247 - What Happens When Only One of You Does the Work: Family Role Dynamics and What Repair Actually Takes w/ Dr. Angelica Shiels
247 - What Happens When Only One of You Does the Work: Family Role Dynamics and What Repair Actually Takes w/ Dr. Angelica Shiels  
Podcast: Adult Child
Published On: Wed Sep 09 2026
Description: ✨SAFE WITHIN: A 7-week live somatic journey to get out of your head and into your body. Starts Wed. Oct 7th. Early bird pricing through 9/17 👉 adultchildpodcast.com/safewithin----All the healing work in the world won't make someone else willing to do their own.Dr. Angelica Shiels is a clinical psychologist a licensed clinical psychologist who works with couples and families using Emotionally Focused Therapy, the creator of the app Attuned - Relationships and the host of Attuned with Dr. Angelica & Coach Amanda. In today's conversation she walks through the dynamics she sees when two people's childhood wounds meet in a relationship, and what actually has to happen for either of them to change.✨ What this episode explores▪️ When Only One of You Is Doing the Work — The two kinds of harm to screen for before you keep trying, and why staying in couples therapy too long with an unwilling partner damages the person who's willing.▪️ The Parentified & Golden Child Pairing — The most common match in relationships, why it works beautifully until the parentified partner finally asks for something, and the exact moment it comes apart.▪️ The 4 States People Can't Tolerate — Defectiveness, powerlessness, uncertainty and wrongness, which one sits underneath the other three, and what it means when you only react to one of them.▪️ High Conflict Couples Doesn't Need Better Communication — Why teaching skills to a dysregulated couple fails, what has to be in place before any technique works, and why titration matters more than depth.▪️ Fawning That Looks Like Willingness — How to tell the difference between a partner who is actually in it and one who is agreeing with everything while privately still judging you.Check out Omaha Steaks and use my code BEEF for a great deal: https://www.omahasteaks.com-----------------------⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community6 weekly Zoom support groups · Discussion boards · Peer connection👉 theshitshow.mn.co🗞️ SIGN UP FOR SHITSHOW NATIONGet the newsletter for community updates, healing insights & early access to workshops.➡️ Join here💁‍♀️ SUPPORT THE POD☕ Buy Me a Coffee – help Andrea (and her cats) eat🛍️ Shop Shitshow MerchOur Sponsors:* Check out Omaha Steaks and use my code BEEF for a great deal: https://www.omahasteaks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy