed a relationship that lasted many years until suddenly it was over. Trish has tried to put the adoption reunion rejection behind her. She focuses more on trying to build a relationship with her birth father and hopes to put her training as an adoption competent therapist to use for other adoptees. This is Trisha's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
My guest asked that I maintain her anonymity, so I’ll refer to her as Nina. She shared her story growing up with dedicated parents who embraced her challenges and gave her the foundational support she needed. Her birth father found her through a reunification registry and while he has his own struggles, he’s a very dear friend to Nina. However, her birth mother started down the path of secondary rejection, won’t take responsibility for not getting Nina pre-natal care, and is overzealous with her dedication to her religion, driving a wedge between Nina and the woman. This is Nina’s journey.The post 105 – I Call Her Incubator appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Nina (00:03):You know, my relationship with my birth mother is nonexistent anymore. I kind of hate calling her birth mother. I usually call her incubator because, you know, she did, that's all she did for me. That's all she's ever done for me.Damon (00:22):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:34):This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis. And my guest today asked that I maintain her anonymity. So I'll refer to her as Nina. She shared her story growing up with dedicated parents who embraced her challenges and gave her the foundational support. She needed. Her birth father found her through a reunification registry. And while he has his own struggles, he's a very dear friend to Nina. However, her birth mother started down the path of secondary rejection. Won't take responsibility for not getting Nina prenatal care and is overzealous with her dedication to her religion. All of which has driven a wedge between Nina and the woman. This is Nina's journey life for Nina was idyllic as an adoptee. She was told she was adopted and her adopted parents never kept it. A secret. Nina told me she still has a Sesame street book called Susan and Gordon adopt a baby in which big bird asks the couple questions about adoption and what it means. She likened her life to the book because she would ask questions. They would be answered and life would go on. Everything was just fine until Nina was 12 years old,Nina (01:57):But I know that they did start taking me to the therapist after a bit, because I started to having these nightmares that, um, I was being abducted by my birth parents in, um, in a white van. And, uh, you know, one of those, uh, one of those creepy white vans we all talk about. So, you know, the windowless white van came and took me. So, um, I don't where that trope came into my mind at eight years old, but it did everything. Everything was completely idyllic until my adoptive father died. Um, when I was 12, suddenly from a heart attackDamon (02:38):Quickly, before you get to the, to your father, did the, did the therapy help?Nina (02:45):Um, you know, the therapy was quite interesting because it did help. I still maintain that therapist, even though she's a child therapist, you know, if I'm in, if I'm in town, I will still go and see her. Um, so because there is such a long relationship there that she really does understand me. I think she, she was most fascinated by the fact that, you know, I had forecasted my dad's death when I was like eight. Well, she did those picture things. And she said, you know, tell me, tell me something. And she's drawing pictures that she had little, you know, stuffed animals in there. And I drew a picture apparently of my dad lying on the ground. And she said, what's that? And she's, I said, well, that's dad. And she said, why is he on the ground? And I said, he's had a heart attack and he's dead.Nina (03:38):So, um, I don't know, maybe at that point I became the creepy sixth sense child or something, but, um, anyway, I don't know, um, take it as you like, but I guess they tend to look at it as, um, as, you know, having a closeness to, to him and, you know, being able to see that. But, um, he did, he had a heart attack and he died and then it did make things, it made things so, so very different. I don't want to say hard, but it made things really rather different with my relationship with my mom, because I am disabled primarily because of my birth mother's actions. My adopted mom became that helicopter parent you always hear about, but it was more like, you know, be careful, I don't think you can do this because you know, you've got some disabilities. Whereas my dad was just kind of like, Oh, let her play in the dirt. It's good for her. You know? Um, so he was definitely that type of parent and, um, which, which I thought was good. And I think that's probably the way all parents, because, you know, it's like, well, you know, you have issues that, Hey, um, you know, you're either gonna breathe. They're gonna like, mollycoddle you, or, you know, you're going to get through this, um, and get through this with some life skills. SoDamon (05:04):Nina said she kind of resisted her adopted mother's style of parenting, but by the same token, her adopted mother was pretty busy running the family business and maintaining their house. So Nina didn't see her much during that time. She didn't feel unloved. She had the feeling that her adopted mom would spend time with her, after everything was done. She says her mom has always been like that. And it's a repeated theme of her life to this day. She says her mom just likes to work. Even at Christmas time when her adopted mother comes over, she cleans the floors after Nina and her husband have already done so. Nina says her adopted mother. Does those things from a place of caring?Nina (05:48):Yes, exactly. I do see it all as caring and, you know, I'm very glad that I have somebody who, who is like that.Damon (05:56):That's really cool. even if it's challenging. I know what you mean. There's there's folks around you that they just, they care so much in the way that they do things that it can be challenging to have them around all the time because of that level or that type of characterNina (06:14):It is. But, you know, having been sick this whole time, it's like, you know, I, I do, I need her around. Um, and I don't, you know, I think my husband could provide some of that care, but, you know, because, because he has a set job, you know, whereas, you know, um, my mother owns her own business, you know, and so she could kind of make her own hours. So then it's like, you know, um, I do, I'm better off being taken care of by herDamon (06:46):Nina shared that her adopted father was white. He was in his fifties when they adopted Nina, his brother, her uncle took a DNA test that basically said they were Northern European with some Northern African mixed in that was a shock for the uncle who Nina says was slightly racist, but her father was probably indifferent to it all in the 1960s. He marched as a white ally with blacks fighting for civil rights, even going back to his youth, he would have parties at his home on the farm for the Mexican farm hands of his parents, that...
Lori was adopted after her biological mother lived with her adoptive parents, desperately trying to escape the tyranny of her abusive husband. The abuse her birth mother suffered would be a recurring theme in her own life when her mother’s drinking got worse. Lorie tells the story of growing up reminded of the privilege she lived with but wanting only to be herself, not keep up appearances for her mother. When she found her birth mother, she was able to share her own sons with their new grandmother, a woman who missed out Lori’s youth.Read Full TranscriptLori:                            00:00               He had actually moved her from the house and moved her into like an abandoned farm hill and she said there was no electricity, no running water. Um, it was her and my oldest brother, pretty much they had no food. She was severely malnourished when she was pregnant and to the point where he would take car parts out of the car, so she couldn’t go anywhere. She was pretty much abandoned in a foreign house and had nowhere to go. She couldn’t escape for the longest time.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Lori. She called me from Georgia before her move to Washington state. She was adopted after her biological mother lived with her adoptive parents, but that boarding situation was forced because of abuse, which was a recurring theme in Lori’s home, thereafter. She tells the story of growing up reminded of the privilege she lived with, but wanting only to be herself, not keep up appearances for her mother. When she found her birth mother, she was able to share her sons with the woman who had missed out on her youth years ago. This is Lori’s journey.Damon:                       01:31               When I spoke to Lori from Georgia, she was planning to move their young family west to Washington following her husband’s career in the United States army. Lori’s five month old son was in the background so you might hear him from time to time. She told me that she was born and partially raised in central California where her parents and most of their family were from. She didn’t really know too many adopted kids in her area and adoption wasn’t spoken of in her home. She said she was one of four that her parents tried to adopt. Her oldest brother is five years older than herself. Lori was adopted at birth after her parents had fertility issues and even lost a child. Their parents tried to adopt another boy, but the adoption fell through and the boy went back to his biological family. Lori shared that she had good memories of her childhood with a tight knit family and grandparents who were great people. But when she was 10 her parents tried to adopt a brother and sister who would have been two middle children between Lori and her brother. But their adoptions didn’t work out either.Lori:                            02:31               About that time when I was about 10 years old, I don’t know what necessarily happened or anything, but it was just stuff just went down hill. I know my oldest brother was kind of like a trouble maker. He, he did a lot of things kids shouldn’t do and I know he kind of reck havoc on my parents, but I don’t think it was necessarily because he was just like rebellious or anything. I just think that’s the only way he knew how to get attention and I know that took a toll on them, but they, that’s like around the time I remember they started drinking too and it was just, I dunno, it was like a big snowball effect. It just kind of went negative from that point on.Damon:                       03:14               Lori admits that she may have been naive to the drinking when she was younger. She said that things seem to start out almost perfectly because she was really close to her dad, but the family dynamic did change when she was 10. Her parent’s drinking and the stress of her brother’s acting out took a toll and their home turned abusive. Lori’s brother was sent away to children’s homes, so he was inexplicably in and out of the house, which was really confusing for Lori. When she asked about her brother, her parents said he was at summer camp when Lori asked why she wasn’t in summer camp too, her mother changed the subject just like she always did. In their part of California, there were work camps where troubled youth were sent to pick crops as part of community service, so he went there for a whileLori:                            03:59               so it was like he was in and out, in and out, and then he was gone and I wasn’t allowed to talk about it, wasn’t allowed to ask about it. My mom at that point started getting pretty abusive towards the rest of us. So it was literally like a switch went off. I’m not really sure how to explain it.Damon:                       04:17               Lori remembers waiting for her brother to call home, but after awhile the calls stopped. When they went to visit her brother where he was boarded, her parents would drop off Lori at her grandparents house or when they did take Lori along, she was left in the boarding schools office, unable to see her brother.Lori:                            04:34               So I went from being like the youngest sibling and then we got the other two from foster care and they fell kind of in between us and they were with us at that time. And a year after my brother left for good, my sister was sent back into foster care and then not even a year later, the um, younger brother was sent into foster care. So they were split up and then it was just me at that point.Damon:                       <a...
Haley Radke, Host/Producer of the Adoptees On podcast is my special guest for this special 100th episode!Haley shared her story of gaining access to her open adoption record in Canada when she was 18 and quickly connecting with her first mother via email. They met soon after, but that rapid connection at Haley’s young age had its challenges. After secondary rejection, she was much more cautious with her reunion with her birth father. Hard work in therapy saw them through to a good place and inspired her offer therapeutic information for free through her own podcast that I’m sure you know. This is Haley’s journey.The post 100 – Purely Loving Intentions appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Haley (00:03):But you're right in the moment. I mean, I didn't really have another choice but to just show her and go through it with her and I, I mean I was so young who knew that this was like a trauma, you know, and I'm like bringing up horrible memories from the past. Right? It's just never occurred to me.Damon (00:27):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:34):Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Haley. She called me via Skype from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. Haley shared her story of gaining access to her adoption record in Canada when she was 18 and quickly connecting with her birth mother via email they met soon after. But that rapid connection at Haley's young age had its challenges after secondary rejection. She was much more cautious with her reunion with her birth father, hard work in therapy, solve them through to a good place and inspired her to offer therapeutic information for free through her own podcast. That. I'm sure you know this is Haley's journey. I'm not even going to play that game with you where I interview the person and I later reveal their secret identity. My guest for this very special 100th episode of who am I really is one of my fellow adoption podcasters, Haley Radke, host of Adoptees On and someone we all appreciate for her work to bring adoption stories and her healing series to podcasting. Haley told me she was adopted as an infant into the home of elementary school teachers in a remote Northern Mennonite community called LA Crete.Haley (02:01):Most people spoke low German, which is a dialect very close to German. It's just a little different. So my, my parents were like the "English speaking" people. I'm putting that in quotation marks and everyone else was Mennonite. So already there was a other factor and I only knew one other person growing up that was adopted and in fact, fairly recently I got to have a conversation with her about those experiences growing up, adopted in this very small town. And our stories are so different because I had no idea who my birth parents were and I really wondered mostly about my mother. Um, but she had no idea either, but everyone around her knew. So we had very opposing experiences growing up in La Crete, which looking back on that now is just so interesting to me. How, how challenging it was for both of us in different ways.Damon (03:04):When when you say she, everyone around her knew everybody around her, knew that she was adopted or everyone around her knew whose child she was.Haley (03:15):Everyone around her knew who her mother was except for her.Damon (03:23):Haley's parents waited seven years on a waiting list for the chance to adopt her. So they were 38 and 40 years old. When they became parents, they wanted to adopt another child, but if they had to wait another seven years to be considered again, they felt they would be too old to start over with an infant. So Haley grew up an only child discussing what it was like growing up in her home. She reiterated that her parents were teachers, so they were focused on child development milestones, spent a lot of time with her and read to her a lot.Haley (03:54):I did feel lonely a lot. Um, I remember playing by myself in my room, so very often wanting siblings. Um, my mum worked halftime, she was a kindergarten teacher and so I would often get babysat by family across the road from us and they had six kid I think if I'm remembering correctly and it was so rowdy and loud over there, then I would be thankful. I wasn't only kind of went back and forth.Damon (04:27):I did the same thing. I would go to my friend's houses and I would be like, Oh my God, you've got a brother, you've got a sister. And then I would see them fight over stuff and I was like, Oh man, I'm going home. I've got all my own stuff. I don't have to worry about any of this at home. Thinking back on the one adoptee Haley knew in her community, she said that her community was very homogenous when she was younger. So she doesn't think there were any other adoptees besides themselves today that very religious community has shifted to have more families who adopt often transracially, which we agreed might create some automatic othering for those adoptees. While Haley looked like the members of her community, they spoke English at home, so she got a taste of what it's like to be different from everyone else.Haley (05:11):I don't understand what it's like to be a transracial adoptee and the extra layers of that except in that tiny piece that I do share sometimes. I did grow up very culturally different from all of my peers because almost all of them, like 95% were Mennonite and spoke low German at home and I was like, I don't know. I don't know what any of this is.Damon (05:33):Yeah, that is kind of fascinating. Wow. So you did feel a little bit of that othering then.Haley (05:39):Yeah, definitely. And um, I did come to learn a few words in low German and the only one I can remember now is a swear word.Damon (05:49):I wondered how Haley was alike or different from her adoptive parents. Personality wise, she's pretty similar to her parents living more quietly and calmly like them. She said that with two parents who were teachers, she was often surrounded by her parents, friends who were teachers and people even seem to expect that one day she might be a teacher.Haley (06:10):There's no way I was going to be a teacher. I did not want to be that and so I wanted to be different. I think somewhere in my subconscious I wanted to be different than they were,Damon (<a href="https://www.temi.com/editor/t/XJAScD1rLLWqJsv0-R9Q5f7dmP9XVeNiYvREJFGLhh6a3OeGpBko3wD_LrJX_eTjgLEPXG8JeHXU9Q8wK2FgTA1UkJg?loadFrom=SharedLink&ts=383.33"...
Barry always knew he was adopted, but before he ever launched a search, he was found by his older sister. He tells the story of meeting her, and subsequently meeting his birth mother, both of whom welcomed him into their hearts. Hearing stories about why he was placed for adoption, Barry learned that he may have been lucky to escape his birth parents, but his younger siblings were not. This is Barry’s journey.Read Full TranscriptBarry:                          00:00               I decided at that point, prior to going in to meet her, at some point I will just call her mom. So I said it as I was leaving and I don’t think she caught it. So she, you know, we had to be chat at the front door and blah blah blah. And then I went to give her a hug and I said, I’ll see you later mom. And she looked up at me and she staggered a little bit and she kinda questioned the whole thing by just saying, mum said, well you kind of gave birth to me that kinda qualifies you.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Barry. I spoke with him from just outside of Edinburgh, Scotland via Skype. Barry always knew he was adopted, but just before he ever launched the search he was found by his older sister. He tells the story of meeting her and subsequently meeting his birth mother, both of whom welcomed him into their hearts. Hearing stories about why he was placed for adoption, He learned that he may have been lucky to escape his birth parents, but his younger siblings were not. This is Barry’s journey. Barry told me he had a middle class upbringing with his father who was in construction and his mother who was a semi retired school teacher, he grew up in a peaceful, quiet little village south of Edinburgh. Barry’s mother was unable to bear children, so he and his brother were adopted.Barry:                          01:46               Just the two of us. I mean, we’re, we’re pretty much chalk and cheese completely. Other than the fact we grew up in the same place, um, there’s very little in common.Damon:                       01:56               What did you notice that you didn’t have in common when you were a kid? Maybe.Barry:                          02:00               Uh, I spent, well I was dyslexic growing up. So you kinda, you know, kids being the way kids are. Um, I spent most of my time alone anyway and I was quite happy. Just give me a key, you know, I was always into computers, um, or I played guitar and stuff like that. Um, I, I was quite happy just being by myself, doing my own little thing, my own way. And my brother was always the outgoing guy. He played soccer, uh, badly. Um, oh, he was terrible. He was, he’s quite legendary. So he was always the, he always had friends around and he was always going around to them or they were coming here and I had two or three friends, kinda, growing up. But most of the time I was more than happy just being by myself.Damon:                       02:46               Barry went on to say that he and his brother didn’t look anything alike.Barry:                          02:51               We’re both relatively the same height, but he’s blonde, I’m dark. Um, facially we’re completely and utterly different. My brother’s ex wife, when she was just, they were just going out and she came over for a family meal one day and she commented saying Barry and his brothers don’t even look alike. And everyone kinda like stopped and was like, well, yeah, they’re adopted. Didn’t you know that? I mean, everybody who knew us growing up knew that we were adopted. It was just, there was never a secret. It was never an issue. We just kind of got on with it. I don’t recall, uh, being told but I just know that I was always, it was always explained to me that someone couldn’t look after me, so my parents did.Damon:                       03:34               And how did that explanation sit with you?Barry:                          03:36               Uh, well that’s the only one you got. So you Kinda just have to get on with it really. Um, but you know, that’s when, as you get older, it kind of, for me, it factored in the back of my mind and you’ve got the whole, you know, maybe I wasn’t good enough. What did I do wrong? And I think I, I’ve now learned that there’s a, uh, a character trait that a lot of, uh, adoptees have where you have this need to please people around them. So yeah, I’ve recognized that behavioral trait.Damon:                       04:07               He was dyslexic. So at school he learned what people expected or wanted to hear from him. And he learned to be a chameleon who didn’t stick out in the crowd. Barry said, it’s funny to see how different his daughter is today than he was as a kid. She’s outgoing and won’t hesitate to tell you what she’s thinking. Going back to his own childhood, he highlighted something else that many adoptees...
Cindy knew she was adopted, but she believed the men in her life where of biological relation – she thought she was adopted within the family. She lived decades with what she calls a lie. DNA testing revealed that her biological father was someone else entirely, and her search for her birthmother hasn’t returned any details about where the woman might be. She has developed two amazing relationships with a sister and cousin, but her 11 half siblings want nothing to do with her.Read Full TranscriptCindy:                          00:02               I think that, even though I, I’m one that needs to know the truth, I can deal with things in time if I know the truth. Lying to me is like the worst thing you can do. So it took me a while to process that I had been lied to my entire life. Um, and that was a big low for me.Voices:                        00:27               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:38               This is, Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and today you’re going to meet Cindy. She called from upstate New York, but she grew up in central New Jersey. Cindy knew she was adopted, but she believed the men in her life were of biological relation. She thought she was adopted within the family. She lived the decades with what she calls a lie. DNA revealed that her biological father was someone else entirely and her search for her birth mother hasn’t returned any details about where the woman might be. She has developed two amazing relationships, but her 10 half siblings want nothing to do with her. This is Cindy’s journey. Cindy was born in West Virginia where she was adopted at the age of three. Her parents were deemed unfit and she was removed from their home for child neglect. Cindy was adopted by her father’s brother.Cindy:                          01:36               All my life I believed I stayed within my birth, at least my birth father’s family. And so I was adopted at three. I was raised in New Jersey and stayed there until I went to college.Damon:                       01:50               Gotcha. So you, you called him Dad. So at three years old, transitioned out of poor care in West Virginia to your quote unquote Father’s care in New Jersey.Cindy:                          02:04               Right. So I was adopted by my aunt and uncle.Damon:                       02:06               Gotcha. But you didn’t know thatCindy:                          02:08               I, well, I did at five. Um, New Jersey laws require that a child be told they’re adopted before they enter kindergarten.Damon:                       02:17               Oh, that’s really interesting. I’ve never heard of a law that requires that knowledge be given to a child before. That’s fascinating. Have you heard of other states say that?Cindy:                          02:26               I have not. Um, and I don’t know if it’s still the case, but back then they were required to let me know that I was adopted and they gave me the full story so I knew I was being raised by my aunt and uncle and I knew that my birth father was now my uncle. As crazy as that sounds,Damon:                       02:44               Cindy said she doesn’t really remember a big dramatic transplantation when she was three. She had a good relationship with her uncle. Now, her dad,Cindy:                          02:52               my adopted mother, I think resented me, thinks she felt forced that she had to take me, but my adopted father welcomed me with open arms and I never felt anything but like he was my fatherDamon:                       03:09               despite one parent being resentful while the other was supportive, Cindy feels like her childhood was pretty typical. She was rebellious toward her stepmother and she used to hear a lot of that classic threat,Cindy:                          <a href="https://www.temi.com/editor/t/RbKAwlGNDKUDpUid4VKWJaYBrb-VGaHPWGi88YNrfBn5UUmHweRK-re5FsG0bTaSJvgIGwZZjnp_hIPYl8jxIgO36qM?loadFrom=DocumentDeeplink&ts=200.47"...
Ashley shares her story growing up in adoption and having a positive outlook on her life because she felt she was placed for a reason, living life according to God’s plan. Ashley had two sisters, one adopted, one genetic to her parents but she bonded most over adoption with her lifelong school friend, also an adoptee. She searched off and on for 19 years with periodic focus, but it was a quick lunch break internet search that changed everything. The name she had for her birth mother was one of many aliases. She learned that her birth mother had been violently taken from their family, and her aunt was looking for her in the aftermath.Read Full TranscriptAshley:                        00:06               It’s a wonderful thing that I’ve met them, but then I will never hear her voice. I will never get to touch her. I never get to see her. I will never get to have that experience and I think that hurt, it hurt from this world, prematurely and You know why? Why did you have to do that? Why did you have to murder her. Like, what was the point?Voices:                        00:34               Who am I? Who am I? Am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I ?Damon:                       00:45               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Ashley. She called me from New Jersey, but she grew up in Portland, Oregon. Ashley shares her story growing up in adoption and having a positive outlook on her life because she felt like she was placed for a reason. She searched off and on for years and with periodic focus, but it was a quick lunch break, Internet search that changed everything. Ashley learned that her birth mother had been violently taken from their family and her aunt was looking for her and the aftermath. This is Ashley’s journey.Damon:                       01:30               Ashley was adopted at the age of two. Her father was a social worker, so he was friends with the social worker on Ashley’s adoption case who told him that there was a cute little girl he might want to adopt. Ashley grew up mostly with her mother because her parents divorced when she was seven years old. She had two sisters, one who was also adopted. The other who was biological to their parents. Ashley found out she was adopted at eight years oldAshley:                        01:57               from what I remember, we were in her room on her bed and she just was like, you’re adopted, and I don’t quite remember My sister’s reaction but mine was like, no, I’m not. I’m your daughter you know there’s no way I could possibly be adopted. I’m your daughter stop playin, cuz you know I thought she was joking. Cuz you know how people do that. Sometimes, you’re adopted. But she was like, no, no. You’re really adopted and I think in my eight year old brain, I couldn’t quite comprehend what that meant. I just knew that I wasn’t my mother’s daughter, but that’s really the level I. I comprehend it.Damon:                       02:33               Wow. So you’re a little eight year old brains like, Nah, this can’t. That’s not right.Ashley:                        02:37               Right. Because I don’t think I was exposed to the word adoption and really understood what it was. Maybe I saw it on tv, but really didn’t understand what that meant.Damon:                       02:46               What did you do? Did you ask questions of your parents about it? Did you ask your friends about it? Do you recall anything about how you sort of reacted to this sort of bewildering news?Ashley:                        02:59               I think at the moment I was hurt, confused. I didn’t really ask too many questions to my mother because I, I think I was in such a state of shock that I didn’t know what to ask and how to ask. Now when I went to school, we were talking about different kinds of families and my teacher mentioned, you know, one time of family is adoption, like you know, the children are adopted into the family, the parents chose the children and I was like, wait a minute, I recognize that word because my mom said that word to me and I raised my hand. I was like, well, I’m adopted. And my teacher was like, really?, you know, she didn’t really go into it. She was like, you know, that’s wonderful. You know, your parents got to choose you and made it very comfortable for me. I didn’t feel out of place or uncomfortable but me saying that in my classroom, I had a friend that came up to me now we’re still lifelong friends and she came up to me and we became best friends because she’s adopted as well. So in saying that I gained from it.Damon:                       04:03               Ashley was thankful for her new friend, also an adoptee because she had someone to bond with over adoption. I asked her if she and her younger sister spoke of their adoptions, but she said no, not until they were adults. She felt like they left the topic alone in their house because they were unsure how their mother would react. When Ashley got to Middle School, she said she admitted her adoption to friends more freely and with maturity. She developed a positive outlook on it even though she didn’t know what her story was. She told herself there must have been a reason she was placed with her parents and her faith told her that God had done this for that reason. When I asked Ashley what catalyzed her interest in searching for her birth relatives, she told me that when she reached high school, her mother showed her a collection of personal...
In Kenneth’s family all of siblings were adoptees, each fostered in their parents home before their adoption were made final. That scenario worked out great for Kenneth, but not so much so for his oldest sister who never bonded with their mother. Seeking reunion, Kenneth carefully approached his half-sister and learned the truth about his brith mother’s institutionalization which led to his sister’s adoption, and his own conception.Kenneth was still seeking answers as to his birth father’s identity at the time of our interview… for now at least he knows more about where he came from.Read Full TranscriptKenneth:                     00:00               Yeah. You know, and it’s kind of funny in being the adopee, I think it was a lot tougher on my sister. My sister would visit my mother there and my mother had electroshock therapy and all that kind of stuff and it’s like I didn’t have to experience it myself, but my sister did.Voices:                        00:25               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:36               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Kenneth. He called me from Cole City, Illinois. His family of siblings were all adoptees, each fostered in their parents’ home before their adoptions. That scenario worked out great for Kenneth, but not so much for his oldest sister. Seeking reunion, he bonded with his half sister and learned the truth about his birth mother’s institutionalization, which led to his sister’s adoption and Kenneth’s conception. He’s still seeking answers as to his birth father’s identity, but for now at least he knows more about where he came from. This is Kenneth’s journey. Kenneth was the youngest of four adoptees in the suburbs of Chicago. He had two older sisters and a brother. So I’m sure you can imagine adoption was an integral part of their lives, but that doesn’t mean it was entirely a great thing for all of them. Listen to the stories Kenneth tells about his siblings start in their homeKenneth:                     01:44               and it’s kind of funny now that I look back on it and I hear other people’s adoption stories, I see how unique in one sense my situation was, my parents became foster parents solely for the, um, to be able to adopt and they figured, well if we start out as foster parents then we’ll have the in that would allow us to, um, be given children. And they were, they got four children and I’m not exactly sure that was the best idea for them because what ended up happening is, is my oldest sister was a foster child to start and they got her at 10 months old and she wasn’t adopted until she was like almost four. And at that point you really don’t have any much bonding that my, my mom and my mom especially. I don’t sense she could totally give her heart to my sister because she never knew if she was going to get her or not and so and and my sister would have visitations with her biological family and when she was three there, my sister can vaguely remember the goodbye to her biological family where everybody’s crying while they were going to be giving her up and I don’t think my sister bonded well with my mom because my mom didn’t know whether she was going to have my sister forever or whether she was going to have to give her up.Kenneth:                     03:09               And I think that happened in several, with my oldest sister, definitely my second eldest sister was a foster child until she was eight years old. And that situation was actually opposite. My oldest sister, my second oldest sister, she was used to my mom being her mom, her adoptive mom. But she would visit her biological family and didn’t want to visit. And then they ended up getting into a court fight at the end because the biological family wanted her back at like eight. But they were sensing that they wanted her back so that they could take care of the invalid mother. So there was a court battle. And so my parents ultimately won. And so in this situation, I was constantly growing up in an adopted situation with case workers and social workers around. My brother, my older brother, he actually, they got him and they had a little bit of complication with him, because they were going to allow my parents to adopt him but then they discovered he was deaf. And then there was question marks about whether, you know, should, you know, would they be able to give him the need that they needed? And my parents had to beg and beg them to give give them the chance. And so you’ll notice there’s a lot of turmoil with my parents getting to be able to adopt the three eldest children. With me, it was very simple. My mother was this, my biological mother was a schizophrenia and she was in a mental institution and they knew I was never going to be, she was never going to be coming out. So, I was the first child my parents got and they got me at four months and it was like they knew they were going to have me.Kenneth:                     04:51               So I think my mom bonded with me really quickly because there was none of this well we’re fostering and we don’t know whether we’re going to be able to keep this child. I was the only child they knew right off the bat they were going to keep. And I bonded. So my adoption situation was really wonderful. All rosy. I, you know, I loved my parents. I Love My, my dad and my mom and I could see within our, my family, there’s a different, a different way each of us children took adoption. I was the rosiest and my eldest sister, she never took with my mom.Damon:                       05:26               Wow. That is really fascinating. You know, I’ve as you know, have heard so many stories, but I’ve never heard this perspective on foster to adoption where because the child was being fostered and was in such a tenuous situation that they might not get to stay with the foster parents who intend to adopt them, that it created this false barrier, and actually a very real barrier. Honestly. That’s really interesting. I’ve never experienced that. Kenneth’s adoption situation was really wonderful for him. He said that since he was brought into his parent’s home as a foster child first, his parents were given way more information about him than a parent who is adopting straightaway gets in a child’s non identifying information, but since his parents were fostering, he got pretty used to seeing social workers come in and out of their home and was generally used to the culture of adoption and fosteringKenneth:                     <a href="https://www.temi.com/editor/t/VSDZgGdOtMAXoYBLQFSAl0u26m3jH5XR-pm41T7t_DAowth1Suh5PzmG7RIGoJqyBvupOJnWhtU3H5tj2SLXU3_iqEQ?loadFrom=DocumentDeeplink&ts=384.19"...
Ann has an array of experiences from being kidnapped briefly from her adopted family to learning she celebrated the wrong birth date for 22 years. She said she was raised not to question God’s plan in relation to her adoption — so she did so quietly. When she met her biological mother things started out well but turned and remain sour. Fortunately, her birth father’s easygoing acceptance was a welcome surprise that could not have come on a more special day for Ann.Read Full TranscriptAnn:                            00:01               I want my Dad on my original birth certificate that myself and others in my shoes should not have to take an act of Congress for my birth certificate to uphold integrity. I should have the same right as anyone else? Adoption certificates should never become birth certificates. Original birth certificates should always maintain and hold the truth.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Ann. She called me from Salem, Oregon Ann has an array of experiences from being kidnapped briefly from her adopted family when she was little, to learning she celebrated the wrong birth date for 22 years. When she met her biological mother, things started out well but turned and remain sour. Fortunately, her birth fathers easygoing acceptance was a welcome surprise that could not have come on a more special day for Ann. This is Ann’s journey.Damon:                       01:32               Ann was born in Portland, Oregon. At her birth, she had low birth weight because she hadn’t had any prenatal care. Babies were not allowed to leave the hospital until they reached a certain goal weight. So Ann stayed in the hospital until she was strong enough to go into foster care. She told me her parents who had already adopted a boy, were intending to adopt another boy when they were offered a chance to host Ann for a weekend, while her foster family got a respite. Apparently, the presence of a little girl pleased her mother so much that her mother fell in love. Ann’s father agreed they could adopt Ann instead of a boy. Ann was raised to be active in her community in Lake Oswego. She was in blue bird and campfire girls and had a pretty good childhood. She has friends from those days that she’s still in touch with today, but she has some dark memories from those times too.Ann:                            02:26               I was kidnapped by a lady and she actually was really nice and I remember her telling me that she wasn’t going to take me home and I told her I had to go home. Um, that, you know, my brothers and my mom was really gonna miss me and I needed to be home before the streetlights got on. And so I finally cried and ate another snack cause she was giving me snacks and having conversations with me. And finally I convinced her to take me home. She did not drop me off at my front door. She dropped me off at the top of the street. I was not supposed to pass the second house at the top of the street, but she dropped me off at the first house at the top of the street. And then I had to run home and told my mom, you know, I was gone, were you looking for me? Kind of a thing. That I had to pass the second house because the Nice Lady had dropped me off at the first house that the top of the street. And so my mother was very upset. We were taught not to talk to strangers, we were taught not to go with strangers. So I did kind of get in trouble for that. But that’s the first time I had heard the word biological. And I had no idea. That’s an awfully big word for a 4 year old and I wasn’t sure what my mom was talking about, some biological mom, because my mom was right with me. So it really didn’t apply to me. You know, when, um, I was already a little bit in hot water for going with the stranger. Anyways, I wasn’t going to ask any questions.Damon:                       04:09               The woman pulled her car over to speak with little Ann who chatted with the woman through her passenger side window. The woman told her that her mother said to get in the car and it was okay. Ann told the woman she was not allowed to get in the car with strangers.Ann:                            04:23               She said, oh honey, I’m not a stranger.Damon:                       04:26               The woman put her car in park, got out and helped little Ann into the passenger seat and they drove away. She took her about a mile away to the local grocery store. Then they went to a house right across the street from the playground at her kindergarten.Ann:                            04:41               And the reason I know this so well is because when I was in kindergarten, in the afternoon class, I was playing with all my new friends in my class and you know, having a good time. And that lady showed up again and I saw her again and she was at the fence and asked me to come with her and I said, I can’t, I’m with my friends right now and I’m not supposed to go with strangers. She said, I really want you to come with me. I love you. And I went back and played. I mean I ran, I remember, you know, I was in a little bit of hot water for going with her in the first place and now I was scared, you know? And so I ran and then the bell rings. So we all had to go into class and then I never saw that lady again.Damon:                       <a href="https://www.temi.com/editor/t/AvYxAT3F3ixvI2RxG8wpXsO58EU3IYHFqFwSES5E-OLvXbIwOaATJijUYZZGWGSB5IZBrsOyo0vuTNaN8h_OrAtQZLw?loadFrom=DocumentDeeplink&ts=323.35" rel="noopener noreferrer"...
Recalling her early family life, Ann said she felt like her parents were sucked into feeling like they had to have a family, and while they were focused on creating a better world in their professional lives, that didn’t necessarily translate to their home life. She always had the feeling her parents cared more about appearances than about who their children were in their uniqueness. Ann sought out her birth mother, but found her maternal grandmother instead. The woman’s receptivity to Ann’s return seemed to be a good sign but ended with secondary rejection. There has only been one cousin who has accepted Ann into her life, and that’s because she’s distanced herself from the family too.Read Full TranscriptAnn:                            00:04               If that was her, if that was your upbringing, and then all of a sudden union happens in Georgetown poor thing. she gets shuttled off to a home for unwed mother that I’ve also researched and it just looks almost slave like, so yeah, I have a whole lot more empathy and compassion and I really feel for the fact that she had such a societal burden to bear,Damon:                       00:35               who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I in mind?Damon:                       00:47               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on Today’s show is Ann she lives in West Virginia. Recalling her early family life. She said she felt like her parents were sucked into feeling like they had to have a family and while they were focused on creating a better world in their professional lives that didn’t necessarily translate into their home life. Ann sought out her birth mother, but found her maternal grandmother instead. The woman’s receptivity to Ann’s return seem to be a good sign, but ended with secondary rejection. There has only been one cousin who has accepted Ann into her life and that’s because she’s distanced herself from the family too. This is Ann’s journeyDamon:                       01:39               Ann said she learned she was adopted when she was four years old. Her friend Jenny was at her house when Ann’s mother decided to tell her that she was adopted, but Jenny was not. Ann’s mom neglected to clearly explain that Ann was not born from her own womb, so Ann thought that her mother was saying the reverse was true. She thought Jenny was not born from her mother’s womb. Ann and her sister, also an adoptee who is a year and a half younger than herself, discovered what it meant together. Their family moved overseas to Brazil where they got a reality check on the course openness with which people inquired about their adoptions.Ann:                            02:17               The expatriate community was much smaller and sort of more in your face and when we told people we were adopted, it was always met with “who is your real family, who’s your real mother?” And so after a couple of years of dodging that and feeling kind of inferior about our adoption, we made a pact, my sister and I, that we just wouldn’t tell anybody anymore that we were adopted because we didn’t like we didn’t like the questionsDamon:                       02:46               Ann describes her family as socially committed and one that presented great educational experiences and provided for them financially and intellectually in every way, but they could have been better about providing emotional support and said she feels like when she and her sister were adopted in the 1950s, societal norms dictated that a couple should have children and be a family, but she’s not sure they want it to be parents. They were very concerned about making the world a better place through their work in the foreign service and social work. But that didn’t necessarily translate into making a strong family. When I asked Ann what she meant by that, she be called a story from when she was 16 and her sister was 15 and her sister had gotten pregnant.Ann:                            03:30               And the first reaction from my mother was, who have you told? And my father’s first reaction was how often does this sort of thing happen and who knows?` So it was um, it was, it was about the exterior,Damon:                       03:52               it was about the perception in the community, not about the welfare of your sister.Ann:                            03:57               Exactly. Right. So I ended up being the one that cared for her during her decision making.Damon:                       04:03               So what was it like then for you to sort of see them witnessed their daughter be pregnant, not really provide any emotional support and be completely about what the community was like, like what is your, how did you feel about your parents at that time? Do you recall?New Speaker:              04:19               Well, I felt then and frequently through my upbringing that they cared more about what, what people thought rather than who we were. I don’t think that they were prepared as people to really understand and cherish who, who we were in our specialness or...
Alisa describes her life as the child of Latvian refugees who escaped the brutality and destruction of World War II. They raised Alisa in the ways of their heritage and while she identifies with her community and her upbringing, she admits she struggled with being an imposter. In reunion, her birth parents had an odd request for her that I’ve never heard before, and that she wasn’t comfortable fulfilling. Over time she began to feel like a disappointment to them. Thankfully, in the middle of it all, Alisa was able to express her love and gratitude to her adopted father before losing him suddenly.Read Full TranscriptAlisa:                           00:05               I told him before he died and I didn’t know he was gonna die. Said, you are the only dad has ever had. You’re my dad I loved him and I really am glad I said that because he died of a sudden heart attack about a month later. I was really, really fortunate that I was able to say that you did make me rethink, you know, the importance of letting people know how much you care about them. She never know what will be your last chance.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Alisa. She spoke with me from Lincoln, Nebraska. Alisa described her life as the child of refugees from the brutality and destruction of World War II. They raised Alisa in the ways of their heritage and while she identifies with their community and her upbringing, she admits she struggled with being an imposter in reunion her birthparents had an odd request for her that I’ve never heard before and that she wasn’t comfortable fulfilling. Over time, she began to feel like a disappointment to them. Thankfully in the middle of it all, Alisa was able to express her love and gratitude to her adopted father before losing him. Suddenly, this is Alisa’s journey. Alisa was adopted by Latvian parents lot via is a small country on the Baltic Sea, opposite of the famously neutral country of Sweden and west of the notorious Russia in the 1940s Latvia by force under Soviet control and hundreds of thousands of people fled to other countries. Alisa’s parents among them.Alisa:                           02:08               They flooded in different ways. And then she wound up in the camps in Germany, um, shortly after that until it was freed and they came over in 1950 on the other hand, was quite wealthy after he watched his dad’s twin brother get shot down by Russians right in front of him. They buried all their silver, like most Latvians did, hoping that they would turn back some day and ran and they sold watches off to their bodies, did whatever they could work, odd jobs throughout different places in Europe and until they wound up in the camps for the last year before it was freed.Damon:                       02:50               Oh my gosh. What a hard way to start life.Alisa:                           02:54               Yeah, so I don’t fault them for everything they could have done better butDamon:                       03:00               yeah, yeah.Alisa:                           03:01               They didn’t have an easy start either. So that being said, being adopted by them and being raised in a Latvian community with a fairly large Latvian community I always kind of felt like an outsider and like a fraud because my first language was Latvian.Damon:                       03:17               You felt like a fraud community or in the United States speaking Latvian.Alisa:                           03:23               That’s an interesting question because it kind of has multiple levels as far as that goes because it’s strange anyway. Being a refugee, you never quite fit in. I mean, that’s what’s been so interesting with my, my adoptive parents as I understand that some of what they feel and what they felt in their lives being my dad when he died, he was the last living relative and his family, they were all pretty much killed during World War II. His parents made it over here with them, but they died before I was born. So, you know, the, my dad and I definitely had a close relationship because he understood some of what I was going through and I understood sort of, you know, what he was going through that, um, as far as being a fraud in the community. Yeah. When you’re hanging out with growing up with all these kids that are all fluent in Latvian and doing all the Latvian summer camps and their families are all just. They’re all happy families. And I not only work, not Latvian, even though I was raised Latvian, I also hadn’t talked to her brother who was a handful and he was also adopted and had alcohol, fetal alcohol syndrome, and he was very violent and caused a lot of problems. So we kind of stuck out like a sore from for, you know, for a number of reasons.Damon:                       <a href="\"https://www.temi.com/editor/t/p10pn-jN3842_PxAZFCJtI6UB-f1lj8qs1J1pyd6xCs0Mwvnewkx-zmiUUEC_T_lK5SZuLNaA_lPO03mEGQE37U1TqY?loadFrom=DocumentDeeplink&ts=289.08\"" rel="noopener noreferrer"...
Every day Leslie’s birth mother called the orphanage where she was left for adoption. So when Leslie located her birth mother 30 years ago, then tried again to connect with her six years ago, it was shocking that the woman wanted no contact with her. Leslie’s birth mother left her with no clues about her birth father’s identity, but DNA helped her settle the mystery. It turned out that the closure Leslie need came from meeting her birth father, whom she simply calls Dad.Read Full TranscriptLeslie:                          00:03               She’s had a lot of time to make all the choices and I’m now in control and so I will be calling my siblings unless she would like to do that and I think it would be better coming from her, so I’m giving her one week and then I’m calling them.Voices:                        00:23               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:34               This is who am I really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Leslie. I spoke with her from her home in Spokane, Washington. Leslie tells the story of locating her birth mother nearly 30 years ago. Then trying to connect with her again more recently it was baffling to everyone involved why the woman was so distant, especially given that Leslie knew about how thoughtful the woman had been when she was born. Unfortunately, their reunion left, Leslie feeling empty, especially because she walked away with no clues as to her birth father’s identity. Luckily DNA testing opened new doors to discovering her paternal connections, allowing her to finally feel the wholeness she sought in reunion. This is Leslie’s journey. Leslie spent seven months in an orphanage in spokane after her birth. Listen to the story her adopted mother tells about her early life.Leslie:                          01:39               I was born in Spokane, Washington. My birth mother was from Montana and she was an unwed mother and she had me and then I was put into basically, which at the time in ’69, it was like an orphanage and I was in there for seven months prior to my adoption and so my birth mother used to call every single day to see if I had been adopted. So when my parents adopted me, my mom told me that she felt very sorry for me because they were really understaffed so they didn’t hold, you know, all the babies and so when they would feed me they would just prop the bottle with a pillow. And so she said, you were kind of a little nervous purvis when we first got you. Um like, you would make my hands bleed, holding your bottle because it was like your only security and you, um, have, you weren’t doing things at seven months old that normal babies were like holding up their head and that kind of thing.Leslie:                          02:40               So she said I just loved the up and down and you just kinda started blossoming right in front of our eyes. So she gets me and I have two other siblings that were naturally born to my parents. And so then we adopted my brother who’s younger than me. And then my mom had one more child by natural born. So two of us of the five are adopted and my mom always made it seem like, you know, I was super lucky because they got to pick me and they got stuck with their other, she would say cute little things like that that would, you know, try to make me feel better about being adopted.Damon:                       03:16               Leslie had adoption in common with a few of her peers growing up. But it was the non-adoptees, who found out she was adopted, that made things really weird.Leslie:                          03:25               Most people would, when they found out that I was adopted, they’d say, Oh, I’m so sorry.Damon:                       03:30               Really?Leslie:                          03:30               And I was like, why are you sorry?Damon:                       03:35               How did that make you feel when you heard that from them?Leslie:                          03:38               Well, I mean at the time I was just like, well that’s, you know, I’m not sorry, at least I’ve got a family that loves me and you know, that I’m a part of. So, people’s comments never really impacted me too much. But internally I always had a very strong yearning to find my birth mother. I didn’t give much thought to the birth father for whatever reason, but I just.. And my Mom said, when you’re 18 we’ll do it we’re going to do it. And so..Damon:                       <a href="\"https://www.temi.com/editor/t/DSlZIYfwp1e_xspR9Q-hGcmNZZbsteXpkJ9FAKurSnS_gheP9m89Q5hYOd5QnPw5H9lzsrhzS7UCJ-1W85CwEQQrgKY?loadFrom=DocumentDeeplink&ts=249.67\"" rel="noopener noreferrer"...
Jennifer had a very happy childhood and always felt special because she was an adoptee; she knew her parents really wanted her. Their family was heavily involved with the Children’s Home Society in Los Angeles where her mother did fund-raising work. Jennifer so appreciated her loving parents for their lifetime of love and support, but as she got older, she had a feeling that she would be close to her birth mother and that she was likely more like her than her adopted mother. After her own son had a positive reunion experience with a daughter he fathered years ago, Jennifer decided she would make an an attempt at reunion herself. On pure luck she was given year’s worth of microfiche data that had her family tree’s information. Jennifer’s mother had always hoped for their reunion, and even welcomed Jennifer’s adopted brother into their family too.The post 016 – Shall we Cry? No, Let’s Just Laugh! appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Jennifer (00:03):I personally feel like my contract with her as a soul was to get her out of that situation and her to give me a healthy body, which she has done.Voices (00:18):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:30):This is, Who Am I, Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. Hey, I'm Damon Davis and on the show today is Jennifer. She says she grew up perfectly happy as an adoptee and never really had a desire to search for her biological family. Jennifer says that her own children kind of pushed her to search because they were interested in their own biological heritage, but it wasn't quite enough to propel her forward. Then their family experienced the separate reunification that had been such a positive experience. Jennifer began to think perhaps she should seek out her own biological family too. She didn't think she'd have much success in her search because she had a closed adoption in California, but going online proved to be a highly efficient way to find way more than she bargained for. And very quickly too. Jennifer starts us off in the beginning of her journey. She always knew she was adopted and her family was heavily involved with the children's home society. So adoption was a comfortable topic in their home.Jennifer (01:38):I always felt like, Oh, I'm adopted, I'm special. I felt very positive about it, you know, I know a lot of people don't, my brother didn't feel that way, but for me I was always, always fine with it.Damon (01:51):So what happened for you that made you decide to search. I mean you sound like you had a great upbringing. You are perfectly comfortable in adoption. So it wasn't as though there were some ringing alarms that were saying, Hey, you need to go look for somebody. What, what changed your mind or, or how did your mind develop into wanting to search?Jennifer (02:11):Well, initially, um, my kids wanted to know their biological background and any medical things that, that, that might go on that they just didn't know about. And I said, Oh, well, all right, I guess I'll kind of make an effort. So I wrote a letter to the children's home society and said, if my mother ever wants to get in touch with me, please put her in touch with me. And of course, come to find out much later, my mother had written a similar letter, but they never put us in touch with each other.Damon (02:40):Oh no.Jennifer (02:41):That was before the time of internet. So you know, time went by. That was in my thirties, late twenties, early thirties, that I did that. But really I didn't have a big inclination to do that. But for some reason I had to call LA County records or something. And I called and this woman says, you have a sister that's looking for you. And I said, what? I just didn't really believe her because they can't tell you that stuff. So, um, I wrote down her name on a little scrap of paper and lost it. So I didn't, it just wasn't the right time in my life. I didn't really want to have to deal with all that, but it actually was my sister that did try to get in touch with me and she died before I met her. So it was unfortunate. But she was the next youngest sister and she did think she saw me once in San Diego cause she, I guess cause I look like the family.Damon (03:43):Is that right?Jennifer (03:43):Its entirely possible cause that's where I lived and she lived at that same time. Anyway. Yeah. That's interesting. That's an aside story.Damon (03:51):The next time Jennifer really thought about reunion involved her son and his own reunion. He had fathered a child when he was a teenager and now the idea that a reunion could be a positive experience had motivated her a little more.Jennifer (04:04):I wasn't told for two years. And after that happens and um, you know, we all wrote letters to this child, this girl child, and put them in her attorney's office in case she ever wanted to find out more about our family. Well, the attorney's office burned down, so she never got any letters, but one of the people in her family knew the mother and she said, would you like to get in touch with your parents? And she said, when she was 19, 18, she said, yeah, I would. She got in touch with my son and I met her and I met my baby granddaughter that my son had just gotten married. I met them at the same time and it was such a positive experience. I thought, Oh my God, that's really great to know that I should maybe look for my mom again. Now the Internet's you know, functioning. So it was in, I don't know, maybe, Hmm. I can't remember. I'm bad on years.Damon (05:00):That's okay.Jennifer (05:02):In the later two thousands but it was about nine years ago that decided I'd sit down at the computer and inquire and in about 36 hours I had this whole family tree that was huge. Huge.Damon (05:16):How did you do that? I mean, you know, like you said, the internet is kind of immature not too long ago. How did you go about your search for them online?Jennifer (<a href="https://www.temi.com/editor/t/NbSaS-KGSXjvLsYW5XqIwnlqAJAx9jIyzBpdugoCcK8Lb03AwYioRjnopNYffs7HhdjxkZKPzj-Ln0vulRTqbp8kcKo?loadFrom=DocumentDeeplink&ts=325.36"...
Today we're going back to Lisa's journey from episode 197 that started this season. When I spoke with her last, she was filled with anxious anticipation for meetings with a paternal cousin, who was also adopted, and then her birth father. In reunion. Lisa got some answers she had been looking for, but those answers just led to more questions. Thankfully, Lisa has found a diamond in the rough of it all who has been key to completing some of her origin stories, narrative. This is the rest of Lisa's journey... so far.Ep 197 - Lisa, Why Such A Secret?Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Dr. Ryan Hanlon, Pres. & CEO of the National Council For Adoption shares a special update about the adult adoptee survey. This is the third in a three part series, Profiles In Adoption. If you're an adult adoptee in the U.S. please make time to share your adoption experience on the survey. You can find the survey on the NCFA website.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
You're about to meet Louise, from central California. Louise was loved by her adoptive family and while she thought about searching for her birth family, she was never brave enough or in the right place in her life to execute a search. After having her son, reunion found Louise. But the timing wasn't right for her to dive in, even though time was of the essence to meet someone very special in her maternal family. Louise continues to wait for her birth father to open the door for her to meet him. As she waits Louise podcasts about adoption With her best friend, Sarah. This is Louise's journey. Podcast - Adoption: The Making Of MeWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Shelby, who lives near Seattle, Washington, grew up loved in adoption, but also in a home broken apart By domestic abuse. When the existence of her sisters was revealed, Shelby felt an urge to find her birth family, but she pushed it way down for many years. In reunion, Shelby found her nuclear family still together. She's had to overcome the sorrows of lost time as she and both of her families push forward with love, making the most of the moments they have ahead together. This is Shelby's journeyWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Rachael, who lives in Dover, Delaware, is a transracial adoptee who endured favoritism toward her brother, microaggressions from her adoptive mother, sexual assault and a physical attack. Rachael went behind her parents' back to find her birth mother only to have the relationship cut short. Later, Rachel found her birth father behind bars, but so glad to finally see his little girl again. Rachel calls herself a "Phoenix" for all that she's endured and the strength she brings to the life she lives today. This is Rachel's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Annie, from Auckland, New Zealand is a late discovery adoptee. When she learned that she was adopted the news made her blood run cold. She said her life split into two people: the people pleasing adoptee who wanted to remain in her family and be accepted and the rebellious adoptee who refused to be what others expected.In reunion, Annie found her birth mother had been waiting years for her to return and a birth father she unexpectedly learned to appreciate, especially juxtaposed against the adoptive father she grew up with. Annie is an adamant unwavering advocate for adoptee rights. This is Annie's journeyWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Today you're going to meet Joe, from New Jersey. Joe is a pseudonym for the true identity of my guest who wanted to remain anonymous. Joe didn't want for anything in adoption, but he's never been very open speaking about his adoptee status either. He said his reunions are complex because his paternal side has embraced him connecting with them. But his maternal side has placed roadblocks In front of Joe's progress to try to meet his birth mother. Joe told me he just wants to thank her for the life she gave him. This is Joe's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Jillian, from New Jersey, found out she was adopted in her early teen years when she asked a question that lots of kids asked their parents about the time when they were born. What she learned was shocking, but Jillian didn't address her adoption for years until she was over her grief and passed her guilt for wanting to search.Jillian admits that in her adoption reunion she and her birth mother had a communications breakdown that may have ended their relationship prematurely. However, Jillian wonders if her mother has told her the truth about who her birth father could be because she and her search Angel can't find him. This is Jillian's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Danielle, from Kirkland, Washington, has always felt love and loyalty to her adoptive family. So when the doors of reunion were thrown open and information started flying at her, she fell flat on her face. Danielle lived a reunion experience so many adoptive people have imagined -- her birth mother IS a celebrity. While that sounds exciting, the speed of their reunion left no space for Danielle to process what was happening. Fortunately her paternal reunion was more easygoing and with some work, Danielle has grounded herself in who she is in both relationships.This is Danielle's journey.Danielle's Memoir - Healing TreeKate's Memoir - Born With TeethWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Amy, from outside of Chicago, grew up looking visibly different than her family in a way that didn't meet societal stereotypes for her family's beliefs causing her to have to explain her adoption more than she might've liked. Curious about her ethnicity and background Amy found links to her birth family through DNA. In her maternal reunion, Amy found her birth mother's family shares many of her creative traits and they have welcomed her as their daughter and sister. But her paternal connections only happened once and seems to be blocked by her birth father's spouse, even though the man should be able to empathize with Amy for himself. This is amy's journeyWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Laurie, from Washington state, grew up as an emotional child crying frequently, but no one ever asked what was wrong? They simply wrote her off as being sensitive. When Laurie's adoptive sister was found by her birth mother, Laurie was shocked at how much they looked alike and it ignited her desire to search. In reunion, Laurie's birth mother was very open with every question Laurie asked, but she retained a big secret to the one question Laurie never asked. In her paternal reunion, Laurie encountered mistaken identity, the glow of a honeymoon period and the emotional downturn of the discovery of her birth father's character. This is Laurie's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Pippa, from California, Pippa grew up in a wonderful Irish family where she and her brother were supported and loved. When her brother's birth mother found him, it catalyzed Pippa's desire to return to Ireland to find her birth family. In reunion Pippa found a birth mother who had suffered a lot of loss in her young life, a birth father whose alcohol consumption made her uncomfortable, and, when it seemed like her journey was over, a huge secret was revealed out of nowhere. This is Pippa's journey. Pippa's Memoir: IntertwinedWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Growing up in Leah’s home everyone was comfortable with adoption. Her adopted mom is an adoptee, and her two siblings are adoptees, though they are biologically related to one another. The kids were made to feel special because her parents chose them. But no matter how much love an adoptee receives, sometimes knowing that their origins are with another set of parents can fuel undeniable desires to try to learn more about themself. In Leah’s story, she was at a moment in her life when she wasn’t actively searching when her c0-worker’s luck online changed everything in an instant. The post 004 – Lucky Online, Connecting When You’re Not Even Looking appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Leah:                           00:01               So my search kind of stopped there for some time. It really stopped for probably 10 years or so before I was even really looking again, I kind of decided at that point, look what I have in my fantasy is all I need. I don't necessarily want the truth. That truth may not be what I want to hear.Voices:                        00:24               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:35               This is "Who Am I Really" a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. Hey, it's Damon and on today's show I'm joined by Leah. Now we've all been online and found ourselves going down what seems like a rabbit hole content that's automatically fed to us. But what if that rabbit hole led you straight to your family of origin? In Leah's case, after years of searching on and off for her relatives, it turned out that she just needed a little bit of luck online. I'm so glad that Andrea was able to connect us.Damon:                       01:19               So tell me a little bit about your family growing up, your family structure and you know, as an adoptee where you fell in your family and how it was in your community.Leah:                           01:31               Yeah. Well I was adopted at six months of age. I was the first child they adopted, so I was the oldest. Let's see, they adopted me in October of 1974, didn't know much information about any of the birth details or birth family, but they adopted me then. And then eventually I think I was about five, my brother and my sister who were natural siblings. So I was the oldest of three of us.Damon:                       01:57               So you're the oldest of three total adoptees, but the other two are biological siblings to each other?Leah:                           02:03               That is correct. Yup.Damon:                       02:04               Gotcha. And how did everybody get along? How was adoption perceived or talked about in your family? How did they make you feel comfortable with it?Leah:                           02:12               Yeah, it was actually always, I mean, I don't remember a time not knowing I was adopted. My adopted mother was also adopted as a baby and so she was really open about it. She always had told us from day one, but she made it like a really special thing. Like it was a special gift to be an adopted kid because my parents got to pick me and so like they chose me out of and it made it, you know, it made it seem like a special thing. So it was never something that I felt like I was, you know, rejected or abandoned. I always was always presented as, it was just amazing gift that they got to choose who and they chose me and that made me special somehow. It was a great way to kind of fall in through that because mom was just great about it. She was real open. She was talking about all that. She was talking about her own experience and she would talk about wanting to know her history. So she was pretty understanding of all of the feelings that we would have as we kind of grew up.Damon:                       03:08               What was her experience with her own adoption and wanting to know her own history? Had she launched her own search to try to locate her biological relatives or her family of origin.Leah:                           03:17               I don't think she searched herself. I tell the story of her birth father showing up one day randomly and knocking on her door and they talked. They didn't really ever develop any kind of relationship. Um, and I don't know that they ever even had contact after that. I think she was told that her family was a heavy Italian family and that it was in their culture that the first born, they didn't want a girl. They would want a boy. And so she had been given up because of that is, is my understanding of what she hold us. Um, so she didn't have as much feeling in wanting to reconnect with that family.Damon:                       <a...
I think of Pam, from outside of Richmond, Virginia, as a late discovery adoptee who learned she was adopted when another child spilled the tea. Speaking with her adoptive mother about the news she was adopted, Pam learned that she was supposed to be placed temporarily, not adopted into another family. Pam's reunion journey has multiple twists and turns as she grew up in the town where she was born and her birth family lived. She had awkward reunions in inappropriate places and sibling relationships that started out as one thing, but ending up being something completely different. Finally Pam found her birth father and a man who calculated that he wasn't the guy but DNA testing revealed the real story. This is Pam's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Lisa and I connected right before she was going to meet her biological father for the first time and a cousin she's completely enamored with. Lisa shared that she was adopted as an infant into a failing marriage where divorce soon followed. While other people outwardly noticed how different she looked from her brother, she considered him, her brother, no matter what, despite her status as an adoptee. But after everyone passed away, Lisa felt like she was finally free to pursue connections to her birth family. I would normally share a bit about her reunion here, but we don't know anything yet. So I'll simply say this is Lisa's journey so far...Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Rob called me from right here in Maryland. Trigger warning. Rob shares his harrowing story of his childhood surviving, mental and sexual abuse under the guardianship of his parents. After their deaths Rob went into foster care and became homeless, navigating life with his belongings shuttled from place to place in trash bags. Rob fought hard but struggled to overcome the trauma of his life until he finally visited his mother so he could set himself free. Rob found love with his husband, Reese, and they've created a family. He is the founder of Comfort Cases (www.ComfortCases.org) a charity that helps foster children to navigate foster care with dignity. Rob's Book: A Forever Family: Fostering Change One Family At A TimeThis is Rob's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Ashley had one of those moments where talking to her biological sister felt so familiar it was like texting and and responding to herself.  But her birth mother’s pain and uneasiness over Ashley’s desire to learn anything about her birth father was too much for the woman, and their relationship suffered. When she found her birth father Ashley, predictably, learned that he didn’t know she existed. But incredibly he learned that his wife, who was not Ashley’s birth mother, already knew her husband had a child out there, even though he didn’t. Read Full TranscriptAshley:                        00:00:02          I was worried about her because she just is so constantly, basically, it seemed like she was depressed about the situation. I just wanted to make it go away. I just wanted her to know I had a good life. I was happy. I’m still happy. You’re in my life now. Let’s just go with it because, and I remember I said to her, not many people get this chance. Not many people get a chance to meet their biological family and get to know them and I said like, like let’s take advantage of this.Voices:                        00:00:35          Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:00:47          This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Ashley. She lives up in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. Ashley had one of those moments where talking to her biological sister felt so familiar. It was like texting and responding to herself, but her birth mother’s pain and uneasiness over Ashley’s desire to learn anything about her birth father was too much for the woman and their relationship suffered. When she found her birth father, Ashley predictably learned that he didn’t know she existed, but incredibly he learned that his wife, who was not Ashley’s birth mother already knew her husband, had a child out there even though he didn’t. This is Ashley’s journey.Damon:                       00:01:37          Ashley was adopted as an infant because her adoptive parents weren’t able to conceive. She described her life as comfortable and she got a lot of love from her parents. They held her and rocked her every day. In school, he was given the infamous family heritage assignment, so she assumed the identity of her adoptive parents. She was paternally, Scottish and maternally German in adoption. In grade six, she started to question things more. Her adoption was closed, so there wasn’t much information available to her parents, butAshley:                        00:02:08          they did know that, you know, I had a couple brothers and a sister, which is cool for me cause I, well growing up I was an only child. So to hear that I had siblings out there was a pretty cool thought. They also told me how I was an auntie before I was born, which again, very cool. You know, don’t have siblings never would be an Auntie. So that thought was pretty cool.Damon:                       00:02:28          How did, how did you know that you were an auntie already?Ashley:                        00:02:31          My Mom and dad, I don’t know if they got told when they adopted me, but my biological parents were older when they had me, like my parents were in their forties when they had me. Like I was, you know, kind of a way later. Like, I mean now, you know, it’s, I look back and it’s like, yeah, you know, I’m 12 years old and I’m an Auntie. I guess that’s pretty cool. Once I, uh, Kinda asked mom and dad questions, I said, you know, like you, you know, you’re an auntie, you have siblings but we don’t much to tell you. And they said when we do find out stuff and when we do tell you, you know, maybe anything else that we know we want you to be ready to handle the information because it’s not going to be something just light to take. So I was like, okay. And I kind of, you know, went on with it.Damon:                       00:03:16          what did you think when they said that? That’s kind of a heavy comment to even make. What do you remember how you felt when you heard those words?Ashley:                        00:03:24          I think I was confused. Like what could it be, you know, that could be so terrible or so huge that I need to wait until I’m old enough to understand. Like, I mean I knew it wouldn’t be something as simple as you have a mom and dad. Like I kind of had that feeling from the get go, but just kind hearing that thought that when you’re prepared, when you’re ready. And I’m thinking, okay, like how long is it going to take me to get emotionally ready or mentally ready to handle whatever it is that might be thrown at me. But it was, I could take my whole life. It could take five years. I had no idea.Damon:                       00:03:56          What was it like to grow up as an only child, but know that you had siblings out there?Ashley:                        00:04:02          It was, I dunno, it was, it was good I guess. Like, I mean I never, um, you know, I guess hearing all my friends and having their siblings and like, you know, sibling arguments and stuff, I kind of was glad, I guess in a way that I was an only child that I kinda didn’t have to deal with that kind of aspect of it.Damon:                       <a...
In her adopted family Tameko’s parents just assumed that as an adoptee, she was misbehaving, but when her older adopted brother showed up he actually started framing her for terrible things, trying force her out. Even worse, he abused her. On her search, she read a description of her birthmother that humanized her, but the first pictures Tameko saw online documented the hardening of a once beautiful woman.Read Full TranscriptTameko:                      00:05               this is turning her into a real person and I’m like, I’ve never, I’ve never looked at my mom like that. It’s always somebody was always trying to make her seem like a bad person, so it seemed like my adoption was like this a great thing, which it was, but it’s like don’t make her look like a monster.Damon:                       00:41               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who amq I? This is Who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on., today’s show is Tameko. She called me from Seattle, Washington in her adopted family Tameko. Parents just assumed that as an adoptee she was misbehaving. But when her older adopted brother showed up, he actually started framing her for terrible things, trying to force her out even worse. He abused her. On her search. She read a description of her birth mother that humanized her, but the first pictures Tameko saw documented the hardening of a once beautiful woman. This is Tameko journey. Tamika was in foster care until she was adopted at about three years old.Tameko:                      01:36               One day in the foster home I was in. I was like three , they were like oh, someone’s gonna come and take a look at you and I’m fine. they might want to adopt you and I was like, all right, cool, So they were like go take a nap. And I was like, wow. Now I’m excited. I went up to my room in my room and I, you know, and I’m kind of peeking around the corner and you know, finally, uh, someone knocks on the door and this, and they opened the door and this woman, this black woman, and I’m like, mom, because I’m, well, I’m black, but I’m that. I knew of at the time. So I was like, oh. And I was living in a foster home that a lot of white people, and it was Mormon.Damon:                       02:26               You said you were living in a foster home that was predominantly white and it was Mormon, is that what you said?Tameko:                      02:31               No, it was Mormon. Yes. So this was in uh a Utah Salt Lake City. I left that detail out. Gotcha. So, yeah, so me not seeing people of color day to day was kind of like, okay. And like the only person here. So when this woman comes to the door, who’s black? I’m like, “mom,” I’m thinking in my head, that’s the first thing that came to head. I had was this is my mother like, and I think that’s why it’s like embedded in my mind. I was like, oh my God, this woman, are you coming to get me? Like I’ve always, you know, dreamt, you were going to come, you know? And I thought that this woman was my mother. So of course my mother now is like, yeah, I couldn’t deny you at that point I have to take you home.Damon:                       03:16               Tameko remembers the day they left the foster home in Salt Lake City to drive to Seattle in the car where her younger brother Kevin, who was about a year old and her older sister, Kendra, who was about nine years old, they’re biological children to to goes mother, who decided to adopt because she wanted another child. And she knew that not many black children were being adopted in those days, especially in that part of the country. After two years in foster homes. I asked what she felt like going to this new home.Tameko:                      03:50               I felt as if like this is where I was supposed to be like this was it. You know. and um, everything seemed cool.Damon:                       03:57               She said she didn’t remember having behavioral issues per se, noting she probably had some of the same issues. Any kid has it around that age. You’ve got a toy. There’s only one of them and I want it, but her mother tells a different tale, like the time Tameko allegedly tried to push her brother out of the window, which she says is not true.Tameko:                      04:17               My mom knew from the paperwork, I think she was Kinda like, prejudging me, you know. She’s going to do this, so I gotta be on the watch out for like what she’s going to do. There’s also information in there that said that my mom, was paranoid schizophrenic my biological mom, she was on guard, yeah, I totally get it. I mean I’m a mom now, so I get it, but it’s like giving me a chance.Damon:                       04:50               Sounds like you felt like you were prejudged as guilty or assumed. I assumed guilty before, you know, assumed innocent. Right, and did that happened a lot throughout your life there.Tameko:                      05:06               It did and it affected my mom and my, Our relationshipDamon:                       <a...
Neal’s search didn’t take off until he was 66 years old! He got a DNA kit for his birthday and within months he was in touch with his paternal family. Ohio’s open original birth certificate help him learn his birth mother’s name, but he couldn’t find a single maternal connection during his search. This episode was just about to be wrapped up to go live, when Neal circled back to share some big news.Read Full TranscriptNeal:                           00:01               He didn’t really remember very much about my biological mother and that’s a, that’s a search that continues to this day. Um, and sort of like, uh, everything that was fast and relatively easy about finding my genetic father and his family has been difficult about trying to find my genetic mother.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis. And on today’s show is Neal. He called me from right here in Rockville, Maryland. Neal search didn’t take off until he was 66 years old. He got a DNA kit for his birthday and within months he was in touch with his paternal family. Ohio’s open original birth certificate policy, helped him learn his birth mother’s name, but he couldn’t find a single maternal connection during his search. This episode was just about to end when Neal circled back to share some big news. This is Neal’s journey. Neal was raised in bay shore, New York on Long Island. He figures his parents must’ve done a good job with helping him to feel okay with his adoption because he always knew and his parents openly pointed out friends in the neighborhood who were adopted too. He had one younger sister also adopted and his parents selected a special day to commemorate their adoptions.Neal:                           01:50               Valentine’s Day became sort of our day to commemorate uh, our adoption of me and my sister. And uh, we just kind of, they just kind of made a big deal about it and uh, they were actually greeting cards at the time that, uh, I had a message about being accepted as an adoptee.Damon:                       02:15               Oh really? That’s interesting. I didn’t know that. That’s kind of cool.Neal:                           02:19               Yeah, it is.Damon:                       02:21               Neal says he and his sister got along fine when they were kids, but they kind of realized in adulthood that they were different people and they went their separate ways. In terms of inquiring about their adoptions Neal said his sister was much more into peppering their parents with questions about her adoption than he was about his. We agreed that sometimes young men just aren’t as interested in their adoptions as young women are. So that begs the question, when did he take an interest in understanding his roots?Neal:                           02:50               Things, things moved along? Uh, college marriage, kids and that whole thing. And uh, my mother died in the year 2000. My father passed away in 2012. And uh, my youngest sister died last year in 2017.New Speaker:              03:18               Oh I’m sorry.Neal:                           03:18               and at that point I realized, Oh wow, I’m like the only person left from my immediate family. And it just, you know, the feeling was different and that’s, that’s when I started to think about it. And a, a friend of ours who had gone to a, a little bit ahead of me, had gone through and was going through a similar experience, uh, and it was positive for him and he told me about it and he urged me to have my DNA tested.Damon:                       03:56               So you were just generally curious. It wasn’t even, it wasn’t even, doesn’t sound like a burning passion for you at that moment, right?Neal:                           04:04               Not really. But I was curious and being the only member of my immediate family, my, it definitely got stronger.Damon:                       04:16               What did you think about that in terms of being the only member of your immediate family? I mean, that’s a a fairly solitary feeling, I would...
Serena told me she had a similar experience to what a lot of adoptees feel, even though she grew up with her birth mother. I’m always talking about empathizing with others, so I wanted to hear her story. Serena told me about her birth on a Native American reservation in Arizona then her mother moving away. She was adopted by her father when he married her mother, but Serena never knew her biological father. When her paternal family called to say her birth father was ill, she was too stunned to act quickly, so she only met his relatives at his chaotic funeral. Take a moment to listen to the parallels between what I’ll call Serena’s “adoption adjacent” experience and those of other adoptees.Read Full TranscriptSerena:                        00:02               I don’t think I recognized the severity of his sickness. I didn’t… At that age, you still think you’re invincible and I had never had anyone that was even close to me die. So to have, you know, these people who are part of my paternal family, but I’ve never, I’ve never known call me and sort of dropped this sort of bomb. I think I just kind of froze.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I in mind?Damon:                       00:47               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Serena. She called me from Virginia shortly after I met her at the Maryland Pod-casters Association meetup. She told me she had a similar experience to what a lot of adoptees feel, even though she grew up with her birth mother. I’m always thinking about empathizing with others. So I wanted to hear her story. Serena told me about her birth on a native American reservation in Arizona. Then her mother moving away, she was adopted by her father when he married her mother, but Serena never knew her biological father. When her paternal family call to say her birth father was ill, she was too stunned to act quickly, so she only met his relatives at a chaotic funeral. Take a moment to listen to the parallels between what I’ll call Serena’s adoption adjacent experience and those of other adoptees. This is Serena’s as journey.Damon:                       01:49               Serena was born on the Navajo reservation in Fort Defiance, Arizona, but her mother was only 18 at the time living with a friend because her own mother and grandmother had moved to Colorado. Her mother wanted to stay behind to finish high school at Window Rock, another Navajo reservation. That’s when sheSerena:                        02:09               met a boy, fell in love. Got Pregnant. She was… My mom is so freaking smart. She is God. She puts anything, anything at all I I’ll ever do to shame. She gave birth to me and then very shortly after flew across the country and came to the DC area and went to… And did her undergrad at Georgetown. I think something like two or three weeks after after giving birth because I was a little late. I was in the care of my grandmother for think my first two years out in Wyoming while my mom was sort of got her academic career started here and you, it’s a rough transition being from a reservation and living out west and you know, coming out here, it’s a, it’s a pretty big culture shock, you know, coming from a very small place where a lot of the people you see are, are like you or related to you or you know, you have a common culture to someplace like DCDamon:                       03:23               from other established herself in the DC area. Serena, when she was three years old, her birth father John moved to Alexandria, Virginia too and they made a go at being a young family togetherSerena:                        03:35               for whatever reason. That didn’t work out and eventually she met my father. so my father is The person who’s been my dad my entire life, he’s my Dad. He’s my father. I kind of use the term birth father for John Because I don’t have any anything else other than pictures and not even very many stories with him. I think, you know, this sort of thing is just for the people that lived through it. It’s so long ago that you don’t talk about it, but then at some point I kind of told my mom like, I, I’m missing a couple of gaps in my life.Damon:                       04:21               Just for the record. Is John Native American as well?Serena:                        04:24               Yes, So I am three quarters Navajo. He was full blooded and my mom is half.New Speaker:              04:36               And may I ask, what is her other half?Serena:                        04:36               ha! Swedish.Damon:                       04:36               Serena told me that her grandmother was...
Rick’s birthmother relinquished him into foster care where he was terrorized as a toddler. He was eventually adopted around age 6 but always felt like an outsider. At 16 years old he reunited with his maternal family who informed him his mother was institutionalized for paranoid schizophrenia. Their reunion didn’t go at all how he had hoped. When he found his birth father, the man was incarcerated but welcoming. Eventually, Rick distanced himself from his birth father and when he tried to reconnect, it was too late.Read Full TranscriptRick:                            00:03               Like this was part of her schizophrenia, you know, so she believes that she had another child. I’m an only child. She believed that she had a girl that was taken away from her too. So this is a lot for a 16 year old boy just to take in, you know, I’ve never been around anybody mentally ill. I’ve never experienced this. And now this was my…. This is my mom.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I mind?Damon:                       00:47               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Rick. He called me from Central Illinois. Rick tells the story of being terrorized in foster care as a toddler and challenges in childhood, connecting with his adopted family. Those early issues drove his desire to find his birth mother, but when he did, her mental state wouldn’t allow them to connect. Rick hadn’t focused on finding his birth father at all, but when he did, the man was surprisingly receptive. They had a falling out and Rick tried to reconnect later, but he learned it was too late, but that news wasn’t even the worst news of that day. Rick’s doing just fine now, but he’s been through a lot. This is Rick’s journey… Rick says, adoption was never really talked about in his house growing up, but even before his adoption, he says he spent the first years of his life with his mother and grandmother.Rick:                            01:50               I have kind of a unique experience. I wasn’t adopted as an infant. I was actually with my mother and grandmother for about the first year of my life and then was placed into foster care. And so my earliest memories are not of my adopted family or my biological family, but a foster family. Um, and those weren’t very good memories at all. Um, and so these things fester throughout life and, uh, just kinda came up and got triggered and you know, it was one of those things I needed to talk about but didn’t really feel like I could talk about my adopted parents pretty much, you know, just wanted me to pretend like they were my parents. And always was that way and there was no reason to believe that it ever wasn’t.Damon:                       02:38               I wonder if you could take me back just to your memories of foster care. Do you mind just sharing a little bit about what, what was so traumatic about it?Rick:                            02:47               Uh, sure. My earliest memories that the most traumatic thing for me, I had a bed wetting problem as a kid, which I was in foster care. I would have been too, you know, so, um, so I don’t really think of bedwetting problem at two is really an issue, um, but it, it was to them. So it was, there’s a lot of shaming around that and there were times I was locked in rooms and they were pounding on the door and saying, this is the Boogie man and, you know, just really trying to scare me and put a lot of fear into me. And I just, I never understood why or how somebody could treat a child that way. You know what I mean? The worst experience was, uh, around the bed wedding. They, uh, they pretended like they removed my penis with a toy chainsaw and told me it wasn’t a little boy anymore and that, um, I wouldn’t be able to wet the bed anymore because I didn’t have a penis.Damon:                       03:51               Oh my gosh.Rick:                            03:53               So yeah, this is acceptable and material for your podcast or not. But this is a, this is my life as it is.Damon:                       04:02               No, man. These are real stories we learned. This isn’t about filtering for, you know, people’s feelings. This is the reality of what happens to people throughout their lives. So you say whatever you have to say. This is your, your journey.Damon:                       04:16               Rick said he was in foster care from August 1978 to July of 1980. He has no recollection of the first foster home, but the second one is seared in his memory. They terrorized Rick while he was in their care at about three years old. He buried those memories for a long time until they were randomly triggered one day. Rick did some research into his own bed wetting issues which continued after he left foster care.Rick:                            04:43               I didn’t know. This is actually how I started getting into the adoptee community. I had a hunch one day I’m like, you know what? I got the bedwetting
Born in the Panama Canal Zone, Stephanie was adopted by a US military family stationed there in 1961. She was never told she was adopted, but she always knew there was a family secret. When she was 43 years old Stephanie discovered the secret was her own adoption.Because she was born in the Panama Canal Zone, her adoption records were available through a Freedom of information Act request (FOIA). Unfortunately, that didn’t lead to a reunion with her biological mother. After 13 years, she has never heard from her biological mother.Fortunately, she reunited with her birth father and his entire family has warmly welcomed her. Stephanie says “For the first time I know how it feels to look into the eyes of those whom I share a connection with. That cannot be described with words.”The post 029 – A Lifetime of Interveners Saw Me Through appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Stephanie (00:04):Cause you know, I never really looked at it that way before to say, wait, nobody uses the same pen to write something over a six year period. And it's like, and then all of a sudden, you know, it's like I've now I've just got to go. I'm thinking to myself my whole life fundamentally has been a lie.Voices (00:30):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:41):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Stephanie. She was never told she was adopted, but she says she always knew there was a family secret. In her early forties she discovered the secret was herself and the woman who raised her was not her mother. While she felt vindicated that she had been correct, the news turned her world upside down as she looked in the rear view mirror to see a trail of deception right down to the notes in her baby book. Her reunion with her birth mother didn't go as she had hoped. Fortunately, things were very different in the reunion with her birth father, Stephanie shares, how she located her birth father's roommate in the military and how he was one of the many supportive interveners throughout her life. Here's Stephanie's journey.Stephanie (01:34):I always had this feeling that I, something wasn't right.Damon (01:40):That's Stephanie. Before I even had a chance to ask her a question about her journey, she was already going deep on one of the interesting parts. So I just listened.Stephanie (01:49):You know, like there was some sort of secret in my family, something wasn't right and I kept coming back to I don't fit here, you know, and I have friends that I've had for 40 years and they always say, have you taught, you been talking about this adoption thing for ever. So the way that this happened is, um, we had family here for Christmas in 2003, um, a toothbrush was left in the house and it was a room that my adoptive mother or at that point, my mother stayed in. So we clarified that it actually belonged to her. And I said, well, this is my chance to actually find out if I, what I have believed for a very, very long time is true. And I found a lab in Canada that could extract DNA from it and sent it off and waited and waited.Stephanie (02:44):And about six weeks later, and um, April of 2004, this letter arrives and my spouse opened it and I got home from work. I didn't know it had arrived. We sat down and there was kind of this nervous tension. We had a friend staying with us and finally she said to me, so a letter arrived. And I'm like, well, okay, are you going to tell me? And I will always remember the way that it sounded to me in that response as "the toothbrush wasn't your mother." Because that's kind of the words you hear when something like this happens. You always hear it a certain way and remembered a certain way. And I was like, and I jumped up and it was like I knew it. I always knew this was true. Oh my God.Damon (03:29):And you were 43 years old when you found out.Stephanie (03:32):I was 43 years old when I found out I was adopted.Damon (03:35):Stephanie didn't use the commercially available DNA tests that most of us think of when we're looking for answers about our biological past. She had swiped a toothbrush that was left behind by her adoptive mother. I asked Stephanie what that confirmation of her lifelong suspicion had changed for her.Stephanie (03:52):Well, I would simultaneously say everything and nothing, so it changed everything about my life and nothing about my kind of background. So it was sort of a mixed bag of things all at the same time because it kind of vindicated this sense from me that I always knew that there was some thing in my family that didn't fit and that there was a secret and there was all these things going on and all these dynamics. I just didn't know it was me.Damon (04:26):Wow.Damon (04:28):Okay. Now let's go back to the beginning of Stephanie's story. She was born in the Panama Canal Zone, adopted by a U.S military family stationed there in 1961. She was the only child of parents who had been married for seven years prior to her adoption. Her father spent most of his time out of the family home on isolated military assignments, but that wasn't the only isolation Stephanie felt. Her mother's greatest interests seemed to be with keeping up appearances for outsiders. That put a lot of pressure on Stephanie to stick to the script and put on a good show for others.Stephanie (05:04):My parents divorced when I was 12 my father was pretty absent and we really didn't have any extended family, so I came from a very isolated childhood. But you don't know as a kid what isn't normal unless you don't know what's normal. Right?Damon (05:23):Right. Your normal is what's normal.Stephanie (05:26):Exactly. So I now, you know, look back on it and say, well, there were some things that were pretty weird about my childhood.Damon (<a...
Brittney, from Connecticut, grew up knowing but not closely connected with her biological mother . After a bombshell moment where her mom revealed the truth about her paternal parentage, Brittney felt like she was left to clean up the mess of lies. She was conflicted about searching for her birth father because of her loyalty to her adoptive father. Brittney said she was glad she searched because what she learned filled a hole she didn't even know was in her. This is Brittney's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Gabe called me early one morning from Salt Lake City, Utah. Gabe is a black transracial adoptee, and a transgender man from a family and community that didn't know how to talk about who he is as a person. After a tough time coming out to his adoptive family, Gabe's reunion revealed his birth parents' secret that their children had a full blooded brother they hadn't known about. Now, Gabe finds himself questioning where he belongs as he doesn't feel like he fits in either family. This is Gabe's Journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Andrie, who lives in Duluth, Georgia, learned she was adopted as a kid, then started coping with the rejection she felt by making up stories about her birth parents, a habit that carried into adulthood. Searching for her truth, Andrie found her birth father, but has chosen to distance herself from him When she met her birth mother Andrie found a woman she has a lot in common with and whom she says she absolutely loves. This is Andrie's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Daughter Dee lives in Maryland with me. Dee had a wonderful upbringing in Philadelphia, PA where she was cherished and celebrated on her birthdays. When she was fresh out of college Dee's adoptive mother passed away. Dee learned she was adopted and her world turned into a question mark while mourning. As a late discovery adoptee (LDA), she faced secondary rejection, unanswered questions. And misattributed parentage. This is daughter D's journey Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbeanlVMPWZJEKn38hrIydEs4
Samantha, from south Florida, watched her adoptive mother reunite with the son she placed for adoption. Samantha found herself anticipating her own reunion one day, so she decided to take action. When she located her birth mother, she learned the woman was very young when she gave birth, was told to forget about the whole thing and had built walls around herself from the trauma of her youth. Samantha remains a positive person, even though she feels like she's an outsider looking in on her birth family.  This is Samantha's journeyWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Share Your StoryDamon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” Listen OnApple PodcastsSpotifyGoogle PlayTuneInStitcherPlayer FMPodbeanYouTubeSocial MediaFacebook Instagram
Emma described her adoption with words and concepts like "purchased", "captor", and "Stockholm syndrome". Those aren't the ideas behind a healthy parent child relationshipWhen she decided to find her birth mother, Emma would not be deterred by the redacted information her case worker gave her, so she took action... illegally, to steal her birth mother's name. In reunion Emma lacked the tools to maintain a relationship with her birth mother, and stood face to face with her birth father who portrayed himself as an innocent bystander, not a biological relative.This is Emma's journey. The Gathering Place, An Adoptee StoryWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean
Rebecca, from Tallahassee, Florida, grew up in a religious home where she was over protected and adoption was not discussed or explored. In reunion, She learned her social worker who helped her placement had remained friends with her birth mother and was able to connect them immediately. Rebecca is the documentarian behind the movie Reckoning With The Primal Wound, a visual exploration of the landmark book, "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier. She's worked on the movie and an audio version of the book. One has gone very well. The other is blocked by a litigious brick wall that Rebecca didn't anticipate and that's triggering adoptee abandonment issues.This is Rebecca's journeyReckoning With The Primal WoundWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareDamon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8Social MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Listen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrH
Carlyn (Kar-leen), from Santa Fe, New Mexico, grew up in a junkyard house in a tough relationship with her adoptive mother. Caryln felt over protected, trapped, and wondering why that was her life. After submitting a DNA test for fun, Carlyn was connected with a biological relative she had never heard of forcing her adoptive sister to finally reveal Carlyn's adoption. The news sent a wrecking ball, sailing through her life. Carlyn's newly found DNA matched biological sister was seeking connection because the woman never really had a family. Soon the pair were told they had no time to waste meeting Carlyn's birth mother.This is Carlyn's journey. Purchase Junkyard GirlWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
Today you're going to meet candidate for Congress Maxwell Frost who called me from Orlando, Florida. Maxwell is a transracial adoptee who grew up loved and supported. When he found himself at a crossroads in his life, the decision to run for public office are not, he realized he wanted to get some answers about his birth mother and his adoption. Speaking with the woman Maxwell learned about the cycle of poverty her community has faced. Hearing her story and her unscripted delivery of one of his life mantras was part of what he needed to validate his run for office. This is Maxwell's journeyMaxwell Frost For CongressWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
This is a special episode of the, Who Am I Really? podcast. My guest today is Pamela Karanova, who first appeared on the show on episode 160, "Stepping Into A Space Of Freedom". She told her story of addiction, thoughts of taking her own life and debilitating depression all in the context of her journey through adoption and reunion. Thankfully, Pam has recovered from much of her life's trauma and finding her way out of the darkness inspired Pam to create some special things. I brought Pam back because she is the empowering adoptee advocate behind two amazing movements - Adoptee Remembrance Day, a global observance of several serious adoptee focused issues and Adoptees Connecta soon to be international movement to get adoptees together in person to support one another. I asked Pam to share about the movements she has started. Adoptee Remembrance Day #AdopteeRemembranceDay #ARD #AdopteesWeRememberAdoptees Connect: https://adopteesconnect.com/Plant an affiliate: https://adopteesconnect.com/start-an-affiliate/TED Talk: Adoption, DNA, and the Impact on a Concealed LifeWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
Lynn, from Danville, Virginia knew she was adopted, but she never knew the secret that hers was a kinship adoption... and she had always known her birth mother. So, Lynn didn't have a reunion as much as a re-introduction to her birth mother through the lens of her true relationship to Lynn. Meeting her birth father, things started off great but the honeymoon faded leaving Lynn confused, but open to exploring how to repair things. Lynn spends her extra time advocating for young pregnant women at a clinic where she lives and she hopes adoptive parents will educate themselves about how to navigate adoption. This is Lynn's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
Donna, from Scottsdale, Arizona, had a condition at birth which meant she was going straight to the hospital before her adoption, insuring her detachment from her birth mother and her future family, until she recovered. When she was a teenager, Donna was cut off by her adoptive father when she got pregnant then placed her own daughter for adoption. In reunion, Donna has found a best friend in her birth mother, a birth father who's too full of himself and unkind to remain in contact with, and her daughter whom she had to wait years for until the time was right for everyone to connect more deeply. This is Donna's journeyWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
Heidi, from Silicon Valley, California, grew up walking on eggshells, crying a lot and "staying small" in her world despite being gifted. She found her maternal family guided by a somewhat famous reunion specialist who helped the reunion along. Heidi says reunion can be weird and awkward for how much time has passed while an adoptee tries to get to know their biological relatives in the present. Her reunions are further complicated by the emotions of her birth mother and birth father being the opposite reactions to her return than she expected. This is Heidi's journeyLyrics to Looking For Me (Lyrics)Looking for Me (Heidi Frederick © 2021)My life a blurry canvas, full of pain and sometimes numbNo voice, no choice, grasping for joy, yet slipping through my handsSo lost without direction, afraid to ask for helpfull of fear and loneliness, days and nights all by myselfSilent struggle of a misfit, just trying to fit inplease tell me what to hope for, don’t let me down againMissing peace, missing pieces, yet not a search for them,I’m looking for me, to set me free, know who I truly amSearching for places, strangers faces, no reflection foundwas looking for them, yet searching for mealone, yet in a crowdIf you could only know, my motive is so pureNot looking to replace you, our relationship, secureIt’s not them I’m looking for, it’s me I long to know,You chose me then, you choose me now, but I need to heal and growCan’t imagine, what they went through, so young and so aloneknowing she’s a part of you and suddenly she’s goneThey told you to move on, you’ll have more kids one dayIt’s better not to hold her, just turn and walk awaySearching for places, strangers faces, no reflection foundwas looking for you, but searching for mestill alone, yet in a crowdTies that bind, can’t be broken with false promised and empty wordsAfter all this is your child, yet, she’s no longer yoursShe’s spent her whole life wondering, if one day you would meetno bitterness or resentment, not filled with rage or hateWith secrets and shame comes darkness, but courage and hope bring lightWalls come down, healing is found, not easy, but worth the fight.My life, now a mosaic of brokenness and lightTo rise and shine for all to see, to pass the torch of lifeSearching for places, strangers faces, my reflection foundIn my search for you, I’ve been set freemy soul no longer bound.Searching for places, strangers faces, my reflection foundIn my search for you, I’ve been set freemy soul no longer bound.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
Jack from Phoenix, Arizona, said as a boy, he was kept separate from his sister who was biologically related to his parents. While he was interested in reunion jack was clearly told his desires were unacceptable. He held off from searching for years only to find later that his birth mother was eagerly awaiting his return. On his paternal side, Jack was met with a wall of protection with the exception of one sister. From a distance jack says he's learned more about his paternal family than they probably know about themselves. This is jack's journey Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
David, from San Jose, CA said when he was a kid he knew he was talented and smart but his gifts didn't seem to measure up to his adoptive parents expectations. When David learned he was adopted the news, left him wanting to find his birth mother rebelling and challenged to control his behavior. In reunion, David found his paternal family, but similar elements of dysfunction in their family and drastically differing opinions prevent him from getting any closer. This is David's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareDamon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8Listen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/
I'm back for season 11 of the, Who Am I Really? podcast. It's going to be another moving season of open, heartfelt discussions about the adoption experience from people from all walks of life. But before we get to the season, I want to update you on my own journey. Some of, you may know that I lost my adoptive mother Veronica on Friday, September 2nd, 2022. It was the end of a long road for her as mental illness had taken such a toll on both her mind and her body. This is another part of my journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
Bryan Elliott, writer, director, producer, grew up in Southern California feeling under prioritized by his adoptive mother. At an early age, he had ambitions of finding his birth family. After extensive research Bryan called a long list of women only to realize she was among those who had repeatedly told him, "sorry, it's not me." when he called.Maternal secondary rejection was solidified with the threat of legal action, but later legal correspondence clarified his birth father's identity in the search for a man Bryan had searched for for decades. It took some coaxing, but Bryan was finally granted full access to his paternal family. This is Bryan's journeyLiving In Adoptionland podcastWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
Lisa, my guest from episode 168, "A Vein of Gratitude" is back to share how her reunion has been in the year since we spoke. Lisa and I chatted the night before Lisa met her birth mother for the first time. The COVID-19 pandemic had kept them apart, so the moment was imminent that they would finally meet. The reunion went well, even though some discussion topics were closed for exploration. Afterwards, Lisa struggled with her birth mother's expressions of love and the woman's intense desire to connect Lisa to her half-brother. Lisa had an array of reunion, emotions and experiences in the year, since we first spoke. Now it's time for an update on Lisa's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
Mike, from SoCo, Maine was cruising through childhood until he was told he was adopted. The news shook Mike's confidence in relationships and the aftermath lingered in self doubt, creeping through his personal and professional life. When he found his maternal family, Mike was welcomed in as his sister lamented that they missed so much time apart. Now Mike serves as Chairman of the Board of the National Council for Adoption (NCFA). He coaches others on bringing their best selves to every relationship through a process of building personal trust communities. This is Mike's journey Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
Singer/song writer Jenni Alpert, aka Cami, my guest from episode 96, is back to share an update on her life with her birth father, Don. Recall Jenni took on her birth nickname Cami and went under cover in the streets of Los Angeles to locate Don who was hiding from the law, using drugs, and living outside. Using the tools in her belt that she'd accumulated throughout her life, Jenni became Don's advocate and introduced him to alternatives to life in the streets. When she revealed she was a musician, a creative partnership blossomed and they began performing together at non-profit homeless advocacy events, adoption and fostering events, and touring around the country. Don is no longer with us, but Jenni is honoring her birth father by making her life's purpose to uplift others. This is an update on Jenni's journey. Go back and listen to: Episode 096 - The Safe Place That's Don's PlaceMusic with Don: Until Then https://youtu.be/1Uxa0H1FHe4Documentary: Homeless the Soundtrack (Apple TV, Google Play, YouTube TV) https://youtu.be/kvWZ1inuvN8Book: Home is Where the Heart is, An Adoption and Biological Reunion Story: A Memoirhttps://www.amazon.com/dp/0578938138/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_7QTQV9NJCANHWD15M3YSAftermath since Don's passing: https://youtu.be/xGVhaK1nRtkCami and Don music and speaking YouTube:https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL_cdP6dotlBs23P1dR3eL9r3gqMUDu-oyJenni Alpert Music https://youtube.com/user/JenniAlpertWebsite: www.jennialpert.comDon’s Take: (montage of my birth father Don’s perspective in the form of speeches and candid conversations, his take on Homelessness, Adoption, and Biological Reunions, & our performances at shelters, rescue missions, adoption related programs, nightclubs and events) https://youtu.be/BW9Q-VI9z7ASoundCloud sound bytes recordings of Cami and Don candid conversations, challenging stigmas https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/tW15pMZB41biWNx79Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
Singer Song writer Jenni Alpert, commonly referred to by her birth name, Cami had a wonderful life supported by her adoptive parents as she pursued the performing arts. After her adoptive father passed away, she learned that her biological mother had too. Her maternal connections went well over time, but her paternal side remained a mystery. Locating her birth father was one thing… doing reconnaissance, ensuring her safety, and tapping into over a decade of her various volunteer experiences with people who’s lives were in the streets was something different. In their story you’ll hear the dedication of a daughter who found her birth father down and out, accepted him as he was , and worked hard to find a pathway for them to reunite and share their love of music. This is Jenni’s journey.Photo:Cami (aka Jenni Alpert) and her birth father DonPhoto credit: Jeff Fasano Here’s a link to the news story I referenced: https://www.nbcnews.com/nightly-news/video/father-and-daughter-duo-reunited-in-song-62059077604Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
Alyssa, from Jacksonville, Florida, is a biracial woman who was adopted into a white family in a white community. Living without racial mirrors. She realized in her youth, she was missing a connection to the black community. With identifying information, Alyssa was able to locate her biological parents quickly, but Alyssa is eternally grateful that her maternal aunt was the cherished person she connected with first. Alyssa's relationships with her biological parents are strained for now, but she holds out hope that her birth mother will come to understand how she feels, appreciate that she's doing the work to maintain her own happiness, and that they can reconnect one day.This is Alyssa's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
Shannon, from Hazel Green, Alabama, stood out from her adoptive family in looks and some personality traits. So there was a natural curiosity about her birth family. She assumed she'd be able to locate them, her whole story would be laid out with clear facts about her conception, and everything would make sense. Instead, Shannon found a birth mother who had very little recollection of that time in her life, she was given misleading information, and she spent many years in a reunion with the wrong guy. This is Shannon's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
Larry, from Grand Rapids, Michigan, talks about his life as a transracial adoptee in a predominantly white community where many white parents adopted black children. In a desperate search for role models he latched on to some undesirable stereotypes of what a black man should be including stories he heard about his birth father. After a near death experience in the streets, Larry located his birth mother who eventually wrote the letter he needed to read to release the pressure he was under. This is Larry's journey"White, Confused, Black and Christian", by Larry YffLarryYff.comWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
Julie, from Humboldt County, California, had a wonderful reunion with her birth mother and has learned how a woman operates, which has helped Julie managed some of her own feelings in their reunion. But when Julie's birth mother admitted she'd had a one night stand, Julie thought she'd never find her birth father.DNA testing helped her figure out that her birth father was one of two brothers and one of them was so much like her. He had to be the guy. But was he. When the truth was discovered, Julie was left to maintain the family secret. This is Julie's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
After years of struggling to get along with her adoptive mother, who struggled as a World War II survivor, Danielle finally figured out the reasons for their differences. She's a late discovery adoptee, but hers was less of a discovery, more of a revelation that overcame her in the middle of the night. She found her birth mother who wondered why it took so long for them to finally connect. Then the magic died and their reunion was over. Later Danielle did a DNA test connecting to a distant paternal relative, and it was just in time to meet her birth father. This is Danielle's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
Jonathan's admits adoption was always part of his story and he was never made to feel special or different. But after his adopted sister sought out her biological family for medical information, Jonathan decided it was time for his search to begin to. What he found was such a great likeness to his paternal side, that it worked against him in meeting his biological mother who might not have been mentally strong enough to see the face of the young man she used to know appearing again on her adult, biological son. This is Jonathan's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
Mike who called me from Berlin, Germany was born in St. Louis, Missouri. It's a place he ultimately fought hard to try to get away from because of its association with his adoptive family. After years traveling the country, then moving abroad to Germany Mike found himself in reunion with his birth mother back in St. Louis. Mike says that out of everyone, he looks the most like the one person he really wanted to find. And that these days he's turning some challenging experiences in his life into positivity for others. This is mike's journeyWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
Rebecca called me from outside of Richmond, Virginia. She has lived a life in adoption from the formation of her family, with her adoption to becoming a birth mother, dedicating her professional life to adoption and experiencing reunion with her birth mother birth father and her son. Her reunions have been a mix of denial and near rejection to full acceptance after years of anticipation and surprise to be found by the parents of her own child. You're going to be amazed to hear how much adoption can be woven throughout one adoptee's life. This is Rebecca's journeyWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
When Lisa and I chatted, she was in a hotel in South Dakota, but she normally resides in Tennessee. She was in town for the momentous occasion of reuniting with her birth mother the next day. We agreed to chat ahead of time because Lisa knew she would be a different person after reunion. Lisa led a quiet life, surrounded by family she loved and felt deeply connected to. Her adoption was never kept a secret from her and played a constant theme in her life. Guided by gratitude and the question, "where do I come from?" Lisa's journey started with a DNA test, which opened the doors to help her answer that nagging question. Lisa mapped out generations of her family tree, discovered she was a secret to some in her family and a sequestered fact to others. The path of Lisa's reunion still has a winding road ahead so, this is Lisa's journey so far... (part 2 of Lisa's journey will be ep. 181 - Wandering Tree)Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
Today my guest is Micheleana who lives outside of Kansas city in Lawrence, Kansas. Micheleana's early life was tumultuous after her parents divorced. Her adoptive mother passed away suddenly, and she was abandoned by her adoptive family. Incredibly her birth father walked right into her life twice and she didn't even recognize him. Unfortunately, she got an unexpectedly awkward introduction to her birth mother that may have set the stage of continued uneasiness between them when it comes to really getting to know one another. This is Micheleana's journey
Today you're going to meet Michael who called me from Atlanta, Georgia. Michael grew up with adoptive parents who were functional alcoholics which meant they had a dysfunctional home with a narcissistic mother and a detached father. When DNA testing linked Michael with his maternal family he learned that his siblings knew about him but his birth mother was kept in the dark that her secret had been revealed. In reunion, Michael's eyes were opened to the meaning of nature versus nurture when he found shared physical traits and common interests in athletics, music and more. Now Michael helps run an Adoptees Connect group in Atlanta for adopted people to link up and support one another. This is Michael's journey.
Elisa lives outside of Philadelphia. She shares her story of the DNA test. She completed to learn more about her heritage that surprisingly linked her to her birth mother. The woman was lifelong friends with Elisa's birth father's family, but the man never knew that Elisa existed until her birth mother helped connect them at her own home. Elisa's birth mother has met her adoptive parents which filled an unrecognized void in her parents' lives this is Elisa's journey
Simon from the United Kingdom, knew he was adopted from as early as he can remember. When he finally decided to search for his birth mother, he had a flash of anger about the toy. The woman left him. But when he learned of her situation and heard another birth mother's perspective, that his anger was likely misguided, he quickly changed course to empathizing with his birth mother. Listen to Simon's efforts to support other adoptees and his desire to change prevailing narratives in adoption. This is simon's journey
Debbie lives outside of Portland, Oregon. Her parents adopted her and her brother too soon after tragedy struck their family. Debbie found her roots in Kansas, in a small town where the grape vine unexpectedly spread news fast that she was in town. Uh, sad loss. Oddly gave Debbie a chance to connect more deeply with her birth mother. But her birth father only told half of his family about Debbie creating a minefield of secrets in this era of consumer DNA testing. This is Debbie's journey
Cindy lives outside of Sacramento, California. She and her sister were placed in foster care where they learned to protect themselves and be tough. Cindy's search started with an abundance of identifiable information thanks to her adoptive parents. In reunion, she found a man she truly resembled, was bonded to, but who was forced to cut their relationship again until his final days. Cindy found the pieces that were missing in her personal puzzle and healing that she, and many other people involved in her adoption reunion, really needed. This is Cindy's journey.Once In A Lullaby: My Journey Homehttps://www.livinglightoasis.com/
Kevin, from upstate New York, shares his journey to find his worthiness, to beat in this life. His search for his birth mother led him to the one woman who knew he existed and the unexpected sibling set that has fortified his own fight to carry on. Kevin continues his search for his paternal connections. All with his angel Roz on his shoulder. Loving him as she loved her own birth children. This is Kevin's journey. Check out Kevin's book: "Dear Stephen Michael's Mother"https://www.kevinbarhydt.com
Erika called me from outside of Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Ericka and her older adopted brother were doing fine with their adoptive parents until the birth of their siblings created an unspoken split between the children. In reunion, Erika's mother was an open book about her experiences as one of the girls who went away, while her adoptive mother was closed to the fact that Erika was actually related to her birth mother, subscribing to the blank slate mentality of the baby scope era. Connecting with her birth father she found a man who always knew about her but didn't realize that he missed her until Erika returned. This is Erika's journey.
Today's adoptee story is Winnie's. She called me from Los Angeles, California. Growing up, Winnie's adoptive parents were closed to discussing her adoption, rejected her basic desire to socialize and left her to fend for herself in the name of creating an independent woman. But her treatment was unfairly different from that of her adopted sister. When he has an arduous road ahead seeking reunion with her birth mother in India in the face of information inaccuracies. And in the wake of massive COVID 19 casualties. Winnie is the creator of Indian Adoptees Connect, a community for Indian adopted people like herself. This is Winnie's journey
Pam called me from Lexington, Kentucky.Growing up in adoption she suffered in the care of her adoptive mother who was unable to be a to parent her children because she was barely holding on herself.In reunion Pam found two alcoholics and when she looked in the mirror she saw someone who needed to change her trajectory before she followed in their footsteps. Pam has done a lot of empathizing to heal herself, and focused her energy on creating Adoptees Connect to help other adopted people find support like what she needed in her darkest days. She also founded Adoptee Remembrance Day, October 30th, #adopteeremembranceday. It's a time to recognize Adoptee Suicide, Adoptee Abuse & Neglect, and Adoptee Loss.This is Pam's journey.
Ed called me from here in Maryland. He shared the sad, circumstances of his adoptive parents losing two children, but not really healing from the losses, feeling loyalty to his adoptive parents. Ed went on a clandestine search for his birth mother, found her then lost touch for years. All of which exacerbated his anxiety within him. Fortunately Ed reunited with his maternal and paternal sides and connected to his personal history in some unique ways. This is Ed's journey.
Jennifer, from Standardsville, Virginia, said growing up in New York, she had a very different childhood experience in her family than her sister, who was biological to their parents. Their mother suffered with substance abuse and deep down the woman probably knew she wasn't as good a mother to Jennifer as she could've been. In reunion Jennifer realized that secrets of the past were hard to overcome because they were ladened with stigma from her birth mother's pregnancy experience. Her paternal reunion was a surreal phone experience that you have to hear Jennifer tell to believe. Thankfully her aunt and younger sister made up for the shocking phone conversation she had with her birth father. This is jennifer's journey.
Honor described a childhood in isolation, so much so that it impacted her health when she started school. Wondering about her biological parents, she developed a romantic story in her mind that they were in love but simply couldn’t keep her. It took her many years to track down her real story which was far more complex, and at one point she thought that one of her worst fears was true. When she found her birth mother, they only had a passing anonymous introduction to one another and when they met again years later, the woman was unable to recognize who Honor was. When Honor tracked down her birth father, his actions indicated he was the right guy, even if he didn’t explicitly say so.Read Full TranscriptHonor:                         00:05               Then he said, “oh, and there’s something else”, and I said, “what.? And he said, “she claims that she was raped”, so I was in bits.Damon:                       00:14               Really.?Honor:                         00:15               I remember going into the garden alone and wondering about and I wanted to cry but couldn’t. I was just crucified inside because that for me, was the worst scenario that I could hear.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who Am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Honor. She called me from outside of Edinburgh. Scotland. Honor described a childhood in isolation, so much so that it impacted her health when she started school. It took her many years to track down her real story and at one point she thought that one of her worst fears was true when she found her birth mother. They only had a passing anonymous introduction to one another, and when they met again years later, the woman was unable to recognize who Honor was when Honor tracked down her birth father. His actions indicated he was the right guy even if he didn’t explicitly say so. This is Honors journey. Honor was born in good shepherd, mother and baby home in bishop ton near Glasgow, Scotland. Her mother and father adopted her as slightly older parents, 44 and 42 respectively on her, says she was adopted officially at four years old and she remembers that time of their lives because her parents seemed agitated, which she still remembers clearly. They told her she was adopted, but she didn’t know what it meant. She just knew it was a word. She should definitely rememberHonor:                         02:12               And occasionally, I would ask the question, why did you choose to me? Um, I think it was probably because I liked the answer, which is because she was the one who smiled. And then I sensed this was old preschool and pre five year old. I then became very aware of how uncomfortable my mother became. If I asked the question, she didn’t like itDamon:                       02:37               and what would she do, how could you tellHonor:                         02:40               she she, she would look uncomfortable and would just say, well, because you were the one that smiled and carry on doing something else. She’d never sat me on her knee and talked about it nicely. It was like I answered, now shut up. It was definitely a discomfort situation which I picked up on. So I stopped asking the question,Damon:                       03:05               Honor said ask her father about adoption, either adoption was never mentioned again in the family except for one time when her father was near the end of his life.Honor:                         03:16               The only time that it came to the fore was when my father was terminally ill and the consultant was asking him questions and one of the questions was how many children does he have? And he said none. And I was sitting there beside him. And the consultants sort of appeared over his glasses at me. Am I squirmed in the seat seats? You know, I mean, it was ridiculous really. And he asked the question again and he said that was the impact, the lifelong impact of infertility came bubbling to the surface.Damon:                       03:57               And what did you feel inside when he basically denied you as his daughter?Honor:                         04:04               Very uncomfortable, but I forgave him because the poor man was dying literally, and he wasn’t himself. HIs mind, had sort of. … I don’t know what else he would just said if he had been better than he was. Even a couple of months prior to that. I’m not sure whether he was just said yes and I have one adopted daughter or something of that nature, but he just said no, no childrenDamon:                       <a href="https://www.temi.com/editor/t/RoG91wfh3o-gEOEA1fC0ylca2hcg1crOOVLxAbyJ4O5gdoILr26QGgCC9CUFWxsOCYCjP-WafAKupT5LMjDH1No5zzg?loadFrom=DocumentDeeplink&ts=276.51"...
As an interracial adoptee and musical artist, Ferera grew up feeling different from her adopted family. When her adoption was tearfully confirmed by her Mom, it created doubt within her about whether it was okay to be different? Ferera met her birth mother, and the woman’s twin sister, so their reunion was a shared experience that somewhat fractured the intimate connection Ferera would have liked to have developed. She’s in touch with her birth father, but they’ve never met b/c he lives in the Philipines.Stream Ferera’s song “Second Time” via: Soundcloud | SpotifyWatch Acoustic Version on YouTubeConnect With Ferera:Website  |Facebook | Twitter | Instagram| YouTube |SoundcloudRead Full TranscriptFerera:                        00:01               She said that I was making it all about me and I do believe that she was saying that out of her own pain. For an adoptee. It’s like, well, I didn’t choose this. I didn’t ever choose to be adopted. I didn’t choose for me to be in this position and so I wanted to work it out. I really did and so when I reached out to her and tried to talk about it, I suggested let’s get on the phone because emails are just, things can get misconstrued, but I never did hear back from her again.Voices:                        00:34               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?New Speaker:              00:47               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Ferera. She called me from Austin, Texas as an interracial adoptee and musical artists for rare, grew up feeling different from her adopted family. When her adoption was confirmed by her mother, it created doubt within herself about whether it was okay to be different Ferera met her birth mother and the woman’s twin sister. So their reunion was a shared experience that somewhat fractured the intimate connection Ferera would have liked to have developed. She’s in touch with her birth father but they’ve never met because he lives overseas. This is Ferera journey.Damon:                       01:33               Ferera originally from Houston. She said the first time she ever felt different from her family was around three years old since those early days Ferera has gotten her DNA test done. So she can tell you more clearly now what her heritage is. But at first all she could tell you isFerera:                        01:49               I am a transracial adoptee. And so, um, I grew up in, um, a Chinese family and um, I’m Filipino but there, you know, there’s a big difference so. I think many people don’t realize that there is such a big difference between the two, but there is culturally and all these things. But basically growing up we didn’t really talk about it. I wasn’t really told that I was adopted until I was, um, uh, 10 years old. And that’s only because I asked, because I look completely different from my family, but I always felt like I inherently knew that I was adopted because, you know, I think the majority of us, you know, at least the other adoptees that I’ve spoken to have said like a, yeah, I think I always knew, I mean, even the ones that aren’t transracially adopted. So yeah, I asked my mom if I was at, if I was born from her, those were the words I used. I think that was like six or seven. I forgot how old. The first time I asked her was, she kind of didn’t answer me directly the first time she just said, well, you know, no matter if you’re born, if I gave birth, she or not, I, we love you just the same. And so I thought that was a little bit interesting, but I like, I, like I said, I knew I was not of the same, you know, from that family.Damon:                       03:11               So let me pause you for a quick second. So when you first asked this question, can you remember at all how you felt? It’s, it’s an interesting thing for you to say that you felt different at six and I wonder if to you could just explain a little bit about how you look different from your family because it, when I think of transracial adoptees of course I think very classically have sort of a black white mixed or something like that. Very stark differences. So I wonder if you could help me understand how you could see the differences so easilyFerera:                        03:45               more brown than they are. Um, I’m Spanish as far as the Trans racial features, the physical features. So I, um, I’ve done the 23 and me and all of that, but I, I’m more brown than they are. Um, I’m Spanish and a mix of, there’s like Portuguese, Spanish, European and Polynesian. And so it’s like I look very island slash Spanish fee and then they look very tinies. And so there’s a different skin tone, different bone structure, different build. It was like a different everything.Damon:                       04:22               Yeah. Ferera had one sister who was biological to their parents for understanding is she was adopted because initially her parents didn’t think they could conceive a child. But of course immediately after...
Adoptees have the ultimate voice about the adoption experience. Adoptee podcasters are offering fellow adoptees outlets for sharing their inner thoughts and deepest emotions about their adoption journeys -- the happy and sad, incredible experiences and the awful outcomes. On Wednesday, November 4, 2020 @ 7pm ET the hosts of some of the leading adoptee hosted podcasts: "Adoptees On" with Haley Radke, "Born In June Raised In April" with April Dinwoodie and "Who Am I Really?" with Damon Davis shared some of their insights from several years and hundreds of episodes podcasting about adoption. This was an open event for everyone to attend, ask questions, and hopefully leave with useful insights.* At 1:20:32 April and Haley very graciously supported the group through a Zoom bomb (a rude interruption in our online forum by uninvited participants). Just wanted to explain the odd transition in the content at that moment.
Rachel is a Hispanic woman of Chilean descent, raised in a Jewish family. She shared her feelings of otherness trying to connect with other Spanish speaking children with her limited proficiency. Rachel describes her father’s blindness to her heritage, and her unbelievable luck to have strangers who went out of their way to help her meet her birth mother in Chile.Read Full TranscriptRachel:                        00:03               It took me a while to sort through it. I remember talking to my grandmother about it and she said, you know, Rachel, it’s not about how you get here, It’s about what you do with yourself once you’re here. So she was like focused less on that event that led to you being here and focus more on what you want to do with yourself and how you want to, you know, make a name for yourself. And that is something that I’ve always held ontoVoices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Rachel. She called me from right here in Frederick, Maryland. Rachel is a Hispanic woman of Chilean descent, raised in a Jewish family. She shared her feelings of otherness, her father’s blindness to her heritage and her unbelievable luck to have strangers who went out of their way to help her meet her birth mother in Chile. This is Rachel’s journey. In Rachel’s family, adoption was a fairly open topic. Her brother was adopted three years before her and they always knew they were adopted from young ages. When they got older, they understood a little bit more what that meant.Rachel:                        01:37               I feel like I was my only like person in my group of friends that was adopted growing up. And I think that kind of felt a little bit strange sometimes.Damon:                       01:48               Do you remember mentioning it to other people or did you just, you just couldn’t see other adoptees so you figured you were the only one?Rachel:                        01:56               No, I think I always mentioned it like, I feel like it was something that I talked about a lot. Um, I know that I asked a million questions. My brother didn’t talk much about his biological family or didn’t really express like a lot of curiosity about it, but I was always asking questions like, can you tell me about my biological mom or why was I given up for adoption? Or Can we talk about this? And, um, my parents didn’t ever answer questions. It was kind of always like, when you turn 18, we’ll let you know. But I still was always asking. So it was definitely something that I would mention to friends or to, you know, people within my community. Um, I was always telling everybody like, I’m from Chile and I thought that was a, a pretty cool thing.Damon:                       02:43               Yeah. That’s really interesting. So what, what do you, why do you think you were always asking about it? It sounds like you were somewhat self-aware about it from a very early age. What do you think sparked your curiosity to want to ask about it? It sounds like from even the very beginning.Rachel:                        03:01               Um, I wish I knew the answer to that question. I don’t, I don’t necessarily know, um, when I look at myself, I look at myself as a person who’s like very in touch with who I am. And I think that adoption is such a big part of who I am. And it was something that I couldn’t, I didn’t have the answers to, I didn’t have explanations about and I couldn’t, I guess I couldn’t really figure out that part of me. So I was super inquisitive about it and I always wanted to ask about it. And, and try to kind of find that out. Um, maybe that’s why I was so curious. But my parents will like looking back on everything, they’ll always say to me like, we always knew you were going to find your biological family cause you were always asking, asking, asking.Damon:                       03:47               She asked questions about her start in life, her birth mother and why the woman couldn’t take care of Rachel herself. After a few vague answers, the end of the conversation was always, we’ll tell you when you’re 18. The promise was her parents would deliver her adoption papers to her at that age. But that was a long time to wait, especially in her teen years when Rachel wondered what the difference was between knowing her history at 15 versus learning it three years later. Still, She said she was always proud to tell people that she’s originally from Chile because she felt like it was a pretty cool thing. I asked about the makeup of her family.Rachel:                        04:24               So my brother is also from Chile. Um, like I said, he was adopted three years before I was. And I’ve always said to my parents that I feel like the greatest gift they’ve ever given us, cause they’ve given us the world, my parents are great, but the greatest gift we ever got with each other. Cause growing up with someone in my family, um, who could number one relate to being adopted, but number two, shared, you know, a cultural connection with me even though we weren’t biologically related. Um, was just super awesome.Damon:                       04:54               Rachel’s parents are white and Jewish and their community was similar. She and her brother were raised Jewish as well, going to Jewish...
Michelle says growing up she felt very different from her adoptive family because she looked completely different from them. When she was a teen she embarked on a voyage to reunite with her birth mother, traveling back to the UK where she was born. Seeking some of the basic answers to her identity and acceptance by her biological mother, her trip was going great, until the neighbor came over and asked who Michelle was. What happened next became a pivotal moment in Michelle’s quest to discover herself.But the acceptance and love that Michelle was looking for were still out there and they came from a person that she didn’t even know existed. She located her half brother in Spain, and was able to he relay the final emotions of their dying father, bringing some peace to Michelle.The post 020 – I Don’t Silence Julie Anymore appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Michelle (00:03):And climbed back as a teen. I just remembered, I don't know how to do this, but I know that these people aren't the ones to give me my truth and I'm either gonna find it myself or I'm gonna die not knowing, and I wasn't willing to live a life not knowing.Voices (00:25):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:37):This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis, and today you're going to meet Michelle. She told me she grew up feeling very different from her adoptive family because she looked completely different from them. Michelle reunited with her birth mother as a teenager traveling back to the United Kingdom where she was born. She was seeking some basic answers to her identity and acceptance by her biological mother. Things were going great for them until the neighbor came over and asked who Michelle was. It became a pivotal moment in Michelle's quest to discover herself. But the acceptance and love that Michelle was looking for was still out there and it came from a person that she didn't even know existed. I asked Michelle about her journey and what adoption was like for her growing up. Michelle starts us off with the events that brought her into this world. Her parents weren't able to keep her. So Michelle was placed in foster care and it was there even in those early days where people placed judgment about her existence.Michelle (01:39):Well, I was born in England. I go back to that because it's really part of the whole journey of identity for me. Uh, I was born in England. Mother was British, father was Spanish. Um, I was a product of their affair. My mother at the time was married. She had three children and my father was single, a bachelor. They had an affair. I was the product of that and it was quite a scandal actually at the time. And I was secreted away into foster care. My birth father said he didn't want to be a father, didn't want to raise me. Birth mother had a choice to make, you know, she couldn't keep me. And she looked to keep her family intact with her husband and her three children. In foster care in the U K I was labeled because of the circumstances around me. You know, it was labeled in my foster records, illegitimate dark, because I had the coloring of my birth father peculiar looking because I was very much, you know, was identified as an ethnic child.Damon (02:40):You saw all of this information in your records?Michelle (02:43):Yeah. Yeah. I've, I've seen it in my foster records.Damon (02:47):That's fascinating.Michelle (02:47):And you know, it's, it's interesting because I don't know, you feel that even if you aren't given it in the, in the beginnings, you know, even if you don't see it in black and white, there's something about the judgment, um, that you feel, I think even at the youngest of ages, you know, you can feel that negativity surrounding you and you can definitely feel the weight of judgment.Damon (03:10):You can feel how you're perceived.Michelle (03:12):You can feel yes, how you're perceived. And so a lot of that fell on my young shoulders.Damon (03:18):Michelle was adopted by Americans and brought to this country to be raised. Her appearance made her feel different and she was often reminded of it. But her inability to share more about her heritage made her feel incomplete.Michelle (03:31):But I look like no one in my family. I had long black hair, big brown, almond shaped eyes, Mediterranean skin. My family was Caucasian, fair skin, blue eyes for the most part. And I did. I stuck out and people would ask, well, where are you from? And I just remember feeling so different. And I also remember feeling such a, uh, such an overwhelming sense of being silenced because I didn't know how to answer the questions because I really didn't know. I knew a certain amount of my history, but I didn't know all of it. And so there were pieces and holes that left me feeling disempowered and certainly far, far away from what would have been a true identity. My name was changed upon being adopted. My culture, you know, shifted, uh, my family shifted, everything changed. And in that space is quite a void.Damon (04:30):Michelle's adopted parents had two biological sons of their own, but her mom really wanted a girl. Her American parents tried to adopt while living in Taiwan, but it wasn't until they lived in the UK that they found their daughter. Unfortunately, as Michelle grew older, her mom used some damaging language about Michelle's adoption that made Michelle feel like she always had to
Kim is a Korean born adoptee raised in an all-white community. She shared how she always pushed down her desire to search for her birth mother until the recent political climate brought out the true colors of her adoptive mother. I’ve heard stories of Asian adoptees having trouble making connections overseas, but Kim’s connection was quick and easy. But building a relationship through a translator, secrecy, and secondary rejection have left Kim with a broken heart.Read Full TranscriptKim:                            00:06               And we look very, very much like really? That was very emotional for me because growing up in a place where there weren’t a lot of other Asian people, I had no idea what I was going to look like when I grew up and now to see some existing in the world, he looks nearly exactly like me is wild.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Am I am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?New Speaker:              00:47               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Kim. She called me from right here in silver spring, Maryland. Kim is a Korean born adoptee, raised in an all white community. She shared how she always pushed down her desire to search for her birth mother until the recent political climate brought out the true colors of her adoptive mother. I’ve heard stories of Asian adoptees having trouble making connections overseas, but Kim’s connection was quick and easy. But building a relationship through a translator, secrecy and secondary rejection have left Kim with a broken heart. This is Kim’s journey.Damon:                       01:36               Kim was adopted from South Korea when she was five months old.Kim:                            01:40               I came on a plane to New York City with a military personnel who is carrying me. And so that day, um, my family celebrates as an airplane day I think and that I commentator his Gotcha day and so really celebrate that as like when I joined the family are like our family became complete.Damon:                       02:07               Kim grew up in Toms River, New Jersey with her brother, nonbiological also adopted from South Korea. Kim is from Incheon and was adopted through Spence Chapin based in New York. Her brother was born in Seoul and he was adopted through Holt International. Kim said there were very few other Asian people in New Jersey and even fewer adoptees that she knew of.Kim:                            02:30               My adoptive parents did put a lot of effort into trying to educate me, I guess about being adopted and they did make an effort to try and connect me with other adoptees through support groups or agencies sponsored camp. It will say like, I am grateful that I was adopted through Sepnce Chapin because they do have a great, a close adoption services department through their agency, some of the people that I’ve worked with that are adoptees themselves, so that is a great, uh, resource, the barrier for me to access information, especially regarding my birth family and like my files Spence Chapin made a very easy and talking to my brother apparently when he tried to find out information about his birth family, it was a less straightforward.Damon:                       03:31               Yeah, I’ve, I am not an international adoptee, but in the little experience that I’ve had in speaking with international adoptees, it’s been my understanding that the process can be incredibly challenging to try to search anyway just because, you know, there was this churning market for, you know, the, forgive my words, the removal of babies, the placement of babies and I’m just, there was no need for any kind of documentation. We were moving these babies along and it wasn’t seen as an a time to, in any way retain somebody’s identity. You know, there was really just a market for moving children into their next family. So That’s interesting that they made your records so openly available. And that’s cool.Kim:                            04:21               Yeah. So, you know, it kind of gave me some I comfort in that I feel like my birth mother perhaps wasn’t afraid to find me or like search for me later in life because she did leave her real name and she did provide my actual birthday, which had a lot of adoptees don’t have birthdays. They have to be there, the date that they were released from the orphanage or foster care but don’t really have an idea of when they were born. And like you were saying, you know, there was such a market and people forget that adoption is a business.Damon:                       05:08               It can be very expensive to adopt internationally. And Kim commented that she wondered where these exorbitant fees are going and who’s profiting. So growing up it was pretty obvious that Kim was adopted. She talks a little bit about the comments she heard and her first indication that she was truly different than other children.Kim:                            05:28               My parents are white. Um, and people would always ask very blunt questions like, did you know you were adopted? Or like when did you know that you were adopted? Like, how does it feel to know that your parents didn’t want you or how much did you cost for your parents to bring you here? Don’t you feel so grateful to them for saving you from Korea? So I...
Dana received her original birth certificate and when her husband looked up her birth mother’s name they found her obituary. It took her two years to find an address for her surviving aunt and a year to find the courage to write to her. Her Aunt gave Dana a name for the man who could be her birth father, but he was also deceased. Luckily DNA testing told a different story.Read Full TranscriptDana:                          00:03               She never knew about me. She thought that she was an only child for her her entire life. So finding out that she has an older sister that came as kind of like shocks or she. So she just told me she knows she needs, she needs time sheets, she needs space and I get that. You know, it’s like, I can’t imagine going thinking that you’re an only child for like most… for your entire life. Minifying boom. You have an older sister.Damon:                       00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is, who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Dana. She called me from Ohio A state we know has opened adoption records. Dana shares her story of growing up with two younger siblings, biological to her parents, but feeling equally loved by her parents. She tells the heartbreaking story of learning that she would never meet her biological mother and the near miss of a second heartbreak with her suspected biological father. Luckily, Dana was able to recover from some misinformation to learn her father’s identity. This is Dana’s journey. Dana grew up in the suburbs of Cleveland, Ohio. Originally, her mother didn’t think she could have children, but after Dana’s adoption, their family did expand naturally.Dana:                          01:43               My adoptive, I’m like, um, a series of miscarriages and she was told that she, she would never have a child see a child of her own to full term. So she put it in an application through the Catholic charities and they called her like on her birthday and they told her that we have this little girl here, she’s French and Serbian, we know that your husband is, would you like to come look at her? Or my parents were like, really excited. They go, of course. Yeah, we weren’t gonna come take a look at her. So they went in to the orphanage. Um, I think it was a saint John’s Children’s home in Cleveland, Ohio. And they, they took a look at me and my mom said there was kind of like love at first sight and they took me home, my mom’s birthday. So, um, every year on her birthday we celebrated like um a cake for her and then cake for me because it was, there was our, our Gotcha Day and I love it. It was never kept a secret from me. It was never hidden. My mom actually did go on to have like, um, another, uh, a baby to full term that’s my sister and also like a son of full term of adoptive brother and sister. And it was, it was pretty cool because when, um, when my mom was pregnant with my sister, they actually came up for like, um, adoption for like a second time because she wanted a sibling for me. And the social worker called her and my mom goes, I’m willing, you know, I can’t do this now I’m pregnant. And she goes, well, you know, since, I know you had such a hard time. Like I’m keeping baby to full term. We’re gonna do is. I’m going to put your, file your case down at the bottom of the file. I want you to call me when that baby’s born. And my mom did and my social worker actually came out to see me and my sister and my sister was born, so it was really, really sweet that she, that she did that and everything, you know,Damon:                       03:43               That is really sweet, wow that is so incredibly thoughtful. Boy. She’s the right person for that kind of job.Dana:                          03:48               Exactly.Damon:                       03:50               Dana’s sister is three years younger than her and her brother is 11 years younger. She acknowledges that there was a significant age gap between herself and her brother, but they were all treated equally. You may have heard Dana say that her family was told she was French and Serbian. When people ask her about her heritage, she refers to her adopted mother’s Polish heritage and tells people that she’s legally Polish. I was curious about what differences Dana may have noticed between herself and her family members. Her sister was an athlete, but Dana lacks the hand eye coordination her sister has and while it’s not typically thought of as a family tree, she thinks she probably picked up her interest in Saifai from her adopted father because they used to watch star trek together.Dana:                          04:36               That my parents have always been like amazing and supportive. So even when it came, when even when I first talked about going after and looking for like my, um, my biological parents, they have, they’ve just been wonderful and amazing. That’s really great. As far as physical appearance, everybody told me growing up like they couldn’t believe that I was adopted because they look so much like, like my, like my adoptive mom, my and my sister. So it’s like, you know, it’s like I never saw any difference.Damon:                       05:06               It sounded to me like Dana was pretty comfortable in her home where everyone was loved and treated equally. So I wondered why she ever bothered to look for her biological family. She told me that three years ago when the state of Ohio opened adoption records for those born in the 1970s. She couldn’t fight the inner curiosity she’s always had.Dana:                          05:26               Even though I was always accepted, was always treated equally and loving everything. I always had the questions like,...
Renee searched for her mother literally her whole life. But her search predated the internet so she frequented the library and scoured local high school year books. with hopes of finding someone she felt she was related to. When she located her biological mother she refused to share any information about Renee’s biological father and forbade Renee for searching for her biological brother. The more you tell a person not to do something, the more they want to do that very thing and Renee swore to definitely search for her brother. Ultimately DNA testing unraveled the mystery. She takes a lot of comfort in knowing that her father was a pretty cool guy and someone she would’ve admired. Even after a tumultuous childhood, and severed ties to her biological mother, Renée said she has no regrets about searching for her biological family and she would do it again.The post 017 – He Is My Brother And I Will Find Him appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Renee (00:03):I started running away from home when I was four and when they would find me, I would have my little suitcase, my little flower power suitcase, and they would say, where are you going? And I would say, I'm going to go sign my mother. So I started searching for my mother before I even knew what it meant.Voices (00:27):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:38):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members.Damon (00:53):Hey, it's Damon and my guest on the show today is Renee. She was born in the 60s where her adoptive mother felt there were high expectations for what a family should look like and for her to be a mother. Renee shared that her upbringing wasn't a warm family environment at all. In her house, all of the caregiving things that parents do for their children, she had to do for herself. She was abused by her father and that abusive behavior was passed down to their biological son. When Renee had reached her limit, she ran away from home to start a new life and to try to find her biological family. Renee's journey begins in Houston, Texas.Damon (01:37):She says her mother felt pressure to make her family meet societal norms, but she wasn't a very good mother at all. And her adoptive father was abusive. Her childhood had no love, no friends. And the children basically raised themselves.Renee (01:51):My adoptive parents tried to have a child of their own for about 10 years and they weren't able to so they adopted my older brother who's not related. And then three years later adopted me because you have to have the boy and the girl and the boy has to be older and girl, you know, um, my adoptive mother was extremely rigid and rule bound and she, I don't think she actually wanted to be a mother, but society dictated that she had to be. So that was in order to appear successful, that's what she needed to do.Damon (02:28):what makes you say that you didn't think she actually wanted to be a mother?Renee (02:31):She was a horrible mother. I mean she, she just could not deal with the fact that there were people in that house who needed her care.Damon (02:41):Wow. Can you give me an example of what you mean?Renee (02:45):Well, we fed ourselves out of jars and cans and we ate cereal. We fed each other. No one cooked. We learned how to wash our own clothes before we started school. We had a step stool up to the washing machine because it was top loading at the time. And we learned how to wash our own clothes. We bathed ourselves, everything. We did everything ourselves. We didn't really have a mother and she didn't work. She was a stay at home person.Damon (03:17):Oh. So there was no reason for her not to have the energy to be the nurturing mom.Renee (03:23):Absolutely didn't want to. She didn't, she didn't cuddle us. She didn't hug us. She didn't, there was no, I mean, we just didn't, didn't interact with her. She was just kind of just presence in the house that you didn't really bother.Damon (03:38):And how were you with your father then? Your adoptive father?Renee (03:43):Well, he was a pedophile and an abuser and uh, my older brother, he beat half to death a couple of times a week. And me, he beat it up a couple of times, half to death a couple of times a week. And um, he abused me sexually. He didn't abuse boys sexually. When I was 10, they finally did conceive and have a child of their own. He's a pedophile as well. He's a convicted pedophile as well.Damon (04:11):Is that right? My gosh, I'm so sorry for how you grew up. That sounds incredibly horrible.Renee (<a...
Adoptees have the ultimate voice about the adoption experience. Adoptee podcasters are offering fellow adoptees outlets for sharing their inner thoughts and deepest emotions about their adoption journeys -- the happy and sad, incredible experiences and the awful outcomes. On Wednesday, November 4, 2020 @ 7pm ET the hosts of some of the leading adoptee hosted podcasts: "Adoptees On" with Haley Radke, "Born In June Raised In April" with April Dinwoodie and "Who Am I Really?" with Damon Davis shared some of their insights from several years and hundreds of episodes podcasting about adoption. This was an open event for everyone to attend, ask questions, and hopefully leave with useful insights.
Yvonne called me from here in Washington, DC. She is a birth mother in reunion with her son after more than 40 years apart. She shares the loneliness of her pregnancy, her desire to keep her baby versus her inability to do so, the moment she came face to face with her son's adoptive mother and her search to find the man he grew up to be. Yvonne is launching a new podcast, "Birth Moms Real Talk" (www.birthmomsrealtalk.com) where other women like herself can share their stories openly in a safe place. But before we get to her podcast this is Yvonne's journey.
Sari, a self-proclaimed nomad, called me from New Mexico. When she was a girl the school science project on heredity ignited her desire to learn her truth. After decades of searching for her birth parents, she found her birth father first, or so she thought. When Sari confronted her birth mother about the man, she was stonewalled and lied to. Sari learned that her birth mother wasn't the woman she'd hoped she would be to her either. Ultimately, Sari decided she'd keep the relationship with her "birth father", because for the first time as an adoptee the choice was up to her who she got to call family. This is Sari's
Roderick chatted with me from Ocala, Florida but he was born and raised in Indianapolis, Indiana. Roderick was adopted into a family where he was the middle child, but he would become the parent to his younger siblings, forgoing his own high school graduation to care for his neglected brother and sister. Focusing on their wellbeing he sacrificed his own advancement. In reunion, Roderick found siblings he had never thought of before. Then, experienced secondary rejection from an aunt in Indiana. That rejection came after Roderick found a full blood sibling in Florida and decided to move there to be closer to her. This is roderick's journey.
Dirk, from Phoenix, Arizona, was raised as a Hispanic person and his documentation said he was Hispanic, but the world saw him differently. And DNA did too. Dirk found his birth mother, but at two separate times, he was forced to reckon with secondary rejection. Fortunately, he found his birth father acceptance from all, but one of his siblings and the warm feeling inside from knowing He looks the most like their father out of all of his children.This is dirk's journey
Joe is from Assonet, Massachusetts, just south of Boston. He shares his pride for being an adopted person, the challenge to make his way through his physical limitations as a kid, and the demons he removed from his life before attempting reunion. Facing secondary rejection. He had to overcome the anger and hurt to even attempt the next reunion decades later. When he did, Joe learned that his siblings in different families were friends, his father's had friends in common and that everything in his life was connected in ways he hadn't realized.This is Joe's journey.
November is National Adoption Awareness Month (#NAAM), a time to bring awareness to all of the issues that adoption brings to adoptees, families formed through adoption, and natural families of adoptees. However one underrepresented voice in the adoption constellation is that of the male adoptee. On the “Who Am I Really?” podcast only 30% of the adoptee guests have been men. While adoptees have the ultimate voice about the adoption experience, very few men have stepped forward to share their adoption journey. For #NAAM 2020 I gathered three of my male adoptee podcast guests online to share their inner thoughts and deepest emotions about their adoption journeys. Andre McCallum (ep 001), Tom Andriola, (ep 012), and Adrian Jones (ep 132) joined me to share their stories of adoption, reunion, and the roller coaster of emotions they lived along the way. Andre, Ep 001 - The End of Summer Cake - http://bit.ly/2S8ZpLp_001Tom, Ep 012 - I Need This For My Sanity - https://bit.ly/3nLJrIh_012Adrian, Ep 132 - Nearly Dying Is One Of The Best Things That Ever Happened - https://bit.ly/31GDq6m_132*Who Am I Really - An Adoptee Memoir, by Damon Davis - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8
Ben, from Fannystelle, Manitoba Canada, had an extremely rough start in his first home with his biological family. He was abused at the hand of his step dad, so he was removed by child and family services for his safety. Bensen, or Ben was nursed back to health in foster care, and placed in a new family at seven years old. He admits he was an angry teen, taking on negativity in his life to cope. But as an adult he's done the hard work to make positive change for himself despite living with triggers on his body that remind him of what he's endured. Ben speaks of breaking the cycle of abuse when raising his own daughter, thanking his foster family for their loving care, and encouraging other adoptees (especially men) to tell their story over and over to try to reduce the pain we sometimes feel. This is Bensen's journey.
Michelle, from Ohio. She talks about the challenge of her childhood, craving a connection, but having the one she shared with her Dad snuffed out. Her search, which began with Adoption Network Cleveland where she found an ally in a birth mother in the group. Along the way Michelle felt the shame of her simple request to have access to her own records, and was met with secondary rejection. Luckily, Michelle has found the one person she now shares an undeniable bond with -- the one she's always needed. She said that adoption shaped her, her lack of attachment to her biological family forever changed her to her core. But she's moving forward with all the joys in the family she built and with the family she's found.This is Michelle's journey...
Comedian television and film actor, and all around entertainer. Tommy Davidson has seen it all. He launched his comedy career in the Washington DC area. Capitalizing on his innate ability to entertain people and make them bust out in laughter. But his earliest days were grounded in trauma that as an adoptee, he didn't face until he was an adult and was at risk of losing everything. Tommy graciously took time to chat with me about his life and his career as documented in his book, living in color. What's funny about me. From being found as an infant, clinging to life, to his show, business success on one of my favorite sketch comedy television shows, living color . Tommy has put in the work to face the trauma of his adoption, overcome addiction and rebuild his life. This is Tommy's journey.
Brandi, who called me from myrtle Beach, South Carolina, is an inquisitive person adopted in to a family with a history of scholars, which is rare for a black family in the south. DNA led Brandi to a cousin who was determined to help her figure out their biological connection and which of two men were her birth father. Coincidentally Brandi studied the music of a uniquely east coast southern diaspora of African people, only to learn she was studying the music of her own roots.This is Brandi's journey.
When Susan, from Irving, Texas, found her natural mother, she learned she was conceived in transit when two young lives collided, then never saw one another again. Her birth mother's life seemed too chaotic the women to make a deeper connection. The woman ended things abruptly when Susan didn't behave the way she wanted. Susans's paternal connection, while a complete surprise, was filled with joy and acceptance for a father who needed to fill a void, and a daughter who craved the same. This is Susan's journey.
Gloria called me from Texas where she grew up with Mexican parents. In younger days she tried to find the ways she looked like her family. In adulthood, following the whim of some co-workers, Gloria did a DNA test naive to what it could possibly reveal. In a matter of months she was plunged into the deep end as a late discovery adoptee. She began drinking to cope, accidentally pushed away her paternal sister, but managed to hang onto her relationship with her biological mother.This is Gloria's journey.
Darryl, from Australia, admits he had a challenging childhood from his relationship with his adoptive father, to their family's need to move around a lot because they were so poor, and his experience learning he is a late discovery adoptee.Darryl describes himself as a person for whom the truth is very important, so as an adult he discharged his adoption setting his personal record straight.This is Darryl's journey.
Wendy, from Minnesota, had a lot of information about her natural mother and assumed the woman would want to know her, but that wasn't the case. They corresponded once, solely for her natural mother to share clinical information, then the door closed.Wendy said finding her paternal sister Jen, a woman she could have met years earlier at church, has been a redemptive blessing that's brought Wendy peace.This is Wendy's journey.
Stephanie grew up in a very wealthy family in South Carolina and you’ll hear discuss the family’s fortune, but pause before you pass judgment on how easy life must have been. Her story is filled with manipulative behavior, malicious intentions, and a foundation created from lies. You’ll also hear Stephanie’s intelligence and tenacity to get her through the tough times as she learned the truth about her adopted family’s feelings towards her, the story of how she arrived in her aunt’s care, and the tough road to connect with her sister.Read Full TranscriptDamon:                       00:04               I’m going to say at the time I really didn’t want to meet her. My life was pretty torn up as it was, but the reason I said yes is I thought, what if this is the only chance I have? What if? What if this is it? There’s no more chances.Voices:                        00:24               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:36               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Stephanie. She called me from Charleston, South Carolina. Stephanie grew up in a very wealthy family and you’ll hear her talk about the family’s fortune, the pause before you pass judgement on how easy life must have been. Her story is filled with manipulative behavior, malicious intentions, and a foundation created from lies. But you’ll also hear Stephanie’s intelligence and tenacity to get through the tough times as she learned the truth about her adopted families, feelings towards her, the story of how she arrived in her aunt’s care and the tough road to connect with her sister. This is Stephanie’s journey. Stephanie was born in upstate South Carolina in her adopted family. She was the oldest child and all of her siblings, except for her half brother are adopted. Adoption was part of their lives with adoption children’s books around that were red from time to time, but it wasn’t an open topic of discussion. In fact, quite the opposite.Stephanie:                   01:48               My parents did not like talking about my adoption and it wasn’t that they ever told me you’re not allowed to ask any questions, but when I would start speaking about it, the only way I’ve known to describe it is it is like this thunderstorm suddenly came over my mother’s head and just the entire mood just changed. And I knew I was treading on thin ice. I was told the same kind of background stories as a kid. I was told by my aunt, my father’s sister, that um The way I came into the family is she had a friend who worked for social services and she went by one day to have lunch with her and there was this little child, this toddler sitting in a chair. And, um, she just said she thought I was so beautiful and her friends that I just have to finish up here before we go. I’m trying to find a home for this child, a temporary home. And um, my aunt said that she just immediately said, oh, well I’ll take her home with me. And that’s how I ended up with her.Damon:                       03:04               Were you, did you tell me, were you, where did you fall? You said you had several siblings, others who were adopted. Where did you fall in the order of children?Stephanie:                   03:15               I was the oldest, but I was not the first to be adopted.Damon:                       03:19               Oh, interesting. Okay. So she had already adopted younger children than you?Stephanie:                   03:27               Uh, well, the way it happened, I’m not sure that she wouldn’t have adopted me. Um, had she not already been involved in my life, my mother had she not already been involved in my life. Um, before she got her to start drops. So they were trying to have children and my mother had two ectopic pregnancies that nearly killed her. And so they looked into adoption. And the way she always told it was the doctor asked about bonding with a child that wasn’t naturally hers and she said she laughed him off and said, I have no problem bonding with animals that aren’t even of my species. So that won’t be an issue. Yeah. Which as a kid I just took, like I just took it for what it was, you know, that’s my mom. But being an adult, thinking about that, it’s, it’s odd.Damon:                       04:21               Stephanie’s mother and father were both physicians well connect it in the hospital, maternity wards. And they had thought about adoption before.Stephanie:                   04:29               And My mother told me the reason they didn’t take any of those babies as they were drug babies.Damon:                       04:34               So Stephanie started to calculate in her mind her place with her mother. She figured out that her mother wasn’t just desperate for any baby because she told Stephanie flat out that she had rejected some children in need. So it made Stephanie feel like she was not on solid footing within the family. Later, Stephanie found out that her mother’s parents didn’t believe in adoption and that if a woman couldn’t have children, naturally that was God’s message, that you are not intended to have children. I assumed that meant her mother had gone against her parents’ religious beliefs. She said, that’s not the case at all.Stephanie:                   <a...
Listen, I can’t even pretend it was easy to podcast during what has been an absolutely crazy year. Before I sign off season 7 I need to cover a few things.  I’m grateful to be able to say thank you to some wonder folks who’ve committed to supporting the Who Am I Really podcast this year.I have to say I’ve been inspired to hear from some of you who are thinking of launching podcasts of your own. If it’s in your heart to support The Gift of Adoption Fund please visit giftofadoption.orgI gotta say I’m excited for season 8 of the Who Am I Really podcast, but it's time for a break. I’ll see you in 2021. Stay safe, and spread some love…
To date, I’ve only interviewed a few guests who weren't adoptees, and this will be another one. Today you're going to meet Anne-Marie from Southern California who drafted an impassioned submission to be on the Who Am I Really podcast. At first I wanted to stay true to the focus of the show, sharing adoptee voices. But I quickly realized there is no place, that I know of, for natural mothers to tell their stories and Anne-Marie was trusting me with hers. When she got pregnant in her teen years, she placed her daughter for adoption despite every fiber of her being wanting to keep her baby. When she turned 18 years old, Anne-Marie’s daughter Alex found her and they reunited. When Alex went to college she slipped out of her studies and into rehab where Anne-Marie was part of her and many other rehabbing adoptees recoveries. In the end Anne-Marie lost Alex twice, feels lucky to have known her at all, and wants every adoptee to know that we are loved. This is Anne-Marie’s journey.
Liz, from Michigan, grew up in a neighborhood full of adoptees, so it wasn’t until years later in the Dominican Republic teaching a class with a lot of adoptees in it that her own adoption sunk in. After finding her natural mother through an intermediary they reunited during a sleepover in a hotel room where they stayed up all night. Their bond solidified when Liz’s daughter was born bringing them closer as they marveled at the next generation of their family before them. After more than a decade in reunion, Liz played an emotional farewell to her mother on her viola to say goodbye. This is Liz’s journey.
In this episode Cheryl, the mother and our adoptee, is joined by her natural daughter Diahan from Washington state and South Florida respectively.Cheryl had an idyllic life growing up an athletic tomboy outside of Seattle. When her daughters started having children she got concerned about the missing medical information she was unable to transfer down the family tree. Fortunately there was no one better suited to usher Cheryl through her genealogy journey than Diahan, an early professional in the industry. In reunion Cheryl has found welcoming siblings and a gigantic family that filled a hole she didn’t know was there. This is Cheryl’s journey.
Adrian, who lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, has lived around the country and in different parts of the world, only to find himself right back in the town where everything started for him. An avid mountain biker, he nearly lost it all when the widow maker tried to tear him down. Adrian fought through recovery, vowed to love his family like he never had before, and follow the advice of the voice in his ear telling him to find his birth family. This is Adrian’s journey. Adrian is the host of the "Profound Awesomeness" podcast, "hear how survivors of close brushes with death and other traumas go from near calamity to living intently, meaningfully and with an elevated sense of wisdom and purpose."https://profoundawesomeness.com/episodesiTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/profound-awesomeness/id1568956808Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/42UDRxSUrSbePpty4746oi
Elissa, from Hilton Head, South Carolina, said never bonded with her adopted mother. She did find a second home with her horseback riding coach and the horses she adored. Finding her biological mother gave Elissa a glimmer of hope that the woman stokes and extinguishes in a torturous cycle. Speaking with her birth father only once, she confirmed the story of his own paternity, but Elissa never heard from him again. Relying on her husband, the first person she’s shared real love with, Elissa wishes reunion didn’t leave her so confused and feeling broken.This is Elissa’s journey. Elissa (00:03):I am that 37 year old woman now who is dying to be hugged and held by their mother. Like, I need that moment in my life. I feel that I deserve it and I feel unbeknownst to her. She deserves it too. Beause I know that she's carrying this huge darkness over her, that she has the chance to make. Right?Damon (00:31):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis. And today you're going to hear from Elissa in Hilton head, South Carolina, Elissa never bonded with her adopted mother, but she did find a second home with her horseback riding coach and the horses she adored. Finding her biological mother gave Elissa a glimmer of hope that the woman Stokes and extinguishes in a torturous cycle, speaking with her birth father only once she confirmed the story of his own paternity, but Elissa never heard from him again, relying on her husband, the first person she shared real love with Elissa wishes reunion. Didn't leave her so confused and feeling broken. This is Elissa's journey. Elissa was born in Allegheny County, Pennsylvania then adopted out of the children's home orphanage in Pittsburgh.Damon (01:42):Every summer. Her parents took her to the children's home summer picnic, where she kind of questioned why they were there. Elissa learned she was adopted at about four or five years old, but she really didn't grasp what adoption meant until she was around six. She said her adoptive parents weren't very communicative about her adoption or her birthday. So she's always questioned both. Most importantly, she didn't look like them and never really felt like she fit in with her physical appearance, nor did she feel that internal synchronization, that many biological families feel for one another. Elissa never really bonded with her adopted mother and her adopted father was often working.Elissa (02:27):I found out that I'm 72% Italian and my father, my adopted father is also Italian. I do have some similarities with him, but I have very dark olive skin, Brown eyes, Brown hair. I look Italian. My father is kind of short. He kind of has hazel eyes, you know, salt and pepper hair is, all I've ever known him to have. My mom, um, came from a Jewish family. She also was adopted and she had blue eyes, fair skin and blonde hair. So physically I didn't look like them. And none of my behavioralism in me mimiced any of them. It's like everything they tried to make me to be. It just didn't feel natural and almost kind of felt like a put on, like I can't explain it.Damon (03:13):Tell me, so what kinds of things did they try to introduce you to that? Just didn't stick,Elissa (03:21):Uh, you know, the old, like tap ballet, um, sports. The only thing that stuck I stuck with was horseback riding. And I think that was because unknowing at the time it allowed me to bond with something. It allowed me to have my own personal relationship with someone or something that I had, you know, the stay and, you know, I always felt like I never knew where I came from. So it was like, it was my first identity. Basically. I was able to have my own first relationship with myself, through my relationship with my horses. And I became very close with my horseback riding teacher. I lived with her, um, up until I was 13 when we moved down here. So I would say up until from 10 years old to 13, I lived with her.Damon (04:09):Elissa started things off by telling me that nearly everything she's revealing. She learned only a year ago and as an adult of 35 years old, but check out the timeline of what she just said. She was told she was adopted when she was about five years old and roughly five years later, she went to live with her horseback riding coach. But before we get to that, Elissa described life at home.Elissa (04:34):Living with my mom was not your, not any girl's dream. You know, we never had the bond, never did hair makeup. You know, she never talked to me about life. If you know what I mean? Um, she always had someone taking me to school or no, someone tutoring me. She's a stay at home mom. Um, as an adult, now that we're able to talk about this, we were very disattached from each other. I was kind of rejecting her. She was rejecting me. Um, like I said, I loved her, but I didn't love her. I can't separate those two words. It's more of a feeling. I knew that I had to love her. She adopted me. I was, you know, thankful, grateful for all of that, but it just wasn't your mother's touch. I can't say it any other way.Damon (05:27):Oh, what you've said makes absolute sense that you weren't connected and bonded and it sounds like she inserted a lot of people to fill in spaces that you needed. Right. Where she in I'm in. I'm trying to be careful with my words, because you've also admitted that you were possibly rejecting her too. Therefore I don't want it to make it seem like she was just putting up a shield to say, here, deal with these people. Right. If you were pushing her away when it to schoolwork, then of Course she would get a tutor. And if you're pushing her away in this place, then of course she would try to find someone else to like help you through this thing. So I don't want to sort of vilify her unnecessarily, but that's really interesting. Yeah.Elissa (06:13):I agree with you. It's like me being my own mother. I have a daughter and I'm a mother, I believe in mental health. My parents in that generation didn't believe in mental health. They figured cause they were doing everything right as parents that I would come out right as a kid, but little did they know how much of that was not their fault? Um, I'm going through a lot of, you know, mental health issues right now with no separation, disattachment, you know, personality disorder, all of that, because it was never resolved as a kid. It was never spoken about it was never handled. It was always, you know, they were financially there for me a hundred percent, but they weren't the best that given that unconditional love. And I think it was a 50, 50, like you just said, I wasn't all, you know, warm and fuzzy either.Elissa (07:03):And it wasn't an intentional thing. It just, it did not feel natural. It felt almost forced at times coming from my mom, my dad and I had a different relationship.Damon (07:16):And what was that like?Elissa (07:16):Um much better. However, he was never home when he was home, I was in the garden, the pool, we were skiing. We were plowing the driveway. You know, I was his little son that he never had. You know, he spent time with me where my mom really never...
Ed called me from Hillsborough, North Carolina, but his journey begins in New York City. He describes a wonderful life in the suburbs of the city with no real concerns for his adoption — even after carrying his original birth certificate around as a teenager. Sparked by reunion television shows Ed searched for his natural parents discovering that his mother had been a star performer. Thanks to the generosity of strangers Ed gratefully received gratefully the Gift Best Given. This is Ed’s journey.
Val called me from outside of Houston, Texas, but her story started in in Kansas. She had a great childhood with her parents until a neighbor revealed her adoption to her, rocking her world, sending her into rebellious phase in life. When Val searched for her biological father, because his name wouldn’t have changed over the years, she found her natural parents were together. He was frosty to her and they barely spoke because he probably believed she wasn’t his. He went to his grave not knowing the truth. This is Val’s journey
Jennifer is a reunited adoptee from Pittsburgh. She’s a petite, white blonde of European descent whose adoptive parents are a Spanish man and a Mexican woman. Through her search, she found both of her natural parents are deceased, and she had half brothers on both sides, both named Tom. Unbeknownst to Jen, her maternal half-brother attended the same high school she did and bullied her! On her maternal side, she experienced secondary rejection which will never be resolved because her grandmother developed dementia and passed away.The post 046 – I Am Adopted, It Is Who I Am appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Jennifer (00:04):She literally told me, she goes, you know, you focus too much on being adopted and you ask too many questions and I'm like, but I get them adopted. It is who I am. I had no information about myself for 30 years. And you think I'm not going to ask questions.Damon (00:25):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Jennifer. She called me from Wellsburg West Virginia, where she's a caregiver for the elderly. Jennifer is transracially adopted, but I have to admit not in the way I usually think of that kind of adoption. She stood out in her family and her family stood out in their community. Jen shared that she was completely close to looking for her birth relatives until she got some stark examples of the importance of knowing your family's medical history. When she found her birth family, one of her gut feelings about her birth mother during her search was confirmed, but she also learned a crazy cruel irony about her high school past. In the end, Jen experienced a secondary rejection from her birth family. After she made a mistake at a huge family function. As you listen, decide for yourself, what you think the factors were in that rejection was that misstep as major as her family made it seem or where the history of guilt about hiding the truth or even the early onset of mental illness also factors. This is Jen's journey.Damon (01:52):Jennifer's adopted father's relatives are from Spain and he grew up in Pittsburgh. He got a PhD in chemistry, then took a job with a pharmaceutical company working for a while in Mexico city. Her adopted mom was her father's secretary there. They fell in love and her mother got pregnant immediately giving birth to Jen's older sister. Then her father took a job back in Pittsburgh. So he moved his young family back to Pennsylvania. Jennifer's mother wanted a big family, but after several miscarriages and her husband's health problems, they were starting to settle into the notion that it would just be the three of them,Jennifer (02:29):Our neighbor, who was a nurse. She, I don't know the connection here, exact details. And she has since passed away. So I can't ask her, but she somehow knew the doctor who delivered me, who was my birth mother's doctor. He worked at Allegheny general hospital in Pittsburgh, and his name was dr. Bell. And he was known for, and I'll say in the air quotes, helping girls in trouble. So she had mentioned this, my parents, you know, that there's these babies up for adoption eventually. And would you be interested in my parents thought about it.Damon (03:04):Jennifer's parents didn't hear anything back for a while. Then they received a phone call. They were informed that there were a couple of different babies available for adoption and her parents should go have a look. Jennifer told me the viewing of babies, like their puppies has always been a sore spot with her. When her parents arrived, the recently born babies had families already. So they went home.Jennifer (03:27):I only know this story because I heard my mom tell it so often. My mom says her and my dad were in the dining room painting. She was up on a ladder and the phone rings and she heard my dad, all of a sudden, he goes, well, you better tell her my mom and our neighbor, who was the nurse, said there was a baby girl born this morning and she's yours if you want her. And my mom said immediately, yes. And her hands were shaking. And they went and dropped everything and went to the hospital and she was able to hold me that first day.Damon (04:00):Her mom dressed her at the hospital that very first day, but Jennifer had to stay in the hospital for a week among other issues. Her mother tried to hide her pregnancy, but her methods caused problems for Jennifer's development in her wombJennifer (04:15):because she, she worked hurdle while she was pregnant. My right foot was bent in such a way that my shoulders were touching my shin. So they had to do X rays and put a cast on my foot, that kind of stuff to correct it. So, yeah, my parents brought me home a week later and my sister, their biological daughter is nine years older than me. And you know, so it was like all of a sudden they had to prepare for a baby. As far as I know, everybody in the neighborhood knew I was adopted and I am of European descent. I am born, as pale as you get. Obviously I'm not Latino. He was Spanish. And he had black hair and dark skin and Brown eyes. And my mom had Brown hair and Brown eyes.Damon (05:02):Jen says that there was such an age gap with her and her sister that there was no sibling rivalry. They just weren't the same age to be in contention with one another. When Jen was starting school, her mother pulled her aside to have a conversation about adoption.Jennifer (05:17):So when I started kindergarten, um, I think my mom was worried that I didn't know I was adopted, even though it was never a secret. So she kind of, um, like had to, I guess in her way, she was like, reminding me, you know, I have a very vivid memory of this. I was about six years old, five or six. She was like, well, honey, you know that, you know, you're adopted. And then I must have asked her, what does that mean? And she said, well, I'm not your real mom. You know, your mom couldn't keep you. And the only information we had all my life was that they were teenagers from the North Hills of Pittsburgh. That's, that's all we knew. I had a tantrum like, and I wasn't one of those kids that would do that, but I can remember kicking and screaming and saying, where's my mom. Why didn't she want me? I want my real mom and all this. And I can't even imagine how painful that must have been for my adoptive mom, you know, to see me going through that. But I did. And it was hard. It was a really emotional time.Damon (06:27):Bet. I mean, it's, uh, it's great that she told you it's in, you did grow up with the knowledge, but you know, that's a volatile time there where a child is starting school. They're already sort of going to be in a place of comparing themselves to other children. And then they get this huge piece of news dropped on them. Jen's mom was afraid. One of the children in her school was going to spring. The news that she was adopted on her, Jen says her neighborhood was an upper class white collar enclave. So their family was the minority because there were nearly no families of color. And her adoption was well...
Brenda was born in California, grew up on the east coast and lives in Texas. She’s the child of a military family that has lived all over. When a school project required her to ask her adoptive mother about her family tree at eight years old, she was shown her non-identifying information for the first time. While the offer was open to review her information anytime, Brenda felt like the topic of her adoption was stressful for her mother, so she never asked. After the birth of her first son, Brenda sought her birth parents, definitively identifying her birth father first. He was emotionally ready to welcome her in. Finding her birth mother, she saw the mirror image of her self. Unfortunately, the woman was so traumatized following her pregnancy and the adoption process, she wasn’t as open to Brenda’s return. But the door isn’t completely closed.Read Full TranscriptBrenda:         She just started crying and she just said, you know it, It took so long to forget and such a short time to bring it all backBrenda: What did you think in that moment.Brenda:    Well, I mean I understand. I understand. She had to forget about me to move on. She had to because she just couldn’t live there and beat herself up for the rest of her life.Intro voices: Who am I? Who am I?..Who am I? Who am I?… Who Am I? Who am I?Damon: This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and today you’re going to hear from Brenda who called me from Texas. Brenda was raised as an only child in a military family and her parents always gave her what she needed to have a healthy, happy upbringing. After a school project, she was shown her non-identifying information and her curiosity about her birth mother opened up and her imagination kicked in, but it was her biological father whom she definitively identified first and who was mentally ready to receive her unscarred by the burdens, her biological mother bore after Brenda’s birth. This is Brenda’s journey.Damon: Brenda was born in California and grew up an only child of a military couple. They moved around a lot, living in different parts of the United States and overseas. At one point her parents intended to adopt a boy, but her father’s military orders transferred him. Before that adoption was completed.Brenda: I was the only one in the family that was adopted, you know, in the entire, either one of their families. So I didn’t really have anybody to talk to about it. They were always very open about it even though they were a little nervous about talking about that kind of thing. They’re just kinda little uptight about a lot of things. And um, so they had, I remember as a kid, I mean I’ve always known I was adopted and as a kid my mother would give me this little book to read about how special I was because I was adopted. I was selected, I was chosen and um, you know, that was kind of how it was approached. And uh, you know, most of the family, the extended family didn’t really treat me any differently than anybody else. We didn’t because again, with the military life, we didn’t live near anybody in the family either. My parents, they lived, their parents lived in different places and in the United States and we’d go visit occasionally about once a year, but that was about it and so it was just kind of the three of us growing up.Brenda:  Brenda says she looks different from her family, but over the years people have said she looks like her father, which always made her laugh and oddly Brenda and her mother’s voice is sound almost identical. A bizarre coincidence for Brenda who worked in broadcasting. She speaks reverently of her mother and honestly about her father.Brenda:  I’ve always gotten along great with her. I mean she really, she was a stay at home mom and even though, you know, we certainly weren’t wealthy by any stretch. I mean we always had kind of what we needed and you know, I was very fortunate, you know, Christmas time and that they would make sure that I got some things that I really wanted, but they didn’t want me to be spoiled because of being an only child. So my mother and I have always been very, very close, I mean very close. My Dad and I had a little bit of a stormy relationship. We just butted heads a lot and I think we just approach things differently, we think differently and we’re both pretty stubborn and so that’s been difficult. That was always difficult growing up. I mean once I got past about five or so things kind of changed with our relationship, you know, we’ve had a lot of difficult times know where we wouldn’t speak with each other and you know, even the living in the same house and we just wouldn’t speak with each other for like a month.Brenda:    Yeah. Which is really bizarre and you know, you don’t know any different at the time, but getting out of that, I realized that’s not the way that most families are, you know, it was, it was stressful. That part was really stressful and you know, I don’t know. I think deep down I always wanted to make sure that I didn’t cause too many problems because this is totally unreasonable and irrational, but I think in the back of my mind was always, well they could send me back, you know, they could, they could have me go back to foster care or the orphanage or wherever, you know, and you know, so I think it was always kind of one of those things like I don’t want to get too far out of line.Damon:    So Brenda’s parents try to make her feel comfortable with her adoption, with the books and the messages that she was special because she was chosen, but adoption wasn’t a comfortable topic and she could sense the tension. So she basically never raised the issue. Of course that made it tough as a kid when she had to complete one of those dreaded family tree projects. But it was that project that opened Pandora’s metal box for her.Brenda:  I think I was in elementary school and I came home with homework one day and you were supposed to trace your family tree. And I remember I went up to my teacher privately, you know, in elementary school and I said, Hey, I’m adopted. And she said, well then just do your parents. And it was like, okay, so yeah, and you know, so it’s like, well that’s not.Brenda:   Yeah, yeah. So it was really awkward and I still remember going home and I talked to my mother and I said, hey, you know, this is the assignment. And she brought out this metal box that I’d never seen before and open it up and inside where my adoption papers and it did have one type written sheet of non ID information. And in that it gave. And I saw for the first time my background in terms of my ethnic background and I found out that my mother was an immigrant to the United States. And uh, I had no idea.Damon:   I was glad Brenda came around to her biological mother being an immigrant because she alluded to looking different from her parents. She says her mother is tall and thin, fair skinned with reddish brown hair. Her father is shorter and she just doesn’t look like them.Brenda:  I have almost black eyes, you know, I have dark hair and all that. And so I just didn’t look like that.Damon:   What did you think you ethnicity might be?Brenda:   Well, I just didn’t know back then. I didn’t know. I mean, you know, you’re a kid, you don’t really, unless that’s part of your culture. I mean, you know, I was in an urban area at that time and so, you know, it was like, well people are, you know, African American or they’re Puerto Rican or their native America, you will really, really neat mix of different types of people. And so, you know, we had somebody from Portugal and and so those kinds of things. But I didn’t think about myself being like that and to find out that, you know, my mother had come to the United States from another country was like wow. And it was even a country I really didn’t know too much about.Damon:    Seeing the physical description of her biological parents and other non identifying information was really interesting because it painted a picture of traits about her biological mother, like athleticism and being good at crafts. She also learned thatBrenda:   when she had me, she was a junior in high school and that when she came to the United States, she didn’t speak the language in. So even though she was older, you know, they didn’t do bilingual education back then, so she had to go back to elementary school, you know, and sit is a big kid with little kids to learn the language and it was kind of humiliating for her.Damon:     Brenda, read about her birth parents, family structures on both sides. She learned their birth years and that her biological father was in the armed forces.Brenda:  So then your imagination starts really taking off as a kid and you know, Gosh, who could my parents be? And that’s, that’s where it gets kind of interesting because you know, you start looking for familiarity in the face of strangers and you look at people and think do… do they look like me? Could that be my family? You know, and you just don’t know. And that’s the hard part.Damon:   Yeah, that’s right. So who did you think they could be?Brenda:   Oh, you know, when you’re a kid, I mean I used to think, oh my dad’s going to be Johnny Carson.Brenda:  (laughter)Brenda:   you know, and my mom is probably like, Cher.Damon:   It’s not uncommon for adoptees
Jenny journaled about her birth mother from an early age. She grew up in a loving family, but the urge to find her birth family was always there. When Ohio opened it birth records, she obtained some vital information that led her to her birth mother on Facebook and later to her birth father. But she never expected to learn she had a full sister!The post 033 – My Sister Reunited Too, But Didn’t Know About Me appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Jenny (00:02):I called them and I told them who I was and I said, you know her name and he's like, Oh yeah, yeah, that's who I am. And I mean, he didn't try to act like that wasn't him. And um, he just told me a whole bunch of stuff and that, that was one of the things he told me was, Oh, we had another kid together. He didn't say how old or even if it was boy or a girl, but he was like, yeah. And I was like, Oh. But I didn't tell him I knew.Voices (00:30):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:41):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Jenny. In Ohio where Jenny lives, the law changed to recently allowing her to access her original birth certificate. That meant after years of research with no information, she was able to finally track down her family. She connected with them on Facebook and just introduced herself out of the blue. But it turned out she wasn't the only one to return to the family. In the end, Jenny made family connections she's excited about and she's looking forward to getting to know them all more. Here's Jenny's story.Damon (01:27):Jenny says she has a great family referring to her adoptive family. Interestingly, her parents didn't think they could have children, so they adopted. Her parents conceived her younger sister naturally thereafter. I asked Jenny about her feelings as an older adopted sibling growing up.Damon (01:43):Did you guys, you and your sister talk about your adoption at all, maybe when you got older or anything like that when you could sort of have more logical conversation about it?Jenny (01:55):Um, yeah. I mean, I, she knew that she always knew I wanted to search. Um, in Ohio, they just changed the law where I could get my original birth certificate. So growing up I knew I wasn't going to get it. Um, and cause that just changed like two years ago. So, um, I knew I'd have to like hire someone or do something or you know, to be able to find them unless, unless they would join a mutual consent, which they never did. So like a registry.Damon (02:23):A registry or some other online resource. I gotcha.Jenny (02:26):Right. Yeah.Damon (02:28):So did I hear you say you, you always wanted to search?Jenny (02:32):Oh yeah. It's all through... I've re-read my journals from when I was a kid. It's all in there. I wanted to find her. I thought about her all the time.Damon (02:39):Really. What kinds of things did you write in your journal from when you were a kid? When and why? Well, first of all, when did you start journaling and, and what kinds of things did you write in your journal as a kid?Jenny (02:49):I was probably 10 when I started writing it like every day and I probably did it for 10 years every day. I would just think about it. Um think about her. I didn't really think about my birth father, but I was just thinking about her like what's her life like? What's she like? Is she okay? Is she going to find me? Those were the, those are the themes.Damon (03:13):It's interesting you were concerned about her as much as, um, she was probably concerned about you, huh?Jenny (03:19):Yeah.Damon (03:20):Did you, did you explicitly write any fantasies? I mean, 10 years old is a pretty young age. You're still fairly imaginative at that time. Did you, as you read back through your journals, did you find any like real fantasies about meeting her or who she might be or anything like that in your own writing?Jenny (03:39):I think I just pictured her like my mom, except younger and with more kids. I don't know why, but I always thought she would have them.Damon (03:47):Oh really? You thought you had a bunch of siblings,...
As a child Denise’s family blamed her for a tragedy that took the life of her younger brother. They mistreated Denise and her tyrannical stepfather ultimately saw the children as a means to his own financial gain. She took drastic steps to get herself kicked out of the house on a path to her own independence.Today, Denise has found love in a supportive husband. Now she knows what love feels like, and has the experiences that come from a supportive extended family. But her own son, who didn’t know his own father growing up, now has a similar nagging feeling that Denise had to connect with her own family. She has resolved to surround herself with positivity and love in order to move on in a positive direction with her life.The post 007 – I’m Great With My Family, They Love Me For Me appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Denise:                        00:02               I've always searched for him. I've always wanted to know him. I mean, I, you know, I always have, especially my dad. I mean his parents used to be the king and Queen at the fair and um, I went there every year, just tried to get a glimpse of him. I had no idea what they looked like, but I still wanted to know them.Voices:                        00:26               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:37               This is, Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. Hey, it's Damon and my guest today is Denise. I contacted Denise online after I read her post in an adoption support group on Facebook called I Am Adopted. I reached out to her to be supportive because I sensed some real pain and deep emotions from her online. It turns out she didn't have a conventional adoption. The way I typically think of them and her childhood wasn't a typical childhood at all. A tragedy in her childhood, left her extended family, blaming her for their sad loss, which turned into mistreatment and a hard childhood in the aftermath. She always wondered where her biological father was and why he never came to rescue her. Here's what Denise shared with me.Denise:                        01:26               Hello Damon!Damon:                       01:26               How are you?Denise:                        01:28               I am good.Damon:                       01:29               Excellent. It's really good to meet you.Denise:                        01:32               Yeah, online!Damon:                       01:33               I was so interested to see your posts in the I am adopted Facebook group. It sounds like you have just such an interesting story. So I mean you, it sounds really complex. So if you would just do me a favor and take me back to your childhood in the beginning in your family and tell me a little bit about what adoption was like in your family and in your community.Denise:                        01:58               Okay. Um, it's not a typical adaption. Um, I was, had a happy childhood for the first three years. My mother and I, well actually, yeah, three years. My mother and I lived with her parents and, um, my dad, as far as I knew was in the service over, I don't know, I was 1954 so I haven't know where he was at that time, but my dad was over there and then all of a sudden we moved from grandma and Grandpa's and there's a guy that's not my dad and he's now my mom's husband.Damon:                       02:31               Your stepdad.Denise:                        02:31               And so my Stepdad, right. So, um, things were okay until my little brother, um, died in the fire. I was four and he was three.Damon:                       <a...
Julie describes herself as very independent from her parents’ influences and drastically different than her older adopted brother. She tells the story of finding her birth mother thanks to open access legislation in Australia and the gentle influence of a psychic she visited for fun. When her birth mother shared that her birth father could only be one person because there were only two men in her life, it took a long time, a bit of disappointment, and some DNA investigation and luck to determine there had to be a third man. Listen as Julie tells her story of going back and forth across the globe from Los Angeles to Australia in search of answers.Read Full TranscriptJulie:                           00:02               I remember that I was in an orphanage for the first two months of my life and I’m so physically connected to my children after I had them and they me and I couldn’t imagine not having them just to respond to their every need at every moment, especially in that first couple of months and I envisioned myself in this crib with, you know, I’m sure I had wonderful care with the nurses, but he, that I bond with and who responded to my needs on demand, what happened. So that kind of haunts me almost.Voices:                        00:39               Who am I? Who am I? Am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:50               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Julie. She called me from Los Angeles, but she was born and raised overseas until she was 15. She describes herself as very independent from her parents influences and drastically different than her older adopted brother. Julie tells the story of finding her birth mother. Thanks to open access legislation in Australia and the gentle influence of a psychic she visited for fun when her mother shared that her birth father could only be one person because there were only two men in her life. It took a long time, a bit of disappointment and some DNA investigation and luck to determine there had been a third man. Listen, as Julie tells her story of going back and forth across the globe. This is Julie’s journey.Damon:                       01:48               Julie was born and raised in Melbourne, Australia. Her mom is an American and when Julie was 15 years old, they moved to the US, specifically to Washington state, leaving that fun Aussie accent behind. Julie’s always known she was adopted since before she truly knew what it meant. She starts off telling the story. Her mother always shares about the day they met.Julie:                           02:09               My parents used to tell a story about the day they went shopping for me. They dropped my brother off at my, at my grandmother’s and went to the baby store and looked at all the babies in the crib and came across me and I was as wide as I was tall and I looked up and smiled at her and they decided, yeah, and truth be told. I’m sure I was the only one available to them that day. She likes to tell stories she likes to make it. Yeah. So, um, so as far as what it was like, I have a, I have mixed feelings about how to share this because it comes across sometimes as negative has been used against me in the past. Relatively normal childhood. I had two loving parents, I had a brother, I had extended family, you know, so everything was normal. I did have an overwhelming feeling that I didn’t belong and I couldn’t really express that and I didn’t know how to explain it to people around me. So it was always just kind of the itch that I had. Like why don’t I, why don’t I want to do that? Like them? Or why don’t they get that? I want to do this.New Speaker:              03:32               Can you give me an example of what you mean?Julie:                           03:35               They’re very conservative kind of by the book people, not especially outgoing or creative or artistic, I guess more sports minded, um, and I am the exact opposite of that. I have been singing, dancing and acting and making things since before I can remember. So I just wanted to create and dance and sing and what have you and my parents could not wrap their heads around my desire to do that because they had no desire to do that.Damon:                       04:12               They thought it would be more beneficial for Julie to have hobbies that would actually benefit her in the future. They just couldn’t see how she could make a living singing, dancing, or being artistic. She says her family are some wonderful, extraordinary people. There was just a disconnect between them and herself that pushed her further down the path of curiosity about who she is and where she came from. She has one brother who’s a year and a half older than she and they couldn’t be any more different she says. They’ve been estranged for many years. He was also adopted, but the siblings are so opposite to one another that he all but denies his adoption, his wife and children didn’t even know when I asked Julie about how adoption was discussed in her family, she said she was the only one who wanted to talk about it, which clued her parents in that she’d likely want to search for her birth family. They did the very best they could answering her questions, and she always tried to be sensitive to her parent’s feelings on the topic.Julie:                           05:09               I’ve always been very sensitive to the fact that what I’m doing may hurt them or may feel hurtful and in fact the only time in this entire process that I have been emotional, deep down, guttural emotional is when things had to do with my parents. For example, when I first connected with my biological mother 25 years ago, the first thing I did, I and I didn’t cry when I talked to her or when I spoke to her the first time,or when I met her the first time but what I did do with after I got off the phone, it was the middle of the night. I crawled into bed with my parents and I wrapped myself around. My mom just cried myself to sleep because I felt empathy for her, like I wanted her to know that I wasn’t trying to replace her and she was my mom, so that’s always been in my mind as much as we weren’t a fit, a good fit. I’ve always. They’ve always been...
Megan says she put her adopted mother through the ringer emotionally when she was a teenager. She thinks that’s partially because of her anger with her birth mother over her relinquishment. Most adoptees have no clue whom they’re setting out to find when searching for biological relatives, but Megan knew precisely who her birth mother was and what she looked like. In reunion, she found her half-brother who knew Megan’s birth father’s identity, because they were friends.The post 051 – The Black Sheep Rocks The Boat appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Megan (00:04):He was basically robbed. You know, I felt so terrible for him. He was robbed of a child. He was only 23 when I was born and he didn't have any other children after me. So I was only titled and I felt really bad that he was robbed as having, you know, a childDamon (00:27):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:38):This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Megan. She called me from Los Angeles. One of my favorite places. Megan says she put her adopted mother through the ringer emotionally when she was a teenager. And she thinks that's partially because of her anger with her birth mother over her relinquishment. Most adoptees have no clue whom they're setting out to find when searching for biological relatives. But Megan knew precisely who her birth mother was and what she looked like. In reunion she found her half brother who knew exactly who Megan's birth father was because they were friends. This is Megan's journey. Megan was born in Pomona, California. She's in her twenties and her parents are in their sixties. So they were closer in age to being her grandparents than parents, she says she has a loving family and she had a really great childhood despite feeling different from them. She calls herself a black sheep in the familyMegan (01:46):I was adopted in like a great family. I was a little bit of a black sheep, or I thought I was, I still kind of feel that way, but my childhood was awesome. You know, like my family is so loving. My grandparents were so amazing. I almost like going back to being a kid. I almost didn't really feel adopted until I got into my teen years. And you know, every, every teenager goes through, you know, the hard times and the hormones go crazy. And, but my childhood was amazing. I wouldn't change anything for the world. It definitely got harder when I hit teenage years. For sure. That's when I noticed, okay, I'm adopted.Damon (02:24):Yeah. Tell me, tell me a little bit about that feeling of being a black sheep.Megan (02:28):It's weird because my younger sister, who's almost 16. She's also adopted from another family. And, um, that's actually where I noticed that the most, you know, she is so different than me and she doesn't want to know anything, not curious. And I've always screamed at the rooftops how much I need to know and how much I want to know. And my mom always had a really difficult time with me wanting to know and me talking about my birth mother and, um, you know, she never admitted it, but I think she was very threatened my birth mother, even though, obviously I didn't know her. So when I started hitting my teenage years, I started noticing like, okay, I'm so different from everyone in my family. It was, it was an alone feeling. It was very alone. It's very depressing because I just wanted to fit in and be like my family, even though, you know, I knew I never would be because I'm so different.Damon (03:19):Megan said, one way she's different from her family is her desire to openly explore feelings and emotions while her family is more quiet about some harder conversations, of course, getting non adoptees to understand your feelings. Even if they're your family can be really tough.Megan (03:36):Everyone's so quiet and they don't want to talk about anything. And I'm going to talk about everything. I want to dive deep and get into the real nitty gritty, ugly parts of everything of licensing adopted. And it seemed that it was not, it was almost like they didn't want me to talk about it. And it was kind of like hushed. My dad was a little different. He always kind of, I was felt like he understood. And it was nice to kind of have that confidant there, but it was mostly just, they don't talk about feelings and it it's hard for me because all I wanted to do. And when I did, it was like, I was shut down so much and it was hard for me. I kept a lot of that inside of me. And it really affected my mental health for a long time. It still does.Damon (04:19):mmhm] how do you mean effect? what do you mean by it affected your mental health? In what way?Megan (04:22):No, I censored myself a lot and I made myself small and I made myself as quiet as I can because I didn't want to fight. I didn't want to argue anymore. I didn't want to do any of those things. So I just kept myself quiet and small and I'm not quiet, not small for anyone that knows the I'm very loud and very passionate about everything I talk about, especially being an adoptee and adoption. And it's hard to kind of having to keep myself so quiet. It ate me up inside completely and really made me kind of act out and rebel.Damon (04:56):Megan said she invested 12 years in therapy to work through her emotions. I asked her about some of the ways she acted out.Megan (05:04):Oh gosh, I snuck out of the house. I lit up cigarettes and I was like 15. And I just did everything. My mom said, no, you can't do it. No, you can't really do it. you can't go to the movies with your friends, I throw a temper tantrum and eventually I just go, you know, go anyway. Um, just anything she told me, Megan, you cannot do it. I said, yes, I can. And I did it school awful for me. I was very bad in school. I mean, I have a learning disability as well, which made it much more difficult. It was hard. It was really hard growing up and realizing that a lot of my issues were stems from my abandonment and how I felt inside. I felt I didn't feel worthy of love because I just felt, you know, if my birth mother couldn't love me and didn't want me, then why would anyone else? And I really pushed everyone away and especially my mom and my parents, and I just did anything, anything I could to piss them off and make it difficult for them. You know, I'm in my thirties and my mother has grey hair.Damon (06:06):Was there a while there where your rebellion was unconscious. And then as you started to really begin to identify with your own adoption, that it became more conscious or vice versa. Do you know what I mean?Megan (<a...
Angie lived a split life as a child in small-town Mississippi. During the week her mother had her in all kinds of activities and her stepfather was her rock. On the weekends her dad exposed her to alcohol, drugs, and abuse. Through it all, she suspected that she was adopted but her mother lied about it for 19 years. In reunion, Angie learned that her birth mother had seen her several times as a little girl on the Gulf Coast of Mississippi. She got healing from her birth mother who said she always loved Angie and developed a cherished bond with her paternal grandmother who helped her navigate her emotions over her biological father.The post 044 – She Never Met Me, But She Saw Me appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Angie (00:04):When we got to our house, you know, we were getting ready for bed late and she says, you know, I just have to tell you something and I don't want it to scare you. And I don't want it to, you know, make you think I'm crazy. And I said, what? And she said, when I hugged you, she said, I felt like 42 years just went away. And she said, I felt my baby girl again. And I thought, I said, I did too,Damon (00:32):who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Angie. She called from Panama city, Florida where she and her husband live on the Bay. But Angie grew up in Mississippi with a tragic story in her childhood, but it was her normal. She didn't know she was adopted as a child, but she suspected it. And she asked about it. She was shooed away from the topic as a teenager. Her first son's medical needs meant she had to have a conversation with her adopted mother about the truth. That didn't go very well. When Angie's second son was born, her search began in earnest, but was boxed in by the small town community where everyone knew one another. So news of someone's adoption search traveled fast.Damon (01:33):After years of waiting. She finally did a DNA test in 2017 and was in touch with her family that same day when she met her birth mother, the healing was an unreal experience where her mother admitted she had definitely seen Angie as a child. This is Angie's journey. Angie thinks of her story as a bit of a fairy tale, starting off very harshly, but ending in a beautiful way. She grew up in central Mississippi in a very small town that only has two traffic lights and is still paved with bricks from the old days. It's the kind of place where literally everyone knows everyone else. When Angie was five years old, her parents divorced her adopted mother remarried and amazing man whom Angie adores.Angie (02:20):My adopted father was abusive. He was an alcoholic and an addict. So that was, you know, my horror story because I still had to go visit him on the weekends. So I grew up in a situation where I had to grow up very quickly. I mean, I saw things most people don't see until they are in their adulthood. And you know, even then they don't choose to see it. But my adopted mom remarried when I was six and she married an amazing man. And if I get a little choked up it's because he was my hero. He was everything. He was my daddy. He is who I call daddy, my adopted father. I call him by his first name. We've actually been estranged for 15 years now. And for good reason, you know, my mom, my mom had me in dance and gymnastics and every I started playing softball when I was five. To me, it was a normal childhood. And then on the weekends, you know, I had the horse show. So I kind of grew up like a split personality almost. I didn't know what bipolar was then, but you know, you get older and you learn what things are. But I almost felt like my life was either a double life or I was, you know, in a whole other realm or it was just, it was crazy to look back on.Damon (03:45):Did you catch what Angie said? She had to grow up very quickly seeing things that even adults sometimes choose not to see. She's about to explain some of the things she witnessed in her youth, the things she should not have been exposed to.Angie (03:59):I was eight years old when I learned how to drive. He taught me how to drive because he needed somebody to pick him up from the bars. Cause he was too drunk to drive home. So my first time driving a vehicle by myself, I think I was actually nine years old. And it was about one in the morning.Damon (04:18):WhatAngie (04:19):I've been. Yeah. I would spend Friday nights asleep in the front seat of his truck at the local brothel and it's a nice word to use for it. And then as I got older, I actually was brought into it. Um, and the lady who ran it would actually stick me in a back room for the night and I've actually had them call my mom to come pick me up from there. Uh, yeah. You know, I grew up with him having poker parties every weekend and alcohol and drugs, you know, being served like hors d'oeuvres and it was the local attorneys and judges and sheriff deputies. And you know, I, I, my best friend and I, um, she's kind of the only one that I can talk to. And you know, who knows all my secrets, you know, her and I have discussed, I could write a book and completely annihilate the entire existence and the salts of everyone in that city, because of all the dark secrets that I have. It, it was a very, uh, it was a tough childhood at the time. It was normal to me. But now that I look back on it, it's, it's horrific. It's stuff that children shouldn't see.Damon (05:25):She was driving a motor vehicle on the road with adults at nine years old because of his substance abuse for a kid, if that's your normal, you don't realize that an adult trusting you to be the responsible driver is abnormal at best not to mention completely irresponsible and illegal. Angie told me her adopted father was married seven times with countless girlfriends moving into and out of his home along the way. Thankfully, she had a much better and more appropriate lifestyle in her mother's home during the workweek counter balancing abominable behavior of her adoptive father on the weekends, she admits she loves her adopted mother, but it was her daddy, her mother's second husband, who was her rock,Angie (06:07):my mom and I never connected. We never had that mother daughter bond. We loved each other. Um, I loved that woman immensely and I know she loved me, but, um, you know, when she married my stepdad, he was everything that her and my adopted father never worked. He was nurturing and caring and supportive and he encouraged me and he gave me all of that, that I was missing. So, you know, he was, he was my, everything. I talked to him about all my problems. You know, I asked him about boys. It was, it was kind of like he was the mom and the dad in the family, you know, Monday through Friday, it was great. I mean, I, I loved my life at that house. And then, you know, Friday through Sunday, seven miles away, it was, you know, the horror show. SoDamon (07:05):did you, did you get a sense that your mom knew what he was doing? And at any point when you were older, did you resist going into that horror show?Angie (<a...
At 16 years old, Ron decided to satisfy his curiosity about his first family. But his search was challenging. He was born on a South Carolina Air Force Base that had closed, the internet didn’t have the reach that it has now, and AncestryDNA’s connections didn’t help. He recruited the help of a search angel who recognized important information in the search that Ron hadn’t seen before. In the end, his mother was glad to be found, and he got some answers about himself and his family. Check out Ron’s site FindingTrueFamily.comThe post 026 – I’ve Got A Second Mom And I Can Love Them Both appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Ron (00:03):I pick up my phone, I start dialing the number and my hands are shaking. I'm bawling like a baby, you know, 42 year old bawling like a baby. I just, I, there was no way I could make it go and I'm not even sure what I was afraid of or why I couldn't do it, but I just could not do it.Voices (00:27):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:38):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Ron from South Carolina. He says his reunion journey started in his teens but didn't yield any results until he was in his forties. During that time, he tried a variety of tactics to try to locate someone that he was related to who might have some helpful information about his birth family. In the end, the amazing work of his search angel led him to his birth mother and his relatives in Missouri and North Carolina. Ron was born in 1974 and placed for adoption immediately. His family expanded in 1980 when his parents adopted Ron's sister, whom you'll meet in a later episode. Ron shared that he grew up with the knowledge that he was adopted and had a good life with his family, but he always had that natural curiosity to search for his original family. It was about 16 years old when he began his search. I asked why that age was the time he began the journey.Ron (01:51):Well, I was, uh, you know, of course, born in 1974, um, placed for adoption pretty much immediately. Was actually adopted by one family and for whatever reason it didn't work out, so they had to send me back. Um, but I was only eight or nine months old when my adoptive parents and got me. So, you know, obviously I have no memory of the first one. Um, I've known since day one since before I could understand that I was adopted and that, uh, you know, the story I was always told and heard that is relatively true, that my birth mom was a young girl. Uh, 16 years old, couldn't take care of me. So she wanted to place me for adoption. So that a family that could take better care of me could uh, raise me. So like I've always known I was adopted. My parents adopted another child, my sister and I about the same time I reconnected with my birth mom, she found her birth mom.Damon (02:46):I asked Ron what kinds of thoughts or expectations he had about his search before it began. He says he knew it could unfold many different ways. So he steeled himself for what things might happen. Ron went his search with no real expectations. He really just wanted to satisfy his curiosities. He had no hard feelings about being placed in adoption and he was thankful for the life he had led. Still, Ron braced himself for the possibilities that his mother might not want anything to do with him. And there was a specific physical trait about himself that he wanted to know the origins of.Ron (03:20):Well, I, you know, like I said, it had always been a curiosity of mine just to know, you know, who my, who, my birth family was. I think more my birth mother. That's really the only, only one I was ever concerned about. And I guess that's because department of social services in South Carolina would not release non identifying information to a child until they were 16 so my parents always told me that, you know, if, if you want to search for her, we'll help you every step of the way, you know when you turn 16 you can order that information and you know, we'll see where it leads. Of course at the time, and it's been what, 27 years ago or so, there was no Ancestry DNA. Internet was in its infancy. I was already active on the internet, but it still wasn't a, it didn't have near the reach it does today. So, you know, it really wasn't, it wasn't a need to know, you know, just, just the curiosity that I had to satisfy.Damon (04:10):So you, you reached out at 16 at the very age that you were legally able to do so. What kinds of thoughts did you have prior to 16 years old about your search and what you might find and what you hoped for?Ron (04:21):You know, it's funny because from day one, I don't think I had any real expectations, but I knew that, you know, that was a very good possibility that my birth mother, you know, might want absolutely nothing to do with me. You know, I didn't really set up high expectations. It was just, just that curiosity and I wanted to satisfy, you know, it, I had no hard feelings about being adopted, about being placed for adoption. You know, it was, I had a relatively normal life, you know, it just, uh, now I, I do have a, uh, what's always been called a birthmark that kind of my left ear is a bit deformed and I always kinda wondered if that could run in the family.Damon (05:02):You're 16, you've reached out to social services and they've given you what I believe you said was non identifying information. So what did you do next?Ron (05:10):Well, I had that information and I learned that, you know, my birth mother was 16, which I already knew. I learned that she lived on Myrtle Beach Air Force base so she could be from anywhere in the country. Uh, so that, that was a little bit disheartening in the search. But I went to Myrtle Beach and just poured through the, you know, microfiche um, newspapers and tried to contact several people that had been stationed at Myrtle Beach Air Force base before it closed. Um, because I also find out from their information at my birth mom had worked for the, uh, officer's club at Myrtle Beach Air Force base and it was just kind of my feeling that you know, perhaps there weren't that many 16 year olds working in there at the time cause I didn't have a clue. Um, but it was just a lot of dead ends. There was, you know, I had no direction. It was just basically, you know, looking for a needle in a haystack with...
I figured since I started season 6 with some personal stories of what I had been going on in my life I should end this season with an update on how things have been going personally. I wanna thank everyone who reached out with support and love for the things our family has endured.DamonHey it’s me!I figured since I started season 6 with some personal stories of what I had been going on in my life I should end this season with an update on how things have been going personally.I wanna thank everyone who reached out with support and love for the things our family has endured When we left off, my mother Veronica was in a 96 hour hold at a mental facility which luckily went through a weekend so it was actually more than 96 hours in total. She was released on a Monday because they couldn’t hold her any longer. The determined my mom was not homicidal and she was not suicidal - and in their words, "it’s not not illegal to be demented"After all she is still an adult and she was responsible for herself and her actions, regardless of everything that led up to her institutionalizationAstonishingly, the staff were ready to put her in a cab in which she could have requested to go anywhere. Thankfully my aunt Bonnie, Veronica’s younger sister who lives in Missouri, picked her up then took her to the house she lost in foreclosure at her request.there was nothing Bonnie could do so she dropped Mom off then watched her from nearby.The guy who bought the house at auction, Kevin, did too.He was part of our team monitoring Mom to know when she was at the house because his team was working there, and we needed to know where she was. We coordinated for Kevin to call the police because in essence, Mom was trespassing at his homeThe police picked her up again, then dropped her at the Hampton inn on nearby Belton.I called to introduce myself to the staff and share Veronica’s story — The staff had unwittingly just become a part of my teamIt was weird to have mom out on the streets, independent, but not at her house.The only thing I was certain about was she was definitely going to try to go back to that house...… and she did.The Next morning she went down the front desk of the hotel and bummed a ride from a hotel front desk staff person who was getting off from his night shift. My mother, the super risk averse safety conscious woman I had always known had just bummed a ride from a total stranger. When she got to the house, apparently she couldn’t get in the front door so she somehow opened the garage door and went in the house through that entry door. I’m sure you can imagine Kevin pure shock when he showed up to the house to find Veronica inside like some paranoid schizophrenic magician.She Spoke harshly to Kevin, pushed him, said she called the mortgage company and they said HE could not pay the mortgage — of course she made no such callThe Next morning my mother tried to walk to the house from the Hampton inn...That’s a 5 mile walk and keep in mind she’s 74with a diagnosed blood clot in her leg...… and it was bitter winter cold outside in February.The next morning she took a cab to the house. Later in the week she eventually rented a car and all I could do was hope for the best. One evening the staff at the front desk of the Hampton Inn called me because she was still out into the evening, which was uncharacteristic for her routine. Usually she'd get up in the morning and go downstairs for breakfast, go back upstairs and pack everything from her room, take her belongings out to her car and tell the staff she was going home. They stopped calling me to ask if they should hold her room at the hotel because even though she portrayed that she was checking out, she always came back a few short hours later. But that night she was still out and it was getting dark. Mom had called the hotel and spoken to Shawna at the front desk to get directionsVeronica was calling from the gas station less than ¼ mile from the hotel, so Shawna expected her to pull up any minute but she didn’t. 45 minutes later she still hadn’t shown up.I called the police to ask them to be on the look out for her rental car. of course, after phone calls to the hotel, phone calls to the police to give them a make and model of her rental car and the police sending out the bulletin to be on the look out for my mother, she waltzed in the hotel lobby and went up to her room. The whole ordeal of trying to care for another person and stay up to date on their whereabouts is exhaustingYou reach a point of self preservation where you just kinda say “ya know what, there’s nothing I can do, I just hope she’s ok” Then, the Covid-19 pandemic struck and a whole new set of worries washed over Bonnie and me. We had been trying to get mom into a care facility, hoping that if we moved her stuff into an independent living facility and we could get her there to see her new place she’d be down to move. But the opportunities to place Mom went on lockdown just like everyone else, so mom was stuck at the hotel. Honestly, given how rapidly the virus has infected some nursing homes and elder care facilities, it may have been better for Mom to be at a hotel in a room by herself with very few guests around. While all of this was going on I was waiting for the guardianship process, that i had initiated back in February when I was in Missouri, to make some progressWhen I started the process I was feeling good about getting a court date, getting guardianship over my mother and therefore some control over her wellbeingI was looking forward to putting out the little fires that were burning around her like her credit card likely getting maxed out on a rental car contract with no return date, and an extended stay at hotel… to name a few. But when the world shut down to quarantine at home, the Missouri courts did too, so her hearing date got moved. We finally had a virtual hearing with a judge on June 3, 2020 and I was granted guardianship over my mother which she vehemently opposed. Since she was mentally unregulated because she was not adhering to any medication regimen, basically she was mad at everything.I learned later she was manic.Mind you, while all of this was going on and we’re in quarantine, I started a new job, which is great but I’ve only met my co-workers in little rectangular boxes on my laptop screen. I’m trying to learn the ropes of the new job while I was managing the homeschooling of my 6th grader, Seth, who, on the best of days, hates school. We were trying to get him to learn to check his email, his google classroom, the county’s learning portal and whatever other learning platforms the teacher’s chose to implement as they moved their classrooms into a virtual world. Oh, and my wife cracked her ankle while walking the dog on the very first day of quarantine here in the DC are so she was completely out of commission as quarantine began. I’m going to the grocery store with a mask on in long ass lines waiting for the bouncer to let me in the front door so I can not buy toilet paper and over purchase cookie dough chips and ice cream. And amidst all of that was the struggle to make the case that the police force were brutalizing people of color and it was unfair because Black Lives Matter. Life was pandemoniumBack on Mom, When I told her that I was trying to help her find a new place to live and move her stuff out of storage she hissed at me like a venomous snakeI DO NOT NEED YOUR HELP DAMON! I HAVE MOVED ALL ACROSS THIS COUNTRY BY MYSELF AND I HAVE OWNED HOMES FOR YEARS WITHOUT YOUR HELP. I WILL START LOOKING FOR APARTMENTS WHEN I AM READY. And the vitriol spewed on. I just kinda sat on the phone quiet and said ok. I had a smirk on my face that was a combination of disbelief and disappointment for where we were in that moment and desperate hope that she didn’t need me and somewhere in the confusing maze of her mind there was a planbut I knew there wasn’t So I waited. I couldn’t get her to leave the hotel on her own, but i also knew she couldn’t hold it together much longer. I knew she was going to screw up somewhere, either at her old home where the new owners would have to call the police, or there at the hotel where the staff would be forced to call the police. Both happened. Mom was caught on the new home owner’s Ring door bell video system moving their bird feeder across the street, and somehow she still had a key to her former front storm door so she locked it, forcing the family to enter their own home through their garage.Her mental state began to deteriorate at the hotel tooShe was talking about people selling her drugs, blaming the cleaning staff for using the wrong kinds of chemicals that could poison her, and standing out in the parking lot next to her rental vehicle shouting, but not driving off. She would go back into her room where the shouting continued as she banged on the walls. The manager and I agreed the next time that happened he would have to call the police to have her removed and we would start the institutionalization and...
Jim, who now lives in Delaware, said growing up he had no desire to search for his first family. After his parents passed and he found his adoption name change form, his feelings about a search changed. While he missed his biological mother, one of her lifelong friends shared some intimate pieces of the woman’s life, including his birth father's name. Jim made the trip to Texas to meet his birthfather, who felt re-energized in his final months by Jim’s emergence. This is Jim’s journey.
Lisa called me from New Jersey to share her story of growing up in an abusive home. She had one unrelated adopted sister who didn’t have the same experience in their house that Lisa had. Lisa always felt like the odd person out and hoped that reunion with her birth mother would be a rescue from those feelings.The opposite was true with her maternal connection which fell apart twice, but Lisa’s paternal ties have made her feel accepted for her nature versus how she was… or wasn’t nurtured. This is Lisa’s journey
Michelle, who lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico, shared her story of growing up in the care of a workaholic mom in a family that she didn’t look like at all. After moving from Hawaii to Africa, then back to the states, Michelle finally decided to search for herself, and therefor her biological family. After a random layover in the south, she met her birth mother and siblings, found her birth father through DNA, but can’t boast of a strong relationship with either biological parent. Still she’s thankful for having gotten confirmation from her search. This is Michelle’s journey…
Veronica, called me from New Orleans, Louisiana. She tells her tale of insensitivity within her adoptive family, even with an adoptive mother who was an adoptee herself. Veronica struggled to conduct a search for her roots after Hurricane Katrina threw everything into upheaval in the Big Easy. When she finally found her birth mother, the woman was apathetic to their connection, turning toxic. Now, Veronica wants to find her half brother, and her paternal roots. This is Veronica’s journey.
Amy called me from Highland Township, outside of Detroit, Michigan. She described her early years dealing with the insecurities of her adopted mother who defaulted to threats to try to control Amy’s curiosity about her adoption. On her search, she learned that her biological mother had been sent away, the man on her birth certificate was not her birth father, and her birth mother’s family had some significant secrets in its history. Secrets that Amy knows, but they don’t. This is Amy’s journey.
Andrew called me from Connecticut after a move from Maryland. He told me that he’s been through a lot in his life. He’s a transracial, international adoptee who grew up in a predominantly white community there in Connecticut. He shares how he strode to overachieve in athletics and performing arts to try to overshadow his brown skin, the unmistakable mark of being an adoptee in his community. However he credits his strong Catholic faith for getting him through everything, including coming out as a gay man. This is Andrew’s journey. Andrew (00:02):On top of all the other portions of my identity, I prayed my little heart out because as an adoptee here, as someone brought into this family, my biggest fear was that they could potentially send me back because I'm gay. So with that fear, I prayed even harder.Damon (00:32):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show, you're going to meet Andrew. He called me from Connecticut after a move from here in Maryland, Andrew told me, that he's been through a lot in his life. He's a trans-racial international adoptee who grew up in a predominantly white community there in Connecticut. He shares how he Strode to achieve in athletics and performing arts to try to overshadow his Brown skin, the unmistakable mark of being an adoptee in his community. However, he credits his strong Catholic faith for getting him through everything, including coming out as a gay man. This is Andrew's journey.Damon (01:36):Andrew was born in the Philippines, but grew up in Brookfield, Connecticut. His parents were white and they had one son who was biological to them. And six years, Andrew senior, when she was pregnant with Andrew's brother, the doctor told his mother her pregnancy was so difficult that having another child was not a good idea. When Andrew was adopted, he was about 10 months old. His parents received him at the airport. Andrew said, growing up in that area was quite an experience. He was loved, accepted and cared for as part of the family. But back in the late eighties, trans racial adoptions, weren't as prevalent as they are now, especially in a small town in Connecticut. He said his mother experienced a fair number of interesting encounters with members of the community.Andrew (02:28):So, I mean, this was all stories told back to me, um, as I have grown, but, uh, there was one time when she had me in her, in the baby carriage. And, uh, she was in the department store shopping around, um, and a fellow shopper looked into the carriage you see me the, uh, the Brown baby, the Brown son that adopted, um, and looks back at my mother almost with a face or perplexed face, um, and simply asks, why did you do that? Um, and that was, that was one of the first moments that my mother and family experienced something to that effect because prior to that, they already had me and showing me around the community. And, uh, I grew up Roman Catholic. So, uh, you know, meeting all the fellow parishioners and neighbors and, and loved ones and they received nothing but positive feedback of, of acceptance. Uh, but this is one of the first occurrences that I have been told that my mother remembers experiencing racial discrimination.Damon (03:44):Andrew said his mother was shocked and surprised in that moment of negative feedback about her interracial adoption in the face of broader acceptance in the community. It must have been confusing. So I figured it must have been tough growing up in a predominantly white community as an adoptee.Andrew (04:02):It was an experience because, you know, I was, I was noticeably not from my parents. So that story of being adopted and being essentially delivered to my parents and family was an ongoing story that I always heard growing up. Um, because that was their way of, that was their way of being clear and open about my adoption or where I came from. Uh, for me being one of the few Brown people of color of my, my students, my fellow classmates and everything, it was challenging. You know, I, I carry a very positive spirit. I carry a smile, um, along the way of life, um, growing up and, and even today, but as part of this community, as part of this town, and as I stood out, as I do, there's a bit of pressure that is that way over me about that. Um, and I think a lot of that difference that I, the differences that I have, uh, being adopted, um, being Filipino and brown in a sea of fellow students and classmates and friends, I think that's part of the, the motivation that I had behind, you know, doing well in school and playing soccer and just excelling and trying to do the best and excelling as most I can to combat those questions, I guess.Andrew (05:44):Um, so that people didn't see that I was different. What they saw was a student, they saw a scholar, they saw an athlete, they saw a singer, they saw, um, a member of a prominent member of the parish. It didn't see a Filipino boy.Damon (06:00):Did you get the feeling that your efforts to sort of overachieve worked? Did you feel like you were hiding in plain sight?Andrew (06:10):Yeah. Those efforts work. And to be honest, I didn't actually think about that until I just said that and share that with you. And I don't, I don't think it was a conscious decision that I need I can give was a subconscious decision that was made in my, my young mind and young bodied mind that I need to do this so that people don't see the other,Damon (06:36):Given Andrew was living in a predominantly white community in the 1970s and eighties. I figured it must have been hard for his parents to help him connect to his Filipino heritage. He said, every summer, the adoption agency held summer events for all of their clients and for the adoptees to reconnect as a community. It was an opportunity for Andrew to meet other adoptees. Many of whom were Filipino. His parents have since shared that there wasn't much information on transracial adoption back then. So it was tough for them to know how to navigate raising an adopted person from another culture. Ironically, there was a strong Filipino culture in their area of Connecticut that had their own community group, which Andrew availed himself of through the church,Andrew (07:25):But being Filipino and being adopted into my white family. I didn't give myself the opportunity to learn more about my culture because I wanted, I didn't want to feel more different than I already was. I didn't want, I also didn't want to make my parents or feel badly that I, if I were to learn about my culture and then be become less of a Wheelock and more of a Filipino, if that makes sense.Damon (07:59):Yeah, it absolutely does. You ended up sort of, it sounds like straddling two worlds of the clear physical identity that you have. That's undeniable as any person looks at you as you've traversed the community and not wanting to stand out at the same time, you know, but having that curiosity about yourself on top of everything else, Andrew shared that he's a gay man. He said that growing up, the thoughts and feelings arose during puberty starting when he was about nine years old....
I planned to bring the show back this week, but the end of 2019 and beginning of 2020 have been rough. When you listen to this one, you'll understand why...
Sara was the baby in her family of four biological half brothers to one another, and one other brother who was also adopted like her just like her. When she hit puberty, a naturally more emotional time in our lives, she lost her grandmother, someone who never made her feel like an adoptee. She found her way out of the darkness from a suicide attempt and substance addiction, but still she hadn’t escaped depression. When she found her biological mother things started out well, but they turned grim when Sara caught the woman in lies about her biological father’s identity. In the end, her journey has taken a turn for the positive, but she lost many relationships that were important to her along the way. Still, Sara says she has no regrets. The post 014 – I Would Not Have Made It Without My Faith appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Sara (00:05):So for two years I'm believing he's my father. My kids finally meet them. We spend holidays, everything together, but something in my head saying really, really small. What if he's not your father?Voices (00:23):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:30):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members.Damon (00:49):Hey, it's Damon, and on the show today, I'm joined by Sarah. Sarah has lived in Indianapolis all of her life and all of her life, she's known she was an adoptee. In her family, there were six siblings, four older boys who are not adoptees and one brother who is also an adoptee and then Sara, the baby in the family. She said that even though she grew up with the knowledge that she was an adoptee, she had it very rough in her teenage years because she is adopted. Sarah battled depression, faced post traumatic stress disorder and even attempted suicide. She says she carried the emotional baggage of being adopted with her until she finally started to do something about it and search for her biological family. Her journey began with tremendous luck in finding her family very quickly, thanks to the great work of search angels. But her luck didn't hold out as lies were uncovered. And a DNA test proved that the man whom she thought was her biological father really was not. Here's Sarah's journey.Damon (01:51):Sarah says she was the baby in her family of four biological half-brothers to one another and one other, a brother, who was also adopted just like herSara (02:00):For starters, Um, it's kind of cool in a sense. I'm the only girl, so I was very, very spoiled in that sense. Um, having all older brothers, I'm not the only adoptee, the youngest boy, he's also adopted, but we're not related at all. So that was something always cool to grow up with that we can relate to each other in that sense of both being adopted. Growing up wise, I'd say in a city, I didn't know anyb,ody at all, like myself besides my brother who was adopted. That's all my friends, they're born in their biological families, so I didn't have any friends that were adopted either, and most of them it was, they didn't even believe I was even adopted. It was like one of those things you'd say, I am adopted. They'd be like, nah, you look so much like your mom. And I never saw it. But yeah, I never saw it. So it's kind of funny when they get around my mom and I have to be like, mom, tell him I'm adopted so and so. They don't believe me. It was kind of weird kind of thing that they do. I was like the only odd man out on one besides my brother. I've always known I was adopted.Damon (03:03):Yeah. You grew up knowing.Sara (03:05):Yeah, I knew. I never knew an age exactly when it was. I was told, I just, I've always known it. It never bothered me at all until about the age of 14 that's probably when it all came crashing down. Hit me pretty hard.Damon (03:19):So. Sara's 14. She's hit puberty, which is a naturally more emotional time in all of our lives and she's lost her grandmother. Someone who never made her feel like an adoptee at all. What Sarah felt was favorite status with her grandmother, had disappeared with her death. I asked Sarah about whether she went to therapy and whether it was helpful during that dark time.Sara (03:41):All the questions started hitting me then all of a sudden. I mean of course growing up I would always have the thoughts of, okay, you know, what's my birth mom or dad like and then it just disappear within a few seconds of thinking of it, no big deal. And then when I would hit 14 all of a sudden it was, Whoa, wait a minute. Why was I given up? Okay, they didn't love me then I wasn't, you know, worth it or I was just totally like garbage or all these just horrible thoughts. None of them were good anymore. Like you know, adopted family want to tell you that you're a chosen child and it was so wonderful and beautiful. I all of a sudden I wasn't looking at it like that anymore and it became very, very dark to where I attempted suicide. That year, my grandmother passed and she was on my adopted mothers side and growing up she was probably the main one who I never felt adopted at all, so that hit me along at the same year and then the rest of my adoptive family just seemed to change at the same time with it because I was pretty much like a favorite in her eyes versus against them. It just seemed like all of it was going away and it was all getting darker and darker for me and I was starting to become angrier and angrier about being adopted and not liking it at all. Wasn't such a cool thing after all.Damon (05:02):So I assume you got some help after your suicide attempt. Did you talk about being an adoptee during that time period and what kinds of things help you through that dark time?Sara (05:13):Actually, I had no help like that. Looking back,...
Cindy had one sister growing up in a mormon family in Las Vegas. But the two adoptees looked very different: Cindy’s blue eyes and blond hair were in stark contrast with her sister’s olive skin and brown hair. She was a very sick child battling illness throughout her life. She never had a burning desire to locate her biological family until she gave birth to her second child. Cindy really wanted to know more about the hereditary traits she was passing down to her children as her own health began to decline. With hope in her heart Cindy used Adoption Registry Connect (http://www.adopteeconnect.com), to locate her biological mother, almost immediately. Cindy’s mother admitted some painful family history that was responsible for her illness, but at least she had the answers she desperately needed to manage her own health.The post 008 – She Knew She Had To Do This For Me appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.
Katelyn followed her older adopted sister into rebellion against their adopted mother’s rule. Years later her husband suggested they do DNA tests when she got pregnant. Seeing relationships online she hadn’t considered before, she searched for her birth parents, uncovering family secrets and helping other adoptees in the family tree find theirs. At times, the search left Katelyn very puzzled, even totally dejected. She found her birth mother and sisters happy to meet her, and her birth father in prison.Read Full TranscriptKatelyn:                       00:05               I was never asked about my adoption in any depth it was mentioned, but I always feel like my therapies were like, how do we fix Katelyn now, to make her okay with her environment or how do we fix her so that she can go home and her parents can manage her? It was never like, what’s going on with you? How were you feeling? What can we do to make your life better?Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Katelyn. When I spoke to her, she was living in New York City planning a move to northern Virginia. Well, what you’re about to hear is her story of rebellion against her mother’s rule when they lived in Pennsylvania and her eventual investigation into her roots in Florida and South Carolina. At times the search left, Katelyn very puzzled and even totally dejected. After an intensive search, she found her birth mother and sisters and her birth father in prison. I hope you’ll forgive the audio on this episode. This is Katelyn’s journey. The first five years of Katelyn’s life were picture perfect. Her parents had been married for quite a while and struggled with infertility when they decided to adopt through Catholic charities. Katelyn had an older adopted sister, but she wasn’t nearly as curious about adoption as Katelyn. Unfortunately, Katelyn’s parents divorced when she was about six.Katelyn:                       01:59               around the age of eight or so. My mom gave me an envelope. I had my non identifying information in it. I think I was about eight, yeah. My sister adoption was with a lawyer and her mother was a teenager. That’s literally all that we know, but my mother was older, and put in a lot of information apparently. Of course, you never know if that information is true or false. There was something that gave me a sense of what was possible. It was fairly detail.Damon:                       02:33               Do you know why? Why she gave it to you at the age of eight? Was it because you had been that inquisitive up until that point?Katelyn:                       02:40               I think it was to kind of shut me up because she, I would, I would pick her brain and even to this day I still asked her certain questions.Damon:                       02:49               Those pages were full of health information and a lot of background about her maternal side, but very little about her paternal side. One section described her birth mother as light complected and Katelyn’s caseworker told her adopted mother at the time that she and the birth mother resembled one another. Katelyn describes herself as having very curly hair. She says her skin tans very easily and her boyfriend growing up now, husband speculated that perhaps she was Puerto Rican. A best friend even asserted that her birth father was probably black, but Katelyn never knew for herself. She said during those early years, her parents began to fight. Their divorce was imminent, and even as a little girl, she could feel the tension between them. Katelyn, her mother and her sister had moved to central Pennsylvania back then and her maternal grandparents moved there too from the Midwest in order to help their daughter raise Katelyn and her older sister. Her mother studied in night school. So Katelyn spent the evenings at her grandparents and they got very attached to one another,Katelyn:                       03:58               I ended up spending a lot of time with them, I was very outgoing and active and my mother, you know my adopted mother, was under a lot stress and I don’t think she was prepared. She raised two girls on her own, Dad was still in the picture, but he was a pharmacist, he worked a lot, we only saw them every other weekend, so pretty much she had full responsibility for us. Living with my grandparents I developed an extraordinarily close relationship with my grandfather. Probably the only true father figure I had growing up. He’s my best friend. He was a quiet man, but he, one thing he always told me, is you’re not gonna learn anything if you don’t ask questions. My mom tried to raise me as being seen and not heard, and yet my grandpa, my grandfather, and my adopted aunt, my mom’s sister in law, they kind of embraced my personality and my, you know, my, my story, I guessDamon:                       04:54               Katelyn believes her adoptive mother was deeply impacted by her inability to have children naturally. She was raised on a pathway that would make her a good wife and mother. So when she couldn’t have children, she may have felt like she wasn’t good enough. Katelyn says her adoptive mother was very controlling and they’re opposing personalities, made their home life challengingKatelyn:                       05:17               from a very early age. I remember she, she controlled everything. Even down to the toys I played with. Like I had no choice in my own self expression. And I’m someone who, I’m someone who is artistic and musical and I don’t ever shut up. Very active and she’s just the complete opposite of all of...
Vonni learned from the neighbor’s child that she was adopted, but she was too young to know what it really meant. In her teen years, the yearning to understand her adoption led her on a journey an hour away to the adoption agency for her non-identifying information. It contained a horrible terrible story, that seemed to be questionable according to the social worker who documented her adoption. In the years that followed, Vonni continued to drive a long way to search the yearbook archives for her birth mother, only to be linked with her birth father first. When she found him he wasn’t interested in knowing Vonni, until his fond memories of her birth mother kicked in and they figured out she was a different daughter than he thought. He identified Vonni’s biological mother, and within months Vonni had met both parents. Read Full TranscriptVonnie:                       00:05               I was, I was having such a great relationship with my dad, my bio dad that I, and I told him too. I said, you know, I found her and I said, I don’t even know if I’m going to call her because after meeting him it was enough. I didn’t feel like I needed her anymore.Damon:                       00:29               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Vonnie. She called me from Lincoln, Nebraska, where she shared her story of life and adoption as a teenager. Vonnie ventured in our, from her home to the adoption agency that placed her to try to understand more about herself in her non identifying information. She learned a terrible story that seemed to be questionable according to the social worker in the years that followed, she continued to drive a long way to search the yearbook archives for her birth mother. When she found her birth father, he wasn’t interested in knowing her until his fond memories of her birth mother kicked in. He identified the woman and within months Vonnie had met them both. This is Vonnie’s journey.Damon:                       01:34               Vonnie and her younger brother were both adopted, but they’re not biological to one another, so she grew up fairly comfortable with the notion of adoption. Interestingly, she found out that she was adopted by accident when she was four years old, but she didn’t quite know what it meant.Vonnie:                       01:50               My little neighbor friend next door who was six, we moved into the neighborhood about a year before my parents built the house and we were playing one day and he said, “you’re adopted”. And I was like, no, I didn’t know what it meant. And I was just like, okay. And then I didn’t think anything of it and a couple of hours later he came back over and crying and he said, “I’m sorry, I said you were adopted.” So he must have gone home and told his mom, you know what he said, and she said, you can’t say that or whatever. She said. And he came back and apologized and I just remember thinking that’s okay. Still not knowing what it meant.Damon:                       02:37               Vonnie has a vague memory of her mother reading a children’s book about how special adoptees are, but it wasn’t until Vonnie was a teenager that her ankle and self-awareness shook things up. She started thinking about her biological family and whom she might have looked like among them as she developed her own opinions and began to express herself. She also started butting heads with her adopted Vonnie was coming into her own as her thoughts expanded about who she was as a person.Damon:                       03:05               What did you think about. What did you imagine as you thought about your this other family? As you thought about yourself as an adoptee, what kinds of things did you think of?Vonnie:                       03:13               Well, I knew certain things because my parents got non identifying information about my birth mother and my mom couldn’t remember everything by the time I was asking, but she told me a few things and that there was no father listed or no information about the father. And My mother was 16 and that was all she knew. And so I imagined that the 16 year old girl was like, whew, thank God I got rid of this, I don’t have to deal with this baby. And probably went on to have this crazy life and was probably a waitress living in a trailer. That’s what I imagined because she was so young and you know, I never thought, oh, she’s a rich, you know, princess somewhere. I, I just thought not very positive things about her because I knew that she knew I had been adopted obviously, and where I had come from and that if she ever wanted to contact me, she would know where I was and she never did. So I had bad feelings about her.Damon:                       04:24               When she turned 17, Vonnie went to the adoption agency for herself traveling an hour away from her home to obtain the sum of her non identifying information. It gave physical descriptions of both of her biological parents. Her mother is five foot two and blonde while her father is tall with dark hair according to the records. Vonnie identified with her father’s traits the most.Vonnie:                       04:48               Then I spend this whole thing in my head. Like I’m just like him, I’m just like my father, whoever he is and I’ll never know who he is. So just not looking like anybody in the family is really, it’s really hard and people that look like their family members don’t appreciate that I don’t think.Damon:                       05:08               Yeah, I could see that. And tell me a little bit about your opinion of your father. It sounds like you kind of identified with him, but I didn’t necessarily hear the...
Tim was adopted into a Lutheran family and his curiosity about his roots started when he was very young. When he met his biological mother, she portrayed her husband as Tim’s father, but the truth came out when her daughters suggested a different version of the truth. It wasn’t until Tim’s early 70’s that he made paternal links and solved the mysteries of his lifeRead Full TranscriptTim:                            00:01               So they were staying with me and then they brought me along to the convention, into the Party afterwards and brought me to the party and these are old friends of theirs saying, well, who is this? Who is this? And again, they played the kind of joke routine, oh, he’s the, he’s relative doesn’t he, look like us, don’t you think he looks like us then. And then there was a lot of laughter and that crossed the line. That was one of the lower points of this whole thing for me.Intro voices:                 00:36               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:48               Who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show you’re going to be Tim who called me from Brooklyn, New York. I asked him if he was a native New Yorker and he said, no, I’ve only been here 50 years. He was born and raised in Minnesota. You’ll hear him describe a life where he was allowed to bond with his birth mother early, which he feels made a huge difference in his adoption. Later. His faith, which he followed a long way, turned out to be quite different from his heritage. Tim shares how his birth mother first didn’t want to meet, but was convinced to do so by Tim’s father or so he thought many decades later, Tim searches over as he’s found the missing pieces in his seventies. This is Tim’s journey….Tim was born in St Paul, Minnesota in 1944 at booth memorial hospital run by the Salvation Army in connection with a home for unwed mothers.Tim:                            01:50               I like to say I think it was significant that my birth mother kept me for a little over a month. I don’t know if that was a policy back then, but uh, I look back and think… I’m not a bitter person. I think the fact that she. She nursed me and she kept me for a little over a month. I think that… That helped in this whole adoption process.Damon:                       02:15               What did you mean by that?Tim:                            02:18               I’ve read a couple books. “Primal Wound” being a being a pretty significant book and it just feels to me like I had that connection. I had that bonding with, uh, with my mother, with my birth mother and as a primal wound refers to the sounds and the smells and all that of the woman whose body you were in for nine months. But I… that remained for at least a month, a little longer than a month. I think it might’ve even been the policy at the salvation army back then. I’m not sure, but she kept me there at the home for four or five or six weeks. And so to me it feels like that helped. Uh, I think then I’m sure there was a trauma who really knows, but when I left that and was placed in basically an orphanage for five or six months, um, I’m sure that was traumatic on some level, but at least I had that one month of uh affection and closeness and bonding that I could relate to. And then, and from what I can figure, of course, who knows when we’re that young. But, uh, when I was adopted by my adoptive parents, I seem to cling to my adoptive mother affectionately for actually the rest of my life.Damon:                       03:57               What you’ve said is really interesting. You’re probably right if you were born and bonded to your mother for a month and then you know, separated when she left you to be adopted, the next person that you would have gotten a hold of with your tiny little baby hands would be somebody that you cling to. That’s really interesting.Tim:                            04:23               I mean I just have a vivid memory as does my adopted mother of me just being beyond affectionate with her her whole life.Damon:                       04:33               After that first month of bonding, Tim’s mother transferred him to Lutheran social services where he stayed for five or six months. At some point, he developed either measles or mumps, which held up his adoption. Then he was placed with his family. Tim’s adoptive mother had been a social worker at the very agency through which he was adopted. He figures that professional experience made her particularly sensitive to the needs of adoptees. She quit the social work job five years before bringing him home. After adopting their first daughter, his older sister, he was placed in 1945, but since then he’s found out that he was officially adopted in 1949, asking others about the five year gap between his placement and his official adoption. Folks who know the process well say they feel that timeline is unusually long. Tim speaks very highly of his adopted mother and juxtaposes his affection against his older and younger sisters.Tim:                            05:33               I refer to her. Of course she’s been dead for quite a while, but um, I refer to her as my lifesaver really because she was the absolute epitome of unconditional love as far as I was concerned. She, she had my back no matter what and I’m sure she was happy to get all the affection that I was her, my, my older, a sister adopted sister, uh, was not very affectionate and, and neither was my younger sister who was their child, their biological child, but neither of them were a super affectionate type as II was and still am to some...
Mitch’s parents adopted his older brother, then him. Then they got a surprise addition to the family. They had a great life outside of Chicago, but Mitch did feel somewhat sidelined by the attention paid to his youngest sibling. He learned as a teen that not everyone in his family was supportive of adoptions, and his attempts at reunion have been a frustrating set of rejections.The post 039 – I’m An Adult, But They’re Acting Like Children appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Mitch (00:03):And I pulled up my shirt and I pointed to my belly button and I said, I don't know who this was attached to you do. You can look at yours and you know exactly who yours was attached to. I have never, in 45 years been in the same room as the woman that mine was attached to. I don't know who she is.Damon (00:27):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Mitch who spoke with me from Chicago. He grew up in a rural area outside of the city, which can be great for a kid to be outdoors, but tough. When you're trying to make friends with the neighbors. Mitch grew up feeling like his adoption was just fine, but soon he realized that not everyone in his family truly believed that throughout his life he's been reminded of his position as an adoptee, from painful visits to the doctor's office, with his wife to hurtful comments by family members. Mitch has struggled to make connections with his biological family. And ultimately he just wishes people could own up to the past and face the present because he is here because of them. This is Mitch's journey, Mitch's parents adopted his older brother and they already knew that they would adopt again. So they made the arrangements. When they brought Mitch home, they didn't realize they were already adding a third baby to their familyMitch (01:44):as happened, um, with women who have had such difficulties that once in the act of parenting, it seems to help regulate whichever hormones were out of whack and causing the miscarriages. And so when they brought me home, I don't think they quite realize that my mom was pregnant. Um, I have a younger sister who was their biological child who has eight months younger than I am. Wow. So it was like the Irish twins. You know, my mom has joked about how people would give her just the dirtiest looks. And I'm like, what do you mean the dirtiest? Cause you had two kids. And she said, no, because you could tell that they weren't twins because they were obviously different sizes. And it was a look like you just couldn't keep your knees together for two minutes.Damon (02:32):she was being judged.Mitch (02:34):Oh wow. Yeah, there was a little bit of that.Damon (02:37):The family moved out to what was at the time, a rural part of Illinois. He grew up on a huge plot of acres of land, which is a great environment for exploration, but lonely. When it comes to having friends your age,Mitch (02:50):I grew up on five acres with hundreds of trees and a pond. Um, it was absolutely bucolic and we had horses and motorcycles and snowmobiles and you know, you walk outside and you can do so many things.Damon (03:05):It's like a Wonderland for a kid.Mitch (03:07):Yeah, exactly. The downside to it was that there were no other kids my age, anywhere around. I mean, it was a drive of miles to get to like a friend's house from school. I mean, it wasn't like it was all farmland, but there were still farms out there.Damon (03:23):Mitch has always known he was adopted because his parents wanted to be the ones to share with their children, how their family was formed. They didn't want the boys to find out by accident from someone else that they were adopted. However, as he got a little older, he learned that not everyone was okay with adoption, like his grandfather, for example, Mitch recounted a moment in his teens when the hardened retired, Chicago detective expressed his disapproval in an overt, but underhanded way, he also shares the negative effects of feeling sidelined by the attention that was paid to his younger sister over himself.Mitch (03:58):My mom had two brothers, they had only girls. So my brother and I were his only grandsons. So for this guy who was like such a traditional. And so you would think I don't brand sites, you know, but he, he, wasn't a personable person to begin with. Um, and years later I think I was in college. He was in a nursing home and my mom and I went for a visit and he leaned over to my mom and you know, almost like he was doing it. So I couldn't hear, but it was plainly done so that I could hear, uh, he leaned over and said, who is that? And she said, you know who that is? And the way she said that, I just had this gut feeling that this was not the first time that this had happened. He had done this. And one more time, he said, who, who is that? And she said, you know, damn well who that is. And he said, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's Jack. And Esther's at that time.Mitch (05:04):And you know, it was like, I just, if, if that had been an undercurrent before that I was oblivious to it just never noticed it didn't want to notice it. I don't know. But that was, you know, that was quite a striking moment. So, you know, so, so as far as other people, I don't know. I mean, there's a part of me that looks back and thinks, you know what, like my sister, she was the only girl she was the baby, but there's part of me that feels like there was a little bit like kind of this golden child thing, where there were some friends of the family that were just always about my sister, always. Um, and, and I felt like I was kind of off to the side. Like just didn't figure it. And there's part of me. That's like, you know, Hey, I'm over here. I'm the one who's on the honor roll. I'm the one who's on the Dean's list. I'm the one who a four year ride to a major university. I'm the one who is a graduate teaching fellow at another university. You know? I mean like, come on, you know, but it's her, her, her, um, to this day with some of those folks. So, I mean, I've, I've told my mom, like, if I never see those people again, I'm cool with it. I don't feel the need.Damon (06:16):Yeah, no, I, I totally get it. And I wonder, how did that impact your relationship with your parents and with your sister?Mitch (06:25):Um, negatively, because of course they...
As a kid, Rebecca was considered quirky. Unbeknownst to her, that quirkiness was an after effect of fetal alcohol syndrome. She tells the story of learning her birth mother’s lonely and troubled past, and the closure she finally got after she learned of her mother’s death.The post 027 – I Got A Picture Of My Mother’s Sadness Though Other People appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Rebecca (00:03):I went to bed that night and I woke up and I went back to the picture and I'm like, Oh my God. I was like, that's exactly how I looked in high school.Voices (00:16):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:28):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show you'll hear the story of Rebecca. She's one of my people from Columbia, Maryland. She went to a rival high school Centennial, but that's okay. Everyone knows Wilde Lake is the best. Rebecca's parents told her very early that she was adopted and she loved it. As a kid, Rebecca was considered quirky. Unbeknownst to her, that quirkiness was an aftereffect of the alcoholism that plagued her mother's life. She tells her story of learning her birth mother's lonely and troubled past and the closure she finally got after she learned of her mother's death and her quest to find answers about her paternal side of the family. Rebecca was adopted as an infant and she lauds her adoption as a positive experience with her family. But she had challenges with her brother, her parents' biological son. And he admitted his feelings about Rebecca the night before her big day.Rebecca (01:34):I was adopted at one month old, so my parents told me, I think when I was five or six, like as young as I could understand and um, they didn't hide it from me and it was.. I mean I always felt like I belonged to them. I never felt different. Like I, I had written that I was quirky, but that turned out to be something totally different. So, um, it was cool. Like I loved it cause I loved the attention. Like my mom would tell the, you know, how they adopted me to her friends when they would go out and I just, it was awesome. And like nobody ever, from what I remember, nobody ever looked at my parents like, Oh poor you, you know, you had to go the adoption route. It was a very positive experience. My brother was biological and he was four years older than me.Damon (02:26):He was biological to them?Rebecca (02:28):Yeah, yup. So him and I constantly butted heads. I don't know. I think part of that's because my parents, after they had him, they had a daughter and she passed away at a week old due to being a preemie. So, um, that's why they looked into adoption after that. So I think my brother felt a little like I replaced her, which I get. I get it.Damon (02:55):Yeah.Rebecca (02:55):I had asked him at one point, the night before my wedding actually, I had asked him if he ever resented me and he said there were times when he did. So I got it. I mean it's, you know, it had to be, he was four it had to be hard.Damon (03:10):Yeah, absolutely. Especially as a four year old part of the whole process for you to get used to another child coming in. There's a nine month runway where you're watching your mother's belly grow. She's talking to you about what a great big brother you're going to be. And then, you know, kids can be challenged to really figure out what death means and understand it is even with grandparents who you kind of are, are taught are going to leave this world one day, but for your newborn sister to come and immediately go and it would be replaced by another child. That sounds so hard.Rebecca (03:49):I know, I know. And he didn't really get it. He, um, and he wouldn't go to her grave. He, um, I don't, it's, it was hard and I feel bad. I do. I feel really bad. There was a horrible thing for everyone to go through.Damon (04:01):If you don't mind. Out of curiosity, did you get a little bit of closure for him to admit his resentment the night before your wedding?Rebecca (04:09):Oh yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. It made me understand that he's, pardon my french, wasn't, he wasn't intentionally a ***. It made me realize that him and I had more sibling rivalry than other kids. I felt we constantly fought and it made me realize that I think he was just hurt and I wish I could've changed it, but it made me understand him better. Actually.Damon (04:35):Rebecca's adoption automatically put her in an interesting family dynamic with her brother's grief over his lost sister. So I asked her how her parents made her feel comfortable in that same space. They had also lost a daughter, but Rebecca was their daughter too, and they made sure she knew she was theirs and that adoption was okay.Rebecca (04:53):But they, yeah, they never made me feel like adoption was the second choice. Like I know it kind of was like, you know, they had a baby, she passed away. You can't have kids, turn to adoption. But they never threw that in my face. They always said, you know, they're happy they adopted me. I was meant for their family and they always made me feel wanted. So I never felt
Laura became a dear friend when we quickly bonded over being adoptees while working together. Laura had been searching for her family of origin for years, before the age of the internet, and the promise of consumer DNA testing linking long lost relatives. In this episode Laura reveals her childhood challenges to bond with her adopted family who were open about her adopted status in unhealthy ways. Their mental health issues and the emotional childhood that Laura lived, drove her desire to find her family origin, as the wondered about her biological mother every day.The post 002 Laura R – When the Law is in the Way, Try DNA appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Laura:                          00:00               From the beginning of doing that DNA test I specifically have looked at it as whatever comes of this and whether people are welcoming or they, they don't want to know me. I just have to accept it like, and I think as a message to other adoptees on that journey, you really need to get to that place. If you don't get to that place, you're going to be in potentially for a lot of pain.Voices:                        00:26               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:37               Who am I really? Welcome to Who am I really? A show about adoptees who have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show we have my former colleague Laura, Laura told me the story of how she had a challenging childhood in adoption. Had a struggle to gain identifiable information from her birth records out of New York state and her ultimate connection to her aunt through DNA testing and a happy family reunion.Damon:                       01:20               So thanks for coming. What, what do you have here?Laura:                          01:23               So that is the information that I received in 1999 it was the combination of a request I'd made to the State, New York State for non-identifying information, which you're allowed to receive without the consent of any party because it's not identifying as no names or addresses or anything attached to it. And I think I made the request like two years before and it came kind of, so it came as a shock when it actually came. I was like, wow, I didn't even remember like making the requests. It been such a long time before and we were living in Pittsburgh and I had just been accepted to law school.Damon:                       02:01               Wow. So this is a generic description of everything about your adoption situation,Laura:                          02:10               Right. It's like a time capsule. It's what was recorded between August 30th, 1968 when I was born and February 20th of 1969Damon:                       02:19               that's amazing. Wow. So let's start back at the beginning. First of all, you and I worked at HHS together.Laura:                          02:27               Yes.Damon:                       02:27               I remember one of the things that was a bond for us was the fact that we identified ourselves as adoptees.Laura:                          02:34               Yeah. And that walk in Providence from a restaurant.Damon:                       02:36               That's right.Laura:                          02:37               And I don't even know how we got onto that subject.<span...
Singer Song writer Jenni Alpert, commonly referred to by her birth name, Cami had a wonderful life supported by her adoptive parents as she pursued the performing arts. After her adoptive father passed away, she learned that her biological mother had too. Her maternal connections went well over time, but her paternal side remained a mystery. Locating her birth father was one thing… doing reconnaissance, ensuring her safety, and tapping into over a decade of her various volunteer experiences with people who’s lives were in the streets was something different. In their story you’ll hear the dedication of a daughter who found her birth father down and out, accepted him as he was , and worked hard to find a pathway for them to reunite and share their love of music. This is Jenni’s journey.Photo:Cami (aka Jenni Alpert) and her birth father Don Photo credit: Jeff Fasano Here’s a link to the news story I referenced: https://www.nbcnews.com/nightly-news/video/father-and-daughter-duo-reunited-in-song-62059077604 The post 096 – The Safe Space That’s Don’s Place appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Damon (00:10):[inaudible]Cami (00:10):[Show you good love in so you know you're mine. one of these days it wouldn't be long. all of the shadow you will be gone. Want you to see deep in my heart. Show you the truth from the start? one of these days it wouldn't be long. (song) ]Cami-Jenni (01:08):Okay. For all of the times that I worked with those that were in the prison system, it was like everything I had ever done, everything I had ever saw. All of a sudden now it made sense to me. Now I was staring at my birth father who had encompassed all these little details in his own very life, but he was a person and he was a musician and it was just really thrilling.Damon (01:53):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (02:00):Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is singer songwriter Jenni Alpert, commonly referred to by her birth name Cami. The song you just heard is called one of these days. Jenni had a wonderful life supported by her adoptive parents as she pursued the performing arts after her adoptive father passed away. She learned that her biological mother had to locating her birth father was one thing. Ensuring her safety and tapping into over a decade of her various volunteer experiences was something different. You will hear the dedication of a daughter who found her birth father down and out, accepted him as he was, and worked hard to find a pathway for them to reunite and share their love of music. This is Jenni's journey. I was at home one night when my wife Michele called me to the television to hear an incredible news story of a woman who found her biological father and he was homeless. I was so intrigued. I immediately found Jenni online and invited her to be my guest and she agreed. Jenni's life started out in foster care and she moved to many different homes and had several different names. Listen here as she describes her beginnings, the protective re-identification she went through and how she's arrived at her identity today.Damon (03:33):I was in the foster care system at the time I was born. I was placed there and I was in several different homes until I was almost four. And I ultimately, um, was able to land a forever home around age four and was catapulted from inner city Los Angeles named baby girl Morantz first the first foster home then named me Jennifer. Then I was given away to a second foster home without the state knowing. Then I was found a little after a year and a half later placed into a couple of emergency holdings, moved around so they could figure out what to do with me and ultimately at the same time that was happening, my future adoptive parents had wanted to ensure that they would get a girl and so they had placed a request in with the adoption agency to try to adopt girl about a year previous. And finally they got a phone call when I came available and they said, are you still interested? There's a girl that you can pick up tomorrow. So my parents got in the car, they got a doll they got, well actually they got a bunny rabbit cause it was around April around Easter. Even though we aren't observant in any religious context, we happened to be a culturally Jewish family. They still brought a bunny to pick me up. And um, they, they gave me this bunny at which I still have to this day and uh, and I got the name, the last name, Alpert as my final component from baby girl Morantz to Jennifer to then I shortened it to Jenni a little bit later to Alpert, always knowing that none of those names were my intended name, but a name really is reflective of how people identify themselves and build their relationship to you. So I was always a name for someone else, but as it turns out later on in life though, I knew I had some birth name and I couldn't really remember or no one really told me like what was, I just knew it was something else. Ultimately it turned out with the court papers that I was given later that my name was actually intended to be Cameron. And so later on in life I've shortened it to Cami. So I have like a personal birth name that I go by Cami in certain circles and my music name. Also my adoptive name, Jenni Alpert is more like the online. And my adoptive family circles. So it's kind of neat to have identities connecting to different circles, making a huge community and seeing the value of a name really being important for other people, how they see themselves in relationship. To me,Damon (06:45):that is absolutely fascinating. Wow. And you know what's interesting to me as you were talking, I couldn't help but focus in on the part where you said that you were renamed in the foster homes. I didn't know that the foster homes one had any sort of legal ability to do that, but two, I've, I don't think I've ever heard anybody say that before. Have you heard that before with other people?Damon (07:09):I don't know. But I do know that my story has a couple of twists and turns that would explain why a lot of different things happen that were unique to my story. So the first piece is because my birth mother had really wanted to keep me and had intended to name me Cameron, but my birth grandparents were concerned about my wellbeing related to how I was conceived and the connection to my paternal family members at the time. It was very scary. For a lot of people that they erased my name and my birthday and just kind of made it ambiguous so that they couldn't find me. So pretty much from being born they put me in a safe space and called me baby girl and kind of pushed back the birthday a day cause I was born on the cusp between September 11th and September 12th and I just, I really didn't have a defined identity until the first foster home.Damon (08:19):That is fascinating. Wow. When Jenni arrived at her family's home at the age of four years old, life and their family with other children was well underway. Her adopted parents had each been married before. Her father had two biological boys in their early teens and her mother had adopted a boy around their same age. Jenni showed up to a home with three older brothers, but they're all family. Her adoptive mother's mom, her adopted father's dad and her brothers are just her brothers. Later you'll hear Jenni make the distinction between her by referring to her maternal and paternal sides respectively. Jenni said that while she grew up with a lot of only child experiences,...
After 52 years in adoption, Mary never had a desire to locate her birth family. Her feeling was they had given her up, so she didn’t really want to share how well she turned out. Still, Mary obtained her non-identifying information in 1999, to satisfy medical history curiosity. On Christmas eve 2017 she emailed her birth mother who replied within hours, and the two were connected. The only thing left was to reach out to her birth father, who didn’t know she was alive.The post 054 – I Just Want To Sit And Be At Peace appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Mary (00:04):I can tell you that the relationship that I'm developing with her is beyond what I ever thought it would be. And it's almost like I just want to sit and be at peace with this before I open up something else.Damon (00:28):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis. And today Mary shares her story. She called me from sunny, South Florida, North Palm beach. Mary says she had one adopted brother growing up and she was interested in the details of his adoption story because her family had nearly no details about her own. At the time we spoke, she had connected with her birth mother and was engaged in a slow methodical process of introducing herself to the woman. Simultaneously her birth mother was encouraging Mary to reach out to her birth father because she heard he was ill. Mary talks about her disenchantment with her adopted and birth names and her hopeful excitement about getting to know her half siblings. One day, this is Mary's journey.Damon (01:33):Mary was born in Cleveland, Ohio adopted into an idyllic childhood days after her birth. She and her brother also adopted were the children of slightly older parents who got married late. Their mother was a social worker who mostly focused on the needs of unwed mothers. Their father was a NASA engineer and they had a great life as children.Mary (01:55):My parents gave my brother and me the best life that I could've ever expected.Damon (02:00):Really. In what ways?Mary (02:02):I mean, we did all the things, sports and, um, and dance and both my brother and I play instruments. And I just feel like my parents were so committed to sharing their lives, but also, you know, making, making sure that we were, um, well cared for and loved. And my mom had, um, as a social worker, she had a ton of women, friends that were also in social work and, um, they would have these parties and all of those people, although they were so much older than my brother and me, they always invited us to their parties.Mary (02:42):And you know, it was, it was so nice because I really felt like my parents' friends really cared about us just as much as my parents did.Damon (02:53):That's awesome. Wow.Mary (02:54):Yeah. Yes. My childhood was great. I have no problems with my childhood.Damon (03:00):That's good. Did you and your brother ever talk about your adoptions at all?Mary (03:06):My brother and I don't have a very good relationship and growing up, it just, he, he and I never really clicked when I look at my friends and their brothers and sisters. I always longed for that kind of relationship because I didn't have it with my brother. So I would say that I never talked about being adopted with my brother,Damon (03:30):Recognizing her parents had more details about her brother's story than her own adoption. Mary talked to her mother occasionally about his journey, perhaps hearing details about his adoption served as a surrogate to satisfy her curiosity about her own story. He was the fourth child born to a married couple who knew they couldn't provide for him. So he was placed in adoption. All she knew was that her birth mother didn't even live in Cleveland in 1999, Mary obtained her non identifying information, but only in an attempt to learn some medical history. What she got was much more valuable still. She sat on the information she received. So in total, for nearly 50 years of her life, she had no interest in finding her birth parents. And she didn't look for relatives. Naturally. I asked why she never wanted to search and, and what motivated her change of heart?Mary (04:24):I think that very few people knew I was adopted. Um, and the people that I did tell sooner or later, they would get to the point where they would say, well, why aren't you looking for your parents? If it were me, I would be looking for my birth parents. And I would always say, you have no idea. I mean, you know, they did it out of love and they did it out of their own curiosity. But for me, I just never wanted to find my birth parents. I think I've thought about that a lot. And I think the answer is because I, I never really want, they, they gave me up and I never really wanted them to know how great I turned out, which seems backwards, but I don't know. I don't know. I just, I didn't want them, I wanted them to be okay with giving me up for adoption, but I didn't want to actually show them what I turned out to be it's.Mary (05:24):Yeah. So I think as I've gotten older and more people have come into my circle, um, and they keep saying, well, why don't you, you know, try and locate these people. I think the impetus for it was that in 1999, I had gotten my non-identifying paperwork from the adoption agency. And in that paperwork, they described in quite detail, um, who my parents were, personality wise, um, what interests they had. And it revealed a lot of my story, of course not names or anything like that. And so I sat with that information, I mean, 1999 to now, and I didn't, I didn't do anything more with it, but in that non identifying information, it indicated that my grandparents on both sides were German. And I had always been told I was Irish. So yeah. So when DNA came about, I, you know, took a few years or whatever. And I finally said, well, maybe I'd like to determine what my origins, my ethnicity is.Damon (06:36):I'd love for you to go back for a minute and just talk about a little bit of what you saw in your non-identifying information. What did you learn? Because if you held it for so long, it seems like it's satiated something within you for a while.Mary (<a...
Rebecca always knew she was adopted, but she also recognized that she didn’t quite fit with her adopted family. While she loved them a lot, she noticed physical and personality differences between them. She was taller with a different skin tone than them. She’s an extrovert raised by introverts and she calls herself a circuitous thinker that was raised by linear thinkers.When her own child was born, then got sick, Rebecca thought to herself “I’ve got to find these people” and began her reunion journey. But the laborious process to try to uncover identifying information in Washington, D.C. is closed adoption system seemed to be a daunting task, especially after her child got well.Rebecca says that she wasn’t really looking for her relatives at the time reunion found her. A friend of hers, who is also an adoptee, had extra DNA test that she was sending off to people as part of her own search, so she gave Rebecca a spare test. After reading through her biological connections on AncesteryDNA she was able to find her biological mother’s online identity. Her mother maintained a blog and social media which Rebecca read through feeling like she could have written the content herself.Rebecca has had several revelations about adoption and it’s impact on herself and her family. She says what she gained thru reunion is context about herself, her children, and her adopted family.The post 018 – What I Gained Through Reunion Is Context appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Rebecca (00:03):I don't begrudge her not telling her children either. I mean, how do you, how do you look at your kids and say to a child who's not gonna understand it? I gave away your sister.Voices (00:20):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:31):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members.Damon (00:46):Hey, I'm Damon Davis and on the show today I'm joined by Rebecca. She lives in Vermont, but grew up in Washington, D.C, completely comfortable with the fact that she was adopted. In her journey, Rebecca kind of searched here and there for clues about her biological identity, but the process seemed like it was going to be too challenging. But then reunion found her rather unexpectedly through DNA testing. On her journey, Rebecca gained a connection to her biological family and siblings who are just like her and a context for her life that she never had before. We pick up Rebecca's story when she was a child in the nation's Capitol. Rebecca says she always knew that she was adopted and she was given some non identifying information about her closed adoption that she clung to. She said that while she never felt stigmatized, she did notice differences between herself and her family. In some ways they're physically different, but she says she also noticed how they just kind of think differently too.Rebecca (01:48):Well, I mean, I didn't look like anyone the most basic level, which, um, you know, people love to tell you oh, that doesn't matter. It, it matters when you're the one that doesn't look like anybody. I would also say..Damon (02:00):You didn't look like anybody in your family? In your community? Where?Rebecca (02:03):In my immediate family, and I mean in some ways I guess I, I could pass. I'm not an interracial adoption. I'm not a trans racial, you know, I'm not from another country. So in one way, I guess the very base level, I'm a white kid, adopted to a white family, right? So I looked racially similar, but I tower over everybody. Um, my skin coloring is different. My eyes color different. I mean, I didn't, I don't look like them. And my temperament and my, my way of thinking and being and moving in the world, it is different. I was unable to relate that to being adopted until I was in reunion, however.Damon (02:38):Gotcha. What are some of the differences for you? Like is it temperament? Is it shorter fuse? Is it more excitable? What are, what are the differences between your family?Rebecca (02:47):I have described it this way that I am a circuitous thinker, um, and speaker, uh, what raised by linear thinkers, um, where, you know, a plus B equals C and for me it was like, well let's talk about a for a while, then we'll hop over to Z and then come back on. And also, um, massively extroverted and was raised by introverts. My adoptive father has some extroversion to him. He can speak to people that he liked. He liked everything orderly and buttoned up in a certain way. And this is how you do it. And just naturally that's just not at all who I am, who I was, my adoptive mother, I would call her introverted. She also can be very social, has lots of friends and speaks well and is out in the community. But I would say loves to be, gets refreshed by being alone. I just never had that. I always wanted to be surrounded by people.Damon (03:38):So fascinating So when did you have this desire to search? What sort of sprung you into action for wanting to look for your biological family?Rebecca (03:47):I mean, I've gone in and out of wanting to search my entire life. And you know, I certainly had fantasies about it when I was a kid growing up and envisioned, you know, who is the elusive mother, you know, mostly about a mother. You know, I would think about my bio dad sometimes, but it's all, I think it's usually tied up in the mom. Right. And so I always, I had fantasies about it and I would think, Oh, it would be this amazing reunion and it would be like coming home. And I looked at this feeling, you know, in my early years there was this woman just sitting out there waiting for me. Just biding time until we could be reunited, you know? And then I would say I, you know I turned 16, 17 around the age of when she gave birth to me and all of a sudden it kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. Hold on a second. This is not the simple story I was told, I'm sure that because if I was pregnant right now, that's what I'm thinking. At 16, 17 I started to see the complexity of what the story like we was and what it might mean to want to find...
With extra time on her hands, Jennifer used a Search Angel to locate her biological relatives. She connected with her maternal Aunt over Facebook Messenger, simultaneously emailing her birth father using his contact info from LinkedIn. Hoping for a connection to her biological mother, the pendulum swung in the other direction after her mother rejected her. Jennifer recovered almost immediately with a loving connection to her biological father whom she has a natural bond with.I hope you’ll remember David’s amazing story, in episode 15 “We Wish We Could Have Grown Up Together”. He remembered the day, when he was a boy, when his family brought home a baby girl. Jennifer is David’s lifetime sister.The post 025 – I Feel So Lucky, I Got Way More Than I Bargained For appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Jennifer (00:00):I feel so lucky to have formed this connection and you know, I didn't really go into it thinking that I was looking for a mother or a father. I was just looking for information to understand myself better and where I came from, but I got, you know, way more than I bargained for.Voices (00:27):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:38):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and today you're about to meet Jennifer who lives outside of Los Angeles. I'm excited to bring you her story because it's the first time the Who Am I Really podcast brings you the sibling story of another guest. I hope you'll remember the journey of David in episode 15 he said that he remembered the day when he was a boy, when his family brought home a baby girl.David (01:10):My younger sister is Jennifer, and she was three and a half years younger than me and I actually remember going to pick her up. It was just kind of cool. Yeah. I just remember kind of getting out of the car in the parking lot and going somewhere. Next thing we know, I have a sister.Damon (01:22):Just like David. Jennifer used a search angel to get started on her journey. The search angels team quickly returned information about both of Jennifer's biological parents, so she sent them both introductory messages. Hoping for a connection to her biological mother, the pendulum swung completely in the other direction after her mother rejected her. However, she was able to recover almost immediately with a loving connection to her biological father who has been connected to her ever since. Jennifer's parents were divorced when she was seven years old. When her curiosity about her history first struck her parents weren't able to give her any concrete details. Her brother David's search wasn't going very well. So Jennifer kind of let it go for a while.Jennifer (02:06):I knew from the time I was really young that I was adopted, so when I was young I wasn't really interested in finding anything out. But like as you get older you want to know what the story was. And as my parents started to get older and then my parents kept forgetting or you know, whose story was what. And so as I became older, you know, I was more interested in, in finding that information out and I thought they would have some sort of backup, you know, but they didn't. Then I was kind of at a loss. At that time, my brother was looking, you know, before the internet and it seemed like he wasn't getting anywhere. So, you know, I just focused on finishing school, getting a job, you know, getting married.Damon (02:46):Jennifer had wanted to know more about her history for a long time. She had written in for her non-identifying information in 2007. She had her parents' ages at the time of her birth, their occupations, religious beliefs, and a few tidbits about some of their interests.Jennifer (03:02):So I knew back then that they were into sailing and my dad was a surfer, so I thought, okay, they must have met somewhere on the coast. And since I live near a Marina Del Ray and I was born in Granada Hills, which you know, is the Valley of LA, not too far. I figured maybe I'll run into him somewhere at the beach cause you know, I'm a coastal kid and grew up at the beach.Damon (03:24):Jennifer said she was always on the lookout for someone that could have been one of her parents. Her choice of career placed her in a position to meet a lot of folks whom she evaluated for both their professional capabilities and her own potentially personal connection to them. But it wasn't until she was unemployed that she had the time and opportunity to truly begin her search.Jennifer (03:45):And I went into HR as a career, so I did a lot of interviewing and it's kind of funny, I interview people almost seeing if I looked like anyone, you know what I'm saying?Damon (03:54):Really? You had like an investigative eye basically on everybody you tried to come across?Jennifer (03:58):Yeah. You know, because I knew, you know, they couldn't have been that much older than me, but it wasn't until, um, I was laid off from a job that I had time to go, okay, if I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it nowDamon (04:11):With extra time on her hands. She evaluated her possibilities for launching a search. David had already been on an internet search journey for a while that wasn't yielding any results. She figured if she was going to get any results, she would have to pay for them.Jennifer (<a...
David tried to find his birth mother in the early 90’s in California. He received non-identifying information back then, but it wasn’t much to act on at the time. Later, in 2015, motivated by his wife and his “lifetime sister”, he embarked on an intense collaboration with his adoption search angel Priscilla. Together they discovered his mother’s name and her location. David found an incredible photograph of his mother in the public library’s archives and was hopeful he would meet her soon. Unfortunately, he was too late to meet her in person. But in the end, he gained a full blooded sister that he didn’t even know he had. They get along great, and wish that they had grown up together.The post 015 – We Wish We Could Have Grown Up Together appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.David (00:03):The very first link I clicked on the screen slowly, you know, was showing an image and it was my mother in her wedding dress. It was the picture from that article. There was a young couple next to me and I just looked over and I said, that's my mom,Voices (00:26):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:33):This is Who Am I, Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. Hey, it's Damon. On the show today, I'm joined by David. He grew up in Southern California with one adopted sister whom he lovingly refers to as his lifetime sister. David remembers the day when his family went to pick up Jennifer when she was adopted and they both grew up knowing they were adoptees. He said he didn't really think about his biological family much until one day it just hit him. He didn't know anything about where he was from. His curiosity was peaked and fed by Jennifer's eventual discovery of her own biological father and urging from his wife to keep searching. In the end, David's collaborative teamwork with his adoption search angel, Priscilla, helped him learn more about his mother and father and connect to his biological sister. Here's David's journey.Damon (01:42):David grew up in Southern California and was perfectly comfortable with his adoption from an early age, but in his teen years there was a week where everybody was asking him if he was Irish. It turned out his adopted mother had a little bit of confirmation about his original identity.David (01:58):Grew up knowing my whole life that I was adopted. You know, I was told I, I don't know exactly at what age, but it was young enough that that's just what I knew and I didn't even know what it really meant quite frankly. I just kind of, I would tell people I'm adopted, you know, there was a period I was working, there was, it was shortly after I graduated high school and I was working at the grocery store as a box boy bagging groceries and stuff and the day shift. And so I'd have a lot of, you know, young mothers with their kids and stuff coming through. And in the period of like one or two weeks, I had three or four different people ask me if I was Irish. And I, I had never given it much thought I was raised Jewish. The family history of my adopted parents on both sides were a Russian immigrant who came to the U.S. Uh, my grandparents. So that was the only history I knew, which of course it wasn't my own personal biological heritage, you know, so I'd never given much thought about, you know, what nationality I was. And so I asked my mother, Hey, you know what, my nationality is? And sure enough, she said, yeah, you're mostly Irish and a little bit German.Damon (03:15):is that, right? People who are watching you on the street, we're spot on, huh?David (03:18):Yeah, yeah. You know, as a kid, when I thought Irish, I thought of like red-headed freckled and I'm not bad. Yeah, I guess it's Northern Irish. We have the dark hair and it's very common and stuff, but it's just something I really had never given a thought to. So that was kind of fascinating. And I asked my mother if she knew anything else. And again, I'm probably about 18 or 19 at this point. And she said she knew the last name on the birth certificate or whatever was Roby, but she, she said that, I don't think that was actually, you know, anybody related to you? I think it was my mother's first marriage, but she said she knew that I had two older half-brothers from her first marriage, a few years older than me. And I thought, Oh, that's interesting.Damon (04:05):How did she know that? Do you know?David (04:07):Well, yeah, I found out much later. She actually met my mother in the final signing off on the paperwork after I was born in court, you know, just kind of like formality and that was really all she knew. So that would have been like around 89 no, no. It'd been earlier than that, but yeah. And I couldn't do anything with that. Yeah, I think you had too much thought. Although I do remember one time I, uh, was with some friends and it was a beautiful day and I just kind of got really sad. I had like a whole thing about where the hell did I come from? I just suddenly felt alone in the universe. I felt like I have no idea where the heck I came from. I don't know why it hit me all at once. It was just kind of overwhelming.Damon (04:55):Several years later after David married his wife, Diane, she suggested he might want to try to locate his birth mother. I asked David why she made that suggestion and whether he thought she was seeing a need in him to search.David (05:08):I'm a musician. I didn't mention that, but I've had some lyrics that I've written, a whole song that wrote, Oh, gave me life, which is about that and some other songs where I've made reference to that. And so maybe that might've been one of the reasons.Damon (05:24):So you weren't overtly speaking about it, but your, your lyrics were showing some deep emotion and some thought...
Mary is 78, but she still has stinging memories of her mother leaving her in another woman’s guardianship. The era was the Great Depression but her mother wanted to go out and have fun without the responsibility of raising In guardianship she was sexually abused, then her guardian blamed her for the economic hardship in that house when the abuser left the home. Mary had grown too independent to reunite with her mother. But despite the trials of her life, she made sure to be the best mother she could possibly be when her children needed her.Read Full TranscriptMary:                          00:02               They would tell me, well, she’s not coming back. And I say, Oh yes, she’s coming. She’s coming to get me. But you know, she didn’t come to get me. So eventually you know you give up and then settling in. But I was devastated. I mean, it just, there’s no other word to describe it.Voices:                        00:27               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:34               This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members? Hey, it’s Damon. And today I was so lucky to talk to one of my own relatives, Mary, she and my biological mother Ann met well before I was able to locate Ann myself, Mary and Ann shared a common interest in, of all things, genealogy. Mary’s story isn’t one of a formal adoption, but being placed into the guardianship of someone else. She was a child during the Great Depression, an extremely challenging time economically and mentally for the health of our country. But Mary’s life challenges were deeply underscored by the upheaval of her family when her mother placed her and her young brother in the guardianship of a stranger. I asked her to tell me about her experiences growing up. I have to warn you, she does describe an abusive experience in her childhood that I suggest you don’t listen to in front of children. Here’s Mary Story. Hello?Mary:                          01:36               Hello Damon, how are you?Damon:                       01:40               I’m very well. How are you doing?Mary:                          01:43               I’m doing good.Damon:                       01:44               Excellent. Thanks for calling. How are you feeling?Mary:                          01:47               As well as one can be.Damon:                       01:47               Yeah. Now tell me, you knew my biological mother, Ann. Help me remember, how did you know her?Mary:                          01:55               well she and I both, attended genealogy conference we were sort of sitting next to each other and we started talking about where our family was from and so forth and so on. And we both came to the conclusion that we might be related, but you know.Damon:                       02:20               (Laughs)Mary:                          02:21               I’m going to say 10 years later we find out. Yeah, we are related.Damon:                       02:25               And what was the relation? Do you recall?Mary:                          02:27               Cousins.Damon:                       02:28               Through whom?Mary:                          02:29               now, it was, my grandfather, his brother, was your great...
Marni grew up in Madison, WI in a transracial family that lived a predominantly white community. Everywhere they went, they were stared at for the heterogeneity they brought to the community. The attention their family received was a constant reminder of their own racial diversity, but Marni’s father seemed to have wise and crafty ways to turn the tables to make his own children feel more comfortable. Still, Marni’s family had some internal dysfunction that fed her desire to search for her biological family always wanted to find her biological family. Initially, she thought things with her biological mother were going to be great, but it turned out that her biological father was the one she had the deepest connection to. Marni makes her living supporting foster youth in the Washington, DC area, pulling from her own experiences as an adoptee to uplift others. Read Full Transcript Marni:                          00:06                Maybe, just maybe all of this has led to a place where I am stable emotionally. I’m okay with talking about everything as it relates to my journey and why not use that as a backbone of strength to give back and help others. Voices:                         00:27                Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Damon:                        00:38                This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and today my guest is Marni. She grew up in Madison, Wisconsin, in a transracial family that lived in a predominantly white community, but everywhere they went, they were stared at, the attention their family received was a constant reminder of their racial diversity, but her father seemed to have wise and crafty ways to turn the tables to make his own children feel more comfortable. Still Marni always wanted to find her biological family, so on her 21st birthday, that’s exactly what she began to do. Initially, she thought things with her biological mother, were going to be great. But it turned out that her biological father was the one that she truly had a connection with. I asked Marni to tell me what life was like as an adoptee in her family and in her community. Marni recalls her childhood as one challenged by racial identity. Her family was racially diverse in, in Madison, Wisconsin in the 1970s, the kind of racial diversity and integration that her family showed was far from the norm and their families stood out in their community. Marni:                          01:53                We had a rainbow coalition, if you will, of a family in the early seventies in Madison, Wisconsin, which wasn’t exactly popular. And although my parents did, I think, everything they could to normalize something that really was not normal by society standards, it was still rough because we would go places and people’s jaws would drop. My family is, um, pretty into outdoor sporting. Um, for example, camping, canoeing, and in Wisconsin there’s lovely lakes and forests and such to hike through in the northern part of the state and in the northern part of the state, there’s no diversity of any kind. And so because that’s something that our family did recreationally, we spent a lot of time in northern Wisconsin in the summers and such. And there’s one particular story that I remember when we went into a restaurant, northern Wisconsin and literally walked in and all of the forks just dropped on the plates and everyone stared at us and it was very uncomfortable. Marni:                          02:55                I was maybe five years old and I just kept looking at my dad to see how he was responding because it was quite frankly a little scary. And we sat down, my dad reassured us it was fine, and everyone just kept staring. And my dad said, look at their shoes, just stare at people’s shoes. And I thought, okay, if dad says so we’re going to stare at shoes, so we’re all staring at people’s shoes. And one by one, people start kind of out of the corner of their own eyes looking down at their feet. And then we kinda started snickering and, and I, my father never ever said anything about that incident ever again. And it was years later that I realized the brilliance of my father because it was as silly for them to be looking at us as it was silly for us to look at their shoes. And so I use that as an illustrative story because it’s an example of how my parents very pragmatically took on the world because they decided to take on a colorful family. Damon:                        03:52                that’s fascinating. And that is really brilliant, right in the moment saying, you know what, if they want to stare at us, we’ll stare back at them and we’ll see who feels sillier. Because the honest truth is you guys are in the world, you can’t change it. And, and their, you know, lack of exposure to people of color shouldn’t mean that you guys should feel uncomfortable. That’s, that was pretty brilliant. Their family structure was really complicated amidst the adoptions. There was also divorce. And remarriage, adding step siblings to the mix. Siblings will always have some kind of rivalry with one another, but Marni experienced racism even within the sibling structure. Marni:                          04:28                One of my older sisters who is also biracial, black, white, but she is much darker complected than I am. She taunted me for my entire childhood and and would often times make comments about the fact that I was so fair complected and make up rhymes and stories and jingles about how fair complected I was, like to the point where I would blend into snow. And it’s interesting because I didn’t really get that racism like the black on black hate race stuff until much later in life. When I went to Howard University and it was, I think that it really came out of the fact that when we would go places as a whole unit, we were obviously different. But if I went some place with my parents, independent of my black siblings, I was treated completely differently and my sister knew that and she saw that, from afar. And you know, like going into restaurants when we were teenagers and my older brother and sister who are darker complected, the host is not even recognizing that they’re with us and wanting to seat them separately as if they’re a couple. And so my sister just resented me so much because I was the other black kid, but yet I got treated differently. Damon:                        05:41                Mhm. Wow. Marni:                          05:42                And then honestly I just, I’d have to own and admit that I used that to my advantage. Damon:                        05:47                In what way? Marni:                          05:48                because I, well I use it in the advantage of being able to fit in socially growing up because sometimes I just got really sick of the fact that we always had questions and stares and everywhere we went it was always, you know, why is your hair like that? Or is, how can that be your sister? That’s not really your brother. And if I could escape being around the different looking family structure, then I definitely would use it for my advantage to, to hang out with different kinds of peer groups. Like all white Damon:                        <a...
Elise has always been into genealogy and loved looking at family photos & records when she was a child. As a child of adoption, she wondered where her family of origin was? Reunion has had its ups and downs for Elise. The experience with her birth father’s family has been great over the last 20 years. She’s used her genealogy skills to solve a mystery about her paternal grandfather. Elise keeps a door open for communication if her mother or maternal family want contact, yet she understands and accepts that her mother may not be in a position to have a relationship.Elise says, “I am so appreciative of my journey, the good and the bad parts because getting to work out some of the puzzle pieces of my story and my paternal grandfather’s has been a gift and has helped me have a better sense of self and wholeness.” Read Full TranscriptElise:                           00:00               I will say the most important thing I found out about after meeting both of them is that you can truly appreciate having the entire puzzle put together because I could totally see like what I got from my mom and dad and what I received from my mother and father and you can appreciate what came from the nature side and what came from the nurture side.Voices:                        00:30               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:41               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Elise from Minnesota. She always wanted to search for her birth family and her interest in genealogy from a young age turned into a life’s passion to support adoptees after she found her own parents. After years of searching, Elise found her birth mother who located her birth father for her almost immediately. The reunion started off really well, but then it stalled when her mother closed the door. Thankfully her father still wanted to know his daughter and they fostered a long distance relationship before meeting in person. He told Elise that she had paternal roots in Fargo, North Dakota, but trying to connect to those roots revealed they had originated hundreds of miles away at a place, Elise was very familiar with, here’s Elise’s journey.Damon:                       01:39               Elise had one younger brother in her family, whom she remembers bringing home when he was adopted too. They had a large extended family with 16 first cousins. They were all so close in age they seemed almost like siblings. As time marched on, they grew up and had families of their own and over time it became more obvious how biological families kind of look and act similarly to one another, but Elise says she had an innate curiosity about the differences in herself and her family and the ultimate question of what she learned from them that had shaped her and what traits have been passed down to her.Elise:                           02:13               I always from a very early age, wanted to know where I came from, like what was the connection? How did I fit into the world? You know, that whole did you pop out down from a spaceship kind of thing?Damon:                       02:23               Yeah. Yeah. What kinds of things did you think about when you wanted to know more about yourself?Elise:                           02:28               Um, I didn’t really look like a lot of people in my family because most of the people in my family could go to the beach and not fry. I would go to the beach and turn into a lobster. So you know, I wanted to, and I kind of just wanted to know like where, you know, my interest came from and my personality and you know, what was nature and what was nurture and just where did l come from?Damon:                       02:50               Yeah. Yeah. I could imagine. You had one younger sibling who was also adopted. Did you guys talk about adoption at all as you got a little older?Elise:                           03:00               my parents and I talked about adoption a lot. My brother never really, I mean every once in a while he would talk about it, but it wasn’t, he and I didn’t talk about it a lot. I spoke about adoption with, I had some cousins that were very close in age to where I am and you know, I would speak to them about it.Damon:                       03:19               And did they get it? Did they understand it? Did you fit in with them? Were they at arms length? What did you get from them?Elise:                           03:26               No, we were, we were very close growing up. I mean most people in the town where we grew up, some people thought that my cousins were like my brothers, they didn’t, they were like, oh wait, are you brothers or cousins? Like how are you all connected? Because we were always together because there was this whole little clump of kids in the same age group. I’ve always wanted to search. I always knew I was going to search, but it wasn’t until like my older cousins started getting married and having children. And then you could see like how everything fit in their family. You could see like my grandparents and their parents and then my cousins and then their children. And you could kind of see how they all fit. And I was like, wait a second, where’s my fit? You know, and not taking anything away from my adoptive
When Sean was a kid, he found out he was adopted. That news created some conflict in him and challenged his identity. He began to rebel against his adopted parents, but some sage wisdom from his grandmother quickly set him straight. Sean returned to loving and appreciating the family he was a part of, but his desire to understand his identity never left. Older and married to his high school sweetheart, Sean’s family began to grow. He said that seeing his world in his oldest daughter’s eyes made him even more sensitive to his biological mother’s tough choice to let him go. After Sean finally mailed his introductory letter to his biological mother, which he had re-drafted several times over the years, he was finally able to reunite with her. He learned some of the ways that he’s just like his mother, and how one of his childhood sports heroes is actually his cousin! Read Full Transcript Sean:                            00:03                It wasn’t until Macy was born and you know for any first time father to look in the eyes of his child and I realized right then like at some stage, not so long ago, someone looked in my eyes when this happened to them and I thought, you know, where is she? And I thought for the first time, like as a parent like they had, there must’ve been a lot of pain to say goodbye. Speaker 3:                    00:29                Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? New Speaker:               00:41                This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members? Hey, it’s Damon today. I have the pleasure of introducing you to Sean as a kid. When he found out he was adopted, he created some conflict in him and challenged his identity. But some sage wisdom from one of the elders in his family set him straight again so that he could return to loving and appreciating the family he was already a part of. When he got a little older, married his high school sweetheart and their family began to grow. So did his curiosity about his biological mother’s experience, giving birth to him and relinquishing him to adoption. You’ll hear Shawn talk about connecting to his mother brothers and how he feels fortunate to have had the opportunity to say thank you for the life he leads. Damon:                        01:29                You and I talked quite a while ago about your story. Um, and I’d love to hear some of the details about how, how you grew up as an adoptee. Tell me about your, your family, your family structure when you found out you’re an adoptee and what it was like being an adoptee in your community. Sean:                            01:47                Sure. Uh, well, you know, uh, it’s kind of a funny story. Well, at least I’m able to laugh now, but you know, this whole journey for me started in the first grade when I, uh, I’ve found out what adopted meant about a year prior that my, my parents told me that I was adopted. They just didn’t fill in all the blanks for me. They didn’t really tell me what it meant except that I was special and I was chosen and you know, I was loved and all of that, you know, I just didn’t register with me that that’s anything other than it than an incredible thing. And Man, I’m, I’m like great special kid. Unfortunately the guy that filled in the gaps for me was a bully on the playground. And when he was a beaten me out on the playground, I asked him to back off because I was adopted and it was special and chosen and loved and welcome. Sean:                            02:34                And luckily he did stop for a moment and he said, what do you mean you’re done? Like your parents didn’t want here, they gave you when I said, no, no, that’s not what it means. And he said, yes it is. And the kids kind of chimed in and laughed and you know, I wound up in the principal’s office and in a small town that I was in, my dad was a bank manager and the principal’s like, hey, Sean fighting is one thing on the playground. But you know, telling stories lying like that, saying that you’re adopted son other. And he told me what it meant and he did. I didn’t believe that that’s what they actually meant by that. And I wound up running home at lunch. I live like half a mile from the school and my mom was there and I said, I am confused and crying. Sean:                            03:14                And she said, I better call your dad to come home from work. And I knew in that moment what they really meant and uh, it was a start of a rough couple of years, you know, and just trying to reconcile all of that. But anyhow, you know, the, the structure was a, I was, I was adopted by two wonderful parents who had already had two children on their own, had believed that they couldn’t have any more kids. They wanted to have a son, have another child. And they adopted me when I was a three or four months old. And I, uh, grew up about five hours, four hours from where I was born in a, in a house full of love. Um, turned out my mother could have other kids cause I have a younger sister. Damon:                        03:54                So you haven’t read biological siblings then? Sean:                            03:57                I do. Yeah. Damon:                        03:59                And you’re in between them. Sean:                            04:00                That’s right. Yeah. Second youngest wonderful family gave me everything I could have asked for more. You know, that that’s with all the things you’d expect and life experiences and guidance and love and everything else. So I consider myself very fortunate. Damon:                        04:16                Yeah. So you found out pretty young that you were adopted. I’m curious to know how did that at all affect your relationship to your siblings? You know, did you make the connection that you were now somehow different from them even at that young age? Sean:                            04:32                Well, you know, the, the connection with my sisters, even at that young age, I, I recognize that up to that point and then during that tough time where I was really trying to reconcile what was going on, like those three girls never treated me as anything less than full and equal member of the family. There was never any inkling before, during or after, you know, that I wasn’t one of them. Um, the disconnect for awhile was with my adoptive parents, which as a, as a young kid, immature and trying to deal with something difficult, you know, I resorted to calling them by their surnames, you know, Mister and misses and um, and had a really hard time reconciling what I considered a lie. You know, they, they hadn’t been truthful with me and I was also like many adopted kids confused as to how anybody could have given up on me. Um, and it, and none of it made sense. Damon:                        <a...
Growing up Joi tried to convince herself that being adopted didn’t bother her because she had such a great family. But in reality, great parents did not erase the fact that she didn’t know her birth parents. She laments that never saw anyone who looked like her, and of course, she could never answer a doctor’s questions about her health history.After connecting with a close cousin on AncestryDNA, they began a search through the family tree to locate her birth mother. After the state of New Jersey opened adoptee birth records, the cousins learned exactly who Joi was related to, and that their search had been off track. After receiving her original birth certificate (OBC), she was able to connect with her birth mother and her birth father in a story of joyous reunion befitting a woman named Joi.Since her interview originally aired in August 2017 Joi has published her adoptee memoir, “Finding Joi: A True Story of Faith, Family, and Love”Joi (00:01):Will there be a response to the letter? The fear of, okay, now I'll put all this out there and let's say it gets to her and she chooses not to respond. How will I know if she got the letter? Is she even interested in reconnecting with me and then what if I got to this point and I have a name, I have an address. I have even a church that she attends and what if she doesn't want to see me? How am I going to deal with that?Voices (00:30):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:41):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis, and on today's show you'll meet Joi. She grew up comforted by the adoption mantra that she was not expected, she was chosen. While adoption was an open topic in her home, Joi admits she hadn't reached a point of speaking freely about her own adoption publicly until she was in reunion. Her reunion story has some unexpected twists and turns as the DNA match she thought she had found turned out to be completely different from her expectation and another DNA match turned into a dead end. In the end, Joi's name lived up to its meaning, which her birth mother cleverly testified to in church for their very first meeting. Here's Joi's journey.Damon (01:31):Joi's adoption was an openly accepted fact in her life, even though people sometimes commented that she didn't quite look like her family.Joi (01:38):I don't remember how it happened or, but I've, I've always known, I know that I had a baby book and in the front of the baby book it had my pictures when I, I guess first came to them and at the bottom of the first page, it was a little card. It had a baby on the outside and when you flipped it over, it gave my birth date and it said on the outside I wasn't expected, I was selected. And I just remember that being a part of the conversation forever as it related to us talking about adoption. You know, the story of your mother wasn't able to care for you and she wanted you to have a good family. And that's how they kinda got me. And then from there, you know, it's, it's just always been a part of who I am. I won't say that it's always been a part of the conversations that we've had at home, but it's not been something that was hidden from me. Um, I've always known that piece.Damon (02:31):And you were comfortable with it because you always knew.Joi (02:33):I think I was, I think it was those little moments when somebody would say that, you know, that I didn't look like my father or I didn't act like some of my cousins. It was those times, you know, that kind of stuck out as moments when it came to the forefront where it normally wasn't an issue.Damon (02:49):Right. And you could think to yourself, well, I could tell you why, but..Joi (02:53):Right. And, but, and, and that's the hard part of it too. Because now as I look at where I am now, I can openly say that's because I'm adopted. But that's something that I would never have said.Damon (03:04):Yeah. As a child trying to figure out your own identity.Joi (03:08):Yeah. But then I was reading an article the other day and the lady was talking about how it speaks to our truth, you know, the fact that we are adopted. So to be able to say that now so openly and freely, it is a relief. It does make me feel like, you know, I'm not hiding part of myself anymore.Damon (03:26):And it's a, I think to a degree, somewhat of relief for the people around you too. Because I think they can sense it. The reason that they've said, well you don't look like your cousins or you don't act like your father or whatever the thing is is because they've picked up on something too. So to have that conversation be something you can have just right out in the open now is, is a, is a freeing feeling, I think for me.Joi (03:50):Yeah, I agree. I agree. And I think even for my daughters, it's been funny as they talk to their friends and have been sharing our journey and sharing pictures and things of that nature, some friends are like, yeah, I never thought your mother looked like her father. Well that's because, and by the way, let me show you a picture of what her father, her birth father looks like. So we are able to laugh about it now and, and joke about it, but you know, and those were the little things that some people just wouldn't say. You have people who are a little bit more bold where they will. Well that can't be your child. You know, I'm going, wow.Damon (<a...
You probably know by now that I’ve written book to share my story, just like so many of our crib mates who have documented their own stories.It’s called Who Am I Really, An Adoptee Memoir. In this episode I introduce my own story, and recap lessons learned from the Who Am I Really podcast.Read Full TranscriptDamon:                       00:00               I want to start by thanking all of you for listening to the show. I wasn’t sure this would turn into anything meaningful when I first brainstormed, Who Am I Really? But your comments on episodes, ratings on apple podcasts, personal notes and contributions on Patreon have meant so much to me. I’m not even kidding when I tell you that the feedback is the fuel that helps me continue this passion project and labor of love. I’ve been humbled by the number of people who have reached out to share their adoption journey and I thank all of my guests for their bravery in opening their inner thoughts and deepest emotions for others to hear. You’re helping other adoptees to feel like they are validated about whatever mental state they’re in or have been in and that they’re not alone on this particular journey through life. You’re helping everyone who listens to understand the adoptee perspective from your own words because you’ve lived these experiences. You’re sharing has taught me empathy for other people, not just adoptees, but everyone. We all go through something in our lives and hearing adoption and reunion stories has opened my eyes to just how much we all endure, how resilient we can be in the face of adversity and how we handle our happiness, anger and seek or grant forgiveness. I’m so thankful to my guests for trusting me with helping to share their journeys and now it’s my turn.Voices:                        01:25               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       01:36               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. You probably know by now that I’ve written a book to share my story, just like so many of our crib mates who have documented their own stories. It’s called Who Am I Really an adoptee memoir. If you haven’t seen it already, you should head over to facebook.com/WAIReally to see a video of my son Seth and me when we opened the box of books when it arrived. It was super cute to watch Seth get emotional as he held the book in his hand for the first time. It’s been a long time coming and I’m really proud of it. A few people have asked me about my writing process, so I’ve told them one of the first things you have to do is you just have to start writing, but my editor gave me some great advice, which I also shared.Damon:                       02:29               She recommended that I note the things that I wanted people to get out of my book. The reason I was writing it, she pointed out that that exercise would help me focus the writing to make sure those core elements were clearly articulated. But when I started writing, I realized that when I tell my adoption story, it usually focuses on the incredible reunions I experienced with my biological parents Ann and Bill. But my story is about more than myself and reunion and it began many years before I was born. I decided I wanted to learn more about my biological mother, what she was like as a young woman, what events led to her pregnancy with me and the decision to place me for adoption. I wanted to understand more about the personalities of my adoptive parents as young people, learn about when they fell in love and got married and what transpired for them leading to my adoption. I interviewed my adoptive parents, relatives and friends, and I interviewed my natural parents, relatives and friends to document the history behind my birth and adoption. This book tells pieces of their stories as well as my own. It explores my decision to search for my birth mother while losing my adoptive mother to mental illness. Then the book comes full circle after I met my biological parents who were both genealogists, with me sharing our history with Seth, the youngest branch on our family tree. So I hope you don’t mind if I take a few minutes to read the prologue and first chapter to you and just like I lead into every other show. This is my journey.Damon:                       04:04               Who Am I Really? By Damon L. Davis, read by Damon L. Davis. Prologue: The adoption of a child is a very complicated process to fully comprehend unless you’ve lived through one, you probably don’t fully understand. The adoption process is said to be a triad of participants, birth parents adoptees and adopted parents, but I believe adoption is a combination of far more, every person, adoptee or otherwise is molded by their immediate and extended family, their broader community and its belief systems and myriad other factors too numerous to name. On my podcast, Who Am I Really? WWW.WhoAmIReallypodcast.com I’ve spoken to dozens of adoptees about their experiences in adoption and their attempts to reunite with their biological family members. On the show, I have learned there are countless complicating factors in every person’s life and adoption as a life’s journey takes on many forms.Damon:                       05:05               My podcast guests have talked about the ways their adoptive parents tried to make sure they felt comfortable with their adoption. Some parents buy books on the subject to read with their children explaining that they are loved and attempting to make them feel special for being chosen for adoption. Often adopted children do feel comforted that they were special enough to be chosen, but sometimes they wonder why they weren’t special enough to be kept and raised by their own parents. Guests have shared stories of transracial adoptions in which parents of one race adopted child from another race. I’ve heard tales of people adopted into certain global cultures or religions who feel very little connection to that upbringing, always sensing that they were someone else deep inside. Others feel a different kind of disconnect from their adoptive family like being an artistic, free-spirited, creative person in a family of rule following straight arrows.Damon:                       05:58               Some people have said they felt extroverted in an introverted family or they just saw the world differently than their adoptive parents and siblings. Sometimes the differences are physical, like skin tone or height and weight, but one of the worst scenarios for adoptees is having unsupportive or even abusive adoptive parents who overtly or intentionally reminded the adoptee that they were the biological child of someone else. Searching for our relatives is an adventure unto itself. I’ve heard amazing tales of people’s searches for their family back in the pre internet days. Those stories are amazing to me as adoptees recount the true detective work they had to do. They share tales of numerous appeals to the court system to release their...
Sandee shared the story of her life with an adopted brother who was coddled by their mother, so much so, that it reinforced her own natural position as a Daddy’s girl. That favoritism forced Sandee’s independence from her mother, but also created a bit of a rift between them. Locating her birth mother happened very quickly once she was offered some search assistance. But when those same volunteers couldn’t find anything about her birth father, Sandee questioned whether her birth mother had been honest about her conception. Luckily, when the truth was finally revealed through DNA, Sandee’s life turned out to be proof of something her paternal half-sister already suspected.Read Full TranscriptSandee:                       00:02               I had told her that we had made contact and that we talked on the phone and by text. I can remember telling her that and saying, are you going to be okay with that? And she said, well, I don’t have a choice now do I? And I was like, Ooh, I guess I didn’t handle this very well. And she was not good with it. It hurt her, which I hate that it hurt her, but at the same time it really had nothing to do with her.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Sandee. She called me from Arkansas. Sandee shared the story of her life with an adopted brother who was coddled by their mother. So much so that it reinforced her own natural position as daddy’s girl. Locating her birth mother happened very quickly once she was offered some search assistance, but when those same volunteers couldn’t find anything about her birth father Sandee questioned whether her birth mother had been honest about her conception. Luckily, when the truth was finally revealed through DNA, Sandee’s life turned out to be proof of something her paternal half sister already suspected. This is Sandee’s journey. First, Fun fact about Sandee, Her world revolves around animals.Sandee:                       01:43               I have seven dogs and four cats, two non releasable raccoons, and right now I’m babysitting my brother’s...
Megan grew up in an affluent suburb of Chicago and was comfortable with her adoption, but curious about her start in life. After pregnancy, “I struggled with mental health problems and became addicted to narcotics and anti-anxiety meds.” When she met her maternal relatives, things went well until her aunt shunned her for her addiction recovery. On her paternal side, that same news, being in recovery, was met with acceptance, because we all have our challenges. More than anything, Megan is thankful to finally have a sister, and it’s someone listeners already know. (http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/071-i-would-give-anything-to-hear-his-voice/)Read Full TranscriptMegan:                        00:03               Am I opening up my heart to this woman who is just gonna stomp on it? Do I let myself accept the love that’s coming at me and just take it at face value and so that’s what I decided to do, but I was not going to make, you know, midnight pilgrimage to Chicago to meet them. Because I’ve been hurt. You know what I mean? I’ve been really hurt by my birth mother’s side of the family.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Megan. She called me from Minneapolis, Minnesota. Megan grew up in an affluent suburb of Chicago and was comfortable with her adoption but curious about her start in life. When she met her maternal relatives, things went well until her aunt shunned her for her addiction recovery. On her paternal side, that same news was met with acceptance because we all have our challenges, but more than anything, Megan is thankful to finally have a sister and it’s someone listeners already know. This is Megan’s journeyDamon:                       01:34               Megan grew up in Beverly, an affluent neighborhood on the south side of Chicago. She’s the oldest of three children in her family, all adopted, raised strict Irish Catholic. Megan says she was told she was adopted from as far back as she can remember and it was something to be proud...
Amanda describes her childhood with a father she considered to be a hero and a mother whom she loves despite her physical and mental abuse while showing favoritism toward her sister. She always wanted to search for her birth parents, scouring her house for information about herself when she was a kid. Unable to endure the abuse against herself and her brother Amanda called social services, after which she was disowned. When she finally obtained her adoption records she found one birth parent was deceased, and the other didn’t want contact yet.Read Full TranscriptAmanda:                      00:02               I want him to contact me when he wants to be a part of my life. We’ll get to know me, but it still hurts because I talked to the brothers all the time and I’m like, why can’t he just pick up the phone and just call me or or even returning email. It would be wonderful to just have something. It’s just like don’t silence it. It is so, so I would just give anything to hear his voice.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I in mind?Damon:                       00:47               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Amanda. She called me from Mount Horeb, Wisconsin. Amanda is originally from Milwaukee, Wisconsin and she says, even though she lives in the country, you still can’t get the city out of her. Amanda describes a childhood with her father. She considered to be a hero into mother whom she loves despite her physical and mental abuse, while showing favoritism toward her sister. She always wanted to search for her birth parents, scouring her house for information about herself when she was a kid. When she finally obtained her records, she found one birth parent was deceased and the other not wanting contact yet. This is Amanda’s journey. Amanda was born in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, the second baby to her 23 year old birth mother, but she was placed in foster care when she was nine months old.Amanda:                      01:48               My mom actually gave me upon her own volition initially because she thought that I would be better off with someone else because she just was having a tough time with it and actually it was...
Daniela was born in a small mining town in Chile. Adopted by a German family who moved from South America to Miami, she never felt like she belonged. While struggling as a teenager and burning to know more about her own heritage she was psychoanalyzed and medicated by doctors, and she wanted to end it all. When she found her maternal sisters online their reunion in Chile was lovely. Later when Daniela’s paternal sisters found her online, the maternal family said they never wanted to hear from her again. Daniela’s reunion with her paternal family has helped her get in touch with her roots and feel whole for the first time in her life. Read Full TranscriptDaniela:                       00:02               I was so, so happy. I was so excited, so happy. My sisters were like, Oh, well, we never did get the results. Let us know. First, let her go first. So first thing I did is I let my sister know and I shouldn’t have done that. Why is that? What happened? Anything turned from them. Everything true and it went from. It went from everything was great and framing. We were really good with each other to to them shutting the door on me and never speaking to me again.Damon:                       00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who Am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and today you’ll meet Daniela. She was born in Chile. Daniela was adopted by a German family who later moved to Miami. She was out of place in her family and out of place in a new country during her teen years. She was seen as a problem given psychotherapy and medicated when in reality she was just passionate in her own self expression. In her twenties, she was able to locate her biological mother and sisters back in Chile and they began a wonderful reunion, but when Daniela discovered her birth father’s true identity, her maternal side turned their backs for good. In the end, Daniela is very thankful for what she now knows about herself as a native Chilean. This is Daniela’s journey. Daniela was born in Coronel. Her mother was low income and it was common for babies to be adopted by foreigners.Daniela:                       01:53               She had a social
Nicole was adopted into a military family, the structure of which ran against her freewheeling nature. She’s an interracial woman with interracial adopted parents, so they looked like a natural family. In reunion, Nicole is facing secondary rejection from her birth mother, but her maternal grandparents and uncle have accepted her with open arms. She’s learned that her birth father wanted to keep her, and her paternal family feels so natural, Nicole feels like she’s found her tribe.Read Full TranscriptNicole:                         00:05               I feel like I’ve found my tribe. These are, these are the people that like I fit. I feel like I’ve found peace within myself because it’s not who am I really? It’s it’s I am me and I’m who I’m always supposed to have been. It was just put in a different family.Voices:                        00:30               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:42               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Nicole. She called me from the terrible rush hour traffic in downtown Atlanta, Georgia. She was raised in the south, but her mixed racial heritage partially originates from Germany by way of the Commonwealth of Virginia, a state we’re in adoptees. Legal rights to obtain their original birth information are extremely prohibitive in reunion. She’s exercising patience with her birth mother as she waits to be revealed to her maternal siblings, but she’s also surrounded by love and acceptance by other family members on both sides. This is Nicole’s journey.Damon:                       01:30               Nicole was born in Virginia, adopted after three months in foster care. She is a woman of mixed race and she was adopted into a mixed race family. Her mother is white from Germany, her father is African American from Boston, and she grew up in a military...
Kendra’s story is filled with peaks and valleys of emotion. After running far, far away in her teens, Kendra’s adopted mother blamed her for her adopted father’s demise. She and her mother were estranged for years until her adopted mother’s mortality changed their relationship. In reunion, her birth mother accepted her return but kept Kendra a secret. Decades later she had an amazing reunion with her siblings, only to find things were turning upside down at home.Read Full TranscriptKendra:                       00:05               I think that’s why I never really talked about my childhood with my kids. I just thought I’m just going to lock it up, you know, weld it behind this gate and it’s never. It can’t hurt if I don’t talk about it and that was a colossal parenting mistake. I do not recommend doing that at all because it will all come doubling up to the surface when you least expect it.Voices:                        00:31               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:42               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Kendra. Kendra lives near Palm Springs, California. Her story is filled with peaks and valleys of emotion. After running far, far away, Kendra’s adopted. Mother blamed her for her adopted father’s demise. She and her mother were estranged for years until her adopted mother’s mortality changed their relationship. In reunion Her birth mother accepted her return, but kept Kendra a secret. Then decades later, she had an amazing reunion with her siblings only to find things were turning upside down at home. This is Kendra’s journey.Damon:                       01:34               Kendra was adopted after one week of life in 1965. Her parents planned on adopting another little boy, but unfortunately they divorced, so Kendra was an only child. She grew up in Torrance, California, and she remembers the day she was told that she was adopted and how she was made to feel.Kendra:                       <a...
Kandi grew up in a loving Christian home, an adoptee with one older sister who was biologically related to their parents. Kandi found her biological mother living in Gulf Port, Mississippi where she was lucky to spend time with the woman before losing her a few months later. Today, Kandi’s family reflects the structure of her own childhood—-she has 6 biological children, and one adopted daughter, who is actually her biological niece.The post 052 – Little Who? appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Kandi (00:03):I've never faulted her for putting me up for adoption. Like I always kind of rationalized that it was because she was too young and that's just kinda how I imagined it. You know, there was some circumstance that she loves me, but she wasn't in a position to raise me. And so I just, that's just kinda what I lived on. I never felt like I wasn't wanted to her.Damon (00:47):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members?Damon (00:57):I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Kandi with a K kandi called me from Laurel Mississippi. She's a mother of seven children with a family composition, similar to her own as a child. One of her kiddos is adopted and the others are biological to herself. Kandi tells the tale of how that adoption came to be after guidance through prayer. Her good fortune to spend time with her birth mother before losing the woman and the forgiveness she holds in her heart for the man who forced her into this world. This is Kandi's journey. Kandi was born in Gulf port on the coast of Mississippi, but her story starts well before her own birth with her adopted mother. Back when she was a child around sixth grade as a part of a church program called girls in action, her mother's church took young girls to a home for unwed mothers. It's not clear to Kandi what the purpose of the trip was for the girls, but she does know it was impactful on her mother.Kandi (01:59):And so my mom had gone and while she was visiting and looking around, she saw a baby in the nursery there. And, um, she promised God that when she grew up, she would adopt, she married her high school sweetheart. And they were told it would be very difficult for them to get pregnant, but they, um, tried anyway and finally had not oldest sister and no complications that the doctor was like, you know, you're not going to be able to get pregnant again. And this was just a, a one on one shot thing. And then after several years of not being able to get pregnant, they decided to start looking at adoption. It took about five years for them to finally get their hands on me. So I was only about, I would say, I think I was about 14 days old when I came home and the older sister by that time was 13 years old. And she was actually...
Kennon was raised by in the lumber town of Mattawa, Canada, where he was one of the only people of color in the community. Growing up in a predominantly white community, he later had trouble assimilating into the black and Jamaican communities when he moved to Toronto. Struggling to find himself, Kennon journeyed to the land of his roots, Jamaica, discovered Rastafarianism, and ultimately found the love and acceptance he missed his entire life.The post 050 – Dem Smell De Blood, They Know Who You Are appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Kennon: (00:05)She just said, like, I'm so sorry for everything that happened to you. If I knew that just I would have gone to Canada, myself to bring you back to Jamaica, to make sure that you grew up around your people. You know, Damon: (00:22)Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis. And today you're going to meet Kennon. He called me from Markham, a suburb of Toronto, Canada. Kennon is a man of mixed race who grew up in a predominantly white community. And the racially charged comments he heard in his youth were alienating for a guy who just wanted to belong. When he moved to Toronto, his upbringing in the small town hindered his ability to fit in with people of color throughout Kennon's life. It seems like he didn't belong anywhere until he found his roots in Jamaica. This is Kennon's journey. Kennon grew up in Matawa Canada, a small French Canadian lumber town. He was a Brown skin child in a community filled with white people. He said it didn't take him very long to feel how different he was from the rest of his community. Kennon: (01:36)I was different than others because I lived in a principally white community and a French Canadian community. And I was Brown you know or black or whatever you want to call it mixed. I'm mixed race. So, you know, I'm not, uh, I'm not the darkest man around, but I'm also not a, nobody would mistake me for a white person either. So the pressure of being different, you know, probably prompted me to inquire with my parents, uh, probably earlier than most adopted kids might as to why I'm being targeted for being different and all those kinds of things. Right. You know, my earliest solid recollection of, of really starting to feel that sort of, uh, awkwardness and, and, and understanding that I wasn't, the child of my parents was probably, I don't know, seven, eight, nine years old before it really started to like sink in, in a way that I could, you know, actively think about in a conscious manner. Damon: (02:40)That's fascinating. And what did you think about what, when you say you were targeted for being different, what kinds of
Sherie said she sometimes thought about searching for her birth family, but even talking about it with her husband made her cry. She finally gathered the strength to search after voraciously reading “The Girls That Went Away”. It dramatically changed her perspective about her own adoption and the possibilities for what her birth mother might have endured. Unfortunately, when Sheri’s court-appointed investigator found her birth mother the woman wasn’t ready to reunite…yet. It took time for Sheri’s birth mother to overcome a family loss and regain her strength to face Sheri. Thankfully, Sheri was patient along the way, making sure that building trust with her birth family was the foremost goal in her reunion.The post 049 – It’s Just More People To Love Me appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.
When Kaitlin was nine years old she was ready to lobby for access to her original birth certificate. She attempted a reunion with her birth mother, who left clues that she wanted to be found. But when she was located she was surprised. Kaitlin’s excitement over finding her family led her to a misstep that soured the relationship with her birth mother. Luckily, things went much better for Kaitlin and her birth father, who just happened to be in town when she called!The post 048 – It’s Not Always The Fairy Tale You Hoped For appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.
When Anna was born, her adoption resulted in Anna and her mother living as siblings. Very early in her life she lost her birth mother and her adopted mother, so she was on her own. Anna shares how she survived those tragic losses, physical abuse by her stepmother, and a life few parental figures. Since she never had male figure in her life, Anna struggles with how best be a daughter in reunion. But her paternal family always pulls her back in when she starts to drift away. The post 047 – I Was In Charge Of My Destiny appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.
Michael says he always knew he was adopted and spoke openly about it with anyone who expressed curiosity. However, when he launched his search, he didn’t feel like he could share those details openly with his adopted mother. When he found his birth mother, she told Michael she always knew he would find her. To continue his search for his birth father, she encouraged Michael to connect with his half-brother by another woman but forewarned Michael that his birth father didn’t know of his existence. But it turned out there was a lot more Michael’s father didn’t know… about himself.The post 045 – This Child Will Find Me appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Michael (00:05):She said before her mother passed away, she was saying, you should really find your, your, your sons. And I think she might've been looking on her own before she died, because her DNAs on 23 and me, and it's my number one hit.Damon (00:27):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Michael. He's a theater teacher in New Jersey. He says he always knew he was adopted and spoke openly about it with anyone who expressed curiosity. But when he launched his search, he didn't feel like he could share those details openly with his adopted mother, when he found his birth mother, she told Michael, she always knew he would find her to continue his search for his birth father. She encouraged Michael to connect with his half brother by another woman. But for warned Michael, that his birth father didn't know of his existence, it turned out there was a lot more that Michael's father didn't know about himself. This is Michael's journey. Michael grew up with three siblings, one adopted sister, three years older than himself and twin siblings born to his parents, whom they brought home from the hospital exactly two years to the day after they brought him home. Michael was so comfortable with how his family was formed. He openly shared that he's an adoptee with everyone. When he eventually found his birth parents, he went back to his adopted mother to ask when she actually told him he was adopted.Michael (01:59):People always ask me, when did you know, you know, how old were you when you found out you were adopted? And I, I don't remember being told that I was adopted. I, I just have always known. Um, and when I've spoken to, when this whole thing happened with my birth parents and I spoke to my adopted mother and I asked her, I said, when did you tell me? Cause I don't remember. I don't remember. And she said that they were taught, you know, through the adoption agency, you know, they, they were advised by them to tell, to tell me, as, as young, as even in the crib telling, you know, you're loved and you're, you're, you know, you you're special and all this stuff. And so I guess it just was always known to me, uh, and growing up, you know, I was very open about...
Paige didn’t even know that searching for her birth family was an option until she learned about it on local tv as an adult. The topic of adoption was closed her whole life, partially because of how her parents understood and portrayed her closed adoption to her. Fortunately, Ohio law allowed her to access her original birth certificate (OBC). Receiving personal information about herself ignited a passion to learn more and set her off on a voyage of discovery. Paige was lucky to find her birth father’s name in the papers, a which doesn’t always happen for adoptees in that era. She connected with him one time, then he vanished. When he resurfaced, Paige was able to complete her journey because he had finally decided to be honest with his family about his past.The post 043 – When I Looked At Him, I Could See Things About Me appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Paige (00:05):And I just knew don't push certain buttons. It's not worth it. There's no point in making a 78 year old guy embarrassed about something from 1961. That's right. Now he married the right person for him.Damon (00:27):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Paige. She lives outside of Cincinnati, Ohio growing up Paige, never talked about her adoption with anyone. The topic of adoption was closed partially because of how her parents understood and portrayed her closed adoption to her. But as a young married woman, she saw on TV that Ohio actually did allow her to access her original birth certificate, receiving personal information about herself, ignited a passion to learn more and set her off on a voyage of discovery. Paige was lucky to find her birth father's name in the papers, which doesn't always happen for adoptees. In that era. She connected with him one time. Then he vanished when he resurfaced, Paige was able to complete her journey because he had finally decided to be honest with his family about his past. This is Paige's journey. Paige was born in Ohio in March of 1961. Her understanding is her birth mother went into labor early. So after her birth, she spent a month in an incubator before being adopted. 13 months later,Paige (01:56):I was born in Ohio at, at the time. Um, and my parents didn't my parents who raised me, did not understand the law really well, or it was one of those, you know, how people hear what they want to hear and see what they want to see and think what they want to think. Their understanding. I don't believe they lied to me in any kind of direct way. Their understanding of the law was since it was a closed adoption, that meant I could never, ever in my entire life of lives ever find them because it was closed the way the law in Ohio was. And my parents didn't bother to keep up on these things because they basically got what they wanted and were like, we're...
Right before Sharon left for college, her parents sat her down to say she was of age to start looking for her birthparents. She had never contemplated that possibility before, so it took years for her to act on her desire to learn more about herself. In the late 1980s, she went through Catholic Charities to help retrace the path back to her biological family. But her assigned intermediary maintained tight control over the family’s communications, stifling their connection. For five years Sharon and her birth mother communicated laboriously through their intermediary before her mother closed the door. After years of silence in her reunion attempt, Sharon decided to try just one more time to break through her birth mother’s resistance, and she was glad she did. Her birth mother apologized for everything she had put Sharon through.The post 042 – This Little Voice Said, “You Gotta Do Something” appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Sharon (00:02):I tried to convey to Colleen, this is important to me. This is this the stuff about me that I've always wondered where it came from. And I don't know that she really understood. I think she had a lot of sorrow because she turned to me one time when we were visiting and said, I am just so sorry for what I put you through.Damon (00:30):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Sharon. She spoke with me from Houston, Texas. She was adopted through Catholic charities there in the late 1960s. Sharon was the older of two adoptees in her family. Her younger brother challenging her parents a lot along the way. In her twenties she found her biological relatives, but the decision was made for Sharon that there would be no meeting. When she finally made contact with her birth mother, a Catholic charities, intermediary maintain tight control over the communication stream. Frustrating everyone involved after years of silence in her reunion attempt, Sharon decided to try just one more time. And she was glad she did her birth mother apologized for everything she had put Sharon through. This is Sharon's journey. Sharon was born in 1967 in Houston. Her parents were unable to conceive children. So they adopted children. They were active in their local community. Her father with the fire department, her mother was a school nurse and they were a part of the church.Sharon (01:58):My father, my adoptive father had some chronic illness problems and just wasn't able to conceive. And, and, um, it was never really discussed, but it was just, you know, the understanding was is they just, they were infertile. So they wanted to adopt, you know, in the Catholic church, you know, the, the emphasis is on family. So if you aren't able to make a family go find one. So they, they adopted me. And, um, I was raised in Houston. I, uh, we lived in Houston. Then when I got to be a school age,
Jennifer was perfectly comfortable with her adoption until her teen years when her self-awareness was heightened, and her desire to learn more about who she is bloomed. Protecting her parents feelings, she pushed away her desire to search for decades until one day her curiosity exploded again. In the end, her residual drive from her experience as a detective on the Chicago police force helped her to keep asking questions and pressing on with her search. Jennifer shares her warm feelings from knowing her birth mother always talked about her and her birth father’s family welcomed her w/ the same love they felt for her father.The post 040 – I Mattered Throughout The Years appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.
When I met Bill, summer 2017, and found out he was a genealogist, I was excited to hear everything he had to say. I wanted to hear more about his own personal history, how he got into genealogy, and the clients he’s helped. My birth mother was also a genealogist, but I never got to learn about her work before she passed away. I was really lucky to find Bill who also ended up being one of my genealogists!The post 038 – Interview w/ One Of My Two Genealogists appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.
Lee, my search & reunion social worker in Baltimore, MD, unlocked many of the answers about why I was placed for adoption. She worked to locate my biological mother, Ann, and read my birth mother’s introductory letter to me over the phone. For National Adoption Awareness Month I interviewed Lee about her passion for searches and reunions, her personal connection to adoption, stories from her decades of experience supporting children and families in Baltimore.The post 037 – Interview w/ A Search & Reunion Social Worker appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.
November is National Adoption Awareness Month, so I’m bringing you a different perspective from the adoption community. On prior episodes you’ve heard adoptees talk about the amazing work that they’re search angels have done with them. Today I’m introducing you to one of those search Angels. You’ve already heard about her work in my interview with Stephanie (in episode 29) where she lauded the work of her amazing spouse AND Search Angel, Diana. Diana has always been into family history and exploring genealogy, so when Stephanie’s search for her birth relatives began Diana was all in. Diana shares the processes she goes through to assist adoptees in their searches, some lessons she’s learned over years of searching, and why her volunteer work to help others is meaningful to her.The post 035 – Interview w/ A Search Angel – For Every Answer You Get, There Are More Questions appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Diana (00:00):There's a transformation that happens with people and my experience with adoptees is people start out saying, I just want to know a name and I like to say for every answer you get, you end up with five more questions because then it's not just a name. Then you want to know what they look like. Then you want to know something about them. Then you know, then you want to know, did they wonder about me?Voices (00:38):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:49):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and it's November, which is National Adoption Awareness month. So on today's show, I'm bringing you another different perspective from across the adoption community. Here on Who Am I Really, I focus on people's adoption journeys and their attempts at reunification with their biological family members. On prior episodes, you've heard adoptees talk about the amazing work that their search angels have done with them. Today, I'm introducing you to one of those search angels. You've already heard about her work. in my interview with Stephanie in episode 29 where she talked about her amazing spouse and search angel Diana.Stephanie (01:34):Diana is now a California search angel. This became one of those things that you know I felt so strongly about as did she, that she got involved in the search angel community.Damon (01:45):She found a calling and you were her first client.Stephanie (01:48):Well, that's kind of the way it is.Damon (01:50):Diana says she's always been into family history and exploring genealogy, so when Stephanie's search for her birth relatives began, she was all in. Diana shares the processes she goes through to assist adoptees in their searches, some lessons she learned over the years of searching and why her volunteer work to help others is meaningful to her. Here's the story of Diana's work as a search angel. I started by asking Diana what her own connection to adoption had been. She says in her younger days, she didn't really think about adoption even though there were one or two adoptees around her that she was aware of. Everything changed when she met Stephanie. Diana was very close to her own mother, but when she witnessed Stephanie's interaction with her mother, they had one of the oddest interactions she had ever seen between mother and daughter.Diana (02:43):There was just something about it, the body language, the way her mother spoke to her. I remember when her mother left the room, I asked her, I said, Stephanie, what's your relationship with your mother like? And she looked at me and she goes, I hope you won't think that I'm...
Today I’m bringing you something a little different for #NationalAdoptionMonth. There are a lot of people, processes, and policies integral to the adoption of a child, raising a child, and supporting that person’s desire to search for their birth family. I’m bringing you a few stories from across the adoption continuum. The first is that of the Gift Of Adoption Fund (https://giftofadoption.org/donate/), a volunteer-driven non-profit organization that raises funds to provide adoption assistance grants to complete the adoption of vulnerable children. Gift of Adoption’s CEO Pam Devereux shares a little of her own story of being personally driven to helping others, the mission of the organization, and how she hopes many more of us will consider donating to charities that support adoption because, ultimately, the welfare of all children is on all of us.The post 032 – Intervew With The Gift Of Adoption Fund appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Pam (00:00):Adoption is sort of like a one day sort of thing, but then the family is forever and so hearing about the ripple effect of that to me is what warms my heart and it just makes me feel grateful for what we're able to do.Voices (00:23):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:30):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members? I'm Damon Davis and today I'm bringing you something a little different. Normally Who Am I Really shares stories of adoptees trying to connect with their birth families, but in talking to so many adoptees, it has become clear to me that there are a lot of people, processes and policies integral to the adoption of a child, raising a child and supporting that person's desire to search for their birth family. There are birth parents, foster parents and adoptive parents. There are social workers, search angels, policymakers in court systems and advocacy groups all contributing their piece to the adoption community. For National Adoption Month, I'm bringing you a few stories from across the adoption continuum. Don't worry. I still have reunion stories planned, but I wanted to share some other perspectives too. The first is that of a volunteer driven nonprofit organization that raises funds to provide adoption assistance grants to complete the adoption of vulnerable children. The organization is called The Gift of Adoption Fund and my guest today is Pam Devereaux, CEO of The Gift of Adoption. You may hear me refer to it as GOA. You can find them online at giftofadoption.org. Pam shares a little of her own story of being personally driven to help others. The mission of Gift of Adoption and how she hopes many more of us will consider donating to charities that support adoption because ultimately the welfare of all children is on all of...
Jamie grew up an only child with her wonderful adoptive parents in the suburbs of Atlanta, GA. She was happy to hear in reunion that her birth parents had already talked about her existence with their families. Living in Tennessee, she found her birth mother right back in Atlanta, in the same county where she lived as a girl. Jamie shares some truly special moments she was blessed to share with her birth father including a special dance, and an epic celestial event.The post 031 – Finding Hope appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Jamie (00:03):I choose to know both of them today. You know from the time that I found them and not you know, anything in the past that's just, we all have paths and I choose to know them today and for who they are today, no matter what the situation was, you know, 38 years ago.Voices (00:24):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:35):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Jamie. She lives in Tennessee, but she grew up as an only child with her wonderful adoptive parents in the suburbs of Atlanta, Georgia. She started her search when she was 18 years old, finding her birth mother first in 2010 and her birth father recently in 2017 she was happy to hear in reunion that her birth parents had already talked about her existence with their families. Jamie tells the story of her blessings in reunification and some truly special moments she was able to share with her birth father when they first met. Here's Jamie's journey.Damon (01:24):Jamie was adopted as an infant and her parents were super loving when she was a child and their lives revolved around her and her activities. They got her involved in everything from dance and music lessons to church and choir. Jamie shared how her parents were doting parents and she was proud of being an adoptee, but her parents weren't comfortable with her openly discussing her adoption.Jamie (01:46):Well, I had basically always known that I was adopted, but according to my mom, I was told by the son of a family friend when I was very young,...
Jen had a very nice childhood with her parents and never really wanted to search for her birth parents until her friends started having kids. But the ultimate spark that ignited her desire to search came from a family tragedy.In the aftermath Jen located her birth mother and they connected over social media, but Jen could never get her mother on the phone and that gave her a bad feeling. While she’s thankful for the few answers she did get about her past, Jen wishes she had not been deceived and has a warning for other adoptees seeking reunion. On her reunion trip her birth mother bitterly showed her true colors.Thankfully,contacting her birth mother did allow her to connect with other really cool relatives, and find her paternal half-brother who is ecstatic to know her.The post 030 – Don’t Fall For “I Can’t Talk To You On The Phone” appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Jen (00:03):I never got a please. Thank you. A nicety. Nothing. I got nothing decent or nice or kind from this woman, so that's the reason why when I look back at whatever communications we had prior to, I deleted everything because I don't think any of it's true.Voices (00:23):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:35):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Jen who lives in the often sweltering heat of Phoenix, Arizona. She told me she had a very nice childhood with her parents and never really wanted to search for her birth parents until her friends started having kids. But the ultimate spark that ignited her desire to search came from a family tragedy. In the aftermath, Jen located her birth mother and they connected over social media, but Jen could never get her mother on the phone and that gave her a bad feeling. When they finally met face to face, their reunion was short lived. While she's thankful for the few answers she did get about her past, Jen wishes she had not been deceived and has a warning for other adoptees seeking reunion.Damon (01:28):For Jen, everything was normal. Growing up. Her parents read her a special book every night, the chosen baby, about a couple who elected to adopt an infant and raise the child as their own. Jen still has that book to this day. She never thought about her adoption growing up, even as a young adult. Then her peers started having kids. Of course, the children look like their parents,...
Louise was one of four a dual heritage children raised by white parents in England. She had a fantastic childhood. So much so that she has adopted twice. But along her impulsive journey into reunification, Louise was exposed to uncomfortable situations including her biological grandfather’s impending death, overt racism in her mother’s family, and total rejection by her biological father. Unfortunately, Louise’s mother’s withholding of facts also prevented her from knowing her sister, who once was interested in reunification.The post 024 – I’m Deeply Hurt, But I Hope You’re Happy appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Louise (00:02):If you rush these things, you can really damage any sense of long term relationship with people and I think you need to think more widely of the implications of your actions to other people, I didn't even consider how my birth mother would feel.Voices (00:16):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:34):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show you'll hear the journey of Louise. She called me from London, England, so at times you may have to listen closely to hear her voice through the connection, but what you'll hear is the story of a woman who's youthful curiosity about her biological mother led her courageously and impulsively straight to her mother's door. Louise's poorly thought out approach in her twenties may have cost her the deep relationships that a more cautious and measured approach could have yielded and put her in some very uncomfortable situations. Her journey has repetitive rejections on three fronts. After locating her biological mother, father and uncovering the news that she also had a sister. However, Louise now has some sage wisdom for other adoptees and her own adopted children about their own possible journeys through reunification.Damon (01:37):Louise's heritage is a racial mix of white English descent on her birth mother's side and Jamaican English descent on her birth father's side. Louise's parents had already adopted an older brother, then her, followed by two more multiracial children. They were very open about adoption partially because they all looked very different from one another. Each child's individual adoption situation was their business to discuss with their parents if they chose to. Louise was able to grow up with the comforting information...
Marcie finally felt plugged into her biological family after years of divisive behavior from her adopted mother. Her mother never nurtured a bond between Marcie and her adopted siblings and had a hard time overcoming some of her own childhood issues. In reunion, Marcie connected with her biological father who amazingly helped solidify a deeper connection to Marcie’s aunt, his sister. Marcie and her aunt both share an innate connection to their own spirituality. Even though her biological mother was not in a place to be part of Marcie’s reunion with her father, she was able to make a really good connection with another aunt on her maternal side of the family.In hindsight Marcie wishes she had been true to herself throughout her journey, reaching out sooner and making sure to meet her relatives when the opportunities presented themselves. She admits that sometimes it’s okay for each us to be selfish along our journey as long as it is done with kindness and compassion for others.The post 021- With Every Heart Break, My Heart Gets Bigger appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Marcy (00:06):I think it was painful as a woman, having a child, knowing that somewhere my biological mother went through a pregnancy with me and pushed life out of her, into me and then had to leave me. And the whole experience is esteem now of what my body went through for those nine months and the trauma that your body goes through in order to create the healthy beautiful environment for this beautiful thing, growing inside of you. I had real mixed emotions about it.Voices (00:50):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:57):This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis. And on the show today, you're going to hear from Marcy. Marcy grew up with two older adopted brothers in a home she says, was filled with parental narcissism. That environment made her struggles with her own identity, even worse as a teenager, her upbringing exacerbated deep unrest within her. In reunion, she found her father who laid a path for Marcy to find a kindred spirit in his family. Her story begins in Michigan when she was a child.Damon (01:52):Marcy has always known she was adopted, but she doesn't really remember actually talking about adoption. Marcy says she had a little trouble navigating her mother's emotions and she couldn't really figure out...
Michael grew up in Coney Island, Brooklyn, NY. He led a comfortable life in the Williams loving home when he accidentally discovered, at 12 years old, that he was adopted. The discovery that he actually had another identity created conflict in him, especially during his teen aged years.With spontaneity, tenacity, and a fair bit of luck Michael was able to track down the phone number for a long lost cousin in NY. She sounded the alarm to the family that Michael had found her, and a series of holiday season reunions ensued. But his reunification was not without its resentment. Over the course of two decades he satisfied his curiosity to uncover every detail he could about who he really is. It was an emotional journey of discovery that led him all they way to his family’s roots in the South.The post 019 – Adoption Was Chapter Two Of My Life, I Had To Learn About Chapter One appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Michael (00:02):The only thing I can think of was like going to the motherland. America is a nation of still with immigrants, but there is a mother country, ancestrally speaking, so whether you are going to come from Poland, Ireland, Africa or wherever. When you go back to those things, there's something grounding, something that anchors you and it did for me because I'm looking at this woman. I'm like my life story begin with this woman. It all started in her womb.Voices (00:38):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:49):This is Who Am I, Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. Hey, I'm Damon Davis on today's show. I'm joined by Michael who grew up in Coney Island, Brooklyn, New York. Michael was living a comfortable life in the Williams loving home when he accidentally discovered that he was adopted at 12 years old. The discovery that he actually had, another identity created conflict in him during his teenage years. With spontaneity, tenacity, and a fair bit of luck, Michael was able to track down the phone number for a long lost cousin in New York. Over the course of two decades, he satisfied his curiosity to uncover every detail he could about who he really is. It was an emotional journey of discovery all the way to his family's roots in the South. We pick up Michael's journey at the beginning, as a child. Michael was raised with six siblings, some biological to each other and many foster children who moved in and out of their home over the years. His parents cultivated a family environment for everyone, including him.Michael (<a href="https://www.temi.com/editor/t/XIQ5KHaNCVM65gP25EFJzAbbxu5lz94f9Y3gjjS7W5R6Bz6nOjziRz66Wxje9_UIIcP30KMgPRRz4n_FSHyAJALzzo4?loadFrom=DocumentDeeplink&ts=125.76" target="_blank"...
Tom advocates for adoptee rights and shares his personal experiences about being adopted. He was adopted as an infant and things went so well his parents decided to adopt two older boys when Tom was two years old. Their adoption is where his trouble started. Life became chaotic in their home because the older boys were difficult for his parents to control. Tom was feeling sidelined. Sadly, one of the older boys sexually abused him resulting in issues he’s dealt with most of his life. Searching to repair his past he sought counseling, connected with his biological mother, and tracked down his biological father. But Tom was never quite able to gain the sense of belonging he was searching for.The post 012 – I Need This For My Sanity appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Tom (00:03):You know, I knew more and more it was him. Wrote a third letter and basically said, look, I'm not after your money. I'm not looking to disturb your family, but I, I need this for my own sanity. I need to, I need to know and, and I'd like to meet you if I can.Voices (00:25):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:36):This is Who Am I, Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. Hey, it's Damon and on the show today, I'm joined by Tom. Tom advocates for adoptee rights and shares his personal experiences about being adopted online. He shared with me that he was adopted as an infant and things went so well that his parents decided to adopt two older boys when he was two, but that's when the trouble started. He says, life became chaotic in their home because the other boys were difficult for his parents to control leaving Tom feeling sidelined, resulting in issues he dealt with his entire life ever since. Searching to repair his past, he sought counseling, connected with his biological mother and tracked down his biological father, but Tom was never quite able to gain the sense of belonging he was searching for.Damon (01:29):Tom, thanks for taking time to talk to me this morning. I appreciate it.Tom (01:33):Absolutely.Damon...
Steve was raised in Baltimore, MD in a predominantly Jewish suburban neighborhood. But as he looked around at his friends and other families, he truly questioned his own identity, especially as an adoptee. In an era before electronic record keeping, Steve used his street savvy to buy the information he needed about himself in order to advance his search for his biological family. More crafty thinking led Steve right to his biological mother’s front door. He wanted to meet her, but not necessarily reveal that he was her son. He knocked on her door with a story that should have gotten him sent on his way. Instead she invited him in! Just wait until you hear his crafty approach to introducing himself to his biological mother, and the truth about his European heritage.The post 010 – How Can I Meet Her Without Telling Her Who I Am? appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Steve (00:04):My biggest question to my parents who raised me was always, are you sure? Are you 100% sure that I'm Jewish? And I'm looking in the mirror, I'm thinking, I don't look like anybody in this neighborhood. Yeah, I knew I wasn't Jewish and I wanted to know what my background was.Voices (00:27):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:38):This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members? Hey, it's Damon and today you're going to hear Steve's journey. He has family history in Baltimore, Maryland, but his biological roots go back to Chicago, Illinois. Steve says that he was a bit of a juvenile delinquent when he was a teen and quite the opposite of his siblings, one who was a jock, the other who was a scholar, but it turned out those street skills and crafty thinking were just the tools he needed to locate and connect with his biological mother. I can't wait until you hear just how he did it.Damon (01:18):Steve, I'm super glad to be connected to you, man. I appreciate you accepting the invitation to chat a little bit. You've got quite an amazing story, but I'd love for you to take me back to your early childhood. Tell me about what it was like in your family as an adoptee, what your structure was like and your family and what your community was like and how you fit into the community as an adoptee.Steve (01:42):Perfect. Yeah, I'll start off was saying, you know, my adoptive parents, I'll start off with them, uh, to give you a little idea why they even went the adoption routes, but they, they were a Jewish couple. Uh, they were married in the late forties. They decided to start a family probably somewhere around 1950, 51, and they obviously could not conceive. So, um, they decided to go...
In adoption, Julie grew up in the Midwest with a family of trans racial adoptees. Her brothers are adopted from Vietnam, and her sister is white. Each of them has a different perspective on searching for their biological families. Julie has always been curious. She told me that in the moments after her son was born and he was placed in her arms, she could forgive her biological mother, and release the anger she previously felt about her rejection. In that moment, she clearly understood the everlasting bond of a mother to her child.The post 006 – I Forgave Her When My Son Was Born appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Julie (00:00):Yeah. When I had my son, like the moment I gave birth to him, I will say like the second he was placed in my arm and my first thought was at my birth mom and I just, I, I let go of all the anger.Voices (00:21):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:32):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. Hey, it's Damon and in this show. I had the great pleasure of catching up with my old friend Julie. We met over 10 years ago and as it often happens with me, we bonded over being adoptees, but she was already seeking her biological family and had been at it for a long time when we met. When we first knew one another, she had located her family of origin and her social worker had been in touch with them, but for some reason they had not actually made the connection. Julie moved away so I never got to hear what happened next for her. I've wondered about Julie for years. So today she finally satisfied my curiosity.Damon (01:17):Thank you so much for taking time to join me for this. I have been so excited to talk to you for like years. Honestly. I mean, you'll recall you and I first met back. What was that?Julie (01:29):2003. Yep.Damon (01:29):We bonded over being adoptees. I recall one of the conversations that we had around the fact that you had begun to search for your biological family. So I'm really excited to hear the update because I, I've honestly, I've thought about you off and on for years wondering how your story unfolded. So I, I can't wait to get to the end, but for right now, what I'd love for you to do is just take me back to the beginning. Tell me a little bit about, you know, how you grew up,...
Terry shared the story of his biological parents’ wartime extra marital affair that brought him to life.  He said his adopted parents felt he was “the sun the moon and the stars”, and spoiled him that way. As a teen, Terry wanted to apply for a job and needed his birth certificate from his parents. But that simple request worried his mother deeply about her place in his heart because she thought he was beginning a search for his biological family. He didn’t connect with his biological mother until his own parents were in failing health, but what an emotional day it was when he did finally meet his first mom!The post 005 – Part of Her Memory That She Lost Was Me appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Terry:                          00:02               My Mom, her dad are dying and I'm going to beat my birth mother for the first time and my two half sisters that I've never met before. So I pulled up and Mary came out and we hug, but she was very, I don't want to say distant, but she certainly wasn't real warm.Voices:                        00:27               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:34               Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. Hey, it's Damon on the show today is Terry who located his biological family at a time before the Internet allowed easy searches for facts and information. He was born in the 1940s a time of war for our country, but it's also when his story begins and his journey, you'll hear about his path to learning who he is in so many ways and a very emotional day that he met his biological mother for the first time. I've been really excited to talk to you since Carmen may the introduction, so thanks for making time. Tell me a little bit about your childhood and your community, a little bit about your family and just generally how you grew up as an adoptee.Terry:                          <a href="https://www.temi.com/editor/t/kK6zo1uFgeTdE4st0XN2X-acC4t8M3zZxwIkcFk6wxAa5m7jmFPfc6uNOnqVYsPQmphtgsmwolbewtp8iugJErsKd7U?loadFrom=DocumentDeeplink&ts=86.8" target="_blank" style="color:...
Kathleen grew up with five siblings, and they were all biologically related to her parents–she was the only adoptee! As a child she was told that she was adopted, but it didn’t quite sink in until the topic of adoption came up in conversation and her mother reminded her, “you’re adopted too.” But what blew my mind was how the search for her first family wasn’t originated by her, her family found her and knew exactly where to lookThe post 003 – When the Search Finds You appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Kathleen:                     00:00               You meet people your whole life. You meet friends, you meet new family members, people are born, people die, but meeting someone who is your actual biological parent after you're already, you know, at this point I was 18 years old is a very, very strange thing.Voices:                        00:19               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:30               This is "Who Am I, Really" a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. Hey, it's Damon on today's show. I'm joined by Kathleen. Her journey as an adoptee is amazing because while she wanted to search for her family of origin, the search actually came to her at a very young age. You're not going to believe how Kathleen's story unfolded and you'll hear just how fortunate she feels for how things turned out.Damon:                       01:09               I appreciate you taking time to do the show. Take me back to the beginning. I know you and I talked a little bit before, but take me back to the beginning. Tell me a little bit about your background, about growing up, where you were and what your community was like, what your family was like and your, your family structure.<span style="color:...
I’ve shared an adoptee bond with my dear high school friend Andre for years. In this episode, Andre shares the story of his loving adopted family, being the older sibling to his adopted parent’s biological son, and the truth about how he came into this world. His biological mother never forgot him and honored his life every year.Andre:                         00:02               You go up to the judge, she has my case. She opens this Manila folder and I was like, there it is, like I'm this close. So then she proceeds to go through and she says that, you know, I have information here but you can't have it.Voices:                        00:23               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:34               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. Hey, it's Damon and on today's show I was lucky to be joined by my old friend Andre. We've known one another for more than 25 years, going back to high school and at that time as young men, we both discovered that the other was adopted too and we were instantly connected. In our conversation, you'll hear some of that old school brotherly love, but you'll also hear some really poignant moments when the fact that he's an adoptee was revealed to his brother and the difficult news he learned about how he came into the world.Damon:                       01:21               First, Andre, I want to welcome you to the show. Thanks for coming.Andre:                         01:23<span style="color:...
I’m devoting this program dedicated to helping people placed into adoption to explore their own emotions, desires, and questions about reuniting with their biological family by asking others like us to tell their own true stories. I’m so thankful for the life that my adopted parents gave me, but I also had the incredibly good fortune to be reunited with my biological mother in 2009. Our story is amazing to me because our reunification unfolded in a way that I never could have predicted. However everyone’s search and discovery journey is different and we’ll share an array of stories in this podcast.Read Full TranscriptDamon:                       00:09               Hi, I’m Damon Davis and I’m launching a new podcast series called, Who Am I Really? I’m devoting this program to helping people placed into adoption to explore their own emotions, desires, and questions about reuniting with their biological family by asking others like us to tell their own true stories. You’re probably asking yourself who I am and why I launched this podcast. First, let me say, I grew up in a very loving home with my adoptive mother, Veronica, supported by my adoptive father, Willy they’re just mom and dad to me, and I love them dearly for everything they did, large and small. That gave me the opportunities to be the man that I am today, but I also had the incredibly good fortune to be reunited with my biological mother in 2009. Our story is amazing to me because our reunification unfolded in a way that I never could have predicted.Damon:                       01:04               A few things happened to me that really sparked my desire to search. One of the first influences happened during a visit with my inlaws in Baltimore, Maryland. My wife’s distant aunt welcomed us into her home one day. This lovely elderly woman opened the door, greeted us, toting her small wheeled oxygen tank behind her. As we sat in her living room, she spread pictures, newspaper clippings and letters on the coffee table. She told stories about the family’s history in a way that only she could recount them as what I viewed as the unofficial family historian, but that experience made me realize that one day she would no longer be with us and if another person tried to spread the same family historical facts in the same way they could not tell the family story the way that she had. It dawned on me that when she passed away, the ability to weave the family history that she knew would be lost and I should act quickly if I didn’t want the same to happen in my biological family.Damon:                       02:07               When I decided to launch the search, my social worker in Baltimore shared something from her experience...