IF IT’S NOT A F*CK YES, IT’S A NO.
IF IT’S NOT A F*CK YES, IT’S A NO.  
Podcast: The Secret Sex Lives of Muslim Women
Published On: Mon Sep 08 2025
Description: Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussions of rape, alcoholism, domestic violence, and abuse. Please listen with care.This week, Salma sits down with trauma-informed divorce coach Sarzana Zafar - divorced twice (because once is boring) - to unpack the father wound and consent.Sarzana shares her journey from growing up with an alcoholic father in a Muslim community that judged and shamed instead of helping, to being date-raped at 19 when her repeated “no”s were ignored. What followed was a decade of trauma work, divorce, and reclaiming her voice. Today, she roars her boundaries. Like on her most recent Muzzmatch date, where he tried to kiss her after she’d already refused twice, and she shouted, “No means no. Did you not hear me the first two times?” before he cartoon-drove off in fear.Together, Salma and Sarzana unpack the infamous hadith that says if a wife refuses her husband in bed, the angels curse her until morning. Salma reflects on how this teaching has been weaponized to manipulate women into non-consensual sex, while Sarzana explains how it disconnected her from her own body - even when she was eager, her husband questioned whether she was doing it for herself or just for God.The conversation spans father wounds, how patience from a lover can be the ultimate turn-on, and the radical power of saying no. Salma recalls learning the mantra “If it’s not a fuck yes, it’s a no” at sex clubs - and adds her own gospel: “If you don’t go down on women but expect them to go down on you, you can die.” And a message to Desi men everywhere from Sarzana: “if you want your wife to be a freak in the sheets, get out of your parents’ homes.”CREDITS: Host & Creator: Salma Hindy Executive Producers: Sara Hussain & Salma Hindy Cinematographer: Patrick Samaha Studio: 30 Irving Studios Editor: Salma Hindy Artwork: Rana Omar© The Secret Sex Lives of Muslim Women, 2025Instagram: @thesecretsexlivesofmuslimwomenYouTube: @thesecretsexlivesofmuslimwomenHOST'S INSTAGRAM: @salma.hindyHOST'S TIKTOK: @salma.hindy