I Know This Isn't It. Now What?
I Know This Isn't It. Now What?  
Podcast: Don't Cut Your Own Bangs
Published On: Mon Sep 14 2026
Description: What do you do when you know something isn't right, but you have absolutely no idea what you want instead? That uncomfortable middle can make self-awareness feel almost dangerous. Because if you admit the job, relationship, routine, business, or version of your life isn't working anymore…does that mean you immediately have to change everything? In this episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs, I'm reunited with Kate DeBont six years after her first appearance on the podcast. And a lot of life has happened in between. Kate has left coaching, returned to corporate life, changed jobs, moved through the end of a marriage, found love again, and eventually built work that feels far more like her. But what I love most about her story is that none of it happened in one giant leap. She spent years collecting information. I like this. I don't like that. This doesn't feel like me. This part does. And over time, those little pieces began to point somewhere. We talk about why knowing what you don't want is useful even when it doesn't immediately tell you what you do want, how emotions can become information instead of evidence that something is wrong with you, and why recognizing the truth of how you feel does not mean you have to act on it in that exact moment. Because sometimes two things are true: This isn't where I want to stay. and This is what I need right now. Kate's story is a conversation about the messy space between recognition and action—and learning to trust "not this" without demanding that you already know "then what." In This Episode We talk about: why self-awareness can feel scary when you think it comes with an immediate assignment the difference between recognizing something isn't right and being ready to change it moving back into corporate work when stability mattered more than preference the quiet fear of "am I failing because I can't make the thing I love work?" why emotions can function like a GPS instead of a verdict finding confidence in "I don't know how yet, but I can figure it out" the difference between hope and toxic positivity Three Things to Take With You 1. You don't need to know what you want next to trust what isn't working now. One of the biggest traps in change is believing you can't acknowledge "this isn't it" until you have a perfectly formed alternative. But knowing what you don't want is still information. It may not hand you the answer, but it can help you stop arguing with what you already know. 2. Recognizing the truth does not require immediate action. Kate knew there were times when corporate work wasn't where she ultimately wanted to be—and she still needed stability, income, and structure for her children. That didn't make her awareness less true. It just meant there were multiple truths to hold at once. 3. The things that don't fit may be helping you figure out what does. Kate didn't build her current work from one lightning-bolt moment of clarity. She built it from accumulated information. What felt wrong. What felt right. What she was good at. What she refused to keep doing. Sometimes the path becomes visible backward before it becomes obvious forward.   The Clip Moment "Does self-awareness mean I'm gonna have to blow everything up?" This is the cold open because it captures the exact fear underneath the episode. If acknowledging that something feels wrong means you believe you're immediately responsible for fixing all of it, of course you might avoid looking too closely. But awareness and action are not the same thing. Knowing the truth of how you feel does not require you to do something about it in that red-hot minute. You can recognize what's true. Stay curious. Gather information. Take your circumstances seriously. And wait until you have more clarity, capacity, or choice before making a move.   The Heart of This Conversation Maybe the goal isn't to figure everything out faster. Maybe it's to become a little more willing to trust the information already coming from your life. The irritation. The relief. The tension. The thing that keeps not sitting right. The thing you keep imagining differently. None of those feelings have to dictate your next move. But they may deserve to be heard. One of the most meaningful moments in this conversation comes when we talk about what happens when discomfort stops meaning: "I must be bad at this." and starts becoming: "This is telling me something." That shift turns emotion from a verdict into information—and gives you a little more room to choose what happens next. A Reflection for This Week Where in your life are you quietly thinking: "I know this isn't it." And what changes if you don't immediately force yourself to answer: "Then what is?" Can you simply notice what feels off? What feels better? What you miss? What brings relief? What you keep trying to convince yourself you should like? You do not have to make a major decision. You're allowed to collect information first.   A Note From Danielle This is one of the conversations I love most because it sits right in the space between emotional recognition and action. In my work as a therapist, speaker, and host, I spend a lot of time helping people put language around experiences they've been carrying for a while without quite knowing what to call them. Sometimes that language is the thing that changes the conversation. Not because it gives you a perfect answer. Because it gives you somewhere more honest to begin. If you're planning a company event, conference, retreat, professional association gathering, or continuing education program and thinking, "My people need more language for this," I'd love to continue the conversation with you. Email: danielle@danielleireland.com About Kate Kate is a life coach whose work has evolved through years of experience across coaching, corporate environments, and major life transitions. Her current approach is rooted in listening, practical support, and helping people make sense of what they're carrying without forcing them into a one-size-fits-all framework. One Clear Path 💚 (From Kate) I built this to sit right between teams and leadership, giving people a totally confidential, independent space to work through what they're facing, and giving leaders honest, anonymous insight on what's actually happening on the ground. No app, no platform, no box‑ticking, just one human bridging the gap.   - Instagram → the team - real, relatable, honest conversations for people in the thick of it - LinkedIn → the decision‑makers - the value, the insight, the business impact oneclearpath.co.uk About Don't Cut Your Own Bangs Don't Cut Your Own Bangs is the podcast for high-functioning humans with big feelings who want to understand themselves a little better without turning self-improvement into another full-time job. If this episode made you think of someone who keeps saying, "I know something needs to change, I just don't know what," send it their way. And follow the show wherever you listen so you don't miss what's next. Listen + Connect Website: https://danielleireland.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Wrestling a Walrus: https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922 20-Second CTA If you know that feeling of "I know this isn't it, but I have no idea what is," this conversation is for you. Follow Don't Cut Your Own Bangs wherever you listen, and if this episode gave you language for something you've been carrying, send it to someone who might need the same reminder.