In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with two parents whose lives were forever changed by the loss of their children — and who found an unexpected connection through that shared grief. Chris Craven lost her son Wyatt just days before his sixth birthday after a seven-month fight with AML, a rare and aggressive blood cancer. Jessica McInnes lost her 15-year-old son Race in just 48 hours, after a brain tumor was discovered only when it was already too late. Two very different journeys. One unimaginable heartbreak. Together, Mason, Chris, and Jessica have an unfiltered conversation about what it really means to live after loss: The quiet, enduring loneliness that never fully fades Why grief can make you feel like you're losing your mind — and why that's part of being human The question no parent should ever have to consider: is it harder to lose slowly, or instantly? Guilt, second-guessing, and the mind's need to find meaning in the unexplainable How losing a child reshapes your identity, your relationships, and your view of the world The unexpected role of humor in surviving the darkest moments Signs, spirituality, and the hope (or question) of something beyond this life What truly helps — and what doesn't — when someone you love is facing the unthinkable Seven years out. Three and a half years out. The grief doesn't go away — but it changes shape. And somehow, so do you. This is a conversation about loss, yes — but also about connection, resilience, and the ways we keep going when life doesn't make sense. ⚠️ Content Warning: This episode includes discussions of child loss, cancer, grief, and death.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Jessica Mays.  Jessica lost her husband Jodi and four-year-old son Jace on November 20, 2014. Jessica's husband Jodi suffered a traumatic brain injury in an oil field accident in 2010, leaving him fully disabled and prone to daily blackout episodes. Jessica became his full-time caregiver, working to carry their benefits while raising their newborn son and navigating years of medical uncertainty. Four years after the accident Jessica's son Jace got sick right before his fourth birthday and eventually Jessica and Jodi were forced with the decision to remove Jace from life support. After Jace's passing, and hours later, Jodi took his own life. Jessica opens up about how calm Jodi was in the moments before he made that decision.  It was a stillness she believes was a divine encounter.  She talks about losing two people she loved in two completely different ways on the same day. She shares the survivor's guilt of staying, the impossible timelines the world places on grieving people, and the unexpected shame that came when she fell in love again. Jessica shares how she manages to carry joy and grief while she continues on. She talks about her remarriage to Casey, the three children she never thought she'd have. She shares her stained glass metaphor for grief: broken pieces that we get to choose how to reassemble, with light always coming through. It's a raw conversation about compounding loss, the courage it takes to choose joy, and the brutal, beautiful reality that sometimes the people we've lost need us to stay — because the only way the world will ever know them is through us.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Hailey Steck, a St. George resident and mother of five, to talk about one of the most unimaginable losses a parent can face—and what it takes to keep going. Hailey shares the story of her daughter Cammie, who passed away on April 15, 2021 at just nine years old in a tragic accident at home. Cammie—full of personality, known for telling strangers she liked their shirt, and a lover of animals, dancing, and big hugs—had only had the family's new dog, Autumn, for a few months. The day she died, she had asked her mom to do her hair before dance class, said "I love you more," and ran upstairs to clean her room. Hailey walks through the events of that afternoon in full—finding Cammie, performing CPR, the paramedics, the ER, and saying goodbye. She opens up about the guilt and the what-ifs that followed, the sleepless nights, and the strange disorientation of planning a funeral in three days while the rest of the world kept moving. She and Mason also go deeper on grief itself—the way it never fully leaves, the loneliness that lives inside it even when you're surrounded by people, and how catastrophic loss reshapes the way you parent, the way you speak, and the way you see what actually matters. Hailey shares how faith, community, spin class, and eventually pursuing a master's degree in marriage and family therapy have helped her find footing—and purpose—in the aftermath. Together, Mason and Hailey talk about: • What the day of Cammie's death actually looked like • Performing CPR on your own child • The guilt and judgment parents face after a child dies at home • How grief changes the way you use language • The loneliness of loss—even inside a full life • Finding meaning through helping others • The death of a marriage after the death of a child • Why vulnerability and sharing stories helps people feel less alone • How surviving the worst thing gives you a strange kind of fearlessness Today, Hailey is in the final year of her master's program in marriage and family therapy, focused on emotionally focused therapy and helping others through connection. She carries Cammie with her every day—and she's still out there telling people she likes their shirt. ⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of child death, accidental home injury, grief, divorce, and PTSD

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits back down with Catie Hockenbury for part two of their conversation about unimaginable loss—and the resilience it took to keep going. Picking up where they left off, Catie goes deeper into the losses that have defined her life. Her daughter Maya was stillborn in 2016 after a traumatic delivery in which Catie's own life hung in the balance. Her son Oliver passed away from SUID at just 9 months old in 2023. And years earlier, the father of her oldest child, Connor, died by suicide at 19. In this continuation, Catie walks through the full story of Oliver's birth—an emergency C-section that left her numb from the neck down and terrified—and the nine months she had with him before losing him suddenly. She shares the details of that night: finding him, the first responders, saying goodbye, and the guilt and judgment that followed. She and Mason also go deeper on grief itself—the intrusive images that never fully leave, the question of whether to see your child's body, and how catastrophic loss reshapes faith and identity. Catie opens up about ketamine therapy, the shift from chasing happiness to just seeking peace, and why she wouldn't trade a single one of her nine months with Oliver. Together, Mason and Catie talk about: • What the night of Oliver's death actually looked like • The complicated grief of stillbirth vs. infant loss • When faith no longer holds after tragedy • Ketamine therapy as a path through grief • Carrying your children with you every day • Why vulnerability helps others feel less alone • Finding purpose on the other side of the unthinkable Today, Catie uses her story to support other bereaved parents and remind people that even in the darkest moments, they are not alone. ⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of suicide, stillbirth, infant death, domestic violence, medical trauma, and near-death experiences.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Catie Hockenbury about unimaginable loss—and the resilience it took to keep going. Catie's life has been shaped by profound grief. Her daughter Maya died during childbirth in 2016 after a catastrophic placental abruption. Her son Oliver passed away from SUID at just 9 months old in 2023. And years earlier, Connor, the father of her first child, died by suicide at 19. Connor was a funny, goofy kid who loved Metallica and deeply cared for those around him. After his parents' divorce and a painful rejection, his mental health spiraled. Despite people trying to help, he lost his battle with depression—leaving behind a young son and a family searching for answers. Years later, Catie experienced another devastating loss when her daughter Maya was stillborn at full term. Despite repeatedly telling medical staff something was wrong, she was sent home twice. During the traumatic delivery, Catie's organs began failing, her heart rate dropped to 19 beats per minute, and she died on the table—before being revived with multiple shots of epinephrine. She held Maya for 24 hours before saying goodbye. Then in 2023, Catie lost her son Oliver to Sudden Unexplained Infant Death (SUID). Though the cause was never determined, she believes Oliver's death ultimately gave her the strength to leave an abusive marriage and reclaim her life. Together, Mason and Catie talk about: • The ripple effects of suicide and the pain families carry • When the medical system fails to listen • What it's like to die and come back • The weight of unanswered questions after SUID • Grief inside abusive relationships • Why vulnerability helps others feel less alone • Turning unimaginable pain into purpose Today, Catie uses her story to support other bereaved parents and remind people that even in the darkest moments, they are not alone. ⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of suicide, stillbirth, infant death, domestic violence, medical trauma, and near-death experiences.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Samie Hardman and Brittney Obray—two mothers whose sons died by suicide in 2022, just months apart. Samie's son, Drayke, was 12 years old—an old soul obsessed with basketball and the Utah Jazz who wore mismatched socks and loved with his whole being. After enduring relentless bullying that triggered severe anxiety, Drake came home from school on February 10, 2022, with a bruise from being body-slammed by his bully. That night, he skipped basketball, watched Lost in Space with his family, and quietly went to bed. His 16-year-old sister found him unresponsive. Despite CPR and life flight to Primary Children's Hospital, Drake died the next morning at 8:17 AM in his parents' arms. Brittney's son, Dexton, was 14—a gentle giant, football player, and protector who wasn't bullied but battled depression silently. The week before he died on October 26, 2022, Dexton was thriving—meal prepping, excited about starting varsity football, riding his motorcycle to practice. Then a girl rejected him. That night, he asked for more internet time past curfew. His stepdad said no. The next morning, they found him gone. Police discovered his phone filled with TikTok's algorithm feeding him suicide content daily: videos teaching kids how to die, messages that "nothing would change" if he left, and constant reinforcement that ending the pain was the only option. Together, Samie and Brittney discuss the hard truths: How schools silence suicide and refuse to honor these kids Why toxic algorithms prey on vulnerable teens The myth that talking about suicide "plants the idea" when kids are already drowning in it How child suicide is almost always impulsive—no note, no plan, just a moment Why kids need "three trusted people" they can call in crisis The disconnect between kids and adults that costs lives How they've turned grief into advocacy, fighting for policy change and open conversations Both mothers have become voices for a generation of parents who never imagined having these conversations—until it was too late. Content Warning: This episode contains detailed discussions of child suicide, bullying, and loss.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason reads a book written by his Mom, KayCee Sawyer.  The book was inspired by a chapter in the book "Bearing The Unbearable" written by Joanne Cacciatore.  You are not alone.  Grief is a journey that we didn't ask for.  It is a dark, slow, and deliberate process.  This book mirrors the grief journey: some days contracting inward for survival, other days tentatively stretching toward hope, and the hardest motion of all—releasing the story of how life was supposed to go.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Katlyn Hood to talk about losing her son, William Andrew Hood, who passed away peacefully in his sleep on November 16, 2021, at just six months and one day old. William was born three weeks early on May 15, 2021, after Katlyn and her husband Andrew went through a year of fertility treatments to become parents. He was a calm, happy baby who loved daily walks with his dad, being on his dad's shoulder, and wrapping his fists in his mom's hair. He experienced his first Utah Jazz game just days before his passing. On November 16, 2021, Katlyn dropped William off at daycare like any normal Tuesday morning, stopping at Chick-fil-A for her Diet Coke. Hours later, a police officer appeared at her office to tell her there had been an "accident" at the daycare. William had been found unresponsive and not breathing. Despite 35 minutes of resuscitation efforts, he didn't make it. He died of SIDS—sudden infant death syndrome. Katlyn shares the devastating image of seeing her baby with tubes in his mouth and doctors pumping his chest, the numbness of the first year, and the guilt of not being there for his last breath. She talks about the hurtful things people said—"he's in a better place," "I can't even imagine"—and how she learned to forgive their ignorance while cutting toxic people from her life. She opens up about going back to work quickly as a distraction, drinking heavily to numb the pain, and becoming a recluse who avoids baby showers and family events. She shares her journey through a miscarriage at 10 weeks, an ectopic pregnancy that required emergency surgery, and ultimately divorcing her husband after 10 years together—not because anyone was bad, but because they wanted different things after unimaginable loss. Katlyn also talks about co-grieving with her ex-husband, texting each other on Mother's Day, Father's Day, and William's death date, and walking three miles to his cemetery every birthday. She shares how therapy helped her process the anger and guilt, how she's learning to accept happiness without shame, and how she's slowly rebuilding a life she never thought possible. Together, Katlyn and Mason talk about becoming a toddler again after loss, the exhaustion of wearing a fake mask, and the reality that grief doesn't get easier—you just get stronger at carrying it.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Tiffany Callahan to talk about losing her mom, Laura Lee Cloud Steiner, who died unexpectedly on January 22, 2023, at 56 years old. Laura was a billing director at the University of Utah's mental health institute for more than 20 years and a CASA volunteer. She became a mother at 17, survived an abusive marriage, and divorced in 2015. After decades of simply trying to survive, Laura was finally living—traveling, going to concerts, and becoming the grandmother she had always wanted to be. On January 4, 2023, Laura underwent a tummy tuck. After a week in the hospital, she came home, but her recovery didn't feel right. She was exhausted, in pain, and repeatedly told doctors something was wrong. Her concerns were dismissed as normal recovery. Two weeks later, she died from a pulmonary thromboembolism caused by complications of the surgery. Tiffany shares the shock of finding her mom, the anger of being part of such a small percentage, and the guilt of warning her mom about the risks before surgery. She talks about becoming the oldest child suddenly responsible for everything while also navigating her grandmother's stage four lung cancer diagnosis just weeks before Laura's death. She opens up about her complicated relationship with her mom, how they didn't grow close until Tiffany's twenties, and how watching Laura finally find joy healed something in her. Tiffany also shares meeting her husband Mike shortly after her mom's death, hitting emotional rock bottom, and how therapy has helped her carry the anger and grief that still come in waves. Together, Tiffany and Mason talk about the loneliness of grief, the pressure to move on, and the reality that it doesn't get easier—you just get stronger at carrying it.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Brooke Pando for her second appearance on the show. Brooke is the mother of London "Lundy" Pando, who lives with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome type 6A—a degenerative condition that leaves her body unable to support her muscles and bones, making every day uncertain. London, now 13, survived a massive stroke in utero at 34 weeks that liquefied three-quarters of her brain, and doctors never expected her to live past her first few hours. Since Brooke's last appearance, her mother Margo Ann Nielsen Erickson passed away suddenly from metastatic pancreatic cancer just three months after diagnosis. Brooke shares the devastating experience of losing her mother—London's best friend and their family's primary caregiver—and how it has intensified the anxiety of knowing London could die at any moment. Brooke opens up about the dream she had months before her mother's diagnosis that warned her of the loss to come, the whirlwind of becoming her mother's full-time caregiver, and the shock of her mother's sudden death despite being on hospice. She talks about the heartbreaking day she and her father went to the cemetery to pick out burial plots—not just for her mother, but five spots total, knowing London would one day be buried there too. Together with Mason, Brooke discusses the impossible weight of living in constant fear of losing her daughter while simultaneously grieving her mother, the guilt she feels for not being as happy as London despite London's daily suffering, and the strain that anticipatory grief puts on her marriage to Blake and her other two children. She shares London's remarkable spirit—a child who calls people five times a day just to talk, who loves Trolls and The Greatest Showman, and who remains the happiest person despite living in constant physical pain. Brooke and Mason have an unflinchingly honest conversation about the questions that haunt them both: Where do our loved ones go when they die? Why do signs and dragonflies appear when we need them most, then disappear? How do you keep living when you know the worst is still coming? And why does grief feel so all-consuming, so relentless, so impossible to escape? It's a raw conversation about anticipatory grief, the loneliness of waiting for tragedy, and the brutal reality that sometimes the only thing we can do is live—because that's what the people we love most would want us to do.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Pieter Kort from Belleville, Ontario, Canada. Pieter lost two of his daughters—Madeleine "Maddie" Kort (13) and Joni Kort (10)—in a March 2022 rear end collision with a 70,000-pound cement truck while on vacation in Florida. Pieter shares what he remembers from the day of the crash, the extent of his family's injuries, and the unimaginable reality of staying in a Jacksonville hospital for six weeks while his wife Jamie remained in a state of post-traumatic amnesia for five weeks. He walks through the heartbreaking process of telling his son Ethan immediately after the accident, waiting to tell his daughter Hannah until she could retain the information after her severe traumatic brain injury, and eventually telling Jamie once she emerged from her compromised mental state. Together with Mason, Pieter talks about the remarkable recoveries of his surviving children—Hannah, who battled through a brain injury to become her high school valedictorian and is now pursuing neuropsychology, and Ethan, who returned to competitive basketball just weeks after the accident despite severe upper-body injuries. He shares Jamie's incredible resilience through her own recovery and how she remains the spirit of their family. Pieter opens up about grief, survivor's guilt, the lies we tell ourselves in dark moments, the importance of talking about his daughters rather than pretending they didn't exist, and how he navigates nightmares and intrusive thoughts. He discusses the Dolphin and Penguin Fund they created to reduce economic barriers for children in sports and the arts, the community events they hold to remember Maddie and Joni, and why keeping their memory alive through conversation and action has been essential to his survival. It's a heartbreaking conversation about unimaginable loss and a powerful reminder that life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% what you're going to do about it.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Ben Moore about loss, resilience, and what it means to build something meaningful. They discuss losing Wayne Ott, Ben's right-hand man and close friend who died suddenly while Ben was at Lake Powell, and how just weeks later, Mason's own family was killed in a car accident. Ben shares what it was like getting that late-night call about Mason's tragedy while still grieving Wayne, and how he questioned what was next after losing so many people in such a short window. They talk about the 5:30 AM basketball games that became therapy sessions for the group of guys who play at Nets on Fire, why Ben refuses to hand his seven kids everything on a silver platter despite having the resources to do it, and how working for something makes you appreciate it in a way free handouts never will. Ben opens up about why he measures success by the grind and the people who step up, not the dollars in the bank, and how basketball taught him to stop blaming the coach and take responsibility for his own life. This episode is about showing up, doing the work, and remembering the people who made you better.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Brad Coleman and Matt Blanchard—two friends and spinal cord injury survivors—about the life-altering moments that put them in wheelchairs and the long road to acceptance. Brad recounts his motorcycle accident and the search-and-rescue effort that saved his life, while Matt shares how a car crash and, years later, a second accident with a drunk driver changed everything. Together, they open up about the realities of paralysis: learning to walk again, losing and regaining hope, navigating relationships, and the daily frustrations and small victories that come with adapting to a new normal. The conversation digs into what actually helps—like humor, community, and showing up for each other—and what doesn't, from toxic positivity to unhelpful comparisons. Brad and Matt discuss pain management, mental health, and the importance of purpose, as well as the challenges of asking for help and redefining masculinity. Honest, unfiltered, and fiercely human, this episode is a testament to resilience, vulnerability, and the power of connection in the face of life's hardest turns.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with the hosts of The Chronically Unbalanced, Sarah Chippendale and Megan "Peg Leg Meg", for a wide-ranging conversation about living with bodies and lives that don't go according to plan. Sarah shares her experience being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis at 19, how relapses work, what MS actually does to the nervous system, and how treatment, fear, and uncertainty have shaped her adulthood and parenting. Megan opens up about losing her leg in a lawnmower accident just one week after her wedding, the trauma of the injury, the reality of relearning how to walk with a prosthetic, and the anger, grief, and resilience that followed. Together, they discuss the role of dark humour in surviving hard seasons, how identity shifts after medical trauma, what it means to rebuild a sense of purpose, and why life is never about what happens to you—but how you respond when everything falls apart.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Brit Del Toro about losing her infant son, Zeppelin, the ripple effects of that tragedy on her marriage and mental health, and the support and judgment she faced while navigating postpartum depression and grief. Brit also shares the recent loss of her husband, Troy, who struggled with addiction, bipolar disorder, and chronic pain before taking his own life. Together, they discuss the stigma around suicide, parenting through trauma, and the daily effort it takes to stay present for her children while rebuilding a sense of purpose. Brit's honesty offers insight into the realities of grief and the strength it takes to choose hope one day at a time.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Dawn Simmons and her daughter, Katie Derouen, from Louisiana. Dawn and Katie lost three members of their family—Lindy Rae Simmons (20), Christopher Simmons (17), and Kamryn "Kam" Simmons (15)—in a 2021 head-on collision caused by a wrong-way drunk driver, John Christopher Lundy. Dawn shares what she remembers from the night of the crash, the extent of her injuries, and what it was like waking up in the hospital and learning her children were gone. Katie walks through the unthinkable reality of identifying each of her siblings at different hospitals, navigating chaos, confusion, police reports, and the long hours of not knowing who survived. Together, they talk about grief timelines, survivor guilt, community support, faith, anger, and the complicated "what if" spiral that follows catastrophic loss. They also discuss the differences between a mother's grief and a sibling's grief, how holidays and birthdays have changed, and how losing three children at once creates a grief experience unlike anything they'd ever imagined. Dawn and Katie now speak across the country—at schools, hospitals, recovery programs, and safety trainings—sharing their story to help prevent impaired driving and to honor the legacy of Lindy, Christopher, and Kamryn. Their work through the Simmons 3 Foundation continues to impact thousands of students and families. It's a heartbreaking conversation and a powerful reminder that life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% what you're going to do about it.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Tara Jackson about losing her brother Robert at a young age and how that loss has shaped her life over the past two decades. Tara opens up about the long-term reality of grief, the impact on family relationships, and the constant balance between remembering and moving forward. Mason and co-host Sarah Chippendale join the discussion as they explore cultural differences in how we support one another through pain, the stigma around mental health, and the importance of getting help when life feels overwhelming.

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you're going to do about it. In this crossover with Chronically Unbalanced, Mason, Sarah, and Megan sit down with Holly O'Malley, who grew up as "Summer's little sister" in a town that never forgot a fatal car accident. Holly talks about Sundays at the cemetery, losing her mum at 11, watching her dad slowly die from brain cancer, and what it does to your sense of self when grief is all you've ever known. This episode is blunt, darkly funny at times, and painfully honest about not wanting to be here—and staying anyway.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Coop (Michael Cooper) and his wife Annalise Cooper from Australia about losing both of Coop's parents, Faye and Neil Cooper, just five months apart after Faye's double lung transplant. They walk through the brutal hospital moments, the decision to remove life support, and the shock of Neil's stage-four cancer diagnosis that came before they'd even finished paying for the first funeral. Together they talk about anger, feeling robbed, raising their two girls without their grandparents, men learning to talk about grief, and the small things that help—music, therapy, quitting drinking, and letting other people in. This conversation is a raw, honest look at love, loss, and how you keep moving when life refuses to let up.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason hangs out with his son, Blue, right before their big trip to Australia. They talk about surviving a 20-hour flight, Blue's morning routine, school life, favorite sports, and whether he'd rather give up candy or his iPad. Blue also tells the wild story of a kid giving him a $100 bill at school to apologize for making fun of his haircut, and they wrap things up with his top three movies and what he wants to be when he grows up. A fun, easy hang with Blue before the adventure begins.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Brianne Hurst about losing her dad, Jay Myers, and the chaos that followed. She had to navigate medical decisions, the DNR, plan the funeral, and step into responsibility for her younger brother while she was still in shock. They talk about how grief makes you skeptical of everything including the medium who literally read Jay's obituary back to her and how easy it is to numb yourself just to make it through a day. Brianne shares the things that still connect her to her dad; his recorded Bigfoot story, his Con Air stunt memory and how losing him changed how she sees life, death, and herself. This episode is raw, blunt, and honest about what grief actually looks like.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Kimberli Howard (who lost her son Keaton, age 5, in a 2013 Lake Powell accident) and Jen Petersen (whose daughter Natalie died in a driveway accident) about how grief changes over years—and how connection helps you carry it. They dig into what actually helps (presence, listening, checking in on milestones), what doesn't (comparison, fixes, blame), coping and boundaries, and the courage to keep showing up. Gentle, honest, and fiercely human.

Burke DeGroff was the first person to reach my family's car after the crash, he saw everything. I wanted to talk with him for a long time, but I was really scared. I tell people to lean into their grief, not run from it, and this conversation was my chance to practice what I preach. It was just as hard as I expected, but I didn't realize how much of a hero Burke and first responders were that day. In the middle of so much horror, there was still beauty, bravery, and humanity. If it weren't for Burke, my whole family would have died. Blue would have been burned alive. It felt good to tell Burke thank you, give him a hug and have him shake Blues hand again. THANK YOU

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Amber Lorenzen about losing her parents, Richard G. and Maricela Lorenzon, in the same July 25, 2021 crash as his family. They open up about regret, denial, anger, and what it means to still feel broken years later. Amber shares how she's learned to carry grief as a mother and daughter, while Mason reflects on the connection they now share and what it's like to finally know more of the names behind the eight crosses on the highway. It's a quiet, honest exchange between two people sharing similar pain.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Joanna Stokinger about losing her grandson Anthony in 2021 and walking with her daughter through the chaos of grief and a military court-martial. Joanna shares what it was like to sit in the tension of anger and forgiveness, and how she's leaned on her background as a victim advocate to keep moving forward. She talks about the small, practical ways people can show up—consistency, offering choices, and taking care of everyday tasks—and why those things matter more than the right words. Her story is raw, painful, and a powerful look at resilience.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Molly Jimenez about living with stage IV metastatic breast cancer.  Molly talks about how dark humor, honesty, and presence help her carry it. Molly shares the constant work of shifting treatments, parenting through uncertainty, and a 5-MeO-DMT ceremony that shaped her perspective on life and death. They explore not borrowing grief from the future, letting friends in, and preparing loved ones without giving up on life.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Kimberly about a life marked by hardship and resilience. She reflects on childhood trauma, including abuse and instability, and how moving to Boston became both an escape and another painful chapter. Kimberly shares the moment she chose forgiveness after her mom's brain injury erased the past, allowing their relationship to begin again in a new way. She also opens up about grieving the loss of her husband, Cory, to ALS—navigating anger, acceptance, and the challenge of moving forward while holding onto his memory. It's an unflinching look at survival, healing, and love after loss.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Janessa Whatcott and Maggie Christensen about losing their sons, Nixon and Jax, to osteosarcoma. They share what it's like in the first year compared to seven years later, the hard choices around treatment, how siblings are affected, the costs families face, and what it means to live through hospice at home. They also discuss coping—both the good and the destructive—and what they wish newly diagnosed parents knew.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Millie Ortiz about the life and death of her son Calvin (1995–2024) and a mother's fight for truth and dignity. Millie recounts Calvin's grooming by an older man, addiction, trafficking, prison, and the devastating reality of him being found dead on April 5, 2024—and how bias and indifference failed her gay, Latino son. Through tears, evidence, and the poem "Afterglow," Millie urges action to protect other kids. It's a raw conversation about grief, justice, and a love that won't quit.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Carlos about living after unimaginable loss—and why he rejects "everything happens for a reason." Starting from a Khalil Gibran quote on suffering, Mason unpacks free will, the mixed feelings around calling grievers "strong," and the very real pull of suicidal thoughts. He shares how being a dad to Blue keeps him here, why asking for help isn't weakness, and how therapy and safe spaces made telling the truth possible. They dig into modeling resilience, honoring Kortni, Riggins, and Franki, and making meaning when life isn't fair—clear eyes, full heart, get back up. A candid guide for anyone walking through pain and trying to choose what comes next.

In part two of this conversation, Mason talks with Brandy about navigating her first year of grief after losing her son Riley. She shares the daily struggle of simply surviving, the exhaustion of carrying grief, and the lessons she's learned from others walking the same road. Brandy reflects on the importance of finding "your people," creating rituals like Monday night poker to keep community close, and giving herself permission to not be ready yet. She also opens up about her son Hunter's accident and brain tumor diagnosis, and the resilience it takes to keep moving forward while carrying so much pain.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Brandy Smith and her younger sister Amanda about the life and loss of Brandy's son, Riley. Riley was diagnosed with cancer at just five years old, and his family's unwavering love helped him beat it. Years later, at 17, Riley tragically passed away in a dirt bike accident. Brandy and Amanda reflect on Riley's spirit, his love for the outdoors, and the deep bonds he shared with his family. Through tears, laughter, and sisterly support, they honor Riley's life while showing the strength it takes to talk about grief, trauma, and the daily fight to keep moving forward.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Bryan Docobo about the devastating loss of his 4-year-old son Ethan to Coats Plus syndrome, and the ongoing fight to save his 8-year-old son Liam, who battles the same rare genetic disease. Brian shares the pain of losing a child, the mental discipline it takes to stay present, and his relentless drive to push science forward through stem cell treatments and groundbreaking gene therapy research. This is a story of grief, hope, and a father's refusal to give up.

In this epsisode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Jessica McInnes.  Jessica lost her seemingly healthy 15 year old son to an undiagnosed brain tumor. She sat down to tell us about Rayce, the shocking process she went through with him the day he passed, and her journey as a grieving mom over the past 3 years. They discuss the rare connection between bereaved mothers, the unfiltered realities of grief, and the ongoing effort to keep Rayce's memory alive.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Michael and Chris Craven to honor the life of their son, Wyatt Leroy Craven, who passed away from acute myeloid leukemia at just five years old. They reflect on Wyatt's light, his courage, and the brutal realities of pediatric cancer, grief, and healing. Through pain, dark humor, and raw honesty, the Cravens share how they've navigated life, faith, parenting, and love in the aftermath of devastating loss.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason welcomes Anna as she shares the story of her younger brother, Alex Calvo. This episode is a little different, as it covers a topic rarely discussed but one that weighs heavily on many hearts and minds: suicide. Anna lost her little brother, Alex Calvo, at just 33 years old. She received the call no one ever wants to get, from the county sheriff's department. That moment is etched vividly in her memory; those words are scarred into her heart. She then had to deliver the devastating news to her parents. Alex struggled with mental illness, something he hid incredibly well. On August 31, 2024, he lost his battle. He was found lifeless in a hotel room. Anna has wrestled with the loss of her brother, left with countless questions and very few answers. He was the youngest of five siblings, a certified electrician, and a dog lover. His loss has deeply shaken their entire family. There were no signs, no red flags, no warnings. He functioned as if everything was perfectly normal. Overnight, Anna's world changed. In this episode, Anna opens up about a topic many keep private in order to preserve the image of their loved ones. She steps out of the shadows surrounding suicide in hopes of making a difference in the life of someone who may be struggling or grieving a similar loss. Anna speaks to the stigma surrounding suicide and shares her experience with honesty and vulnerability. This conversation comes from the heart -- raw, real, and genuine.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Matt Fielding about his stage four cancer diagnosis, the slow loss that came with it, and the brutal honesty that living with death forces on a person. Matt was handed a prescription for hospice the day he was diagnosed. Since then, he's been fighting through constant pain, rounds of chemo, blood clots, and the weight of knowing his time is limited. He opens up about what it's like to be treated like you're already gone, how cancer isolated him from friends and family, and the mental toll of living minute to minute. This conversation isn't about a silver lining. It's about the truth. Matt talks openly about fear, anger, God, love, and the one regret he has before he dies. It's hard, honest, and human—exactly what this podcast is about.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Tyson Ballard about losing his dad at 11, his brother at 17, and his sister in his mid-30s. Tyson shares how those losses shaped his life, from feeling pressure to stay strong to realizing there was never a safe space to talk about it. They talk about how funerals feel like the only time it's okay to grieve, how quickly people move on, and how therapy helped Tyson finally stop and process decades of loss. A real conversation about grief, identity, and learning how to actually live again.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Dustin Diefenderfer, founder of Mountain Tough, for a raw conversation on mental toughness, grief, and the illusion of control. They reflect on Viktor Frankl's philosophy, the spiritual fallout of tragedy, and the struggle to find meaning after unimaginable loss. Mason opens up about life after losing his wife, kids, brother, and nephew, and how helping others, talking honestly, and embracing vulnerability has been key to survival. This is a deeply emotional and unfiltered episode about suffering, acceptance, and showing up for the life that's still here.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Dustin Diefenderfer, founder of Mountain Tough, about mindset, mental toughness, and the idea of false finishes—those moments in life when you think you've made it through, only to find out there's more ahead. They talk about the challenges of grief, the value of long-form conversations, and why building resilience starts with doing hard things consistently. Dustin also shares lessons from his time in Uganda, the shift from corporate life to purpose-driven work, and why simplifying life can lead to more meaning and fulfillment.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Haley Garrison about the heartbreaking loss of her daughter Ellie, and the emotional rollercoaster of 41 days in the NICU. As a school psychologist, Haley opens up about the internal conflict of knowing coping tools but struggling to use them, and what it's like to grieve while raising another child. This episode explores medical trauma, gut-wrenching decisions, and the power of raw honesty in the aftermath of loss.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Brittainy Moala about her daughter Revie and the gut instinct that told her something was wrong—even when doctors said otherwise. What followed was years of misdiagnosis, hospital stays, and learning how to advocate in a system that often dismisses the parents of medically complex kids. Brittainy shares the weight of that fight, how it's changed her family, and the grace she's found in the middle of it all.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Weston Brandon, whose wife Lauren died unexpectedly from a pulmonary embolism just days after giving birth to their son at 26 weeks. Weston shares raw memories of performing CPR, holding his newborn son alone in the NICU, and how he found love again while carrying deep grief. This conversation covers trauma, healing, remarriage, and choosing to keep moving forward when life shatters. It's about honoring the past without being trapped by it—and learning to live with both heartbreak and hope.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Phil Lewis, a retired police officer and current detective, to talk about life in law enforcement, grief, and healing after loss. They kick things off with lighthearted conversation about speeding tickets, favorite cop movies, and stories from Phil's early career. The episode then shifts as Phil shares the story of his son Hunter, who passed away at age 15 after a car accident. He opens up about the hospital stay, the decision to remove life support, and the emotional weight that followed. Mason and Phil talk about what grief has looked like for them — the anger, the guilt, the support they've received, and how it's shaped their relationships and outlook on life. It's an honest conversation between two dads who know what it's like to carry heavy loss and still keep showing up.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason, Matt, and Keisha talk about the upcoming July 25th memorial event honoring Kortni, Riggins, Franki, Race, and Ryder. Held at West Jordan High—the site of their funeral—the event blends storytelling, IFS therapy, and a healing yoga session. The team opens up about grief, identity, and how moving toward pain is the only way through it. All proceeds go to families in need through The 10 Ninety Foundation.

In this two-part episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Nick and Susie Shaw about the tragic loss of their 9-year-old son, William, who died in a ski accident while on vacation in Montana. Nick shares the events of that day in vivid detail, including the moment he had to tell his wife what happened—and the powerful words she offered in return: "It's not your fault." Susie then shares her own experience of that day, how their family has grieved differently, and how William's legacy lives on through their nonprofit work. Together, they reflect on love, resilience, and what it means to keep showing up after unthinkable loss.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Cristin Almeida shares the heartbreaking story of losing her son Tyler to undiagnosed epilepsy, brought on by a traumatic brain injury from a snowboarding accident. She reflects on the days leading up to his death and the emotional toll that followed—grappling with guilt, anger, and the struggle to redefine her identity without him. Cristin also talks about the ongoing impact of his loss, the support of community, and the unexpected ways Tyler's presence still shows up. This conversation is a powerful look at grief, healing, and the search for meaning after unimaginable loss.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason Sawyer and Ryan Garner announce the launch of The 10 Ninety Foundation—a 501(c)(3) non-profit created to support families navigating the loss of a loved one. The foundation will help cover funeral expenses and other costs tied to grief. Mason and Ryan share what it took to turn their podcast and speaking efforts into a formal non-profit, opening up about the emotional and practical challenges along the way. They talk about the healing power of storytelling, the role of community, and how listeners can get involved—whether through Patreon, YouTube, or booking Mason for speaking events.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Brittney Obray about the unimaginable grief of losing her son Dexton to suicide. Brittney speaks candidly about the absence of clear warning signs, the role social media played in Dexton's mental health, and the moment her world shifted forever. The conversation highlights the importance of having honest discussions around mental health, being willing to ask difficult questions, and recognizing how these losses affect entire families. Brittney also shares how she's keeping Dexton's memory alive through a flower project that spreads kindness and positivity to young people.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Vince Vargas about life after military service, healing from moral injury, and the long journey of finding purpose again. Vince shares his story of going from serving as an Army Ranger to acting in Mayans M.C., opening up about survivor's guilt, PTSD, and the hidden battles veterans face when they return home. This conversation is a raw look at war, grief, redemption, and what it really means to keep living after unthinkable loss.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Brandon Crozier about losing his father in a car crash at age 12 and how that trauma led him into addiction, gang involvement, and over a decade in prison. Brandon shares his journey through grief, the realities of incarceration, and the turning point that led to his sobriety. Now several years clean, he's building homes, mentoring others in recovery, and using his story to help people find purpose after pain.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Garrett George about the loss of his best friend Chad, and how that tragedy led him into years of addiction. Garrett shares his experience surviving abuse, the shame that kept him silent, and the moment he finally chose to speak out. They discuss the weight of grief, the grip of drug dependency, and the power of forgiveness. Garrett reflects on how service, faith, and connection have helped him heal. His story is a raw look at resilience—and what it means to keep getting up when life knocks you down.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Nikita Schio about the sudden loss of her brother Dylan, who died from an aggressive cancer at just 26. Nikita shares what it was like to watch his body shut down in real time, the helplessness she felt navigating hospitals, and the guilt that hit her after he passed. She opens up about her battles with anxiety, the hard work of going to therapy, and how volunteering in Dylan's name helps her stay connected to him. This is a raw conversation about sibling loss, showing up for family, and trying to make sense of life after everything changes.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Russ McKell about the loss of his brother Steve McKell. Russ shares how he's learned to cope by celebrating life instead of fixating on death anniversaries. He also opens up about working with at-risk youth, and how that work shapes his views on grief, emotional intelligence, and healing. They talk about the power of living in the moment, using music and art as therapy, and close out with a shared love for Metallica—and how music can carry us through hard times.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Taylor Potter about the tragic loss of her sister, Katelyn Self, and sister-in-law, Amanda Self, after her father, battling severe depression and anxiety, deliberately drove his car into a restaurant where their family was dining. Taylor shares how she and her family have faced the aftermath—coping with grief, navigating forgiveness, and leaning on faith. She opens up about maintaining a relationship with her father, who is now in prison, and how she continues to work through survivor's guilt while finding the strength to move forward each day.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Adam Schroeder about the loss of his son, Gage, and his path through grief. Adam shares how embracing vulnerability, especially among men, has been key to his healing. They discuss the impact of trauma, emotional intelligence, and the role of compassion. Adam also reflects on internal family systems therapy, overcoming addiction, and the support he's found in men's groups. His story highlights the power of community and the importance of self-compassion in facing life's hardest moments.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with high school basketball players Boston Lamborn and Isaiah Reiser to talk about their personal experiences with grief and loss. Boston opens up about losing his mother and sister in a tragic drowning accident at age ten, while Isaiah shares how he lost his father to cancer when he was eight. Together, they reflect on how these losses have shaped their lives, the healing power of sports, and why conversations around grief are so important. They also discuss the role of therapy, family support, and the tools that have helped them cope.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Jessica and Mike to discuss their journey through grief after losing their daughter, Maggie, at 22 weeks. They share how they transformed their loss into a mission to support other bereaved families through Jessica's work as a certified child life specialist and author. The conversation explores the impact of play-based therapy for grieving children, the importance of keepsakes, and their fundraising efforts to honor Maggie's memory. Throughout, they emphasize the power of open communication, community support, and acknowledging grief at every stage.

In part two of this conversation on The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Rachel Coffey about the immense grief she faced after losing her husband, Joe, to COVID-19 and her son, Jace, to suicide. Rachel opens up about the emotional and mental health struggles that come with such devastating loss, highlighting the ripple effects of suicide and the urgent need for open discussions about mental health. They explore the stigma around depression and anxiety, the complexities of grief, and how Rachel is finding ways to move forward—seeking support, embracing small moments of gratitude, and using music as a tool for healing.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason hosts Rachel Coffey, who shares her profound journey through grief after losing her husband Joe to COVID-19 and a month later, her son Jayce to suicide. Rachel recounts Joe's battle with COVID-19 pneumonia, the heart-wrenching moments leading up to his passing, and the abrupt and devastating loss of her son Jayce. They explore the complex emotions and ripple effects of such losses on Rachel and her nine children, the importance of recognizing signs of suicidal thoughts, and finding resilience amidst unimaginable grief. Rachel emphasizes the need for community support, mental health awareness, and the healing power of sharing one's story.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Katherine Lazar as she shares her heartbreaking journey through the grief of a full-term stillbirth. Katherine opens up about the devastating experience of delivering her son, Brody, who was born still at 37 weeks. She reflects on the initial shock, the physical and emotional toll, and the societal challenges of navigating loss. Through podcasting and connecting with others, Katherine has found healing in sharing her story. Her conversation sheds light on the need for greater awareness, support, and open dialogue around stillbirths and the power of community in the healing process.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Melanie Hill, who shares the devastating story of losing her daughter, Macie, during a Fourth of July parade in 2022. They read Macie's obituary, reflecting on her vibrant spirit and the deep love her family holds for her. Melanie opens up about her battle with PTSD, the emotional weight of grief, and the physical and mental toll of losing a child so suddenly. She discusses her journey through therapy, particularly with EMDR, and how it has helped her heal. She also shares her efforts to stay connected with her family, navigate feelings of guilt, and create Berry Loved Puzzles in Macie's memory. This episode highlights the importance of finding meaningful ways to cope with grief and the ongoing challenge of balancing loss with daily life. Support Berry Loved Puzzles by purchasing one today: 🔗 berrylovedpuzzles.com

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Megan Young joins to share her experience following the tragic loss of her husband, Jeremy, who battled narcolepsy, depression, and bipolar disorder before taking his own life. Megan discusses the challenges of grieving while raising three young children, the support of her community, and finding strength to continue their jewelry business. The conversation delves into the complexities of mental illness, the importance of honesty in discussing difficult topics, and how Megan and her family have managed to find happiness and resilience despite their profound loss.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mark Cram shares his journey of grieving the loss of his 13-year-old son Beckham, who passed away in May 2024 due to a tragic drowning accident. The discussion opens with Beckham's obituary, painting a picture of a vibrant and loving young boy. Mark delves into the initial shock, the emotional turmoil, and the process of finding purpose in the pain. Emphasizing the importance of vulnerability, intentional grief-work, and maintaining a daily routine that honors Beckham's memory, Mark conveys how talking to his son and focusing on the purpose behind his passing helps him navigate this profound loss. The episode highlights the intertwining of deep sorrow and unwavering love, illustrating how grief, though arduous, can be a transformative journey toward living a legacy.

In this heartfelt episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason and Tim reflect on the life and legacy of Race Sawyer—Mason's brother and Tim's friend and trainee. Race tragically passed away in a car accident on July 25, 2021. Together, they explore Race's background as an MMA and boxing fighter, his unwavering dedication to his family, and his remarkable talent for bringing laughter and positivity to every situation. Known for his motto, "Live Wild," Race embraced life to the fullest. Mason and Tim share stories about his big heart, his ability to not take life too seriously, and his reputation as one of the hardest workers they knew. Tim recounts his close friendship with Race, offering heartfelt anecdotes from their time in the ring and celebrating Race's unforgettable sense of humor. They also open up about their journey through grief, reflecting on the profound and lasting impact Race had on their lives.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason continues his conversation with Kelly in part two of her remarkable story. Kelly elaborates on her daily battle with chronic physical pain following a traumatic accident that left her in a wheelchair, and how she deals with grief from losing her husband in a plane crash. The conversation touches on her initial struggles with therapy, the support from family and friends, and the role of gratitude in her healing journey. Kelly also discusses the challenges of living with a disability, her eventual return to work, and how she now finds solace and purpose through creating jewelry. Throughout the podcast, Kelly emphasizes the importance of love and connection, and how she has learned to find beauty amid hardship.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Kelly Bussio recounts the devastating loss of her husband Brent Crompton in a 1996 plane crash and her subsequent life-changing injuries. Mason explores Kelly's experience of grief, her extraordinary near-death encounter with Brent, and the physical and emotional challenges she has faced over the past 28 years. They delve into the profound impact of losing a loved one, the resilience required to rebuild life, and the importance of community and loved ones in navigating such trauma. Throughout, Kelly shares her unique insights into love, spirituality, and healing, offering listeners a deeply personal look at the journey of managing grief and physical pain.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Kortni's sister, Jordin Rueckert, to discuss the moments leading up to and the day of the accident. Together, they talk about the life Korni lead and the lessons learned from her.  They explore the challenges of writing obituaries, navigating grief, and coping with the immediate aftermath. Mason and Jordin reflect on the overwhelming emotions and responsibilities that come with losing loved ones, the value of support systems, and how grief has reshaped their lives. They share heartfelt memories of Kortni, highlighting the deep bond they shared and the lasting impact she continues to have on their lives.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason interviews Nancy Saltzman, author of 'Radical Survivor'. Nancy shares her grief journey after losing her husband and two sons in a plane crash in 1995, her battle with breast cancer, and other personal losses. They discuss the importance of having a purpose, the support of community, the difficulty of dealing with reminders of loved ones, and the complexity of finding love again. Greg, Nancy's current husband, also joins to talk about moving forward after losing his wife to breast cancer. They emphasize the role of gratitude, the challenges of being in new relationships, and accepting that grief never entirely disappears, but can coexist with happiness.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Maui Jimenez. Maui shares about the grief he's experiencing after the tragic loss of his son, Kyrrus, and his ex-wife, Rachel. Maui describes the shock of discovering his son and ex-wife after they were murdered, the destructive path he initially took, and his journey through therapy. He reflects on the complexities of grief, guilt, and anger while highlighting the importance of supporting others in similar situations. Maui's story emphasizes the ongoing struggle with trauma and the significance of finding a purpose to continue living despite immense pain.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason and Alicia Dance discuss the impact of loss and trauma on their lives. Alicia shares her journey of coping with the deaths of her family members, including her father, best friend, grandmother, and sister. They reflect on the importance of showing up in times of grief, the value of in-person connections, and the role of therapy and self-reflection in healing. Despite the pain, Alicia finds moments of gratitude and strength, emphasizing the necessity of embracing and navigating through the full spectrum of emotions. They touch upon the nature of grief, the significance of maintaining memories, and the challenges of balancing happiness and sorrow.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Denise Warriner recounts her sister Stephanie's tragic death following a confrontation with hospital security during the COVID-19 pandemic. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder and facing respiratory distress from COVID-19, Stephanie's need for compassion was met with brutality, leading to her death due to anoxic brain injury. Denise details the harrowing journey of seeking justice, the systemic failures she uncovered, and the devastating impact on her family, including the subsequent deaths of her niece Daisy and nephew Theo. Amidst unrelenting grief, Denise focuses on her family, finds solace in small joys, and remains determined to break the cycle of generational trauma.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, the host speaks with Anna, who shares her experiences and reflections on living in Canada, losing her husband Basil to a sudden heart attack, and navigating through grief. Anna talks about the initial shock, the impact on her family, and her struggles with coming to terms with the loss. She highlights Basil's loving and generous spirit, their shared love for travel, and the lessons he's taught her about living life fully. The episode also explores the emotional journey of grief, the importance of talking about difficult subjects, and how humor and memories can help in the healing process.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Jared, Alin, and Jaden Schoenrock about the tragic loss of their daughter and sister, Siena. They discuss Siena's vibrant personality, her athleticism, and her role as the glue in their family. The family reflects on their journey through grief over the past year, sharing how they have found purpose and healing through organizing a memorial 5K in Siena's honor. They emphasize the importance of community support and maintaining open communication about their emotions. The Schoenrocks convey their efforts to navigate life post-loss, finding ways to honor Siena's memory and live with the love they have for her.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason interviews Adriana Jones, who shares the devastating story of losing nine family members, including three mothers and six children, to cartel violence in Mexico. Adriana recounts the brutal attack, the immediate aftermath, and the details of the mass murder. She also discusses the resilience and support of her community, the founding of the nonprofit Ronita Vive to help other victims, and the ongoing battle for justice. Despite the heartbreak, Adriana emphasizes the importance of talking about grief, the enduring power of family, and the strength to continue living.

In this episode of The 10 Nintey Podcast Mason talks with Jeremy Macy.  Jeremy talks about losing his Mom to cancer in early childhood, abuse from his father and other family members after his mother's passing, and working to overcome different coping mechanisms that he learned through trauma and loss. Jeremy emphasizes overcoming traumas by fostering resilience, self-reflection, and the importance of being present. Highlighting his efforts to ensure a nurturing environment for his children, Jeremy shares his journey of breaking the cycle of abuse and finding healing through therapy, meaningful connections, and self-compassion.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Jonas Schenzel shares his personal journey after losing his mother to lupus. He discusses the difficult family dynamics that ensued, his struggle with and recovery from addiction, and the founding of 'Slopes 4 Sanity,' a foundation dedicated to helping kids engage with outdoor activities to support their mental health. The conversation highlights the therapeutic benefits of nature, the importance of addressing children's emotional needs, and Jonas's path toward healing and making a positive impact on others.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason talks with Janessa DeMille.  Janessa talks about losing her father and brother in a car accident, and her mother's struggle with ALS. They discuss the impact of these events on family dynamics, Janessa's relationship with her mother, and the lessons learned from coping with grief. They talk about the importance of connection, communication, and cherishing memories by living in the moment.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety podcast Mason talks with Brad Coleman.  Brad shares his inspirational journey following a devastating motorcycle accident that left him paralyzed. It explores his transformation and resilience as he adapts to a new reality, emphasizing mental health, the support of family and community, and hopeful aspirations for recovery. Brad reflects on his life-defining experiences, including his career in law enforcement and his love for motorcycles, offering insights into dealing with grief and finding strength through therapy. The conversation delves into pivotal moments like his daughter overcoming fear to ride again, illustrating the significance of embracing life's challenges and cherishing meaningful relationships. Brad's story is a testament to the power of perspective, community support, and determination in the face of adversity, highlighting his journey towards acceptance and a redefined purpose.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Kenzie Allen shares the emotional and challenging journey of losing her twin babies, Tuff and Wrigley. She discusses the complications during her pregnancy and the tough decision she and her husband Taylor made against medical intervention. Kenzie delves into the profound grief and societal challenges of being a bereaved parent, the different ways she and her husband cope with the loss, and the therapeutic methods they embrace. She emphasizes the importance of openly discussing their grief and honoring their children's memory through daily life acts and charity. Donations In Honor of Tuff & Wrigley's 1st Birthday   "Each item that is purchased will be donated to Share Parents of Utah with a custom sticker that states the book is donated on behalf of Tuff & Wrigley Allen to keep their names and legacy alive. Happy 1st birthday twinnies🩵🩷💜 Every item will be given to loss moms & dads as well as siblings of the baby to aid in their grief journey." https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/2ZV79MCXA8B9D?ref_=list_d_wl_ys_list_1&filter=unpurchased&sort=default&viewType=list

In this episode of The 10 Ninety podcast Mason interviews Kyle Brannin.  Kyle lost his wife Taylor, his son Jesse, and daughter Olivia to a car accident on June 19, 2023.  Kyle and Mason talk about the difficulty of losing so many people all at once.  Kyle talks about his journey with his faith and returning back to the scene of the accident.  Kyle also talks about the challenges of raising his remaining children amidst their shared loss. Kyle emphasizes the importance of talking about grief and seeking community support, offering insights into the processes of mourning, resilience, and enduring family love.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety podcast, Mason travels to Tennessee to talk with Nicole Hughes. Nicole shares the heartbreaking story of her son Levi's drowning. Nicole opens up about the stigma surrounding drowning, the immense grief she experienced, and her and her husband's journey to make impactful decisions in the wake of their loss. The episode explores their efforts to honor Levi's memory, Nicole's strategies for coping, and her advocacy work. Highlighting her collaboration with the American Academy of Pediatrics.  Nicole underscores the importance of seeking help, embracing vulnerability, and channeling grief into meaningful action. The conversation emphasizes resilience, relationship-strengthening, and transforming tragedy into a mission for drowning prevention.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety podcast, Mason sits down with Carlos Vasquez, an author, public speaker, podcaster, and entrepreneur. Carlos shares his harrowing journey from gang involvement and a 17-year prison sentence to finding redemption and purpose. After his father left the family, Carlos found himself entangled in gang life, leading to homelessness, drug addiction, and a life sentence by the age of nineteen. In a turning point during a decade of solitary confinement, Carlos faced a profound decision to end his life. A chance encounter with a prison chaplain challenged him to seek out his purpose rather than giving in to despair. This pivotal moment spurred Carlos to delve deep into his past, uncovering the roots of his destructive mindset. His journey of self-awareness and transformation became the foundation for his book, "The Price." In "The Price," Carlos outlines five practical principles for overcoming trauma and achieving personal success, drawn from his own transformative experiences. Join us as Carlos reveals how he broke free from his past and found his true calling in helping others navigate their own struggles.

Jaxen Christensen is 10 years old and is battling osteosarcoma—the same illness that Nixon Whatcott died from. Nixon's parents, Janessa and Nick, were on our show in Season 1. Jaxen has undergone several surgeries, including the amputation of his left leg, lung thoracoscopy, and lung thoracotomy. Despite everything, Jaxen is fighting for his life with a smile on his face. He is a hero of mine. If Jax can get out of bed today and have a good day without complaining about all the unfairness in his life, then so can I. Watching Jaxen, his brother Ryder, and his parents, Maggie and Corey, park their car and walk into our studio was amazing. They were fully present, appreciating every second, and not taking today for granted. It was both amazing and surprising how terrified I was to speak with a 10-year-old going through the unimaginable, and his parents, who were so happy and appreciative of what they had. It was not what I was expecting. It was a powerful example of how life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it. We have attached some links that you can go to support Jaxen and others suffering from osteosarcoma.  https://osinst.org/ https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-jaxens-sarcoma-fight-squirrelsquad

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason talks with Kevin and Bethany Tenney.  The Tenney's share what it's been like navigating their grief from losing their four-year-old daughter, Brighton. They recount her illness, hospitalization, and the overwhelming support from their community during their tragedy. The Tenneys reveal how they honor Brighton's memory through the 'Brighton a Day' foundation, performing acts of kindness and aiding other grieving families.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety podcast, Mason speaks with Danielle Ott, who recounts her life after the tragic drowning of her husband Wayne. The conversation delves into Danielle's initial shock, emotional challenges, and her journey of grieving while raising three children. Wayne's obituary is shared, highlighting his love for family and his roles as a husband and father. Danielle discusses how she informed her children about the loss, her adjustment to life without Wayne, and her experiences with dating again. The episode also explores the broader themes of accepting life's unpredictability, minimizing guilt, and the resilient human response to grief. It's emphasized that while society may focus on trivial matters, many quietly endure significant emotional pain, and finding beauty in life amid grief is paramount.

In this epsiode of The 10 Ninety podcast Mason talks with his girlfriend Sami.  They answer questions sent in by listeners about what it's like dating a widower, how Mason and Sami met, what it's like helping raise Blue, and how Sami navigates helping Mason with his grief.

Riggins would have turned 9 today which is hard to believe. I still hear his sweet voice and cute laugh when he was 5 about to turn 6. I love and miss you so much Riggins. Happy 9th Birthday.

I have my sister in law Keshia, niece Faith and nephew Ran on to talk about what July 25, 2021 was for each of us and what we were doing when we got the news. Talking about Trauma is hard. There is so much my family has not talked about still. The more you talk, the easier it becomes to find the right words. It takes effort, just like anything else in life. I'm so proud of my family in this episode.  3 years later it still hurts the same, maybe worse. The more time goes on the more I havent seen them. That is really difficult to accept. What I have learned so far is how much I really loved Kortni, Riggins, Franki, Race and Rider. Death has shown me that. I have learned that the gratitude, the joy, the love, the growth to be had from this horror is located in the same place as the pain. I ran from the pain for so long but that was also causing me to run away from Kortni and Riggins and Franki and Race and Rider. It still hurts, really bad. Continuing to talk about them and how I feel on the inside as allowed me to also find gratitude and love along with the pain now. I didnt have that at the beginning.  Kortni, Riggins, Franki, Race, Rider. We love you and miss you so much. I never thought this would be our life and journey together. But it is, so what are we going to do about it?

"I remember when I turned 33" I am 6 months older than Kortni and so every time she had a birthday I would say "I remember when I turned..." I think she laughed hard the first time I did it and then rolled here eyes for the next 15 years when I did it haha. Where I am currently at in my grief journey is having the idea that Kortni and Riggins and Franki are somewhere. I am not sure what form or shape that is in but they are somewhere together and it is a struggle for them. Just like it is a struggle for Blue and I and the rest of our family. Kortni always found a way to help people and have a positive influence in the worst of circumstances. Even though Kortni is dealing with grief too I know she would be handling it well with a combo of grace and fury. She keeps me going, she gets me out of bed. She has always been a great leader and role model to me. I got to have some Kortni's friends on. (sorry to all the freinds we didnt have on haha kort would have felt bad) Thank you to her friends Shelbi and Madi who went to middle school with Kortni and played high school basketball with her. We had Kort's friend Aria on too who worked as a nurse with Kortni.  My absolute favorite thing is hearing stories about Kortni, especially ones I have never heard of before. So thank you to Shelbi, Madi and Aria I felt Kortni's spirit so strongly talking to all of you at the same time.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY KORTNI! LOVE YOU FOREVER.

Got to talk with Conner Furu and what he has been through in his life. We both talked a lot about how sports has played a pivotal role in our lives. It was fun to relate with someone like him in that way.  Conner is a man of his word and you get a sense of his integridy and accountability in this episode I think. One of my favorite quotes from him says;  "The inferno of our grief is fueled by our refusal to acknowledge it, and extinguished by our attempts to undertand it." Grief at times does feel like an inferno and I think Conner is right. If you refuse to talk about it then it only feeds it and makes it bigger. Only by talking about it can you actually extinguish it.  Thanks for showing up and being on our show Conner

June 29th is Franki's Birthday. I miss you so much Frank, can't believe you would be 5! June 29th is also Kortni and my 11th anniversary.  I wrote you guys a letter and wanted to read it on here so we would always have it. I love and miss you both so much.

Parker lost his wife, Jordan Lynae Terry, age 28. She passed away December 18, 2023, in Tucson, Arizona from complications incident to childbirth.  A perfect full-term baby boy, Mack Jordan Terry, also passed away on December 17, 2023, during the birth. He weighed 9 pounds and 4 ounces, measuring 20 inches in length.   Parker and Jordan planned an at home birth which turned into Parker slowly watching his wife and baby die.  Victoria Alexander says; "There are three needs of the griever. To find the words for the loss, to say the words aloud and to know that the words have been heard." Jordan and Mack passed away about 5 months ago, the strength Jordan has to talk about it is inspiring to me. Thank you for finding the words and saying them Jordan, they will definitely be heard by our 10ninety tribe.

I talk to Blue about his favorite things about kindergarten and summer.

June 12, 2019, Colin Campbell was driving with his wife Gail, 17-year-old daughter Ruby, and 14-year-old son Hart. They were hit by a drunk driver. Ruby and Hart were killed, Colin and Gail survived.  Colin and his wife Gail are an inspiration to me. Colin wrote a book "Finding the Words". It is my favorite book and it's not close. It has impacted me greatly.  We are posting this episode on the 5 year anniversary of Ruby and Harts death. 🖤🖤 Growth in Grief page 266 [Finding the words] "It is hard for me to talk about anything positive in connection with Ruby and Hart's deaths. I bristle whenever anyone suggests that there is some opportunity for personal growth or deeper understanding as a result of grieving. I don't want to be better for having lost my children. I find the idea repulsive. And yet it is undeniable that growth can occur after any new ex-perience, especially the most challenging ones. There are good things that have happened to me in the years since they were killed. I have grown as a person. I am stronger, wiser, fiercer, and more empathetic. I have a deeper understanding of what it means to love someone else. It helps to acknowledge and embrace the positive changes that now enrich me. With so much despondency in my life, I can use all the positivity I can get." -Colin Campbell

Thank you to all our listeners, you guys sent in some questions and we answerd as many as we could.  "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it." -Charles R. Swindo

I chat with my therapist Matt and his wife Brindy. Matt is great at what he does and we connected a lot in therapy. I hope to be a grief therapist one day (if that's even a thing) because of Matt. Matt is really smart and knows a lot of big words in his field but it was how he opened up to me in our therapy sessions about his personal life that helped me so much. It wasn't so much what he said but how well he listened to me and allowed me to feel heard. I think a lot of people, when they see others hurting, want to remove the hurt. Matt was the first therapist that made me feel ok to be completely miserable and angry and sad. In therapy with Matt, I didnt feel like we had expectations or boxes to check. It was more about just allowing myself to feel miserable and to cry about it and to try and talk about it for the first time. Once I felt heard and justified to feel those emotions, it was easier for me to try to understand them and work with them.  I now consider Matt and his wife Brindy good friends of mine. We are putting on a event together, July 27th, in honor of my Family and with a desire to help other people deal with grief and other struggles that life provides.

In this episode I talk with my sister in law Keshia, and my niece Faith about Rider for his birthday. Happy Birthday Rider, we love and miss you so much.

Shame and guilt are emotions that we all have. We all feel bad for some things we have done or haven't done. It is part of the human experience. I think that is why jesus told those dudes who were trying to stone that lady to death to only throw a stone if you have no shame or guilt. "He without sin" (shame and guilt) cast the first stone.  We have created a culture where we don't talk about shame and guilt, ever. Even though it impacts us all greatly in our day to day life.  Chad drove under the influence as an 18 year old kid, got into a car crash and paralyzed one of his best friends.  Years later, Chad was moving along with life again. Got married, had a family and was doing well despite the guilt he had. Then one day as his family was getting ready for a family vacation he was backing out of the driveway and didnt know his 2 year old daughter Natalie was riding her bike. He accidently hit her, they rushed her to the hospital and then were told that she was gone.  In a world full of people who don't want to talk about shame and guilt, I am proud of Chad for being willing to talk about his. Hearing his story has helped me a lot and I know it will help many of our listeners. As bad as the guilt and shame must be for Chad, he still had one quesiton to answer. What am I going to do about it?

Jen and her Husband Chad were getting ready for a family vacation when Chad accidentely backed over their daughter Natalie in the driveway. Your life can and most likely will be shattered in an instant one day. What will remain is how you choose to handle it. We appreciate Jen having the courage to tell her story and share how she is handling her grief.  Natalie, you sound amazing. Please go find Riggins and Franki and Rider if you haven't already. They would love to play and watch Frozen with you.

Clark Fredericks talks about his story. He was raped as a kid, didn't know what to do, didn't feel like he could ever talk about it as the years went by. As an adult, he crosses paths with the man that did this to him and it ends in a bloody mess with Clark receiving a life sentence.  Clark has started his own podcast and is telling his story to help others who have been sexually abused not make some of the decisions he did.  I think Clark's story is a great example of what happens when we don't talk about our demons, when we burry them deep down. They aren't going to go away, you can't starve them to death. Your silence feeds them.  Clark woke up hungover in an isolated prison cell in a straight jacket with a life sentence. That's a really shitty spot to be in, but even in that spot, he had to answer the question… What am I going to do about it?  Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you're going to do about it.

Went to New Jersey to interview Sara who lost her dad, Kurt Kelly to cancer. Sara had to watch her dad suffer for a really long time. One thing we talked about was how she knew her dad was going to die, could be any day, but when it happened, she still wasnt ready. Nothing can really prepare you for the emotions and feelings of losing a loved one that is so close to you. Sara was also physically shaking a lot through this podcast because she has not talked about her story. Which is silly with her having her own podcast about grief. Focusing on the "we" like Sara does is inspiring. Focusing too much on the "we" can lead to not enough attention and focus on the "me".  It was so cool to be able to let Sara tell her story of her father and focus on her pain.  Her dad was such a cool guy and reminds me of my brother Race. He faught to the bitter end, he faught for every second he could get with Sara and his Family. Thank you Kurt for your example,  R.I.P.

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason talks with Jana White.  Jana has been a high school psychology teacher and cross country coach for over 20 years.  She has trained as a triathlete for most of her life and completed an ironman.  Jana is a badass.  In 2014 Jana lost her father and mother, Hubert Issel and Alana L. Uibel to a side by side accident.  Jana's son Cooper and niece Evelyn were also involved in the accident.  Jana worked as an EMT prior to the accident and talks to us about what she did to help save her son's life.  Cooper suffered a traumatic brain injury from the accident and his recovery is an amazing story of turning trauma into triumph.  Jana talks to us about helping her kids work through life's challenges and never giving up.  Jana talks to us about the accident, her journey with grief, and the experience helping her son Cooper with his recovery. Jana is a true hero, not just in that terrible moment with her family, but ever since then, her 90% is inspiring.

"You may not be responsible for getting knocked down. But you're certainly responsible for getting back up." -Wally Amos Seth Gehle was not responsible for his dad being in prison after trying to kill his mom, his mom being a drug addict and having addicts come and go as they pleased in and out of Seths house and bedroom. Seth found comfort in a adult friend who provided attention, food, shelter and safety.  And then this adult "friend" ended up sexually molesting Seth over 300 times as well as raping him.  Seth was not responsible for many things in his life, but it is his responsibility to get back up, and I'm not sure how he does it, but he does.  Some parts of this episode are gross and will make you sick to your stomach but Seth deserves a place where he can talk about his trauma and all the details that come with it. Imagine being raped as a young boy, and no one wants to hear you talk about it. Not even the good guys want to hear you talk about it. Well, that's dumb. I am glad you felt comfortable sharing your story Seth. Love you man.

This month is National Child Abuse Prevention month. Zeke Pike is 6'4 and has lots of muscles, he was one of the top football recruits in the entire country going into his senior year. Could have gone anywhere, chose Auburn because Cam Newton just won the National Championship and Heisman trophy when Zeke was deciding where to go. He was told he was going to be the next Cam Newton.  Zeke opens up about how he got into drugs and self-destructed his opportunity with football time and time again. Zeke Talks about how he was molested as a child and what that demon he kept buried for so long turned into.  If you think avoiding your trauma, not talking to that demon you have within, will cause it to go away, you are wrong. It's just getting bigger and stronger until one day, it will take over and consume you. Zeke is a good example of that. Thanks for opening up Zeke, love what you're doing with your 90% now.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason talks with Samie and Andrew Hardman.  On February 10, 2022 Samie and Andrew lost their son Drayke Andrew Hardman to suicide. They talk about Drayke's love for basketball, his kind heart, the day of and the battle in the hospital while Drayke was in a coma, the Hardman's journey with grief, and what we can do to help kids who are being bullied.

Jillian Tinkel lost her husband and son in a car accident nearly a year and a half ago. She is simply a hero of mine. After seeing and talking to people like Jillian I have felt much less alone, much less crazy, and much more normal. It also kind of gave me a type of measuring stick I could look at. People like Jillian and Kuri Bolger who had had on previously, they are kicking ass. Jillian somehow is back at work as a teacher at the same school her son went before he passed away. Not sure how she does it. I basically do public speaking gigs and podcasts and in between those moments it's a real struggle. In bed a lot still. Jillian's story inspired me to get a job, so I don't mope around so much. I am now a pool boy as my day job and I love it. Thanks for your example, Jillian and so sorry for your loss of Randy and Korbin.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, we sit down with Amanda Hurst.  Amanda lost her husband, Clever Hurst, to suicide on June 5th, 2020.  Mason and Ryan talk with Amanda about the persistent taboo surrounding suicide and the need to recognize signs of depression in those we care about.  They discuss the experience Amanda had being married to Cleve for 12 years, the nuances between grief and depression, and the crucial importance of reaching out for help if you're experiencing suicidal ideation.

On this episode of the 10 Ninety Podcast we talk to Tim and Becky Graff for the second time.  To hear the full story about the day they lost their daughters you can go back and listen to episode 20.  On May 11, 2020 Tim and Becky lost their two daughters Ellie and Kinsley to a flash flood while hiking through Little WIldhorse Canyon.  During this episode we talk about what Tim and Becky are doing 4 years later and what they do to manage their grief.

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast we talk again with Tyson Holt.  We talk about Tyson's divorce, Tyson's decision to get sober and the importance of being vulnerable and talking with your partner about your emotions.

On this episode of the 10 Ninety Podcast Mason talks with his life long friend Tyson Holt.  Tyson talks about the experiences he had growing up with his parents that struggled with drug abuse and financial instability.  Mason and Tyson talk about how even our closest friends sometimes are not expressing what's actually going on in their life.  Tyson opens up about the difficulty of losing his Mom who felt like the only anchor in his life.  He talks about the importance of therapy and how much that has helped him after the traumas that he experienced in adolescence and young adulthood.

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason and Ryan talk to Mitch Whetman.  If you haven't heard Mitch's story go back and listen to episode 15 where we first talk about Mitch's sister Whitney.  Whitney passed away from suicide on July 16, 2010.  Mitch said in the first episode we recorded with him that when you lose a loved one, "they die in pieces."  Since our last interview Mitch got married and had his first baby, and son, Nashton Bret Whetman.  On this episode we talk about the difficulty of accepting the good things happening in your life when your loved ones aren't there to witness it.  We talk about what we do to tap into the idea of We>Me and we talk about Mitch's spiritual journey while walking with grief.

Mason and Ryan go a bit off the rails on this one.  Listen at your own risk.

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast we interview Ryan Stream.  Ryan Stream is TEDx speaker, best selling author, Veteran, and entrepreneur.  Ryan shares his story about growing up in poverty, battling drug addiction, going to war, and building his life up from rock bottom.  Ryan talks about how life happens for you instead of life happening to you.  He shares with us gifts that he's been given that have impacted his life and people who have seen the potential within him when he couldn't see it himself.  Ryan's a great dude.  Happy to have met him and share time with him on this podcast.

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason and Ryan talk about how people aren't looking for you to fix their problems when something bad happens.  They talk about how sometimes its about being emotionally supportive.

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast we talk with Kelly Jewel.  14 years ago Kelly lost her husband Clint to Leukemia.  Mason and Kelly talk about the importance of talking about your grief throughout your life because the grief will be with you forever.  Mason and Kelly talk about the battle you have with hope as you're going through trauma.  Kelly talks about how the grief of Clint's passing has been on her mind more as her kids get older.  Kelly talks about the moments before Clint's passing, hyper fixating on small moments, and how opening up about her pain helps her carry it better.

On this episode of the 10 Ninety Podcast we interview Kimberly Howard.  On June 28th, 2013 Kimberly lost her son Keaton to a boating accident at Lake Powell.  Mason and Kimberly talk about how there's no way to prepare for grief.  They talk about the importance of feeling all of the emotions that come with trauma, life's synchronicities, and understanding that every person grieves differently.

Lighter episode this week. Had some fun answering questions. Thanks for all the love and support from our 10ninety family!

On this episode of the 10 Ninety podcast we interview Brie Ocea.  On July 4, 2022 Brie lost her son Romeo to a drowning accident.  Brie shares with us details about the day of the accident and her experience dealing with grief.  Mason and Brie talk about the difficulties of sharing their stories to help others while also dealing with the criticism and the perception other people may have of them.  They talk about the difficulties of losing a child so young because others will never know them like they did.  They talk about the unfairness of them being unable to experience all that this life has to offer.

On this episode of The 10 Ninety podcast we interview Kuri Bolger.  On March 5th 2022 Kuri and her family were involved in an F4 tornado in Winterset Iowa.  Kuri, her son Brysen, her brother, and her stepfather were the only survivors.  Kuri lost her husband Mike Bolger, her daughter Kinlee, her son Owen, and her mother Melissa Bazley.  In this episode Mason and Kuri talk about the difficulties of grieving multiple people at the same time.  They also talk about how the best way to honor the loved ones they have lost is to live a life they would be proud of.  They talk about how sharing their grief with others has given them strength and helps them feel closer to the loved ones they have lost.

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast we talk with Kent and Anna Thalman. We talk with Kent and Anna about their son Seth.  Seth passed away 2 years ago after complications during the pregnancy.  6 months after Seth's passing Kent and Anna received a teddy bear and a book from Brad Behle.  After getting to know more about Brad, Kent and Anna decided to film a documentary about the man delivering teddy bears on a motorcycle to families who have lost loved ones.

Scott Casey said he hasn't talked about his trauma in 13 years. Talking about emotions is hard but I haven't met anyone yet that has said they regret talking about them. Thanks for being on the10ninety podcast Scott and opening up.  "Of all things trauma takes away from us, the worst is our willingness, or even our ability, to be vulnerable. There's reclaiming that has to happen" -Brene Brown

Went to Texas and sat down with Garrett George. Garrett has experienced a lot of heartbreak and hardship in his life to say the least. I think Garrett is a true testament that even though life can be brutal. There is still a decision left to be made. What are you going to do about it. Garrett has done and will continue to do great things with his 90%. Thanks for being on the podcast, thanks for letting me, blue and sami stay at your place, and thanks for the memories my man.

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason and Ryan talk about things that probably should be left to qualified professionals.  We talk about top 10 states that struggle with suicide and depression and discuss whether there's a difference between grief and clinical depression.  If you're hurting.  Please talk to someone.

my therapist joins me again on the show to talk about ANXIETY. Why it's good and how it can be bad. I always enjoy having Matt on. I think he knows his stuff but I see him more as a buddy than a "therapist". Brindy (Matt's Wife) also joined us as well and talked a lot about breath work and breath therapy. Thanks guys, always love having you on Matt. Thanks for all you do for me.

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason and Ryan talk about their experience with IFS therapy.  IFS therapy was introduced to them by Matt Quackenbush.  Matt recommended the book "No Bad Parts" as an introduction to IFS therapy.  IFS, founded in the early 1980's by Dr. Richard C. Schwartz, serves as both a psychotherapy modality & a mental paradigm. In clinical settings, practitioners and patients have seen positive outcomes using IFS to treat trauma, depression, and anxiety.

Founder and CEO of the mental health franchise, Zion Healing inc. Robert went from being on top of the world in his 30's as a young millionaire after his company went public. Alcohol and other things took Robert from the top to the bottom, when he was homeless for two years on the streets of Salt Lake City.  After nearly dying, Robert found his way back to the top and has found success in helping other people heal and battle their own addictions. Thanks Robert, you're the man.

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast we interview Trevor Hirschi.  Trevor lost his wife, Staci, to cancer on October 28th, 2022.  Staci was diagnosed just before coming home from her LDS mission.  After coming home, Staci went into remission and got engaged to Trevor.  Shortly after the engagement Staci had a routine check up and they were informed the cancer had come back.  Staci and Trevor's story is heartbreaking. We want to thank Trevor for being brave enough to come and share their story and grief with us.  This episode is a reminder that sometimes the only thing you can do to help someone is walk as you cry with them.  We stand with you Trevor.  We love you man.  What Staci, you, and your families have gone through nobody deserves.  Into the storm we go.

Not sure how many people have experienced what Matt has. The pian he experiences is both improbable and cruel I think. How Matt endures it, is truly inspiring. Loved hearing his persepctive and what his 90% looks like. Thanks Matt! I admire your courage and ability to find a little beauty in a lot of ugly.

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast we talk about Nathan from Australia.   Throughout Nathan's life he has dealt with abandonment from parents, introduction to drugs and alcohol at an early age, and using anger to cope with his trauma.  Nathan sought help from doctors and was not seeing improvements from the prescribed medication.  After a number of different traumas that Nathan faced he eventually met Craig Lithgow.  Craig opened up his heart to Nathan and this was the beginning of improvement for Nathan.  Nathan's story is a reminder of the importance of human connection.  Like Nathan we all seek connection through different ways.  We talk about how genuine connection with people who care for you and show you love is some of the best medicine available.

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason and Ryan answer questions sent in from Instagram.

Craig Lithgow told me about this movie called "Finding Joe" which is based off of the life and teachings of Joseph Campbell and what he calls the hero's journey. So we watched the movie together when we were in Australia and I loved it. One of my favorite parts of the movie was the first scene. It was about this golden budah. Thought I would share some of the thoughts I had about it.

On this episode we talk with Christian Sandoval.  Christian is a retired veteran serving in the United States Army and ended his career as a Master Sergeant.  He has a Masters degree in Human Performance and a Masters in organizational leadership.  He is the owner  and operator of TAT (total athlete performance).   TAT helps athletes improve their speed, agility, strength, conditioning, and nutrition.   On this episode we talk with Christian about facing the coward in all of us, leadership, the transfer portal for athletes, stoicism, the importance of intention, and building resilience in the body and mind.

On this episode of the 10 Ninety Podcast we talk with Logan and Ciara Raban about their son Duke.  At 7 months Duke was diagnosed with a rare form of brain cancer called ATRT.  Logan and Ciara walk us through the days leading up to the diagnosis, their time with Duke at Primary Children's hospital, and the moments just before Duke's passing on June 29th, 2021.  Logan and Ciara share with us how they have processed the passing of their son differently and how they have maintained love and understanding for each other through their grief.  Almost immediately after Duke's passing they found out Ciara was pregnant with Brooks.  Brooks is now 18 months old.  Logan and Ciara are an example of "clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose." They are wonderful parents and we know that Duke and Brooks are proud to call them Mom and Dad.  #DukeStrong

Craig Lost his wife and two kids in a car accident in Australia in 1996. Craig reached out to me after seeing one of our 10/90 clips. Craig and I have become great friends and it means a lot for me to have someone to lean on that understands my pain and grief as well as he does. I feel like Craig is the older, Australian version of me haha. No matter what type of hell you are going through, if you handle it well, you will be able to help someone else who will go through that same hell. Thank you Craig for handling your pain and grief the way you have to help others and me 27 years later. Love you man. So I flew to Australia spent the week with Craig and did some amazing healing. One of the things we did was record this podcast. Hope you enjoy.

Levi Lieske spent the majority of his youth in jail and prison. He has a powerful story of overcoming many obstacles, at the center of his story is gratitude. Something that i have struggled with since the car accident. His message of being grateful in the toughest of times was very inspiring to me. Thank you Levi! "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what your going to do about it.

Sam and Mason discuss Tony Robbins 6 Human Needs. Certainty uncertainty/variety Significance Connection/Love Growth Contribution

"Well well well...how the turn tables"  The 10ninety podcast thanks Jimmy Rex by having him on for an episode where Jimmy and Mason talk about all sorts of different stuff.  Thank you Jimmy Rex, you have opened many doorways for the 10ninety rule.   "Jimmy doesn't like misunderstandings"

Happy Birthday Riggins, would have turned 8 today. I love and miss you more than words can describe. Trying to live with clear eyes and a full heart without you buddy. I love you and miss you always.   Clear Eyes The ability to see what needs to be done, an understanding of what the problem or challenge is. In the sports world it is knowing your assignment, what you have to do and understanding what your teammates are doing while reading the changing situation that plays out in front of you. The ability to not get distracted by less important things. Like another player's trash talk or a mistake made on a previous play. The ability to not be thwarted by what we think we know to be true, diminishing the ability to take in new information so we can better see what is in front of us.    Full Heart Strong and sustained effort. Picking yourself up and moving forward when you get knocked down. The attitude that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you do about it. Being all in and committed. Loyal to those you share the challenge with. Keeping the balance between one for all and all for one. It is the grit that when you are losing you at least slow the process down so there is less ground to make up when coming back. It is having pride in what you do. It is respecting the effort and talents of others even when they might be our competitor.    Cant Lose It is valuing effort even when we fall short of our hopes and expectations. We might lose the game, lose the girl, not get the promotion, be dissapointed in the end result. Recognize that clear eyes and a full heart breed success in many ways perhaps not visible to the connections with others that you might not realize until long after the experience, or perhaps never at least in this life. It improves our ability to win the next game and if we do not win the effort improves who we are.    -Steve Sawyer

The anniversary is just kind of another day for me. It hurts the same and feels the same whether it's 730 days or 731 days. I do want to honor the day itself in some way though. We started the 10ninety podcast on July 25, 2022. The one year anniversary of the car accident that took the lives of my wife Kortni, Son Riggins, Daughter Franki, Brother Race and Nephew Rider on July 25, 2021. The accident also claimed the lives of other people and families. What a terrible lonely day.  So... What am I going to do about it? What is anyone who had any affiliation with that accident going to do about it? What are you going to do about your demons and terrible lonely days? Because it happened, it's done, you can't change it.  Do we look for pity, special treatment, and wonder why me, poor me? Do we become bitter and hate the world and the people in it? Do we run away from accountablity and avoid future circumstances that might lead us to suffering and pain again?  Or do we battle on? Appreciating what pain and death and obstacles can teach us? With the mindset that you can take my wife, you can take my son, you can take my daughter, you can take my brother, you can take my nephew but you won't take away my fighting spirit to carry on and the love I have for each of them. You can't take away my desire to be virtuous for virtuous sake and instead of hating it, what if I loved it?  Thank you to Sam and Ryan for joining the 10ninety family. Thanks to all of our sponsors, listeners, and true believers of the 10ninety rule.  I love you Kortni I love you Riggins I love you Franki I love you Race I love you Rider Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you're going to do about it.

The Office: season 3 episode 4 is about Michael Scotts old boss Ed Truck dying and no one seems to care. Michael trys holding a grief counceling meeting and then the office holds a funeral for a dead bird. Sam and I breakdown this episode and try to use it as a refrence point to talk about the strange and unpredictable monster that grief is. We apologize if your not a fan of The Office.

This is not a normal 10/90 episode, Sam was not in on this one. Mason sits down with Kortni's siblings Jordin, Jared and Chad and talk about Kortni on her birthday. Kortni's sister KC was really sick and couldn't make it, so that was a bummer.  Wanted to have memories of Kortni so Blue and his kids and whoever else can know how incredible she was. Love you Kortni, happy birthday, SLAPSHOT REGATTA

Thank you for the questions sent in and all the support from our 10ninety listeners! Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what your going to do about it.

Sam and Mason dicuss Franki's favorite movie Tangled in honor of Mason and Kortni's 10 year anniversary and Franki's 4th Birthday.  Franki: Happy Birthday Princess. Today you would have turned four. I am grateful and cherish the life you had and the joy you gave everyone including me. I am haunted by what once was mine. Haunted by the future and what could/should have been. Love you forever and always Franki.  Kortni: How lucky am I to love someone so much to feel this miserable. Death and pain has shown me how much love I truly have for you. Trying my hardest without you. Haunted by what could have been and so lucky to have what we did. I'd go through hell over and over again if it meant being with you and having Riggins, Blue, and Franki. Slapshot regatta! Love you always and forever. Happy 10 year anniversary Kort.

After a horrific automobile accident took the lives of his wife and youngest son, also inflicting multiple life-threatening injuries to Jeff (including the amputation of his left leg) he found the courage to survive over 18 surgeries and eventually heal both physically and emotionally. At the time of his accident, Olsen had incredible Out-of-Body and Near-Death Experiences, bringing him insights not common in today's world. Jeff has integrated these experiences into everyday life, inspiring others to embrace the beauty around them and choose joy in all they do.  Olsen's latest book, WHERE ARE YOU? is a collaboration with his oldest son Spencer, who also survived the accident at the age of seven. They have captured in a simple and powerful way their healing journey through the innocent perspective of that seven year old child. "Where Are You?" is a heartfelt book for all ages and perfect for anybody who misses someone. Among Jeff's many accomplishments, he is most fulfilled by simply being a husband, father and friend. *we copied and pasted this from the internet. No one from 10/90 wrote this discription.

My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it-you will regret both.  -Sören Kierkegaard

Sam and Mason sit down with Preston Schooley and discuss how he turned down a safe, high paying job to pursue his dream as a tattoo artist. Preston also talks about his divorce and how life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you do about it.  Preston did a lot of sweet tattoos for me that have a lot of meaning, and he crushed them all. Thanks Preston!

Sam Josie is back! On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason and Sam discuss a story about monkeys in a cage trying to get a banana, zebras with targets on them, and the alleged true story of Job from The Bible.   mason watched a video of Job done by the "The Bible Project". he basically stole everything from them. You guys should check them out, they got a lot of cool videos if your into god and stuff.

Sam went to disneyland, so it was just mason and Brandon Burke who break down the parable of the mexican fisherman. "Wealth is the slave of a wise man. The master of a fool" -Seneca

We smiled back at death today. Had Wyatt Kline on our podcast an 18 year old senior from Roy High School in Northern Utah. Wyatt's mom took her own life when he was 15 years old. Wyatt was the one who found his mothers body. Wyatt has a 10ninety mindset and we were blown away with how strong he is.  Part of the 10ninety message is we is greater than me. Mason's wife Kortni was a prime example of this in her day to day life. She genuily put her kids first and loved it. Motherhood in general comes with the territory of we is greater than me.  Happy Mothers Day

Sam and Mason answer questions sent in by listeners. They did more than one question this time. Thank you for all the support we have gotten. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you're going to do about it.

Matt is masons therapist but more of a friend really. Matt is the man and we talked about a lot of cool stuff in this episode.  -how to develope trust in a theraputic relationship  -what is the goal of a therapist -the heros journey  also: Ryan Garner wrote a tasty jam and i love it but Ryan was to worried to post it so I talked to his wife denise and we are posting his whole song. Hope you guys like it as much as i do. If you dont like it, then you make one. You write and do the music for your own entire song and then you upload it to spotify or apple music or whatever. go make your own.

Sam and Mason answer questions sent in by listeners. Unfortanetly we only got through one question because the firtst question was "whats the purpose of life" and they went on a tangent for 40 minutes about it. We will get to more of the questions in our next episode. thanks for the questions and for all the support.  Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what your going to do about it.

Tim Drisdom dicusses his experineces with Racism, what it was like playing for legendary coach Rick Majerus at the University of Utah were Tim was apart of 3 conference championships and had a trip to the sweet 16. Tim also discusses his experience with losing loved ones and his faith in Christ which is fitting for easter weekend.

Tyler Hall, the former CEO of Drivably talks to us about almost losing his wife to a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. In this episode we talk about how lifes challenges often times force us to reframe, to change, and to focus on what really matters.

Sam and Mason discuss the Johari Window concept. The Johari Window is a framework for understanding conscious and unconscious bias that can help increase self-awareness and our understanding of others.  We hope you like the episode.

Sam and Mason answer questions sent in. Thank you for all the questions and support we get. Into the storm we go!

I invited my sister shannon, brother sage, sister carlie, and sis in law keshia (Races Wife) to my house on January 17th to celebreate races birthday.  I told them I want to sit around and talk about race. I said I want to record it and upload it to the 10nintey podcast so hopefully 200 years from now races great great great grandkids can know how cool he was listening to some of these stories. The accident is fresh on our mind and the conversation was hard. I love my family so incredibly much. I am so blessed to have the parents and siblings that i do. Race I miss you so much bro.  Grief over Race has been much different than grief over Rider and Kortni and Riggins and Franki. I wish i talked to my brother more. i wish he knew how much i looked up to him and how much i loved him. im not sure why i didnt talk to him as much as i wished i did when he was still alive. this is not a usual 10/90 podcast. no sam, no sponsor, not really a 10/90 message just my siblings talking about race. the podcast is similar to a journal for me, so im happy to post this today. the quality of the audio isnt great. there was 5 of us spread out across two mircrophones. ryan garner is mad at me that I didnt use his special microphones. sorry my grammer sucks.  LIVE WILD!

Zach Josie has a rare form of dwarfism and is currently training for another Ironman. Zach is a great example of facing obstacles, accepting his circumstances, and moving forward despite that physical competition is harder for him. His drive is inspirational!

Sam and Mason sit down with Brandon Vega, the author of Ghetto Conscious and creator of the EATN project. Brandon shares his incredible story of growing up in a tough neighborhood (to say the least) in Florida and how he was able to break the narrative and find success through his E.A.T.N. philosiphy.

Sam and Mason talk about how life is more simple than we sometimes make it. Waiting for something shiny and new isn't what's stopping you from enjoying life. Honor your life by being grateful for what you have right now.

Sam and Mason answer questions sent in by listeners.  -when did sam realize he was different? -what are the benefits of sams dwarfism -the most powerful thing mason was told after the accident  -Does Blue talk about his mom, siblings, uncle and cousin -Ex girlfriends -and more

Brad Behle sits down with Sam and Mason to discuss his book "Ride in Paradise." The book tells the story of Brad's brother Jason and his battle with prescription drugs which ended up taking his life. Brad is a great example of making something great happen out of something so terrible. If you battle with opioid addiction please talk to someone.

Sam and Mason talk about the new Puss in Boots movie that fits in well with the 10ninety message.  This episode is dedicated to Dan Hesketh and his family. Dan lost his wife Elizabeth (44) Son Ashton (11) Daughter Kylie (10) in a terrible accident in British Columbia on March 11, 2022. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. One day at a time.

Sam and Mason talk about New Year resolutions after having a heavy episode with Tim and Becky Graff. The conversation steered more to God, what heaven is like, and what Jesus is like and of course, movies. Sam and Mason appreciate the fact that they can agree to disagree and still be great friends.  "life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what your going to do about it"

"Life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you respond to it." -Charles Swindoll Thank you Tim and Becky Graff.

Sam and Mason talk with Becky and Tim Graff, who lost their two daughters. McKinzley, "Kinzley" (age 7) and Elexia, "Ellie" (age 3) in a flash flood. Becky wrote a powerful book: "Swept Away" focusing on grief and acceptance. We appreciate Tim and Becky for being vulnerable and brave enough to talk about such a difficult thing.

Sam and Mason discuss The Parable of the Raft which they heard from Noah Rashetta's podcast: Secular Buddhism.  Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go" -Hermann Hesse

Sam and Mason sit down with Porter Larsen who shares his powerful story of when he lost his brother Racer in a skydiving accident and then 10 years later loses his Dad to a brain aneursym.

Sam and Mason answer questions sent in by listeners out of their peaky blinders hat. Topics include: dating, sam overcoming discrimination, Kortni's favorite quote, who will win the nba finals, tattoos, disabilites, types of therapy and more.

Cristie North sits down with Sam Josie and Mason Sawyer to discuss the tragic loss of her son Taylor who took his own life on January 6, 2017. Cristie shares some powerful words of wisdom in this episode focused on mental health and suicide prevention. Cristie has started her own podcast: Pieces of a Women as well as starting the Taylor Hagen Foundation which focuses on suicide prevention. Crisite is a great example of taking something so terrible and trying to make something great out of it.

Sam and Mason talk to Mitch Whetman as he discusses the tragedy of his sister taking her own life when she was sixteen years old. Suicide is a big issue especially in Utah. Talking about it more is something we believe may help and bring awareness to such a sad issue. We were impressed with Mitch and his willingness to discuss difficult issues that hit so close to him and his family. Whitney Whetman had a family life that was full of love, care, peace, support, and friendly competition. She loved all sports and activites but basketball was her true love. She was proud to be a member of the WJHS Lady Jags basketball team where she had many sisters and inspired a strong camaraderie. Her big smile and fun personality will always be missed.

Sam and Mason discuss the childrens book; "The Empty Pot" and how it ties into the 10ninety message.

Happy Halloween! Sam and Mason answer questions sent in by listeners. Questions ranging from religion, pizza, sams dwarfism and more. Thank you for all our supporters it has meant so much to us.

Mason and Sam visit with Carrie McKee as she shares her challenging story of surviving breast cancer and a traumatic divorce.  Her strength and attitude will inspire.  This episode is sponsored by Joel Carter.  Check out his amazing artwork @jocahta.art Thanks for the support!

Mason and Sam visit with Alec McMorris as he shares his inspirational story of survival and rehab after being hit by a pickup truck in Parley's Canyon.  This episode is sponsored by McMorris Deck's and Structures.  Call 801-834-8098 for a free estimate.

This week Mason and Sam interview Shawn Vierra as he shares his story of trauma and how he has been able to move forward. This episode is sponsored by Polished Audio.  Thank you for your support.

Sam and Mason sit down with Brooke Pando as she discusses the obstacle of having their daughter Londy suffer from Ehlers Danlos Syndrome type 6a. Their attitude and perserverance is inspiring. Thank you to our sponsors!

Sam and Mason answer questions sent in by listeners. This episode is sponsored by Desert Pain Specialist of St. George Utah. As well as Synergy Dance Academy of West Jordan Utah. Thank you for your support.

Mason and Sam visit with Nick and Janessa Whatcott as they share their journey of losing their young son, Nixon, to cancer.  Their story is inspirational.  This month is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Do something to brighten the life child battling cancer.   This episode is sponsored by G.O.A.T. Athletic Spa in South Jordan, Utah.  Thank you for listening and for  your support.

Mason visits with Fred Yogo, who shares his life's challenges of growing up in Kenya and then immigrating to the United States.   "Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants."   - Epictetus  Thanks for this week's sponsor, Dr. Jason Bruse, foot surgeon in Davis County.  801-397-6150 And Nets on Fire for their continued support.

A visit with Matt Quackenbush as he shares his expertise and insights as a trauma therapist. He is the owner and creator of the Finding Strength Podcast and the Finding Strength Method, a cutting edge therapeutic treatment approach.  He and has been instrumental in helping Mason as a therapist.  This episode is sponsored by  Alex Pedroni of Utah Real Estate .  Find her at @your_realestategirl for all your real estate needs.    Thank you so much for your support.

Mason and Sam answer listener questions that have been sent in.  Literally pulling the questions randomly out of a hat. They cover questions ranging from religion, conversations with Blue, Lebron vs Jordan, their most embarrassing moment, keeping perspective, and more.   Sponsored by Alicia Madsen with Century 21 Real Estate  801-440-6280

Mason and Sam discuss the challenges Sam faced growing up with Dwarfism along with along with challenges he faces everyday as an adult with Dwarfism.  Join us in continuing our discussion of overcoming obstacles by applying the 10/90 method.  This week's episode is sponsored  by Priority Property Maintenance.

Mason and Sam discuss the night of the car accident that took the lives of Mason's wife, son, daughter, brother, and nephew. Join us in focusing on how we need to open up more and talk about our obstacles. Thank you to our sponsor macronsbybreanna.

Mason and Sam introduce the 10/90 rule. Thank you to our sponsor Nets On Fire.