Celebrating 300 episodes with one of the hardest relationship skills: feedback. Sue and Ann reflect on a decade of podcasting and dive into one of the the most challenging parts of any relationship: giving and receiving feedback. Through candid personal stories, humor, and clinical insight, they explore how attachment history, defensiveness, trauma, and vulnerability shape the way we handle conflict and communication. This conversation explains why feedback can feel so threatening, how couples get stuck arguing facts instead of feelings, and why repair—not perfection—is the foundation of healthy relationships. “Feedback is a bid for connection.” – Sue Marriott, LCSW CGP Time Stamps for 300 Episodes In: Why Feedback Is So Hard (300) 01:56 The challenge of feedback: Giving and receiving 07:29 Understanding the difficulty of giving feedback 11:06 The fear of feedback: Avoidance and anticipation 16:15 The overestimation of awareness: Why we hold back 26:32 Navigating the receiving end of feedback 32:34 Impact over intent: The key to effective communication 34:54 Navigating feedback and racial sensitivity 41:08 Defensiveness in relationships 52:09 The role of trauma in relationships Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  A coffee alternative with 4 adaptogenic mushrooms and ayurvedic herbs. With only a fraction of caffeine as a cup of coffee, you get energy without the anxiety, jitters, or crash of coffee Go to mudwtr.com/tu to support the show and use code TU for 15% off   Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount.     You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!!    Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!

Sex can feel complicated when our parts get involved Patricia Rich introduces the concept of self-led sexuality — approaching sexuality from curiosity, compassion, and connection rather than fear or conditioning. She explains how understanding our internal “parts” can help individuals navigate conflicting desires, deepen consent, and create greater safety within themselves and their relationships. Explore the complexities of sexuality, emphasizing the importance of self-led sexuality and the integration of Internal Family Systems (IFS) in sexual therapy. The conversation also examines the broader cultural forces that influence sexuality, including capitalism, gender expectations, and the silence many therapists themselves experience around sexual topics. Grounded in both clinical insight and humanity, this episode offers a refreshing framework for understanding sexuality as a space for healing, embodiment, and authentic connection. “Listening to our desires doesn’t mean we have to act on them all. Simply acknowledging the parts of ourselves who hold those desires and validating their longings can bring inner connection and vitality.” – Patricia Rich, LCSW CST-S Time Stamps for Bonus – Self-Led Sexuality: Reclaiming Intimacy Through IFS with Patricia Rich, LCSW CST-S (299) 01:51 The challenges of discussing sexuality 07:53 Integrating IFS into sexual therapy 13:39 The positive intentions of our parts 22:17 Self-led sexuality: Leading from within 28:01 Therapists’ relationship with sexuality 35:51 The six S’s of sexual self-energy 40:28 Creating Safety in Sexual Conversations 45:03 Exploring sensuality and its barriers 01:01:10 Exploring exiled parts and performance pressure 01:05:07 The concept of internal consent 01:11:36 Cultural influences on sexuality and self-perception About our Guest – Patricia Rich, LCSW, CST-S (She/Her) Patricia Rich, LCSW, CST-S (she/her) is an IFS Institute Certified Level 3 IFS Therapist and Approved Consultant and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and Supervisor. She has developed a unique integrative model for Self-Led Sexuality to help people findmore ease, joy, and confidence in the bedroom and beyond. She has originated IFS- informed concepts such as Internal Consent and The Six S’s of Sexual Self-Energy. Patty has presented at the IFS Annual Conference, taught a module for the IFS Institute Online Continuity program, led workshops internationally, and authored a chapter in Altogether Us: Integrating the IFS Model with Key Modalities, Communities and Trends. She offers training and consultation to professionals and loves helping people to BeHold and Lead their Internal Sexual Systems (BLISS)TM. She hosts “Self-Led in Bed: An IFS & Sexuality Podcast” and lives in the Philadelphia area where she also has a private practice. You can get her free guide to The Six S’s and learn more about her offerings at www.patriciarich.com or follow her on Instagram @patriciarichconsulting. Resources for Bonus – Self-Led Sexuality: Reclaiming Intimacy Through IFS with Patricia Rich, LCSW CST-S (299) Self-Led in Bed: An IFS & Sexuality Podcast – Patricia’s podcast Patricia’s website – Information & resources IFS Integration: A Comprehensive Guide to Applying Internal Family Systems Across Modalities, Populations, and Clinical Presentations – Check out Patricia’s chapter in this book Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount.

What does it mean to belong to more than one world at once? Sahaj Kohli—founder of Brown Girl Therapy and author of What Will People Say?—explores the emotional complexity of bicultural identity, the immigrant experience, and the hidden pressures of being “culturally enough.” Together, we explore how culture shapes mental health, why many therapy models miss the mark for marginalized communities, and what truly culturally responsive care can look like. Sahaj also shares how social media became a lifeline for connection, community, and healing for people navigating multiple identities. This episode offers powerful insight for therapists, helpers, and anyone balancing family expectations, identity, and belonging across cultures. “Collectives are made of individuals, and we can’t be our best selves within those collectives and in those roles if we are not also taking care of ourselves. Yet we can’t be our best selves as individuals without considering the collective and our communities.” – Sahaj Kohli Time Stamps for Between Two Worlds: Navigating Bicultural Identity with Sahaj Kohli (298) 03:46 Cultural identity and the immigrant experience 07:28 The birth of Brown Girl Therapy 11:22 Understanding the dominant narrative 15:07 Cultural differences in communication and boundaries 19:05 Cultural responsiveness in therapy 26:49 The burden of cultural “enoughness” 29:11 Navigating pride and shame in biculturalism 31:08 Grief and loss in cultural transition 39:20 Resources for bicultural and multicultural understanding About our Guest – Sahaj Kohli MA.Ed, LGPC, NCC  Sahaj Kohli by Beowulf Sheehan Sahaj Kaur Kohli MA.Ed, LGPC, NCC is an award-winning therapist and mental health educator. She is the founder of Brown Girl Therapy (@browngirltherapy), the first and largest mental health and wellness community organization for adult children of immigrants, an advice columnist for the Washington Post, and host and creator of the limited series podcast, So We’ve Been Told. Sahaj is also author of the book, “But What Will People Say: Navigating Mental Health, Identity, Love and Family Between Cultures” named one of Audible’s “best of” in 2024. With a 6+ year career in journalism under her belt, Sahaj’s passion lies at the intersection of narrative storytelling and mental health advocacy. You can follow Sahaj’s writing on Substack: Culturally Enough. is a resource for the community and The Bicultural Brief is a resource for clinicians who want to be more culturally responsive in their care. Sahaj’s words and work have been featured across media, like in Today, NPR, Good Morning America, CNN, The New York Times, and others. Sahaj also serves as a corporate consultant, educator and international speaker. Resources for Between Two Worlds: Navigating Bicultural Identity with Sahaj Kohli (298) @BrownGirlTherapy – Sahaj’s Instagram profile Sahaj’s Website – Resources, information, events & more But What Will People Say? Navigating Mental Health, Identity, Love, and Family Between Cultures – Get your copy today!! Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount.       You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!!  Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!

Patreon/Supercast Special Release – Bonus – The 5 Phases of Divorce: From Heartbreak to Healing with Oona Metz (297) This is a sneak peek of our episode with Oona Metz – available only on our Premium Supercast and Patreon platforms. For as little as $5/month you can have access to special releases like this one, first-to-know about upcoming events and discounts and an ad-free feed. Click here to join & finish the episode!! Divorce Isn’t One Moment—It’s 5 Phases Therapist and author Oona Metz draws on three decades of experience supporting women through divorce. She breaks down the emotional arc of separation through her five-phase model, offering a clear lens into the grief, upheaval, and eventual growth that can unfold. The episode also explores common misconceptions, practical guidance for clinicians and individuals, and the powerful role of support groups in the healing process. “Well meaning friends and family who are not divorced often can’t grasp the weight of uncertainty that coincides with dismantling a family. No one brings a lasagna or sends flowers when a marriage dies.” – Oona Metz, LCSW CGP Time Stamps for Bonus – The 5 Phases of Divorce: From Heartbreak to Healing with Oona Metz  06:40 Contemplating divorce: The struggle and decision-making process 12:22 The five phases of divorce: Understanding heartbreak 26:03 Mending: Healing and self-care after divorce 28:14 Navigating parenting through divorce 30:54 The process of letting go 54:28 Supporting friends through divorce About our Guest – Oona Metz, LCSW CGP I am a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker, a Certified Group Psychotherapist, and a Fellow of the American Group Psychotherapy Association. I have 30 years of experience working with individuals, families, and groups. My private practice offices are located in Brookline and Arlington, Massachusetts.  I am active on numerous committees and boards related to group therapy and prioritize ongoing learning in diversity, equity, and inclusion. My practice is focused on individual adults, and group therapy. I specialize in working with women+ who are in transition. Whether transitioning from college to graduate school or work, beginning or ending a relationship or job, becoming a parent or empty nester, or coming out to family and friends, these experiences offer an opportunity for reflection, insight and meaningful change Resources for Bonus – The 5 Phases of Divorce: From Heartbreak to Healing with Oona Metz  Oona’s Website – Resources, trainings & other information Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women – Get your copy on Oona’s book Looking for our Upcoming Events? Click here!! Our Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW! Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s

*]:pointer-events-auto scroll-mt-[calc(var(--header-height)+min(200px,max(70px,20svh)))]" dir="auto" data-turn-id="request-WEB:61d8e88f-e212-4612-9806-54904686b0df-4" data-testid="conversation-turn-10" data-scroll-anchor="true" data-turn="assistant"> Equanimity isn’t about staying calm—it’s about staying present when it matters most Explore the role of equanimity, mindfulness, and compassion in navigating an increasingly complex world. Special guest Margaret Cullen alongside co-host Sue Marriott discuss the evolution of mindfulness in modern culture, the foundations of compassion-based practices, and how these approaches can support resilience and emotional balance. Grounded in both clinical insight and lived practice, this conversation offers a thoughtful, accessible perspective on cultivating steadiness and clarity in the midst of ongoing challenges. “Equanimity is love meeting vulnerability.” – Margaret Cullen, LMFT Timestamps for Inner Stability in an Unstable World: Margaret Cullen on Equanimity (296) 02:10 The evolution of mindfulness in western culture 06:29 Cultural backlash and the search for peace 09:44 The role of social media in our lives 19:09 Equanimity: A deep dive into its meaning 26:00 Recognizing equanimity in daily life 30:13 Practices to cultivate equanimity 37:16 Resources for mindfulness and equanimity About out Guest – Margaret Cullen, LMFT Margaret Cullen is a licensed psychotherapist and a pioneer in bringing contemplative practices into mainstream settings. She was one of the first ten people to be certified as an MBSR instructor and has taught around the world. As a therapist, she facilitated psycho-social support groups for cancer patients and their loved ones for over 30 years. She has led research studies on the impact of contemplative programs for a wide variety of populations across the US and co-developed the Compassion Cultivation Training with Thupten Jinpa at the Stanford University School of Medicine and the Mindfulness and Compassion Training for military spouses with Amishi Jha at University of Miami. She is the founder of Compassion Corps, a program which brings compassion programs to underserved populations around the world. She also developed Mindfulness-Based Emotional Balance and co-authored a book about it with Gonzalo Brito Pons. She was a Senior Teacher and Curriculum Developer for Humanize, a contemplative-based dyad program founded by German neuroscientist Tania Singer. Margaret is a Mind and Life Institute Fellow, on the advisory board of the Global Compassion Coalition, and has been a meditation practitioner for over 40 years. Resources for Inner Stability in an Unstable World: Margaret Cullen on Equanimity (296) Margaret’s Website – Additional information, resources, and opportunities Quiet Strength – Margaret’s newest book, purchase your copy HERE! Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount.     Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!!

We don’t heal alone – we heal in connection. Prentis Hemphill, alongside co-host Sue Marriott, traces their path from social organizing to somatic therapy, revealing how personal healing and collective transformation are deeply intertwined. Together, they explore how inherited myths, power dynamics, and collective trauma shape both our inner worlds and our social systems. This episode invites therapists and change makers alike to consider healing as more than an individual process—it’s relational, embodied, and political in impact. Prentis offers grounded reflections and practical tools for working with the body, navigating power, and engaging in healing that extends beyond the self. “When we are courageous, we can do the unexpected and start to mold the world around a vision bigger than one produced by fear. Every inch of progress, every ounce of love, every truly meaningful action from here on out will happen through courage, not comfort.”  – Prentis Hemphill Time Stamps for Where Personal Healing Meets Collective Change (295) 06:15 The interplay of interpersonal and systemic dynamics 09:31 The challenge of updating therapeutic practices 16:49 Impact of myths on human behavior 20:32 Reflections on current political climate and collective trauma 24:10 The myth of “American Exceptionalism” 36:50 Self-care and community engagement 40:07 Resources for healing and transformation About our Guest – Prentis Hemphill Prentis Hemphill is the bestselling author of What It Takes to Heal, a groundbreaking exploration of healing, justice, and transformation. A therapist, somatics teacher, facilitator, political organizer, and writer, Prentis is also the founder of The Embodiment Institute and a leading voice in embodied leadership and collective healing. For over a decade, Prentis has worked with individuals and organizations through their most challenging moments of change—navigating leadership transitions, conflict, and the alignment of practice with values. Grounded in an embodied approach, their work ensures that our intentions aren’t just ideas, but are fully lived, felt, and practiced. Before founding The Embodiment Institute, Prentis served as the Healing Justice Director at Black Lives Matter Global Network and was a lead somatics teacher with generative somatics and Black Organizing for Leadership and Dignity (BOLD). They hold an M.A. in Clinical Psychology and have provided therapeutic services in low-cost mental health clinics, centering marginalized communities. Prentis has contributed to Atlas of the Heart (Brené Brown), The Politics of Trauma (Staci K. Haines), You Are Your Best Thing (edited by Brené Brown & Tarana Burke), and Holding Change (adrienne maree brown). They are also the creator and host of the acclaimed podcasts Finding Our Way and Becoming the People, which have surpassed over a million downloads. At its core, Prentis’ work challenges the complacency of mainstream therapeutic models, infusing healing with the rigor of justice, repair, and accountability. They believe that reclaiming feeling and relationship creates space for true transformation—in ourselves, our movements, and the world. Prentis lives on a small farm in Durham, NC, with their partner, Kasha, their child, and two dogs. !!NEW OPPORTUNITY!! READING POD STARTING MAY 1ST! Looking to deep dive into Prentis’s book? Co-host Sue Marriott is hosting a weekly Zoom reading pod – with a potential author Q&A at the conclusion. First session starts May 1st. $10/session and $5/session for our Supercast and Neuronerds. Learn more and reserve your spot – HERE! Resources for Where Personal Healing Meets Collective Change with Prentis Hemphill (295) The Embodiment Institute – Training institute, research entity, and culture change engine that strategically develops people and organizations to be agents of transformation in families, social movements and the environment. Prentis’s Website – Resources and information “Becoming the People” – Prentis’s podcast What It Takes to Heal; Published 2024 by Penguin Random House -Prentis’s book, get your copy today! Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s. Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!!

Patreon/Supercast Special Release – Bonus – Hormones, Libido, and the Missing Conversation About Women’s Bodies with Dr. Christine Vaccaro (294) This is a sneak peek of our episode with Dr. Christine Vaccaro – available only on our Premium Supercast and Patreon platforms. For as little as $5/month you can have access to special releases like this one, first-to-know about upcoming events and discounts and an ad-free feed. Click here to join & finish the episode!! We’ve normalized not understanding women’s bodies. Dr. Christine Vaccaro helps demystify women’s sexual health – exploring everything from hormones and anatomy to libido and pelvic floor challenges. Together, we break down what’s often misunderstood or overlooked, offering clear, empowering insights to help women better understand their bodies and advocate for their care. “You don’t want women to have to choose between mental health or sexual health.” – Dr. Christine Vaccaro Time Stamps for Bonus – Hormones, Libido, and the Missing Conversation About Women’s Bodies with Dr. Christine Vaccaro (294) 00:49 Understanding the complexity of women’s sexual health 06:53 Libido and sexual health 09:36 Gender equity in sexual health education 12:36 The Clitoris: Anatomy and function 15:12 Hormones and their impact on sexual health 30:57 Navigating hormonal changes in Perimenopause and Menopause 34:09 The role of Testosterone in women’s health 51:53 Pelvic floor health and its impact on women 58:02 Importance of sexual health awareness About our Guest – Dr. Christine Vaccaro  She is a double board-certified and fellowship trained urogynecologist & reconstructive pelvic surgeon with advanced training in sexual medicine. She is an expert in treating urogynecological conditions and has conducted research on interstitial cystitis (IC), pelvic floor disorders, and clitoral anatomy. Dr. Vaccaro is an active member of both the American Urogynecologic Society (AUGS) and the Society of Gynecologic Surgeons (SGS), where she contributes to multiple committees focused on advancing education and research.Dr. Vaccaro has been practicing medicine for over 20 years in the military, and graduated from the United States Military Academy at West Point in 1999, with a major in Chemistry/Life Sciences, Nuclear Engineering Track. She received her Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine (D.O.) degree in 2003 from the University of North Texas Health Science Center. She completed her OB/GYN residency training in 2007 at Madigan Army Medical Center, Tacoma, WA and her Urogynecology fellowship training in 2011 at Good Samaritan Hospital, Cincinnati, OH. ​Dr. Vaccaro retired from the U.S. Army with the rank of Colonel, after serving as Fellowship Program Director and Service Chief of Urogynecology & Reconstructive Pelvic Surgery at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center. Looking for our Upcoming Events? Click here!! Our Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW! Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s

Some feelings can’t be said – but they can be sung Ann Koplow shares her journey as a therapist and musician, discussing the healing power of music, her experiences with a rare heart condition, and the importance of authenticity in therapy. She emphasizes the role of shamelessness in creative expression and how songwriting serves as a therapeutic tool for both herself and her clients. The conversation explores the impact of music on mental health, the creation of community through shared experiences, and the necessity of letting go of shame to embrace one’s true self. “Every day is a gift. Let go of your shame. Be your authentic self.” – Ann Koplow, LCSW, CGP About our Guest – Ann Koplow, LCSW, CGP Ann Koplow is a clinical social worker, certified group therapist, and singer-songwriter who uses psychotherapy and music to help people grow and connect. She facilitates six open-access “Coping and Healing” groups a week at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston and is a past president of the Northeastern Society for Group Psychotherapy. She has yet to publish any articles or books about her innovative model for group therapy because she’s better at short-form creations like songs, including “Triggers,” “Everybody’s Somebody’s Asshole,” “Catastrophizing,” “Other People’s Anger,” “Don’t Kill Yourself,” and her protest song “You Don’t Scare Me!” When she shares her songs in her groups, the members appreciate her relatable and accepting messages like “I Left the House Before I Felt Ready” and “It’s Hard to Get Sh*t Done When You’re Scared Sh*tless.” Her patients express concern that she will get too famous and leave the groups behind, but that’s just not going to happen. Her album The Singing Therapist — Live at the Lilypad! and her other songs are available on Spotify, Apple Music, and probably wherever music can be found. Time Stamps for How Music Heals What Words Can’t with Ann Koplow (293) 05:23 How Ann navigates life living with a heart condition 12:30 Shameless appeals for applause 19:26 Using music in group therapy 26:16 The power of authenticity and relatability in creative expression 31:15 Healing through creative outlets Resources for How Music Heals What Words Can’t with Ann Koplow (293) The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally – Ann’s blog Ann’s Youtube Channel – Check out her music Ann’s Linktree – Find her social media, blogs, Youtube channel and original songs Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s – next one April 13, 2026! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Join us again in Washington, DC for the 49th Annual Psychotherapy Networker! March 19-22nd! In person and online options available. Get your discounted seat HERE!

Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussions around suicide.  Triggers Aren’t the Problem—They’re the Clue Co-host Sue Marriott and guest Lisa Firestone examine how attachment wounds, emotional dysregulation, and relational disconnection can quietly escalate into crisis. Together they explore the often-overlooked link between attachment patterns and suicidality, and why understanding your relational blueprint may be one of the most important protective factors you have. Blending research, clinical experience, and practical strategies, this episode offers tools for building emotional resilience, increasing self-awareness, and supporting others through vulnerable moments.  “It is a full-time job to cope with alien elements from both interpersonal sources and societal influences.” – Dr. Lisa Firestone Myths of Attachment Styles: What Real Science Tells Us FREE LIVE Webinar – March 12 Join Ann and Sue as they challenge oversimplified attachment frameworks popularized on social media and explore the dynamic, context-dependent nature of defensive attachment patterns.​​​​​​​ The attachment spectrum includes cultural patterns as well as unconscious scripts and strategies to update your patterns in real time – tune in to hear more! FREE with an option to purchase 1.5 CE. Click Here to Sign Up!! Time Stamps for From Crisis to Connection: Attachment as a Lifeline with Dr. Lisa Firestone (292) 05:23 Understanding suicide and self-regulation 11:09 Therapeutic approaches to suicidality 16:17 Navigating attachment styles 27:11 Understanding attachment and security 29:53 Interactive exercise on attachment 40:22 Recognizing triggers in relationships About our Guest – Dr. Lisa Firestone Lisa Firestone, PhD is a Clinical Psychologist and the Director of Research and Education at the Glendon Association and Senior Editor at PsychAlive.org. She is the author of numerous articles and book chapters and coauthor of the books Self Under Siege, Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice, and Creating a Life of Meaning and Compassion. Dr. Firestone is a national and international trainer and presenter on topics including couple relationships, attachment, suicide and violence prevention assessment and treatment Lisa has been involved in clinical training and research in the areas of suicide and violence which resulted in the development of the assessments Firestone Assessment of Self-destructive Thoughts (FAST) and (FASI) and the Firestone Assessment of Violent Thoughts (FAVT) for adults and adolescents. Lisa Firestone is a clinical psychologist in private practice and consultant on the management of high-risk clients. Resources for From Crisis to Connection: Attachment as a Lifeline with Dr. Lisa Firestone (292) Making Sense of Your Life – eCourse with Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Lisa Firestone (4 CEs) Challenging the Fantasy Bond – book by Dr. Robert Firestone Developing Secure Attachment  – Two-Part Online Course (2 CEs) Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s – next one April 13, 2026! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Join us again in Washington, DC for the 49th Annual Psychotherapy Networker! March 19-22nd! In person and online options available. Get your discounted seat HERE!

What does science actually say about monogamy, desire, and long-term love? Evolutionary biologist Dr. Justin Garcia joins co-host Sue Marriott to deepen our understanding of the myths and realities of modern relationships. From monogamy to consensual non-monogamy, we explore how jealousy and trust function – not as flaws – but as deeply human signals shaped by biology and attachment. Dr. Garcia breaks down how relationships shift over time, especially as we age, and why sexual satisfaction isn’t just about frequency – it’s about novelty, meaning, and connection. We dive into the neuroscience of intimacy, including the roles of dopamine and oxytocin, and revisit the Kinsey scale to better understand the fluidity of sexual orientation. This conversation is a grounded, nuanced look at how passion evolves, and how couples can intentionally cultivate desire, curiosity, and emotional safety over the long haul. “Humans, the most intimate animal, will always live and die for love. Understanding why gives us the power to find and maintain the loves worth living for.” – Dr. Justin Garcia, a quote from The Intimate Animal Time Stamps for Why Long-Term Love Gets Complicated: A Scientific Approach with Dr. Justin Garcia (291) 00:57 Understanding social vs. sexual monogamy 04:32 The evolutionary perspective on relationships 08:26 Jealousy and relationship dynamics 20:25 Sexuality and aging: A new perspective 28:44 The power of eye gaze and oxytocin 30:30 Understanding aggression: Oxytocin and vasopressin dynamics 39:01 Exploring sexual diversity and the Kinsey scale About Our Guest – Dr. Justin Garcia Dr. Justin Garcia is an evolutionary biologist and international authority on the science of sex and relationships. Since 2019, he has served as the Executive Director of the world-renowned Kinsey Institute, where he is also a Senior Scientist. He holds an appointment as the Ruth N. Halls Professor in the College of Arts and Sciences at Indiana University and is a Founding Co-Director of Human Sexuality and Health at the IU School of Medicine. Dr. Garcia holds a Ph.D. in evolutionary biology and M.S. in biomedical anthropology from Binghamton University and an Executive Certificate in Public Leadership from Harvard Kennedy School.An award-winning researcher and educator, Dr. Garcia has consulted with a variety of industry partners, and he is currently the Chief Scientific Advisor to Match where he provides expertise for the annual Singles in America study. His research has been featured widely in the media and focuses on people’s romantic and sexual lives throughout the life course, especially on integrative biopsychosocial models of variation in courtship, intimacy, and sexual behavior. Resources for Why Long-Term Love Gets Complicated: A Scientific Approach with Dr. Justin Garcia (291) Justin Garcia – The Kinsey Institute: Biography and other information The Intimate Animal – Dr. Garcia’s new book, order here! Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Join us again in Washington, DC for the 49th Annual Psychotherapy Networker! March 19-22nd! In person and online options available. Get your discounted seat HERE! Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Talkiatry is a 100% online psychiatry practice that provides comprehensive evaluations, diagnoses, and ongoing medication management for conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, insomnia, and more. Head to Talkiatry.com/TU and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in‑network psychiatrist in just a few minutes.

Health starts with what we absorb, not just what we eat Dr. Aly Cohen and co-host Dr. Ann Kelley discuss the often-overlooked importance of drinking water quality, the impact of environmental toxins on health, and the connection between gut health and mental well-being. Listen as Dr. Cohen highlights the alarming rise of autoimmune diseases and the role of hormones and chemicals in our health. Learn practical, manageable ways to reduce toxin exposure, while exploring how nutrition, lifestyle choices, education, and community support play a vital role in empowering people to take control of their health. “You don’t have to wait to be saved. You have everything you need to make informed choices and changes that can protect your health now. – Dr. Aly Cohen Time Stamps for Nontoxic Guide to Healthy Living with Dr. Aly Cohen (290) 08:19 The rise of autoimmune diseases 11:17 Understanding gender disparities in autoimmune disorders 13:52 The gut-brain connection 29:10 The impact of environmental chemicals on health 35:03 Practical steps for reducing toxins 41:43 Understanding organic vs. conventional produce 45:14 The dangers of plastics and their effects 56:11 Understanding drinking water safety 01:01:07 Choosing the right water containers About our Guest – Dr. Aly Cohen  Dr. Aly Cohen is a board-certified rheumatologist and integrative medicine physician, recognized nationally for her expertise in environmental health, and medical education. She is the author of Detoxify: The Everyday Toxins Harming Your Immune System and How to Defend Against Them, which connects the dots between everyday chemicals and the epidemic rise in immune disorders and autoimmune disease…and what we CAN all do about it! She continues to teach, lecture, and practice medicine in Princeton, New Jersey. Resources for Nontoxic Guide to Healthy Living with Dr. Aly Cohen (290) Detoxify: Live Clean, Reduce Inflammation, and Reclaim Your Health – Purchase Dr. Cohen’s new book Instagram  – @TheSmartHuman AlyCohenMd – Dr. Aly Cohen’s official website The Smart Human – The Smart Human official website The Smart Human – Youtube channel How to Protect Your Kids from Toxic Chemicals – TEDx Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Join us again in Washington, DC for the 49th Annual Psychotherapy Networker! March 19-22nd! In person and online options available. Get your discounted seat HERE! Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Talkiatry is a 100% online psychiatry practice that provides comprehensive evaluations, diagnoses, and ongoing medication management for conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, insomnia, and more. Head to Talkiatry.com/TU and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in‑network psychiatrist in just a few minutes.

10 years in and still uncensored In this special 10-year anniversary episode, Sue and Ann reflect on a decade of Therapist Uncensored – how it began, how it’s changed, and how the relationships formed have deepened along the way. They share candidly about the influence from our listeners in keeping them curious, accountable, and grounded, as well as the ways their own thinking has evolved through conversations with leading experts and thoughtful audience feedback. Together they explore the joys and tensions of teaching in the mental health space, including the importance of humility, questioning long-held assumptions, and recognizing the limits of any single perspective. This episode is both a celebration and a recommitment – to inclusivity, to amplifying diverse voices, and to ongoing learning in a field that is constantly evolving. And above all, it’s a heartfelt thank-you to the community that has made the last ten years possible. “The podcast itself was going to be this incredible learning machine for us…and there were times we had to move our butts from expert to ignorant.” Time Stamps for 10 Years of TU: Growth, Reflections & the Future (289) 02:49 The journey of growth and learning 05:29 Bridging knowledge and accessibility 11:09 Challenging the traditional narratives 16:42 Navigating vulnerability in conversations 22:08 Lessons from public mistakes 24:58 The landscape of podcasting and mental health Resources & Action Items Nominate your favorite lightbulb moment or episode with our quick survey – therapistuncensored.com/nominations The Equalizer that Wasn’t – Lessons Learned After Ten Years of Mental Health Podcasting – Sue’s newest blog for an even deeper dive $90,990 DONATED to mental health care for BIPOC communities, LGBQI+, trans and genderqueer individuals, artists, musicians and people experiencing homelessness – View HERE! Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s – Next one is January 23rd! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Join us again in Washington, DC for the 49th Annual Psychotherapy Networker! March 19-22nd! In person and online options available. Get your discounted seat HERE! Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Talkiatry is a 100% online psychiatry practice that provides comprehensive evaluations, diagnoses, and ongoing medication management for conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, insomnia, and more. Head to Talkiatry.com/TU and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in‑network psychiatrist in just a few minutes.

Welcome 2026! Kicking off the new year with a replay episode from our powerful interview with Dr. Stan Tatkin, this discussion dives into inner workings of relationships from a biological and societal perspective, and his book, In Each Other’s Care. Click Here to View the Original Episode Shownotes  Conflict in relationships is inevitable – find out the ins and outs of repair for healthy relationships. We are back with relationship expert, Dr. Stan Tatkin to explore the inner workings of relationships from a biological and societal perspective, and his new book, In Each Other’s Care. All humans are complicated creatures and if we spend enough time with each other, it’s going to get tense.  That part is OK, but what happens after arguing disconnection or tension is what really matters. Sue Marriott & Dr. Tatkin take a deep dive into addressing conflicts, building secure attachments, and abandoning gender stereotypes for a more inclusive discussion. Follow along to explore healthy interdependence, couples’ purpose, and secure functioning. “A secure functioning partnership works on problems, not each other” – Dr. Stan Tatkin Time Stamps for In Each Other’s Care – Healthy Relationships  5:44 – Dr. Tatkin’s view on telehealth & virtual therapy 8:36 – How PACT approaches virtual therapy 16:05 – Understanding procedural memory 19:08 – Break down of insecure attachment 22:53 – What does secure functioning look like? 28:48 – Attachment in polyamorous relationships 37:47 – Exploring healthy interdependence in relationships 44:50 – An example of a couple’s purpose 53:41 – The importance of gender inclusivity when talking about relationships Resources for today’s episode, In Each Other’s Care – Healthy Relationships Stan Tatkin’s Website – Information about his practice, sessions The PACT Institute – Dr. Tatkin’s official website Relationships are Hard, but Why? – Dr. Tatkin’s TedTalk A free excerpt – from Dr. Tatkin’s new book @DrStanTatkin – Instagram account Dr. Stan Tatkin – Facebook Page @DrStanTatkin – Twitter account Dr. Stan Tatkin – LinkedIn account Dr. Tatkin’s newest book.       About our Guest – Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT Clinician, author, researcher, PACT developer, and co-founder of the PACT Institute.  Dr. Tatkin is an assistant clinical professor at UCLA, David Geffen School of Medicine.  He maintains a private practice in Southern California and leads PACT programs in the US and internationally. He is the author of We Do, Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Relationship Rx, Wired for Dating, What Every Therapist Ought to Know, and co-author of Love and War in Intimate Relationships, and the recent, In Each Other’s Care.   Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s – Next one is January 23rd! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Join us again in Washington, DC for the 49th Annual Psychotherapy Networker! March 19-22nd! In person and online options available. Get your discounted seat HERE!

A replay episode from our powerful interview with Lisa Kays on how improv can deepen conversations around tough topics like race and oppression. Click Here to View the Original Episode Shownotes Improv in Therapy and in Life – Explore the power – and sheer fun – of using improvisation in therapy! Dr. Ann Kelley and Lisa Kays discuss how improv can deepen conversations around tough topics like race and oppression. They examine white supremacy culture and show how improv values like collaboration, slowing down, and embracing complexity can challenge these norms. Improv fosters creativity, playfulness, and self-reflection to help reduce defensiveness and strengthen relationships in everyday life, at work, or in our closest relationships. By creating a supportive, collaborative environment, improv deepens connections and helps people tap into a wider range of emotions. “A culture of improvisation is collaborative – it is nature – you cannot do it by yourself.” – Lisa Kays Time Stamps for Improv in Therapy & Life 03:30 The integration of improv and tough conversations 10:03 The origins of improv and its connection to social justice 14:27 Contrasting white supremacy culture and improv culture 19:20 Questioning cultural norms and valuing relationships 25:29 The power of the ‘And’ in joining and connecting 38:27 The power of improv in building secure relationships 53:25 Embracing creativity and letting go of perfectionism 58:12 Creating a culture of support and collaboration 01:05:04 Applying improv in everyday life 01:09:10 Deepening connections and accessing different emotions About our Guest for Improv Therapy – Lisa Kays LICSW, LCSW, LCSW-C Lisa Kays, LICSW, LCSW-C, LCSW, is an independently licensed clinical social worker in Washington, D.C, Maryland, Virginia, Oregon and New Jersey. She obtained her MSW from Catholic University in 2011 and has worked in a variety of clinical settings. Since 2013, she has been in private practice, providing individual, couples and group therapy to adults. She has interest in social work ethic and has published on and leads ethics training on the intersection of technology, social media and social work ethics as well as anti-racism and systemic oppression. Her practice also provides opportunities for other presenters to develop CE trainings on under-taught topics linked to social justice, systemic racism, and oppression. In addition to her traditional psychotherapy work, Lisa was a performing improviser from 2007-2019 and was on the faculty of Washington Improv Theatre from 2008-2016. She developed Washington Improv Theater’s first Improv for Therapist’s class and has offered Improv for Therapists courses, workshops and trainings to individual clinicians, pastors, life coaches, and psychiatrists, as well as clinical agencies. Since its inception, Lisa has trained more than 500 people in the application of improvisation to foster personal growth and stronger and more cohesive groups. Lisa has been invited to lead trainings in improv-informed therapy at the American Academy of Psychotherapists, the Mid-Atlantic Group Psychotherapy Association, the American Group Psychotherapy Association, and at The Psychotherapy Networker, among others. Her work has been featured in The Washington Post and on NBC4. Recently, Lisa launched a humor, humility-infused podcast, “What if Nothing’s Wrong With You?” with co-host Paula D. Atkinson on themes related to therapy, mental health, oppression, patriarchy and how it’s all interconnected. Resources for Improv Therapy –  Lisa Kay’s – Website & Resources The Fierce Urgency of Now: Improvisation, Rights, and the Ethics of Cocreation (Improvisation, Community, and Social Practice) – by Fischlin, Daniel; Heble, Ajah; Lipsitz, George Theater Games – Viola Spolin Resources Rehearsals for Growth – Website and Educational Resources Decolonizing Therapy: Oppression, Historical Trauma, and Politicizing Your Practice – book by Jennifer Mullan, PsyD The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron – Book and Resources Free Play: Improvisation in Life and Art – Nachmanovitch, Stephen Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s – Next one is January 23rd! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!!

Replay from our 2024 episode - this is a special conversation between co-host Sue Marriott and special guest Jeff Lutes. Both members of the LGBTQ+ community, this discussion dives into raising families, the evolution of the community, allyship, gender, and the importance of advocacy. While there has been some progress, the LGBTQ+ community still actively faces discrimination. Whether you're a practicing therapist with clients in the community or have LGBTQ-identifying loved ones, this episode is for you. Through a personal and professional lens, this conversation offers new perspectives and shines a light on the significance of staying educated and being an active voice.

Join co-host Sue Marriott and Dr. Shena Young as they dive into liberation psychology and the conflict between intuition and the traditional European model of psychology. Dr. Shena highlights embodying a holistic approach to help heal traumas and deeply root us in our most authentic selves. Whether through connections with nature or the exploration of ancestral traditions, this discussion is enriched with various opportunities to reconnect and liberate our mind, body, heart, and spirit.

Behind every family estrangement is a story of love, hurt, and boundaries Dr. Ann Kelley is joined LIVE from Psychotherapy Networker with Dafna Lender, to explore the complex dynamics of parent-child estrangement. Focusing on the emotional and psychological impacts of cutting off family relationships, together they highlight the cultural influences that contribute to these estrangements, the therapeutic perspectives on navigating such situations, and the importance of empathy and boundaries in managing family dynamics. This conversation is about learning to hold both empathy and boundaries – understanding why someone might step away, and how to stay grounded and compassionate in the process. It’s an honest look at the heartbreak, the healing, and the hope that can emerge when families face difficult truths. Time Stamps for Navigating Family Estrangement: The Space Between Love & Self-Protection with Dafna Lender (284) 03:06 Understanding the impact of estrangement 05:58 Cultural influences on family cutoffs 09:14 Therapeutic perspectives on estrangement 17:54 Boundaries and the spectrum of estrangement 32:52 Navigating boundaries and self-protection 46:31 Finding meaning in senselessness 52:21 Exploring values in relationships About our Guest – Dafna Lender  Dafna is a family therapy expert and attachment specialist. Dafna is an international trainer and supervisor for practitioners who work with children and families. She is a certified trainer and supervisor/consultant in both Theraplay and Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy (DDP), as well as an EMDR therapist. Dafna’s expertise is drawn from 28 years of working with families in many settings: at-risk after school programs, therapeutic foster care, in-home crisis stabilization, residential care and private practice. Dafna is author of Integrative Attachment Family Therapy (2023) and the co-author of Theraplay the Practitioner’s Guide (2020). She teaches and supervises clinicians in 15 countries in 4 languages: English, Hebrew, French and Spanish. Resources for Navigating Family Estrangement: The Space Between Love & Self-Protection with Dafna Lender (284) Dafna’s website – Resources, courses & additional information Integrative Attachment Family Therapy: A Clinical Guide to Heal and Strengthen the Parent-Child Relationship through Play, Co-regulation, and Meaning-Making – Get your copy of her paperback Theraplay the Practitioners Guide – The definitive guide to Theraplay® for practitioners, officially endorsed by the Theraplay® Institute Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zocdoc.com/TU to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

Join Sue Marriott and Dr. Sean Inderbitzen - an autistic psychotherapist and advocate for neurodiversity - as he shares his powerful personal and professional journey in understanding autism. Together, they explore the evolution of autism diagnosis, the intersections between attachment and neurodivergence, and how polyvagal theory can both illuminate and complicate the autistic experience. Dr. Inderbitzen offers insights on self-diagnosis, identity formation, and what truly person-centered therapy looks like for autistic individuals. This conversation highlights the central role of trust, safety, and authentic connection in helping neurodivergent clients thrive. View the full episode shownotes at TherapistUncensored.com/TU283

José Rosario shares the transformative role of storytelling in healing and liberation. He invites therapists to move beyond traditional coping frameworks and embrace radical healing - an approach that centers cultural wisdom, intersectional identity, and community empowerment. Together, Sue and José discuss how clinicians can respond to hate-based violence, recognize collective trauma, and actively dismantle systems of harm. José also shares his personal journey toward self-acceptance and the playful practices that sustain his work, offering inspiration for those seeking to uplift marginalized voices through creativity and connection. Listen to the full episode now at TherapistUncensored.com/TU282

Dr. Ann Kelley sits down with Dr. Bill Doherty to explore the idea of “Citizen Therapists” and how therapists — and all of us — can help bridge divides in a polarized world. Together, they dive into discernment counseling for couples on the brink of divorce, the groundbreaking work of Braver Angels in fostering dialogue across political differences, and the skills we all need for hard but healing conversations. This conversation highlights the power of curiosity, respectful boundaries, and understanding - whether in our closest relationships or across society. View the full shownotes at TherapistUncensored.com/TU

Ann Kelley and Diana Hill dive into the concept of wise effort and its impact on how we manage our energy in both personal and professional life. They explore the difference between life force energy and anxiety, the role of emotional sensitivity, and why community resilience matters. Diana shares insights on how to wisely channel your “genius energy,” break free from stuck patterns, and cultivate compassionate connections that support growth and balance. Listen to the full episode at TherapistUncensored.com/TU280

Benjamin Fry, a mental health professional and founder of Khiron Clinics joins Sue Marriott as he shares his personal journey through trauma, and how his experiences shaped his personal and professional approach to therapy. From the establishment of his clinic, to innovative treatment modalities like EMDR and somatic experiencing - which further led to the introduction of the PhysioCam, a tool designed to help clients visualize their nervous system states. With the ever evolving world of technology and mental health, together they emphasize the importance of psychoeducation and accessibility in mental health care, aiming to provide hope and resources for those in need. View the full episode show notes at TherapistUncensored.com/TU279

In this half of the conversation, Rebecca Kase and the Sue dig deeper into the concept of interoception, emphasizing its significance in therapy and personal well-being. They discuss how our physiological states influence our narratives and the importance of breath in regulating these states. From the roles of implicit and explicit memory in shaping our experiences to how adaptive and maladaptive memories affect our mental health, they highlight therapeutic approaches to updating narratives and the journey of healing and resilience, providing practical tools for therapists and resources for further learning. View this episodes' shownotes at TherapistUncensored.com/TU278

Dr. Ann Kelley and expert Judith Matz unpack the complex relationship between dieting, emotional eating, body image, and weight stigma. Together they challenge conventional views on weight and health, emphasizing that fitness matters more than the number on the scale, and explores why most diets fail both psychologically and physiologically. They also cover the historical roots of fatphobia, the dangers of weight bias in healthcare, and the rise of weight loss drugs like Ozempic. Judith highlights the importance of attuned eating, informed consent, and compassionate care, offering a weight-inclusive approach to healing our relationship with food and body. View the full episode show notes at TherapistUncensored.com/TU277

If you’re tired of cancel culture but still care about justice - this conversation is for you In 2022, we had the privilege of having Loretta J. Ross on the podcast to discuss "Calling in the Call Out Culture". With the publication of her new book, "Calling In: How to Start Making Change with Those You'd Rather Cancel" - we felt this message was just as relevant as ever. Together, Sue Marriott and Loretta J. Ross explore the themes of social justice, empathy, and the importance of dialogue in navigating political divides. Loretta shares insights from her book, discussing the need for compassion and under standing in activism. They delve into the complexities of human relationships, the balance between calling in and calling out, and the significance of individual experiences in shaping political views. The conversation emphasizes the power of community engagement and the role of personal growth in fostering a more just society. View this episodes shownotes at TherapistUncensored.com/TU276 and join our premium online community for bonus content at TherapistUncensored.com/Join

Use the VCR Method to navigate difficult conversations without retreating or conflicting.  In this powerful conversation, one of the most influential voices on racial justice and family therapy, Dr. Kenneth Hardy talks with Dr. Ann Kelley about the VCR Method (Validate, Challenge, Request) for navigating difficult conversations without retreating into silence or conflict. Hardy reveals how White-bodied folks and People of Color/Culture (POC) can move beyond either/or thinking by recognizing their multiple selves - the parts that hold privilege and the parts that experience subjugation - no matter who you are.  Key insights include Hardy's concept of "invisible wounds" - the unnamed racial trauma that affects people of color daily - and why the expectation for Black people to "take the high road" actually perpetuates harm. Through a real example from a heated workshop exchange with a white student, Hardy demonstrates the VCR approach in action, showing how validation, strategic challenge, and clear requests can keep us connected through rupture rather than defaulting to our most activated, subjugated responses. This episode offers practical tools for therapists and anyone seeking more authentic, healing-centered conversations about difference in general and particularly, race and privilege. Hardy's framework challenges us to develop both a racial lens and a clear sense of our racial selves, moving from fragility toward the courage to stay in relationship even when conversations get difficult. Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy shares his personal journey and deep professional insights on race, trauma, and cultivating racial sensitivity in therapy. He explores the “invisible wounds” carried by people of color, urging therapists to critically examine their own privilege and biases. Dr. Hardy introduces his VCR mode - a practical framework for navigating difficult conversations about race - and underscores the vital role of hope in sustaining diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) efforts. View the full episode shownotes at TherapistUncensored.com/TU275

concept of interoception—can support healing from trauma. Rebecca shares her personal story as a survivor and highlights the importance of creating safety, tuning into the body’s internal signals, and approaching somatic work with compassion. Together, they unpack how interoception differs from general perception, why it matters in therapy, and how small, gradual steps can help rebuild connection with the body. View full shownotes at TherapistUncensored.com/TU274.

Dr. Ann Kelley is joined by Dr. Jill Stoddard as they unpack the complexities of imposter syndrome—why it shows up, who it impacts most, and how to move through it. Drawing on her expertise in psychological flexibility and values-based living, Dr. Stoddard shares strategies to navigate self-doubt, marginalization, and internalized insecurity. Learn how to reframe discomfort, build a healthier relationship with vulnerability, and use these moments as powerful opportunities for connection and growth. Join our exclusive online community at TherapistUncensored.com/Join

Dr. Dixon Chibanda shares the powerful story behind the Friendship Bench, a community-based mental health model that centers healing in the heart of local communities. He explores how grandmothers—often overlooked in traditional mental health systems—play a vital role in offering care, connection, and wisdom. Dr. Chibanda discusses the barriers to accessing mental health services, the role of storytelling in the healing process, and the global expansion of the Friendship Bench. Grounded in research and lived experience, this conversation invites a rethinking of care—away from over-medicalization and toward more accessible, human-centered approaches.

Dr. Monnica Williams teaches Sue Marriott as they explore the deep psychological toll of racism, focusing on the concept of racial trauma and its cumulative impact on people of color. She highlights the importance of recognizing these experiences within therapeutic settings and the need for diversity in mental health research and practice. The discussion delves into the role of civil courage and meaningful allyship—particularly among white individuals in addressing systemic injustice. Dr. Williams offers insights into the multifaceted nature of activism, the harm caused by microaggressions, and the emotional labor involved in navigating everyday racism. From the fear of law enforcement to the unique challenges faced by white women in activism, Dr. Williams urges practitioners and allies alike to listen deeply, receive feedback openly, and use their privilege to support marginalized communities.

Let's get real about revitalizing the therapy landscape Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott are back for a one on one episode, and sharing their personal reflections on mental health, community, and the evolving challenges clinicians face today. From the tension between accessibility and sustainability in therapy, to the influence of corporate models - they discuss the need for creativity in the field. Emphasizing connection, curiosity, and professional growth, they introduce exciting opportunities, updates, and even a new series focused on inclusivity - inviting listeners to find and amplify their unique voice in the mental health space.

Dr. Ann Kelley is joined by Dr. Jean Twenge to discuss her groundbreaking research on generational differences with a focus on how technology—especially smartphones and social media—has transformed communication, relationships, and mental health. They explore how historical shifts and longer life spans contribute to delayed life milestones and what she calls the "slow life strategy." Dr. Twenge highlights the alarming rise in anxiety and depression among Generation Z, which is closely linked to increased screen time and reduced face-to-face interactions. Together they discuss practical steps parents can take to support healthier development and social connection. Shownotes www.therapistuncensored.com/tu269. Join our Neuronerd online community www.therapistuncensored.com/join.

Dr. Aditi Sethi, the founder of the Center for Conscious Living and Dying, shares her profound journey into the realm of death and dying. She discusses the importance of presence, the healing power of music, and challenges faced in community-based end-of-life care. Alongside Sue Marriott, they explore the profound themes surrounding death and dying, emphasizing the importance of embracing death to enhance life. From concepts like ecstatic dying to the role of psychedelics in alleviating fear of death, Aditi shares insights from her experiences as a death doula.

Alongside co-host Sue Marriott, Dr. Dan Siegel explores how loss, vulnerability, and connection shape personal growth and healing. He discusses the science of attachment and personality, highlighting nine adaptive patterns that emerge from non-secure attachment. The conversation also explores how neuroscience sheds light on emotional needs, alongside Siegel’s personal reflections on his own attachment history and path as a professional. Together they unpack how neuroscience, motivation, and community impact therapy. The episode offers practical insights for clinicians, emphasizing a compassionate, non-shaming approach to mental health and the journey toward secure attachment and the feeling of wholeness.

Dr. Vanessa Scaringi and Kathryn Garland talk about the complexities of disordered eating and body image, especially in light of cultural pressures and the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic. They explore the differences between disordered eating and eating disorders, and also discuss how medications like GLP-1 affect eating habits. The conversation touches on how society promotes unhealthy body standards and behaviors, and how our emotional relationship with food is often overlooked. Highlighting the role of attachment styles in shaping eating patterns, they stress the importance of intuitive eating—especially when parenting. Follow along as they offer practical tips for developing a healthier relationship with food and explore therapeutic methods that support recovery.

Sue Marriott is joined by Quentin Arispe, as they share their incredible journey of self-discovery. Exploring themes of gender fluidity, the impact of theater on personal growth, and the balance between masculinity and femininity - they discuss the role of grief in creative expression. Their conversation highlights the importance of authenticity and vulnerability in the creative process, as well as the transformative journey of humanizing the queer experience through art.

Patreon/Supercast Special Release - You can listen to the full version now at TherapistUncensored.com/Join This is a sneak peek of our episode with Wendy Behary - available only on our Premium Supercast and Patreon platforms. For as little as $5/month you can have access to special releases like this one, first-to-know about upcoming events and discounts and an ad-free feed. Dr. Ann Kelley and narcissism expert, Wendy Behary, explore the complexities of narcissistic behavior, its development, and the challenges faced by those experiencing relationships with narcissists. Follow along as they dive into the myths, the spectrum of narcissistic traits, and the importance of understanding the underlying insecurities that drive behavior. Behary touches on the cultural implications and how it manifests in society today, as well as practical strategies for individuals to navigate relationships, highlighting the significance of maintaining one's own mental health and well-being.

In this conversation, Dr. Ann Kelley and Occupational Therapist Kim Barthel explore the conscious evolution of the human spirit, the importance of self-compassion, and the integration of neuroception with therapeutic practices. Through Barthel's book, 'Conversations with a Rattlesnake,' they dive into the significance of sensory integration and attachment in personal development. Using Porges' "Safe and Sound Protocol", they touch on how understanding one's own nervous system and the cues of safety can lead to better emotional regulation and connection with not only oneself, but others. Follow along as they discuss the themes of trauma, healing and the science of connection.

Ann and Sue share a special conversation with Dr. Stephen Porges where they explore how modern attachment meets Polyvagal theory. From the evolution of attachment theory to understanding bodily states and how they influence our interactions, they dive into the intricate relationships between emotional expression, brain function, and therapeutic techniques. Together they explore the Safe and Sound Protocol and its role in promoting engagement as well as insights into the application of these techniques both professionally and personally.

Dr. Ann Kelley and Dr. Alexandra Solomon discuss her book 'Taking Sexy Back,' exploring the intersection of gender and sexuality, the impact of societal messages on women's sexual experiences, and the importance of self-advocacy in relationships. They dive into the complexities of desire, body image, and the influence of patriarchy on both men and women - emphasizing the need for emotional awareness and connection in intimate relationships. Explore the evolving landscape of sexuality across generations and the impact of online dating and pornography on sexual experiences.

Dr. Ann Kelley and Shadeen Francis, LMFT unpack the intricate nature of desire, extending beyond just the sexual realm. They unpack the challenges in identifying true desires, the role of embodiment in self-awareness, and the key distinction between wanting and liking. Together they discuss intimacy, self-discovery and communication - with an emphasis on the need for negotiation and authentic connection in sexual experiences.

Dr. Emily Nagoski joins co-host Sue Marriott for a deep and insightful conversation about desire, pleasure, and the impact of societal norms on sexuality. Together they explore the evolving landscape of trans rights and healthcare, emphasizing patient-centered care and the urgent need for societal support. Through her journey as a sex educator, Nagoski advocates for deeper understanding and connection, while also sharing practical approaches to educating young people about gender and sexuality, managing stress, and finding meaning and purpose in life.

This is a sneak peek of our episode with Dr. Krista Jordan - available only on our Premium Supercast and Patreon platforms. For as little as $5/month you can have access to special releases like this one, first-to-know about upcoming events and discounts and an ad-free feed. Dr. Krista Jordan & co-host Sue Marriott LCSW CGP dive into the messy, fascinating world of the 4th attachment category - disorganized attachment. Through intimate personal stories, they describe how it shows up in therapy, relationships, and everyday life. They explore the Adult Attachment Projective (AAP) and Adult Attachment Interview (AAI), unpacking what is sometimes called disorganized, unresolved, dysregulated, dissociated attachment that can ripple through generations.Learn how dismissive strategies work so well they can stop us from growing, why feedback (and a little distress) is crucial for self-awareness, and how shame and anger are often two sides of the same coin.

We’re kicking off February with a powerful conversation with the incredible Pam Benson Owens. Alongside co-host Sue Marriott, they explore what it means to live with purpose, navigate systemic challenges, and find liberation in everyday choices. Pam shares her wisdom on the role of self-care in activism, the courage it takes to engage in difficult conversations, and how fear shows up in DEI work. This episode dives deep into the intersection of personal and organizational growth, touching on themes of vulnerability, belonging, and the evolving landscape of diversity and identity. Sue and Pam also tackle honest conversations about race and privilege, the “messy middle” of personal transformation, and why pacing yourself is essential for long-term impact.

Co-host Sue Marriott, with special guests, Tina Payne Bryson and Georgie Wisen-Vincent, discuss the powerful role of play in child development and its therapeutic benefits. Play fosters emotional resilience, strengthens parent-child attachment, and supports positive neuroplasticity. They acknowledge the resistance some parents may feel towards engaging in play, while also providing practical strategies for parents to incorporate into their daily interactions. Learn how embracing play can nurture emotional growth and empower both children and parents in meaningful ways.

Ann and Sue, alongside psychotherapist Matthias Barker, unpack the complexities of parent-child estrangement and the often-overlooked generational gaps that shape how families navigate conflict. Matthias discusses the deep wounds that spiritual harm can leave behind, and also expands into broader themes of spirituality. With the emerging presence of AI, they open the conversation to the ethical challenges of the technology and creating meaningful change, whether in family dynamics or the future of mental health care.

As we close out another year, Ann and Sue take time to reflect on 2024 while sharing some exciting opportunities for the year ahead. The Vitality Series is an exciting new endeavor, where they emphasize creating safe spaces for dialogue, navigating tough emotions, and bringing therapeutic concepts into everyday life. With an honest look at shame, vulnerability, and the challenges of personal growth, they explore how connection can empower both individuals and communities. Along the way, they celebrate the milestones of their podcast, emphasize the importance of self-reflection, and highlight the role of supportive networks in fostering meaningful change.

Lee Warren shares her experience of living in an intentional community and how it opened the door to exploring tantra and the sacredness of death. Alongside co-host Sue Marriott, they explore tantra as a way to connect with the divine within ourselves and others, using tools like breath, sound, and movement to navigate the energy in our bodies. They also discuss death as a sacred process and the importance of preparing for it—both practically and spiritually. Learn how tantra and death preparation share a common goal: helping us embrace the impermanence of life and find joy in the present moment.

Dr. Diana Hill and co-host Dr. Ann Kelley explore the power of process-based therapy to improve relationships and wellbeing. Through various methods like the 6 principles of ACT, the understanding of values, and the family body analogy, they use their personal and professional experience to discuss ways to help resolve conflict and find deeper connection through secure relating. Learn ways to tap into your most deeply connected self to move forward through life's challenges and nurture healthy relationships.

Sue Marriott and Diana Fosha explore the key principles of Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) and its transformative impact on the field. AEDP begins with the premise of "healing from the get-go," and fostering change from the first session. It emphasizes "undoing aloneness" by building a supportive therapeutic relationship, while encouraging clients to engage deeply with emotions. Join us as we highlight techniques like metatherapeutic processing, where clients reflect on their healing experience, and integrating neuroscience into clinical practice.

Post-election we felt it was important to record and release an additional episode this week. There are a wide variety of emotions being felt throughout the world, and it feels more important than ever that we tune into the complexities of political identity, emotional responses, and the impact of political discourse on all of our personal relationships in the wake of a divisive presidential election. Ann and Sue, alongside Michael Hilgers, LPC, emphasize the need for deeper conversations that transcend binary thinking and the significance of co-regulation in healing and fostering unity amidst division. They explore the challenges of navigating relationships where political views differ, emphasizing the value of patience, compassion, and open curiosity to foster understanding. The conversation touches on the risks of lasting family divides and underscores the importance of creating safe, respectful spaces for meaningful conversations. Ultimately, it encourages empathy and small, thoughtful steps toward more compassionate communication.

The political events in the United States have been a major contributor to our anxieties these past years, and with our significant presidential election looming over us this week - Ann and Sue are here to talk about the hard things. While the world feels unpredictable on the outside, one thing we can do is focus on the intricate relationship between our nervous systems and the emotional responses triggered by political events. They discuss how fear and anxiety are often manipulated through political rhetoric, leading to division and polarization, the importance of understanding how personal relationships amidst these tensions are emphasized, and the need for secure relating and accountability from leaders. There is power in recognizing the complexity of political opinions and the necessity of maintaining open dialogue to foster connection rather than division. Join us as we explore how to navigate differences, the importance of empathy and community, and the need for resilience during uncertain times.

Alongside Pam Benson Owens, Ann and Sue explore a variety of topics with a live audience at the KUYA Wellness center in Austin, TX. Referencing their book, Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World, they delve into the neuroscience behind relationships, discussing attachment styles and emotional regulation, and emphasize the importance of creating safe spaces for dialogue. They highlight the significance of understanding generational trauma and the complexities of navigating relationships in a diverse society. Through personal stories and insightful discussions, they shine a light on the power of self-awareness, encouraging listeners to explore their own emotional landscapes with compassion and curiosity. Learn how creating safe spaces for open dialogue can deepen connections, while understanding the role of pauses and curiosity in everyday conversations.

James Ochoa and co-host Sue Marriott explore the different subtypes of ADHD, and the impact on adults who are navigating a diagnosis later in life. As an ADHD expert, Ochoa shares insights on the emotional and mental stress that accompanies ADHD, as well as provides different techniques for managing symptoms. With an emphasis on the importance of self-care, communication, and personalized strategies, he provides resources and training for adults with ADHD, professionals who work with ADHD clients, and family members of individuals with ADHD.

problems both internally and relationally. Learn the difference between defenses that feel right (Egosyntonic) and those that don't (Egodystonic) and why it's important to work against them for change. This episode is a deep dive into the role of EDTS in couples' therapy, and highlights the need for an integrated approach to address underlying trauma, plus much more!

Sue Marriott and Akilah Riley Richardson dive into a compelling discussion about the vital need to center marginalized voices in therapy. They explore how Western perspectives have shaped therapy practices globally, often overlooking diverse cultural approaches. Akilah brings a fresh, challenging perspective to the table. She pushes for a real shake-up in how we approach therapy, especially when working with marginalized couples. It's not just about tweaking existing methods – she's calling for a fundamental rethinking of our assumptions. The conversation tackles some heavy topics, from unpacking the concept of relational privilege to developing strategies that help couples see beyond their individual struggles to the bigger picture of systemic trauma. It's eye-opening stuff.  What really stands out is their focus on the deep impact of systemic trauma. They don't just acknowledge it – they dig into why it's so crucial for therapists to truly understand and address it in their work. Ultimately, this discussion isn't just academic. It's a call to action for therapists to step up, broaden their perspectives, and find new ways to help couples break free from systemic constraints. It's about empowering relationships and, in the process, maybe changing the face of therapy itself. Get it ad-free: www.therapistuncensored.com/join Go to shownotes www.therapistuncensored.com/tu245.

Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy – the good, the questionable and what to worry about Pychedelic assisted therapy Nigel Denning is a pioneer in the field of training and research around the therapeutic use of medicines, and as an Australian, has seen what happens when psychedelics become legalized.  He and co-host Sue Marriott discuss the state of psychedelic-assisted therapy as it ‘officially’ emerges in the United States.  They discuss the efficacy of psychedelics such as MDMA and psilocybin as well as concerns about how these medicines are implemented and by whom. The need for structured treatment that supports integration with a solid theory of mind is emphasized. Denning shares how the substances offer new opportunities for those who have not had success with traditional treatments, as well as addresses the concerns and skepticism around the science. Through their emphasis on the importance of proper setting, preparation, and integration he also highlights the importance of collaboration and community in the future of psychedelic therapy. Integrative Attachment Therapy was recommended as a sound training model to support those training in psychedelic integration. “Psychedelics can help create the conditions for new opportunity” – Nigel Denning Time Stamps for Unlocking the Potential of Psychedelics 04:37 The State of Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy in Australia 13:46 Addressing Criticism and Skepticism: The Need for Scientific Explanation 21:58 Understanding the Effects of MDMA on the Brain 26:41 Understanding the Effects of Psilocybin on the Brain 29:31 The Importance of Set and Setting, Preparation, and Integration 32:41 Integration in Psychedelic Therapy 36:35 Concerns about Commercialization and Lack of Regulation 44:54 Training and Collaboration in Psychedelic Therapy 49:22 Psychotherapy as a Catalyst for Transformation and Resilience About our Guest – Nigel Denning – Unlocking the Potential of Therapeutic Psychedelics Nigel Denning is a counseling psychologist who runs Integrative Psychology in Melbourne, Australia. He earned a Masters degree in English literature before entering Psychology. Denning developed a national training psychedelic-assisted therapy for Mind Medicine Australia, which is described by Professor David Nutt as “the world’s best.” Denning is a clinical lead in three psychedelic trials and has developed an attachment training program with David Elliott. He also mediated a healing process with two large Catholic colleges with histories of employing pedophiles, as well as worked on the George Pell prosecution. Denning has worked in institutional abuse and was instrumental in dismantling a Hindu sex cult. He has lectured a many universities and ran professional training for the College of Counseling psychologists, and trains in Tibetan Bon DzogChen following his mentor, Daniel P. Brown. Resources for Unlocking the Potential of Therapeutic Psychedelics Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information Therapists: THIS is our recommended class for the most comprehensive training on attachment out there. It just so happens it is also Dennings recommended program as discussed in this. episode!   Use our link for a discount!  Shadow Work and Psychedelic-Assisted Therapies – Article from Mind Medicine Australia by Nigel Denning Integrative Attachment Therapy (IAT) – Media Release Integrative Psychology – Website & Resource Previous episodes on psychedelic-assisted therapies to deepen your exploration: Non-drug Psychedelic Therapy with Trey Ratcliff TU 129 A Dose of Hope TU Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy with Dan Engle 167 And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!!   Events, Announcements & Resource Links  From Triggers to Boundaries – Secure Relating in Tumultuous Times – Reserve your spot now!! – Join us for a live podcast recording bridging psychological research with real-world application. Ann and Sue will unpack the most practical aspects of modern attachment theory and relational neurobiology to help you navigate challenging times in everyday life. Mind, Body, Social, & Spiritual Approaches for Healing Attachment: 30 World-Leading Pioneers Share Their Best Practices – Register now for the Holistic Attachment Summit!! – This summit will explore the most essential ideas in attachment theory, research, and how they can be applied to create deep and lasting healing for clients — enabling you to be at the forefront of evidence-based care. Click here to register!! Trauma Therapy Directory – Resources for Trauma, PTSD, and Complex PTSD – Created by our friends at the Trauma Therapy Network! Support this library of content at TU staying FREE and TOTALLY ACCESSIBLE by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode –  – This beautiful space is the location for our LIVE PODCAST 9/5/24!  Community + wrap-around wellness including float tanks, ice baths, cedar plank saunas, IV infusions and ketamine.  Mention Therapist Uncensored at checkout for discounts off day experiences and to waive sign-up fees for membership. Austin Women’s professional development summit – it’s a huge networking event 9/13/24!  Get your tickets now! Coffee alternative powered by mushrooms!  Listeners get 20% off plus a free starter kit.  Piquelife.com/tu   Our favorite skin quencher.  Use the code TU when you checkout at oneskin.co     Thanks for listening, friends, & for being on this journey with us!

Improv in Therapy and in Life – Explore the power – and sheer fun – of using improvisation in therapy! Dr. Ann Kelley and Lisa Kays discuss how improv can deepen conversations around tough topics like race and oppression. They examine white supremacy culture and show how improv values like collaboration, slowing down, and embracing complexity can challenge these norms. Improv fosters creativity, playfulness, and self-reflection to help reduce defensiveness and strengthen relationships in everyday life, at work, or in our closest relationships. By creating a supportive, collaborative environment, improv deepens connections and helps people tap into a wider range of emotions. “A culture of improvisation is collaborative – it is nature – you cannot do it by yourself.” – Lisa Kays Time Stamps for Improv in Therapy & Life 03:30 The integration of improv and tough conversations 10:03 The origins of improv and its connection to social justice 14:27 Contrasting white supremacy culture and improv culture 19:20 Questioning cultural norms and valuing relationships 25:29 The power of the ‘And’ in joining and connecting 38:27 The power of improv in building secure relationships 53:25 Embracing creativity and letting go of perfectionism 58:12 Creating a culture of support and collaboration 01:05:04 Applying improv in everyday life 01:09:10 Deepening connections and accessing different emotions About our Guest for Improv Therapy – Lisa Kays LICSW, LCSW, LCSW-C Lisa Kays, LICSW, LCSW-C, LCSW, is an independently licensed clinical social worker in Washington, D.C, Maryland, Virginia, Oregon and New Jersey. She obtained her MSW from Catholic University in 2011 and has worked in a variety of clinical settings. Since 2013, she has been in private practice, providing individual, couples and group therapy to adults. She has interest in social work ethic and has published on and leads ethics training on the intersection of technology, social media and social work ethics as well as anti-racism and systemic oppression. Her practice also provides opportunities for other presenters to develop CE trainings on under-taught topics linked to social justice, systemic racism, and oppression. In addition to her traditional psychotherapy work, Lisa was a performing improviser from 2007-2019 and was on the faculty of Washington Improv Theatre from 2008-2016. She developed Washington Improv Theater’s first Improv for Therapist’s class and has offered Improv for Therapists courses, workshops and trainings to individual clinicians, pastors, life coaches, and psychiatrists, as well as clinical agencies. Since its inception, Lisa has trained more than 500 people in the application of improvisation to foster personal growth and stronger and more cohesive groups. Lisa has been invited to lead trainings in improv-informed therapy at the American Academy of Psychotherapists, the Mid-Atlantic Group Psychotherapy Association, the American Group Psychotherapy Association, and at The Psychotherapy Networker, among others. Her work has been featured in The Washington Post and on NBC4. Recently, Lisa launched a humor, humility-infused podcast, “What if Nothing’s Wrong With You?” with co-host Paula D. Atkinson on themes related to therapy, mental health, oppression, patriarchy and how it’s all interconnected. Resources for Improv Therapy –  Lisa Kay’s – Website & Resources The Fierce Urgency of Now: Improvisation, Rights, and the Ethics of Cocreation (Improvisation, Community, and Social Practice) – by Fischlin, Daniel; Heble, Ajah; Lipsitz, George Theater Games – Viola Spolin Resources Rehearsals for Growth – Website and Educational Resources Decolonizing Therapy: Oppression, Historical Trauma, and Politicizing Your Practice – book by Jennifer Mullan, PsyD The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron – Book and Resources Free Play: Improvisation in Life and Art – Nachmanovitch, Stephen And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! Therapists: This is our recommended class for going deeper and learning the most. You will not be disappointed! Use our link for a discount!  Dr. Elliott’s Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information   Support this show staying FREE and TOTALLY ACCESSIBLE by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode Go to puritywoods.com/TU or enter code TU at checkout for 27% off.   Go to helloned.com/TU or enter code TU at checkout for a discount.   Go to ZocDoc.com/TU This is a no-brainer – use it to find just about any specialist you are looking for. Thanks for listening, friends!

Everyone is familiar with reacting “in the heat of the moment,” but do we really understand what that means? Regulation basics include the protection or connection pathways to interpersonal relating. With the high tension we're experiencing in the world today, it can feel particularly challenging to practice secure relating. We are re-sharing one of our impactful episodes where Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott explore the inner workings of our nervous system auto-pilot settings: protection vs connection.

Dr. Ann Kelley and Hyeseung Song, a first-generation Korean American discuss Hyeseung's experiences growing up as an Asian minority in America, touching on topics like racial stereotypes, assimilation, and the model minority myth. Hyeseung shares her journey of finding her voice and identity, highlighting the mental health challenges of navigating different cultures and the path to self-acceptance.

Enjoy this replay episode with Jan Winhall, as we explore how our bodies can guide us towards healing and growth through the concept of "felt sense." This approach integrates neuroscience and focuses on our innate ability to perceive and respond to our experiences. Winhall's work challenges conventional views on navigating challenges influenced by culture and trauma.

One of the many incredible aspects of this community are the people we are able to connect and learn with, like Robyn Gobbel. She is a licensed social worker, podcast host, keynote speaker, writer, trainer & consultant - and even host launch this spring. This episode, Ann and Sue joined her on her podcast, "The Baffling Behavior Show", to talk about secure relating.

As our schedules shift for summer, we think revisiting this episode with expert Lindsey Kealey is the perfect reminder. The warmer weather is great for vacations or some weekend fun in the sun, but we also know that the shift in schedule can be tough for parents and children. Little minds can have big feelings and in the spirit of secure relating, we are taking the opportunity to revisit strategies for teaching kids how to regulate their emotions and promote positive connection with others. Lindsey Kealey introduces a trauma-informed program grounded in neuroscience, employing social-emotional learning and problem-solving techniques to enhance decision-making and relational well-being. Through her Three C's approach - connect, calm, and collaborate - she aims to revolutionize interpersonal dynamics, empowering individuals to interact more positively with themselves and others.

This is our final part where we lean into the last section of the book to help us all build a deeper connection, Moving from individual to interpersonal and then societal levels, we discuss the complexities of human connection. Ann and Sue touch on leadership and the need for nuance in navigating today's challenges while aiming to expand beyond just the Western lens. Whether it be with your partner or even how you navigate your community - building security helps us find a state of curiosity, openness, and wonder.

Following the launch of the book, our virtual party, and our Modern Attachment conference in Austin, TX, Ann and Sue open with gratitude from the event, and for the overwhelming outpour of love and support from our community and those who help inspire this content. As we dive into more chapters of the book, we lean into understanding the attachment spectrum colors, recognizing what is happening internally when we feel activated, and shifting activation levels.

After years of hard work, Sue and Ann could not be more excited to celebrate the release of their book. This episode discusses the themes and concepts, while emphasizing the importance of secure relating and holding one's own in an insecure world. They highlight the need for connection, collaboration, and tolerance in order to overcome division and polarization. Listen and explore their overview of the three sections of the book, and how they each represent a stage in the process of healing and personal growth.

Over 100 episodes after their last interview, Ann and Sue are thrilled to be back discussing all things attachment with Dr. David Elliott. Together they delve into the Three Pillars therapy model development, centered around three key elements: enhancing collaboration, fostering metacognition, and constructing new internal working models through imagery. Dr. Elliott elaborates on how the therapeutic journey prioritizes the therapeutic alliance, perspective-taking, and employing mental imagery to cultivate fresh attachment dynamics.

Ann and Sue are back for another deep dive, this time on all things information processing. Using the concept of sunglasses as a metaphor for information distortion, they explain how our internal working models and attachment experiences shape the way we perceive and interpret information. The sunglasses represent different states of activation, with clear glasses indicating a secure state and aviator sunglasses representing a defensive, self-protective state. Sunglasses can affect our relationships - but they don't have to stop us from building healthy connections. Follow along as we explore the importance of curiosity, self-reflection, and open-mindedness in navigating relationships.

Ann and Sue delve into the pressing emotional and social challenges confronting our world today. They examine the impact of divisive political rhetoric, the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, collective distrust, and widespread trauma on individuals and society as a whole. Emphasizing the necessity of self-awareness and accountability, they underscore the role each person plays in contributing to collective healing and regulation. Throughout their conversation, Ann and Sue stress the importance of vulnerability, genuine connection, and the pursuit of healing as essential components of addressing systemic issues and promoting relational solutions. They also tackle the complexities of polarization, advocating for open-mindedness, nuance, and empathy in navigating ideological differences and fostering constructive dialogue. Explore the transformative potential of emotions like anger and the power of connection and love in driving positive societal change.

Join Dr. Ann Kelley and Dr. David Spiegel as they dive into the benefits and misconceptions of hypnosis. Hypnosis is a state of highly focused attention and cognitive flexibility, allowing individuals to explore new possibilities. Whether it's trouble with sleep, intense anxiety, or a need to break bad habits, hypnosis has proven to be an effective tool for many. Dr. Spiegel has dedicated years of research and emphasizes the importance of accessibility to hypnosis in our healthcare systems. His app R E V E R I has over 1 million downloads and allows you to rewire your brain, conquer negative habits, and achieve personal growth from home.

Join co-host Sue Marriott and Dr. Shena Young as they dive into liberation psychology and the conflict between intuition and the traditional European model of psychology. Dr. Shena highlights embodying a holistic approach to help heal traumas and deeply root us in our most authentic selves. Whether through connections with nature and/or the exploration of ancestral traditions, this discussion is enriched with various opportunities to reconnect and liberate our mind, body, heart, and spirit. Secure your copy of our book, Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World at SecureRelatingBook.com

We’re back with long-time friend of the podcast and expert, Juliane Taylor Shore LMFT, LPC, SEP. As we reflect on our episode from six years ago on boundaries, we dive into new knowledge and how we can create boundaries that stick. Juliane Taylor Shore blends her original methods like "the jello wall" with new research to share exciting and thoughtful insight on how through boundaries we can harness compassion in our relationships with others and ourselves.

This is part two of a two-part series with the founder of Inclusive Therapists, Melody and TU Co-host, Sue Marriott. This episode features challenging yet important conversations on active anti-racist practices, exploration of oppression, and dismantling whiteness in mental health structures. Melody emphasizes the need for white clinicians to examine their own complicity in upholding oppressive systems and to listen to and center the experiences of marginalized communities. They also highlight the interconnectedness of healing and the power of collective liberation through rehumanizing. Pre-order your copy of Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World at SecureRelatingBook.com

series with the founder of Inclusive Therapists, Melody and TU Co-host, Sue Marriott. We are pushing for more inclusive, anti-racist, and decolonialized practices.The conversation is  challenging but important as we explore liberation psychology that helps us recognize and unlearn patterns of thinking that are rooted in colonization and European Western education. You may not agree with everything this guest says but you will learn something and likely feel quite a lot. Discomfort is a necessary part of liberating ourselves from engrained traditional patriarchal and white supremist thinking that continues to harm so many. Don't forget to help us reach our goal - if you appreciate TU, then please pre-order your copy of Secure Relating today & help raise the bar of secure relating in the world. www.SecureRelatingBook.com

While Ann and Sue are in DC at the American Group Psychotherapy Association Conference, we thought this was the perfect opportunity to replay one of our favorite episodes. Co-hosts Sue Marriott and Patty Olwell interview colleagues at the American Group Psychotherapy 2016 Association Annual Meeting in New York. They talk about why they love group therapy and why it is so valuable to their clients. We want to thank our interviewees for their help and insights.

Co-hosts Ann and Sue discuss the power of intentional journaling as a tool for recovery with Dr. James Pennebaker. While journaling is not a simple "elixir" to cure mental or physical illness, Dr. Pennebaker has dedicated years of research and found it to be an effective method of healing for many people. Writing without boundaries or expectations can allow us to enter a stream of consciousness and better process our feelings and experiences of trauma.

Boundaries are important. Therapist Uncensored co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott join the founder of IPNB Psychotherapy of Austin, Dr. Juliane Taylor Shore, in a discussion on interpersonal neurobiology and how it relates to boundaries. They explore 3 types of boundaries, how to co-create boundaries, and how to stay regulated using internal mechanisms. Learn to build your own “Jello wall” and better co-regulate you and others when you’re overwhelmed! More at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

25.6% of adults who have had COVID-19 report having experienced long Covid (source). While there are a variety of symptoms and severities that come with the illness, it doesn't erase the physical and mental toll it can take on one's life. In this episode, Ann and Sue take their research as well as personal experience with the illness and discuss the stigmas, advocating for your health, being a supportive caregiver, and secure relating in regards to chronic disease.

We are kicking off the new year with a special conversation between co-host Sue Marriott and special guest Jeff Lutes. Both members of the LGBTQ+ community, this discussion dives into raising families, the evolution of the community, allyship, gender, and the importance of advocacy. While there has been some progress, the LGBTQ+ community still actively faces discrimination. Whether you're a practicing therapist with clients in the community or have LGBTQ-identifying loved ones, this episode is for you. Through a personal and professional lens, this conversation offers new perspectives and shines a light on the significance of staying educated and being an active voice.

Ann and Sue look back at important episodes from this year, review lessons learned, and exciting announcements to come in 2024.

Hair-pulling, skin picking, and cheek, lip, & cuticle biting are self-soothing strategies that depending on the degree can become body-focused repetitive behavioral disorders. Learn about a new attachment-informed psychodynamic model for treating these painful, shame-associated behaviors in our conversation today with Sue Marriott and Stacy Nakell.

While just the word vulnerability can trigger our defenses, it can also be a great gateway to secure relating and deepening the connection with our authentic selves. In a society heavily influenced by social media, unhealthy gender roles, and many other factors - Ann and Sue dive into the importance of changing the narrative and stepping out of our defensive invulnerable state and into our healthy, vulnerable selves.

Relating from a place of inner security is not about an attachment category, and it can't stop with us as individuals. Ann and Sue share exciting news and community updates for TU. With secure relating at the forefront, this episode includes a sneak peek into the structure of their new book, Secure Relating Holding Your Own in an Insecure World. They explain the three R healing spiral, cultivating community, and much more! Now is a great time to join our online Neuronerd community www.therapistuncensored.com/join! Find shownotes at www.therapistuncensored.com/tu218.

Tune in as we follow up on last week's episode, and sit down with amygdala expert, Dr. Joseph LeDoux. We discuss the non-conscious versus unconscious, protein synthesis, the differences between fear and threat, and how it all applies in the world of attachment.

Explore the evolution and science behind Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) with Dr. Laurel Parnell and Dr. Ann Kelley.

Attachment 'insecurity" is partly a manifestation of unresolved stress patterns in the child and, by extension, the family. Therapists usually think of stress as interpersonal and dyadic, but you can't isolate individuals from context. We talk about context a lot when it comes to attachment - the circumstances or setting which helps to understand a process more deeply. As Sharon Lambert says in today's episode, you can't "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" if you have no boots. Sue Marriott and Sharon Lambert discuss the unconscious bootstraps communities have that cause blame towards those who are struggling.

We aren't one thing and getting to know our different parts is an effective technique to deepen healing. These "parts" are metaphorical "little beings" that live in our minds and manifest into physical or emotional reactions from traumatic events. Dr. Frank Anderson has spent decades of his life studying these parts and sharing his findings to help others utilize built-in resources like their "self-energy" to navigate their own traumas. Join us as Sue Marriott and Dr. Anderson weave together psycho-pharmacology, trauma, neuroscience, attachment, and internal family systems. More at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

The idea of adding 30 minutes of extra meditation to our already busy schedules can feel overwhelming - but Jake Eagle has dedicated years to his research and found the mindfulness loophole. Awe is an incredibly powerful tool that can over time help us rewire our brains and build security within. Eagle is here to prove that awe is not only meant to be found in grand moments like standing at the top of a mountain or hearing your favorite musician live - but in the tiny fragments of our everyday life. Awe is accessible to us each day, and in this episode, Dr. Ann Kelley and Jake Eagle explore strategies like the "A Method" to incorporate mindfulness into our daily routines. These methods can help to ease the tension of the autopilot mode in our brains, reduce inflammation throughout the body, and equip us with the tools to have deeper, more meaningful connections.

Conflict in relationships is inevitable – find out the ins and outs of repair for healthy relationships. We are back with relationship expert, Dr. Stan Tatkin to explore the inner workings of relationships from a biological and societal perspective, and his new book, In Each Other’s Care. All humans are complicated creatures and if we spend enough time with each other, it’s going to get tense.  That part is OK, but what happens after arguing disconnection or tension is what really matters. Sue Marriott & Dr. Tatkin take a deep dive into addressing conflicts, building secure attachments, and abandoning gender stereotypes for a more inclusive discussion. Follow along to explore healthy interdependence, couples’ purpose, and secure functioning. “A secure functioning partnership works on problems, not each other” – Dr. Stan Tatkin Time Stamps for In Each Other’s Care – Healthy Relationships  5:44 – Dr. Tatkin’s view on telehealth & virtual therapy 8:36 – How PACT approaches virtual therapy 16:05 – Understanding procedural memory  19:08 – Break down of insecure attachment  22:53 – What does secure functioning look like? 28:48 – Attachment in polyamorous relationships  37:47 – Exploring healthy interdependence in relationships 44:50 – An example of a couple’s purpose 53:41 – The importance of gender inclusivity when talking about relationships Resources for today’s episode, In Each Other’s Care – Healthy Relationships Stan Tatkin’s Website – Information about his practice, sessions The PACT Institute – Dr. Tatkin’s official website Relationships are Hard, but Why? – Dr. Tatkin’s TedTalk A free excerpt – from Dr. Tatkin’s new book @DrStanTatkin – Instagram account Dr. Stan Tatkin – Facebook Page @DrStanTatkin – Twitter account Dr. Stan Tatkin – LinkedIn account Dr. Tatkin’s newest book.       About our Guest – Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT Clinician, author, researcher, PACT developer, and co-founder of the PACT Institute.  Dr. Tatkin is an assistant clinical professor at UCLA, David Geffen School of Medicine.  He maintains a private practice in Southern California and leads PACT programs in the US and internationally. He is the author of We Do, Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Relationship Rx, Wired for Dating, What Every Therapist Ought to Know, and co-author of Love and War in Intimate Relationships, and the recent, In Each Other’s Care. If you enjoyed this one then catch our other interviews with Stan Tatkin.  He has a great take on applying the principles of relational neurobiology to real life – check it out.   https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu121-the-purpose-of-relationships-redefined-during-quarantine-with-stan-tatkin/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu12-if-its-not-good-for-you-its-not-good-for-us-interview-with-relationship-expert-stan-tatkin/ We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups and who knows what else may come!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Click here to view today’s episode Transcripts  Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Mental Health Liberation is our charity of choice – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists.

The Barbie movie through a secure-relating lens patriarchy, masculinity, happiness, and freedom from gender scripts with Liz Plank & Sue & Ann.

Learn from THE OG attachment research expert! Learn about pathological mourning and preoccupied suffering when it comes to attachment in this interview with expert Dr. Carol George. She sits down for the second time with Sue Marriott to explore her inspiration for writing her new book and to share tips for applying the information in a clinical setting. With her decades of research, Dr. George offers thorough insights into the world of attachment, trauma, and building security. Shownotes www.therapistuncensored.com/tu210; Bonus content www.therapistuncensored.com/join

Wanting to learn more about attachment? This is the episode for you! This is a follow-up to our previous episode on recognizing secure states of mind. If you’re a regular listener, you know we talk a lot about attachment – but what is it exactly? This episode is a refresher course where we break down what it is, what it isn’t, attachment spectrums, embodied stories, and much more. Whether you’re more advanced in your knowledge of the topic or starting fresh – this is a great place to connect and better understand how attachment plays a role in our lives. “We are social beings, but we have to be social beings. This isn’t a choice, it isn’t an option. And our incredibly intuitive pre-programmed body knows that from in utero on – it’s in our wiring.” – Dr. Ann Kelley Time Stamps for Attachment Basics 1:17 – What is attachment? 4:29 – Why you should care about attachment 6:07 – Early attachment and its effect on our development 7:46 – Attachment is not the same thing as love 10:16 – Why we want to avoid attachment “categories” 15:29 – Example of embodied stories 20:48 – Understanding the protection system and connection system 26:22 – Utilizing curiosity to build secure attachment 28:01 – What is a coherent narrative? 39:10 – Recognizing patterns in your nervous system behaviors Resources for Attachment Basics  The Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation in the United States – Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy Calls for Action to Address Public Health Crisis John Bowlby’s Attachment theory – A summary of Bowlby’s theory Mary Ainsworth Strange Situation – A summary of Ainsworth’s theory & experiment If you enjoyed this one you’ll love these:  https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/secure-attachment/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu151-secure-parenting-dan-siegel-tina-payne-bryson-replay/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/secure-relating-not-the-same-as-secure-attachment-with-ann-sue-190/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu-149-modern-attachment-regulation-spectrum-an-integrated-model-of-change/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu126-modern-attachment/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/attachment-through-the-lifespan-alan-sroufe/ Click here to view today’s episode transcripts!! Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation   We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!

What is secure attachment and how can I grow my own capacity for security? We’ve covered the different protection and connection strategies – preoccupied (red on the spectrum), dismissing (blue on the spectrum), and unresolved (tie-dye), but today’s episode is all about what secure attachment actually looks like in daily life. You’ve experienced the continuum from red, blue, or even tie-dye, but how do you know when you’re in your green? A securely attached system doesn’t mean you’re never upset – it’s about having the ability to stay engaged while you have big feelings.  In this episode, Ann and Sue discuss what this can look like conversationally, conditions that promote a secure base in parenting, and how to check in with yourself and deepen your connection with others. Security feels like: ‘people are generally trustworthy, and so am I’ – Dr. Ann Kelley Time Stamps for Secure Attachment 2:06 – What does security look like? 2:39 – Reminder of red and blue meanings in attachment 6:46 – Sue’s Bigfoot attachment analogy 8:27 – A secure attachment base is not the same as feeling securely attached 9:19 – The importance of integration and security 12:23 – Example of “joining” in conversation 19:39 – Understanding the attachment continuum 27:40 – Interactive questions to gauge your security 34:47 – Insightful questions to ask peers about influence 37:11 – Sue’s physical queues to know she’s in the green 39:37 – The role of curiosity in your green state 43:18 – Tracking your activation exercise Resources for Secure Attachment https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu151-secure-parenting-dan-siegel-tina-payne-bryson-replay/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/secure-relating-not-the-same-as-secure-attachment-with-ann-sue-190/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu-149-modern-attachment-regulation-spectrum-an-integrated-model-of-change/   Secure Attachment & Recognizing Secure States of Mind with Ann & Sue – Transcripts Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation   We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!

The neuroscience of awe as an antidote to our stress response system In this series, Secure Relating in an Insecure World, we’ve covered tough topics head-on. It is, therefore, fitting that we close the series with something scientifically hopeful to help us stay in our secure selves so we can stay engaged and active as social advocates and not collapse in overwhelm. The science of this specific feeling of awe has garnered much attention for good reason.  Our guest today has spent decades exploring the sensation and documenting how to develop it in everyday life. We have all experienced these small moments that allow us to shift our mindset away from ourselves and into something so bigger. Co-hosts Sue Marriott and Dr. Ann Kelley discuss the power of awe with guest expert Dr. Dacher Keltner where they explore the science, the mystical and the hope of awe as an inspirational tool for collective healing. “You can be outdoors by yourself, you can be listening to an amazing passage of music, you can think about somebodywhose life really inspires you. You have this urge to connect, to be part of community, to be good to other people, to share with other people, to make the world and your community a little bit better – that tells us something fundamental about the DNA of Awe.” – Dr. Dacher Keltner Time Stamps for Awe 2:15 – What is awe? 3:31 – Physiology during moments of awe 8:21 – One of Dr. Keltner’s most striking discoveries about awe 8:57 – Understanding everyday awe 10:11 – The role of curiosity in awe 13:31 – The power of music 14:27 – The 8 wonders that bring us awe 21:20 – Collective effervescence 25:38 – Alan Cowen & Dacher Keltner’s experiential maps 27:36 – Awe in animals 32:16 – How awe can sometimes lead you astray 40:17 – Using awe as a tool for younger generations Resources for today’s episode on the feeling of “awe” DacherKeltner.com – Personal website full of research, books, videos, and other resources  Greater Good Science Center – Resource center with podcasts, quizzes, articles & videos  Science of Happiness – Podcast by the Great Good Network  AlanCowen.com – Visuals of mapping emotion You can purchase his most recent book, here!! About our Guest – Dr. Dacher Keltner Dr. Keltner is one of the world’s foremost emotion scientists. He is a professor of psychology at UC Berkeley and the director of the Greater Good Science Center. He has over 200 scientific publications and six books, including Born to Be Good, The Compassionate Instinct, and The Power Paradox. He has written for many popular outlets, from The New York Times to Slate. He was also the scientific advisor behind Pixar’s Inside Out, is involved with the education of healthcare providers and judges, and has consulted extensively for Google, Apple, and Pinterest, on issues related to emotion and well-being.     We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups and who knows what else may come!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Click here for Awe – Dr. Dacher Keltner – Transcripts  Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Mental Health Liberation is our charity of choice – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists.

It didn’t start with you, but it can end with you – we can begin healing intergenerational trauma together Linda Thai, a Vietnamese Australian trauma therapist living on Native lands in Alaska, shares her journey to self-discovery as she navigates her own identity in the aftermath of her early childhood trauma. She shared words of wisdom about grief and developmental trauma as well as intergenerational and ancestral trauma, touching on the immigrant experience and family dynamics. Through various brain and body-based strategies (click here for a link to free videos she offers that are highly recommended), she reclaims the unresolved ancestral grief and trauma in her lineage and inspires others to incorporate historical awareness, including the impact of colonialism. “My parents are trauma survivors and I had no idea. And I’m living the aftermath of what that means. So with each stage of the journey or each layer of the unfolding – there are parts of myself that begin to open up to this new world” – Linda Thai  Time Stamps for Healing Intergenerational Trauma  1:31 – Linda Thai’s life journey 4:04 – Unpacking racialized traumas 6:17 – Understanding culturally informed psychology vs liberation psychology 19:41 – A new perspective on grief 28:56 – The responsibility of the community healing 34:16 – Building secure relating beyond human connection 44:48 – Interpreting the nervous system’s responses to excitement and aggression 49:25 – Leaning into your own feeling of emergence 55:48 – True allyship is a process Resources for Transgenerational Trauma  TRF Tuesday – Movement, Breath, and Sound for Transforming Grief (Collection) – 6-session program & resource guide (Sue highly recommends!) LindaThai.com – Website with resources, newsletter & contact information “The Body Keeps the Score” – Impactful book that helped Linda Thai recognize her trauma Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy – Author, Professor & Director of the Eikenberg Institute “The Loneliest Americans” – Book by Jay Caspian Kang About our Guest – Linda Thai  Linda Thai, LMSW ERYT-200 is a trauma therapist and educator specializing in brain and body-based modalities for addressing complex developmental and intergenerational trauma. Linda has worked with thousands of people worldwide to promote mindfulness, recover from trauma, and tend to grief as a means of self-care. Linda’s work centers on healing with a special focus on the experiences of adult children of refugees and immigrants. Her teaching is infused with empathy, storytelling, humor, research, practical tools, applied knowledge, and experiential wisdom. She assists internationally renowned psychiatrist and trauma expert, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, with his private small-group psychotherapy workshops aimed at healing attachment trauma. She has a Master of Social Work with an emphasis on the neurobiology of attachment and trauma. Linda has studied Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Somatic Experiencing, Brainspotting, Internal Family Systems, Trauma-Informed Stabilization Treatment, Havening Touch, Flash Technique, and structural dissociation of the personality, and offers the Safe and Sound Protocol, yoga, and meditation within her practice. Linda works on the traditional lands of the Tanana Athabascan people (Fairbanks, Alaska) with those recovering from addiction, trauma, and mental illness. She is passionate about breaking the cycle of historical and intergenerational trauma at the individual and community levels. Check out Intergenerational Trauma – Linda Thai Transcripts, here!!  We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups and who knows what else may come!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!

It shouldn’t have to be so scary to address the elephant in the room – and we’re here to do just that on the environmental crisis It is easy to shy away from tough conversations about the state of our world. Leaning into defenses – like resisting the conversation – can feel like the most comfortable option, but these discussions are vital in healing our planet. A lack of security within ourselves trickles into our relationships and limits the ways we can make collective change. Dr. Ann Kelley and Dr. Anna Graybeal discuss the necessary steps to building security and embracing tough conversations within our communities. This conversation takes a scientific and therapy-based approach to guide us toward the big emotions around these topics and equips us with the tools to cope with uncertainties, and an opportunity to learn how to harness healthy discussions around the climate crisis. When we can address the resistance within ourselves, we can use that as fuel to unite and heal our planet, our well-being, and our relationships. “I think the only way to really deal with these tough feelings is to not be alone with them.” – Dr. Anna Graybeal Time Stamps 3:02 – Graybeal’s personal journey exploring climate crisis 7:51 – Participating in Citizens’ Climate Lobby 10:58 – Facing the awareness in our own activism 12:00 – Validating the resistance within ourselves 14:43 – Joining in the resistance 19:36 – Professor Katharine Hayhoe’s perspective 26:53 – Helping clients process climate crisis emotions in group therapy 31:09 – Climate conversation training group for therapists 33:58 – Introduction to the Good Grief network 35:44 – The challenge of making change as a collective 38:17 – Explanation of “greenwashing” Resources Citizens’ Climate Lobby – Nonprofit Advocate Group IPCC Report: Climate Change and Land – Special Report Climate Psychology Alliance – Climate Directory Good Grief Network – Non-Profit Advocate Group The Work that Reconnects – Resource Network All We Can Save Circles – Discussion Groups CA Institute of Integral Studies Climate Psychology Certificate Program – Application & Information Katharine Hayhoe –  Climate Scientist Website Katharine Hayhoe – Ted Talk – “The Most Important Thing You Can Do to Fight Climate Change” Tradewater – Calculate your emissions About our Guest – Dr. Anna Graybeal  Anna Graybeal is a Clinical Psychologist and Certified Group Therapist in private practice in Austin, Texas. She is also a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner. In 2012, she co-founded the Austin chapter of Citizens’ Climate Lobby, a volunteer-based organization working on climate change. Anna can be reached at anna@annagraybeal.com. Her website is www. annagraybeal.com. Check out Dr. Anna Graybeal’s Episode Transcripts Here!! We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups and who knows what else may come!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!

Secure Relating in an Insecure World (SRIW) Series episode #3, Part 2 of 2 (203/204). This episode is Part II of Racial Trauma, linked with Ep 203.  To make sure you are paying attention 🙂 we are running a series, Secure Relating in an Insecure World, and this is Ep 3 of that series.  Today’s episode is also 2 of 2 in the conversation about racial trauma. Yea, we have so many ideas around here about going deep, and this wasn’t our clearest move having a series within a series, but we trust you all. You’ve got this!!  Also, it seemed wrong to make you wait 2 weeks for the rest of this 2 part conversation so we are dropping it in more quickly and will go back to our normal pace of every other week on Tuesdays from here.  We hope you enjoy it – it’s a good one! This a continuation of our previous discussion with Gliceria Pérez & Debra Chatman-Finley where we explore other lasting effects of racial trauma. From the challenges of parenting with an unresolved trauma history to navigating day-to-day as a person of color, they use group therapy as an opportunity to make space for women to vocalize their pain and build community. Gliceria and Debra share personal stories and real-life examples of microaggressions and discrimination and offer insightful ways white individuals can acknowledge their privilege and cultivate an inclusive community. “That angry part of you – it is just that, a part of you, it’s not all of you – it’s a protector. You don’t have to shy away from it.” – Debra Chatman-Finley Time Stamps for Racial Trauma Part 2 7:55 – Non-traditional aspects of their BIPOC group sessions 10:29 – Explanation of VCR: validate, challenge & request 11:49 – Challenges in validating anger 13:47 – Ways white therapists can create a safer environment 18:39 – Traumas effect on parenting 23:58 – Misconceptions about disassociating and attitude 27:26 – How these sessions impacted Debra’s personal healing journey 29:07 – Acknowledging trauma responses in the workplace 33:55 – Differences in racial trauma 40:37 – Attachment and racial trauma 46:18 – Explanation of Janina Fisher’s chart Resources for Racial Trauma Part 2  Therapy Wisdom – Online Training Trauma, PTSD & Disassociation – Certified Program BIPOCINGtherapists@gmail.com – Contact Information About Our Guests – Debra Chatman-Finley, LPC & Gliceria Pérez, LCS Debra Chatman- Finley is a Licensed Professional Counselor and National Board-Certified Counselor in private practice in Montclair, NJ. She is an Adjunct professor at New York University where she teaches Racial and Social Micro Aggression in Clinical Practice. She is the former Director of Clinical Services for a domestic violence agency, that provides counseling services for domestic violence victims. Debra earned her bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Seton Hall University and her Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology from the College of Saint Elizabeth. She is also a graduate and former Associate Faculty at the Multicultural Family Institute. Debra is trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and received her Certification in Traumatic Stress from the Trauma Center at the Justice Resource Institute in Boston, Mass. Debra’s study in traumatic stress strengthened her desire to integrate trauma and racial justice. She has devoted much of her practice and studies to the impact of race in the therapeutic process and the effects of racial trauma on POC, specifically, African American women, and parenting. Debra has also facilitated numerous workshops such as Racism, Culture, and Dissociation, Being BIPOPC: The Ongoing Challenges of Visibility vs Invisibility, Wounded Parenting: The Intersection of Complex and Racial Trauma in Parents of Color, A Therapist Path to Exploring Implicit Bias and Racial Trauma, Micro-Aggressions In Clinical Practice, Unmasking Race With Interracial Couples, Making the Invisible Visible, Beyond 20/20Vision: Examining Racism Through Trauma Lens. Debra and her colleague are in the process of writing about their non-Eurocentric facilitation of a support Group for Women of Color. She also provides Clinical consultation for BIPOC Clinicians around issues of race and trauma as well as other clinical concerns. Gliceria Pérez is a bilingual trauma-focused therapist who is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a Master of Social Work degree from Fordham University Graduate School of Social Service. She has over 30 years of experience in social work fields of mental health, trauma, domestic violence, adoption, immigration, and child abuse/neglect. Gliceria has provided case management and therapeutic services to immigrant children, adolescents, and adults in various community settings, in-home, and schools. She is committed to providing high-quality therapeutic services with a social justice perspective. Gliceria maintains a private practice in New Jersey where she works passionately with Black, Indigenous People of Color as well as other individuals/communities who have suffered from mental health issues (depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc.) in addition to racial trauma. Before becoming a therapist, Gliceria was a Director of Residential Services at a domestic violence program where she worked collaboratively to improve the services to include underserved communities. Since 2015, Gliceria has been an Adjunct Faculty at New York University Silver School of Social Work, where she teaches Racial and Social Class Microaggressions in Clinical Practice. Gliceria is trained in Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) and has completed the Certificate Program in Traumatic Stress Studies at JRI (Boston, MA), the Certificate Program at the Multicultural Family Institute Program, and the second level of the Sensorimotor Psychotherapy for Trauma Program at the Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute (New York, NY). She’s in the process of completing the third level of Janina Fisher’s Trauma-Informed Stabilization Treatment (TIST) Program. Gliceria has facilitated workshops/presentations, which include: “Being BIPOC: The Ongoing Challenges of Visibility and Invisibility,” “A Therapist Path for Exploring Implicit Bias and Racial Trauma,” “Adelantar La Raza/Advance the Race: An Afro-Cuban American Experience,” “Micro-aggressions: Making the Invisible Visible,” and “Wounded Parenting: The Intersections of Complex and Racial Trauma in Parents of Color.” Gliceria is in the process of co-writing a book with Debra Chatman on their non-Eurocentric facilitation of a support group for Women of Color.   Give to Mental Health Liberation, TU’s charity of choice   Articles & Books Recommended by Debra & Gliceria  Anderson, C. and Gibson, P. (2016). White rage: the unspoken truth of our racial divide. Bloomsbury  USA. Degruy, J. (2018). Posttraumatic slave syndrome: America’s legacy of enduring injury and healing.  Joy Degruy Publications Inc. DiAngelo, R. (2021).  Nice Racism: how progressive white people perpetuate racial harm. Penguin Books. Fisher, J. (2017). Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors: overcoming internal self-alienation. Routledge. Niemann et al. (2020). Presumed incompetent II: race, class, power and resistance of women in academia.  Utah State University Press Gutiérrez, N.Y. (2022). The pain we carry: healing from complex PTSD for people of color. New Harbinger Publications. Hardy, K.V. (2023). Racial Trauma: clinical strategies and techniques for healing invisible wounds.  W.W. Norton & Company. Hardy, K.V. (2022). The enduring, invisible, and ubiquitous centrality of whiteness implications for clinical practice and beyond.  W.W. Norton & Company. Heiman, M. (2022). Learning to live in harmony with ourselves A primer for trauma survivors & those who dissociate. Mermaid Publisher. Menakem, R. (2017). My grandmother’s hands: racialized trauma and the pathway to mending our hearts and bodies. Penguin Books. Saad, L. (2020). Me and my white supremacy: how to recognize your privilege, combat racism and change the world. Quercus.  Sue et al. (2020). Microaggressions in Everyday Life.  John Wiley & Sons, Inc. View the transcripts for Racial Trauma Part 2 here!! We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  We are a Supporter, please be one, too!     Mental Health Liberation is our charity of choice – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists

Secure Relating in an Insecure World (SRIW) Series episode #1.   Debra Chatman-Finley LPC and Gliceria Pérez LCSW highlight their similarities and differences of being BIPOC women in the United States and encourage an open discussion about racism in our institutions. As they reflect on their careers and experiences, they provide perspectives on how they have navigated their identity and health amidst microaggressions and help us unravel the whitewashing of their cultures. From corporate America to working in child protective services, this discussion is full of painful yet common experiences of discrimination, intimidation, and blatant inequality against people of color – including in “safe” mental health spaces. “Being authentic is the key piece in working with people of color – because of our intergenerational traumas and all of the racism – we’ve had to learn how to detect whether we’re gonna be safe or not.” – Gliceria Pérez Time Stamps for Authentically BIPOC: Racial Trauma Part 1  1:32 – Gliceria’s background 5:03 – Debra’s background 11:12 – Gliceria’s anecdote about racial discrimination while working at CPS 13:12 – Debra’s experience with racism in a corporate setting 23:27 – Debra’s catalyst for switching to private practice 28:44 – How microaggressions affect your sense of self 30:49 – Understanding colorization 33:35 – Similarities and differences of experiences as a POC 43:31 – The importance of working on your racial identity 44:35 – Microaggressions in Everyday Life 50:50 – “Your story is as much in the room as your client” Resources for Authentically BIPOC: Racial Trauma Part 1  Therapy Wisdom – Online Training Trauma, PTSD & Disassociation – Certified Program BIPOCINGtherapists@gmail.com – Contact Information SEE THE READING LIST BELOW About Our Guests – Debra Chatman-Finley, LPC & Gliceria Pérez, LCS Debra Chatman- Finley is a Licensed Professional Counselor and National Board-Certified Counselor in private practice in Montclair, NJ. She is an Adjunct professor at New York University where she teaches Racial and Social Micro Aggression in Clinical Practice. She is the former Director of Clinical Services for a domestic violence agency, that provides counseling services for domestic violence victims. Debra earned her bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Seton Hall University and her Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology from the College of Saint Elizabeth. She is also a graduate and former Associate Faculty at the Multicultural Family Institute. Debra is trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and received her Certification in Traumatic Stress from the Trauma Center at the Justice Resource Institute in Boston, Mass. Debra’s study in traumatic stress strengthened her desire to integrate trauma and racial justice. She has devoted much of her practice and studies to the impact of race in the therapeutic process and the effects of racial trauma on POC, specifically, African American women, and parenting. Debra has also facilitated numerous workshops such as Racism, Culture, and Dissociation, Being BIPOPC: The Ongoing Challenges of Visibility vs Invisibility, Wounded Parenting: The Intersection of Complex and Racial Trauma in Parents of Color, A Therapist Path to Exploring Implicit Bias and Racial Trauma, Micro-Aggressions In Clinical Practice, Unmasking Race With Interracial Couples, Making the Invisible Visible, Beyond 20/20Vision: Examining Racism Through Trauma Lens. Debra and her colleague are in the process of writing about their non-Eurocentric facilitation of a support Group for Women of Color. She also provides Clinical consultation for BIPOC Clinicians around issues of race and trauma as well as other clinical concerns. Gliceria Pérez is a bilingual trauma-focused therapist who is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a Master of Social Work degree from Fordham University Graduate School of Social Service. She has over 30 years of experience in social work fields of mental health, trauma, domestic violence, adoption, immigration, and child abuse/neglect. Gliceria has provided case management and therapeutic services to immigrant children, adolescents, and adults in various community settings, in-home, and schools. She is committed to providing high-quality therapeutic services with a social justice perspective. Gliceria maintains a private practice in New Jersey where she works passionately with Black, Indigenous People of Color as well as other individuals/communities who have suffered from mental health issues (depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc.) in addition to racial trauma. Before becoming a therapist, Gliceria was a Director of Residential Services at a domestic violence program where she worked collaboratively to improve the services to include underserved communities. Since 2015, Gliceria has been an Adjunct Faculty at New York University Silver School of Social Work where she teaches Racial and Social Class Microaggressions in Clinical Practice. Gliceria is trained in Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) and has completed the Certificate Program in Traumatic Stress Studies at JRI (Boston, MA), the Certificate Program at the Multicultural Family Institute Program, and the second level of the Sensorimotor Psychotherapy for Trauma Program at the Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute (New York, NY). She’s in the process of completing the third level of Janina Fisher’s Trauma-Informed Stabilization Treatment (TIST) Program. Gliceria has facilitated workshops/presentations which include: “Being BIPOC: The Ongoing Challenges of Visibility and Invisibility,” “A Therapist Path for Exploring Implicit Bias and Racial Trauma,” “Adelantar La Raza/Advance the Race: An Afro-Cuban American Experience,” “Micro-aggressions: Making the Invisible Visible,” and “Wounded Parenting: The Intersections of Complex and Racial Trauma in Parents of Color.” Gliceria is in the process of co-writing a book with Debra Chatman on their non-Eurocentric facilitation of a support group for Women of Color. Articles & Books Recommended by Debra & Gliceria  Anderson, C. and Gibson, P. (2016). White rage: the unspoken truth of our racial divide. Bloomsbury  USA. Degruy, J. (2018). Posttraumatic slave syndrome: America’s legacy of enduring injury and healing.  Joy Degruy Publications Inc. DiAngelo, R. (2021).  Nice Racism: how progressive white people perpetuate racial harm. Penguin Books. Fisher, J. (2017). Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors: overcoming internal self-alienation. Routledge. Niemann et al. (2020). Presumed incompetent II: race, class, power and resistance of women in academia.  Utah State University Press Gutiérrez, N.Y. (2022). The pain we carry: healing from complex PTSD for people of color. New Harbinger Publications. Hardy, K.V. (2023). Racial Trauma: clinical strategies and techniques for healing invisible wounds.  W.W. Norton & Company. Hardy, K.V. (2022). The enduring, invisible, and ubiquitous centrality of whiteness implications for clinical practice and beyond.  W.W. Norton & Company. Heiman, M. (2022). Learning to live in harmony with ourselves A primer for trauma survivors & those who dissociate. Mermaid Publisher. Menakem, R. (2017). My grandmother’s hands: racialized trauma and the pathway to mending our hearts and bodies. Penguin Books. Saad, L. (2020). Me and my white supremacy: how to recognize your privilege, combat racism and change the world. Quercus.  Sue et al. (2020). Microaggressions in Everyday Life.  John Wiley & Sons, Inc. Click here to view the Racial Trauma Pt 1 Transcript We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  We are a Supporter, please be one, too! Mental Health Liberation is our charity of choice – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists

Finding and maintaining connection and a sense of security in times of fear and general chaos is THE ultimate challenge.  This is a very special episode - co-hosts Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott are joined by 24-year-old homesteader Mason Marriott-Voss, to discuss navigating big generational differences and re-building a sense of security in an uncertain world. This is the first of the new series, Secure Relating in an Insecure World. See the resource-filled show notes for today's episode at www.therapistuncensored.com/TU202

In this episode, explore the significance of our dreams and the potential journeys of growth through a Jungian lens.

Join Ann and Sue as they discuss the power of association in dreams for connecting with ourselves and updating our inner working models.

Attachment schemas / internal working models - what it means to have our relational history "wired in" with Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott

Learn about the impact and importance of EMDR through a client's eyes with the guidance of an experienced clinician.

A neonatal therapist brings lessons on co-regulation, intentional energy, and neurodevelopment with Sue Ludwig and Sue Marriott.

Learn to expand your window of tolerance with proven mindfulness-based tools that can help you thrive with Dr. Elizabeth Stanley.

An extremely practical dive into the inner workings of the mind with Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor & insights from her book, Whole Brain Living.

Don't miss Loretta Ross, a powerhouse teacher who challenges, surprises, inspires, and confronts in a few words - Calling in call-out culture

Find new perspectives on how culture and trauma affect our navigation within the world. Using bottom-up approaches, Jan Winhall explains how addictions are regulation strategies and provides tools to deeper connect to our nervous systems and ourselves. Join as we explore Winhall's "felt sense" model, where she blends neuroception and interoception through a polyvagal lens. Join our online community and get an ad-free feed at www.therapistuncensored.com/join, shownotes to this episode are here: www.therapistuncensored.com/193

Dr. Scherer and Dr. Sylvester sit down with co-host Ann Kelley, Ph.D., and break down helpful strategies when co-parenting, integrating attachment into disciplinary styles, and finding balance in our relationships. Introducing structural markers like the "7 Essential Attachment Needs" and emphasizing the importance of the "repair" aspect of relationships, this episode dives into the building blocks of secure parenting. Follow along to step into a grounded, empowering approach where you can deepen the connection with yourself and your loved ones.

Attachment 'insecurity" is, in part, a manifestation of patterns of unresolved stress in the child and by extension, the family. Therapists usually think of stress as interpersonal and dyadic; however, that needs to include the context we discuss on this podcast. Context means the circumstances or setting which helps to understand a process more deeply. As Sharon Lambert says in today's episode, you can't "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" if you have no boots. Sue Marriott and Sharon Lambert discuss the unconscious bootstraps communities have that cause blame towards those who are struggling. There is no doubt that poverty impacts physical and emotional health, and thus lifting children out of poverty is a direct intervention in their well-being. Today's session also explores fascinating research on how people use mental health podcasts - join us! www.therapistuncensored.com/191.

You don't have to be totally healed from years of therapy under your belt or a history of secure attachment to develop skills for increased intimacy and secure relating. This is something that anybody, no matter their history, can begin to learn. Channeling your inner awareness to recognize a heightened state of arousal or using visualizations to help stay in a regulated place helps tap into your right brain to connect with yourself and your humanity. Ann and Sue navigate their personal examples, self-regulating tips, breaking out of their defensive "competitive head", and many more useful strategies to explore the ways we can move in the direction of secure connections. Show notes at TherapistUncensored.com/190

Hair-pulling, skin picking, and cheek, lip, & cuticle biting are self-soothing strategies that depending on degree can become body-focused repetitive behavioral disorders. Learn about a new attachment-informed psychodynamic model for treating these painful, shame-associated behaviors. While we may not be fully aware when we are pulling and picking, these sorts of unconscious behaviors can be an indicator of dysregulation. Outside factors such as our environment, upbringing, and various traumas can all play a role in these self-soothing behaviors. Stacy Nakell is a pioneer in this field and has dedicated years to understanding and educating others on how to abandon shame and treat these behaviors. By blending attachment theory and neurobiological research, Nakell has helped rewire the ways in which we navigate these behaviors and brought forward new perspectives like viewing BFRBDs on a continuum and how these overlap with body dysmorphic disorders. Shownotes at www.therapistuncensored.com/189. Ad-free feed at www.therapistuncensored.com/join

Assumptions block our view of seeing the whole perspective and equip us with a bias that can make our relationships difficult to navigate. Not asking people personal questions or receiving feedback might be underlined unexamined bias. Whether your "moral compass" may get in the way, your assumptions form from cultural influence, or you even feel avoidant of those tougher conversations and just assume the other person is on the same page - this episode is for you. Ann and Sue were on a role w disarming defenses so while this one isn't technically in that 5 part series that just wrapped up called "Disarming Human Defenses", let's call this one a hanger-on. Shownotes at www.therapistuncensored.com/188. Join our ad-free Neuronerd community www.therapistuncensored.com/join. Tks for stopping by!!

Throughout this five-session series, we've explored different defenses, self-reflection, and navigating our own internal systems. But how do we navigate something we aren't aware of in the first place? In this episode, Ann and Sue recap the material we've learned and take a dive into suppression versus repression. Organizing defenses on a continuum can help us tap into our own emotions, and better regulate our responses to the triggers of the world. However, it is also important to detach the narrative of being "good and bad," when it comes to our defenses, and recognize they are little parts of who we are that are constantly evolving. Whether it's projection, appearing to be a "know it all", power dynamics, ceding, or even being forgetful - we express our subconscious and conscious defenses in multiple ways. Follow along to connect with your own defenses and learn how to healthily disarm your patterns for emotional regulation.

Aggression is not a feeling - it is a goal-directed behavior that is frequently associated with feelings such as anger, fear and even hunger.  It is a vital energy that propels us forward with an intention. Aggression can be used for positive or negative gain, it is basically a resource to help us navigate our personal goals, increase intimacy within our relationships, and to act as a catalyst for change when paired with desire.  Follow along as Jeanne Bunker and Sue Marriott break down the negative connotations and provide perspective to harness this resource and help reclaim healthy aggression.  Shownotes at www.therapistuncensored.com/186.  Join our Neuronerd community at www.therapistuncensored.com/join.

Therapy boot camp - session 3 of a series of 5. When you unconsciously deem "power" as what keeps you "safe" in vulnerable situations, reflecting and rewiring on this dynamic can transform your connections. Human defenses are quite necessary to protect our nervous system and sense of self. The goal isn't to eliminate defenses - but to learn how to regulate them, especially in relationships. Defenses can often feel triggered when there is an uneven power dynamic expressed in a relationship and can be influenced by outside factors like gender socialization, culture, or personal history. Shownotes at www.therapistuncensored.com/185, join our exclusive neurnerd community for an ad-free feed plus perks at www.therapistuncensored.com/join

In the last episode, we explored what Sue and Ann call the 3-R spiral of change, Recognize, Reflect and Rewire.  We also identified various common defenses. In this episode, Ann & Sue break down the different areas of our brain and discuss the roles each can play in our defense responses. Understanding the critical interplay between the amygdala and hippocampus gives us more insight into our own behavior and sheds light on how our history can intrude today. They explain the concept of "coherent narrative" and discuss applying the 3 R Spiral to our relationships and personal healing. By blending neuroscience and these strategies, we can begin to sort through our unconscious defenses and rewire the ways in which we navigate our interpersonal world. Shownotes at www.therapistuncensored.com/184. Join our Neuronerd private community for an ad-free feed at www.therapistuncensored.com/join.

In this first session in a series of 5, Ann and Sue discuss the 3R spiral of chance and get into the nitty gritty of exploring normal human defenses to help you identify and disarm unncessesary armor. Using the full body of work from translated relational neuroscience, modern attachment and depth psychology they break down their professional and personal experience moving from armor back to more connected relationality. Show notes at www.therapistuncensored.com/183 and more episodes at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes. Share this free resource freely!

Today's episode weaves together psycho-pharmacology, trauma, neuroscience, attachment, and a type of bottom-up intervention called Internal Family Systems (IFS). IFS is an easy to learn and apply technique to explore intrapsychic dynamics and form representations of conflicting self states. Dr. Frank Anderson is a world recognized IFS expert and he walks us through the theory in conversation with Sue Marriott LCSW CGP - Shownotes at www.therapistuncensored.com/182 and find more podcasts on modern attachment at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes.

We've heard of post-traumatic growth, but what about coping while the trauma is actually happening? Co-host Sue Marriott LCSW CGP and trauma expert Arielle Schwartz, Ph.D. take a deep dive into post-traumatic and peri-traumatic growth. This compassionate conversation is full of excellent resources for enduring when overwhelmed. Learn more about yoga for trauma, somatic therapy and EMDR with these resources. More episodes on modern attachment on neuroscience at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

Deciding who to trust in today's world is especially hard - fake news, political polarization, and societal strife amplify our already on-guard nervous system. When our trust has been broken, whether early in childhood or in our adult relationships, learning who to trust can prove even more challenging. In today's episode, Dr. Steve Finn and Dr. Ann Kelley discuss the science behind epistemic trust and why many of us may have broken trust meters. They discuss how trust issues can create a mess in our relationship, whether we are the constant skeptic who resists taking in new information or we tend to trust blindly, without testing or holding healthy doubts. Together they provide deep and compassionate insights into these struggles and how they relate to internal working models. A fan favorite, Dr. Finn returns to bring his years of expertise to our listeners about ways to use science to build trust using curiosity and tools of mentalization, including our ability to handle healthy skepticism.

This episode explores individualistic thinking and will support you doing the tough internal work to give up power in favor of connection. Utilizing neurobiology, years of research, and professional experience, Terry Real and Ann Kelley break down the history of individualism and the toxic patterns it can hold in our society and in our relationships. Episode notes at www.therapistuncensored.com/180. Gut health impacts mood and brain function - support your gut health with our sponsor, Athletic Greens AG1 at this link www.athleticgreens.com/therapistuncensored.

We often focus on being understood through words, but guess what? Words emerge from several deeper processes and can confuse, disconnect, and even unintentionally fabricate what's going on. Learn what works and what doesn't when trying to build closeness and connection with those you love. Tune in for this week's episode as co-host Sue Marriott and John Howard discuss the power of tuning in under the words, widening our awareness of emotional communication, mindfulness and spirituality in secure functioning relationships.

In today's episode, co-host Dr. Ann Kelley talks with neuroscientist and author, Dr. Amishi Jha about her research findings on attention, concentrations and focus. Dr. Jha summarizes years of research findings on the neural bases of attention and the effects of mindfulness-based training programs on cognition, emotion, resilience, and performance. Through her work, she and her team have identified some of the most efficient and effective mindfulness skills that have will calm our minds, increase our focus and attention, and even improve our mood and sense of well-being. It literally changes the way our mind is wired. Shownotes at www.therapistuncensored.com/178

Co-host Sue Marriott and psychotherapist and relationship expert, Jessica Fern, sit down for a deep dive into the science behind attachment in consensually non monogamous relationships. Tune in to help update your model of what makes a healthy, secure-functioning relationship. More here www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

Explore compassion from its neurological and societal basis through the Dr. Kristin Neff's research writings and current conversations. Find self-love using the bravery of showing up as your authentic self. www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes.

The amygdala has become a "cultural meme" - so let's get the science-based updated story of it's role in human relationship regulation. We are honored to have Dr. Joseph LaDoux join us to bring us the facts. We discuss the amygdala, the threat response system in general, non-conscious states and directions for therapy. More www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes. Join our online community www.therapistuncensored.com/join

Ann and Sue blend their own personal experiences and knowledge of neuroscience to help improve your relationships and integrate healing and change within the body. Follow along as they apply the latest about the fear system and nonconscious defense, and they correct the common misconception that the amygdala is the "fear center" of the body. They also bring in research published the same month this episode was recorded around understanding fearful memories being stored in the sensory cortex. If science talk makes your eye's cross don't worry - they make it easy to understand and apply in real life. Find more at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes.

It's easy to ignore or not notice the impact of stress and trauma on your body, but this can have a devastating impact on you physically emotionally and also on your relationships. Guest Dr. Elizabeth Stanley knows stress reduction - she had developed a program used by the US military called Mindfulness-based Mind Fitness Training. Co-host Dr. Ann Kelley and Dr. Stanley discuss practical strategies that will help you build resilience, recover from trauma, heal and thrive. Find show notes and more episodes at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes.

Writing courageous words can heal deep wounds. In today's episode with Courage to Heal author Laura Davis, we discuss reading and writing as part of our therapeutic journey aka bibliotherapy, family reconciliation, mother-daughter bonding and we explore the questionable power of memory. Her new memoir, the Burning Light of 2 Stars, Laura Davis and Sue Marriott have a moving conversation that is surely to bring you the feels. Find shownotes at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

When talk therapy isn’t enough How Attachment-Focused EMDR works and when to use it While talk therapy can be an incredible resource for working through and healing traumas – sometimes it is not enough. The theory around trauma is that when it occurs it “gets locked in the nervous system” in the form of fragmented thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. This makes true healing difficult.  Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, also known as EMDR, is an evolving science that utilizes bilateral stimulation to help connect the left side of the brain to the right in order to form more cohesive, healing thoughts to better support the healing process. Dr. Laurel Parnell is a leading expert in EMDR, and uses her vast knowledge to help train thousands of clinicians worldwide to spread the safe science. Using the “lighting it up and linking it up” methodology combined with the Four Foundational Resources, Parnell helps individuals suffering from PTSD and other obstacles better navigate their world and release some of the tension stored within the body and mind. Tune in for this episode as co-host Dr. Ann Kelley and Dr. Parnell take a deep dive into the evolution and successes of EMDR.   “…people can spend years in talk therapy working through some horrible accident, and they’re not getting better because the therapy isn’t reaching where the trauma’s stored and it’s not helping with that integration of the nonverbal experience…” Join our Therapist Uncensored online community as a TU Neuronerd and help support getting this content out to the world. For deeper dives into topics and extra episodes, join our online community for as little as $5 a month and get deep-dive content, ad-free feed, Ask Me Anything sessions, discounts on anything we produce and unique study opportunities.  About Laurel Parnell Clinical psychologist and director of the Parnell Institute for Attachment-Focused EMDR, Dr. Laurel Parnell is a leading expert on Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). She has served on the faculty of the California Institute for Integral Studies in San Francisco, as well as at John F. Kennedy University. Parnell is also the co-director of the non-profit Trauma Assistance Program-International, “TAP-IN”. She has dedicated her life to training thousands of clinicians both nationally and internationally and is the author of six books on EMDR.   Time Stamps 1:11 – What we do with EMDR 5:44 – Introducing the Four Foundational Resources 12:30 – Explanation of what Standard EMDR looks like 16:05 – Breaking Down Bilateral Stimulation 21:12 – The Connection between REM Sleep & EMDR 27:49 – “Little T” Traumas and “Big T” Traumas 29:57 – “Creating Ideal Communities” for Healing 35:22 – Integrating Attachment-Focused EMDR 46:53 – How to Integrate EMDR Virtually 53:04 – Making Modifications to the Practice 1:06:55 – Understanding EMDR Timelines Resources Dr. Laurel Parnell’s Website Parnell Institute EMDR Website EMDR Training Workshops Parnell Institute Facebook Group  Find an EMDR Trained Therapist  Christie Sprowl’s Website – EMDR Expert Dr. Francine Shapiro’s Website “Inside the Mind of Dr. Dan Siegel” – Therapist Uncensored Podcast Laurel Parnell’s Books (Click the Image to Purchase)         Not ready to join us as an official Neuronerd? We respect that, no sweat, just glad you know it’s an option. But if you are this deep into the show notes we hope you have gotten something from the wealth of content in our episode library and we’d love it if you might share it with someone you think could use it.  The way new people find us is mainly word of mouth, so leaving a rating or review – that is how the good content finds its way across the world. Thanks, friend!

Hearing criticism impacts your nervous system no matter if the voice is your own or someone else. Ann and Sue take a deep dive into self-criticism, self attack, and internal criticism of others. They look at how it relates to attachment styles and use it as a window in to unconscious scripts we carry about ourselves and the world. More at www.therapistuncensored.com/169.

The venerable Loretta Ross shares her techniques of compassionate and practical wisdom from decades of fighting from multiple angles for human rights. From working with familes post-KKK to reproductive justice, she makes no bones about putting people in their place but does so with love and firmness. This episode will help you more effectively have ANY hard conversation, which with the polarization in families and nationally right now, we all have so much to learn. She describes the appropriate and inappropriate use of shame, and the surprising and important role of self-forgiveness for people with white bodies. She talks directly to young activists with love and compassion and fire. This conversation with Sue Marriott, co-host of Therapist Uncensored, will have you feeling, guaranteed! More at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes.

The use of psychedelics is slowly gaining favor as part of a holistic approach and is radically changing the way we think about therapy and psychiatric medicine. In this episode, Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP discusses the therapeutic use of psychedelics with Dr. Dan Engle, the Founder and Medical Director of Kuya Institute for Transformational Medicine in Austin, Texas. Psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy (PAP) refers to professionally supervised use of ketamine, MDMA, psilocybin, LSD and ibogaine as part of a carefully elaborated psychotherapeutic process. Clinical results so far have shown safety and efficacy, even for “treatment resistant” conditions, and far superior effects than traditional therapies alone, or traditional medicines such as antidepressants.  In addition, the treatment is short-term and typically has little side effects or risk with careful and adequate screening. This treatment isn't new, actually, the use of plants to achieve non-ordinary states of mind for wellbeing is ancient.  But there has been a renaissance in exploring non-ordinary states as route to healing and the PAP model opens up interesting questions regarding diagnostics and explanation of psychological distress.  It may serve to advance novel explanations for mental disorders and their treatment, in a way that considers social and cultural factors, historical adversities, and acute trauma. Find more www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

Everyone is familiar with reacting “in the heat of the moment,” but do we really understand what that means? Regulation basics include the protection or connection pathways to interpersonal relating. Get 2 months free with this link! In this episode, Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley unravel the mystery behind our nervous systems auto-pilot settings: protection vs connection. They simplify otherwise complex ideas by breaking in to 2 main points.   Becoming aware whether you are in the Protection/Defense versus Connection/Secure pathways in our nervous system helps us manage them. Also, how does our story affect how we react and deal with conflict, and how can we mitigate it? Tune in for this insightful and eye-opening discussion on our internal working models when interacting with others. Show Notes about regulation and the protection or connection pathways: 00:00 Understanding our internal working model 01:05 Our body responds so much faster than our mind 03:11 The story we tell amplifies the body’s response 05:30 Story vs State: Protective System and the Relational Connective System 08:11 Awareness of our state and identifying the tells of a protective system 16:12 The awareness of self in the presence of another, the relational system 17:49 Our smartest brain 19:30 Tells when you’re in a relational, connective, and reflective place 25:21 Tolerating difficult emotions 29:32 Use your own name to identify yourself 31:24 Ways to calm your body down 36:40 Pre-emptive strike; we get defensive because of the threat inside of our body 39:26 Positive interpretation of a story 41:02 Conclusion FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW Keep scrolling – Important Links: Steve Porges, of course!  We have tons of stuff on Polyvagal Theory in our library, but here is a previous episode with Dr. Steve Porges directly, plus it includes lot’s of other resources click here!  Great regulation PDF resource by former guest, Deb Dana – Rhythm of Regulation If you enjoyed this content, please send it on to somebody you feel could use it. Word of mouth helps the podcast grow so more people can benefit from this free resource. Sharing is caring they say, and so are ratings and reviews!  🙂 Help support Therapist Uncensored by becoming a Premium member. Join our private Neuronerd community and support the production of this indie-produced cis-female led show!  As a bonus to helping spread this content, you will receive all episodes ad-free, deep dive premium episodes, access to reading and learning opportunities, extra episodes, plus of course discounts on everything we produce. We love options so we are giving you a choice: if you are more visual and prefer direct communication and staying closely in touch with our activities join here: https//www.Patreon.com/therapistuncensored.  If you love listening to additional content and prefer to easily download bonus audio content to your normal feed, join us here: https://www.therapistuncensored.com/join. Either way, you will be part of our Neuronerd community and receive all of the ad-free episodes and bonuses. Platinum level Neuronerds and Benefactors meet with us, personally and get their own thank you page on our website!        Join our Neuronerd online community – click the image above! Protection or Connection Nervous System Regulation Pathways, Ep 166 Transcript When we talk about understanding ourselves, we talk about it through understanding the spectrum and our internal working model. Let’s simplify it. What do you think? It’s simplified but it’s also going deeper. I would almost call it going deeper. We start getting interested in colors, up and down is it dorsal vagal, ventral vagal or whatever. Your idea of deep-diving into the basics of this is what I love about the way you talk about it because it feels so usable. Recognizing what internal working model that we function in is important but every day, our body is responding to our environment and to itself. What do you mean responding to itself? You know how we’re always talking about story follows state. In fact, we might even start there. People always say, “What do you mean by story follows state?” What does that mean? There’s a part where our body responds so much faster in our minds. We say this all the time on our show but we give way too much credit to that frontal lobe of ours and the story that we’re telling. An example is we’re having this crappy time at work and we’re so stressed. All we can think about is how sucky the people are that we work with or the job we have and that’s causing us to feel anxious and bad. Our story is people at work are bad, my job is bad and that’s why I feel anxious and upset. Regulation We go, “Here it goes again. We have another meeting.” We then begin to look for information that supports our story. That’s the repetitive nature we talked about, that habitual when we feel trapped by the repetitive, the prediction and now we know it’s going to happen. It sucks. Part of what we mean is 90% of what goes on in our brain comes from inside of our body. This is where the story becomes so important. Neuroanatomists talk about that feeling is 90 seconds. Your example of the work is like if something happens, you get a bad review, you’re going to have an actual primary affect but it’s only 90 seconds of shock, anger or shame. After that, we continue that response in our body through the story we tell. What we say is, “The only reason I got a bad review is that so-and-so doesn’t like me or they’re jealous.” We’re having the state issue wherein the feeling in our body whether our heart rate’s gone up or we’re feeling anxious, we feel that and we got to figure out how to change, stop or handle it. One of the first things we do is we look outside of ourselves, “Who’s causing this? It’s my job.” Our body responds so much faster than our mind. I suck and messed up again. That’s a story. I love that because it’s not just telling the story of the victim in the world where you can say, “I suck.” It’s the story that we tell that amplifies in our body, our heart rate and even the hormones that we send off, the more we feel anxiety. We think it’s because, “I’m trapped. My partner sucks. My business sucks,” and we start amplifying. The truth is we’re amplifying the chemical reaction in our body. We’re talking about it as if those words come across a screen or we’re aware of saying, “I suck.” How do you experience the story part? Isn’t that interesting to think? Do we hear it in our minds? My story becomes a little repetitive and ruminative. I think it’s words and it’s different for different people. It could be images for some people or words for others but I can feel the pit at times. I’m looking for what around me is the risk and the threat. I will feel the pits like, “What happened last night? Why am I feeling this anxiety?” I’m searching for, “What is the event that happened that is making the pit of my stomach feel that?” When you’re saying, “I’m searching for,” it is accurate 100% but as far as the felt experience, I don’t think it feels like we’re searching for a story. The story is as is like, “She’s late again. She thinks she’s better than me.” Anything in your mind as you’re reading that has the flavor of, “This always happens.” This is a repetitive story, “My husband never listens to me. My wife has never been happy with me. No matter what I do, she feels critical of me. I can do nothing right.” The important part of this episode is why is it so important that we’re talking about the story versus the state? Conceptualizing how we take care and tune into our bodies instead of thinking about it at this moment, this internal working model. I want to make it simple but deep and that is, “Are you aware of what nervous system in your body that you’re activating?” We have the part of our system that we talk a lot about that wants to be protective and defend us. It feels like a threat in the environment that activates our body in a threat response. For this purpose, we’re going to call it our protective system. For a while, we were playing with calling it the peace and security department and the defense department. I like where you’re going of, “Are we are in our protective system because it’s a whole dynamic cascade?” For neuro-atypical folks, it’s not necessarily other people that cause that sense of wellbeing but it’s like, “Are you open to yourself? Are you open to others?” That is what you’re calling the relational protective system. Relational can be in relation to yourself as well. It’s not just in relation to somebody else but is your system open or closed? When we feel danger, we have to have our system closed down. That is in our human nature. A lot of times, I’ll say something about somebody being in threat and they’re like, “I’m not scared. I’m not in threat.” That person’s an idiot. The felt experience is not a threat but what you’re trying to say is what we’re looking for is what our body is doing in order for us to figure out what’s happening instead of us thinking, “I am in threat.” I never think that. What you’re saying is instead of trying to do it through our cognition, where you’re going with this is around helping people identify that binary, “Are you an open place or not?” Connective Nervous System: Recognizing what internal working model we function in is really important. It’s both, “Are you in a protective place or are you activating in others a protective place?” If we bring into conflict in any relationship, it could be a spouse, child, sibling. It doesn’t matter. Think about your state separate from the story. We’re in a fight, we’re pissed, my husband never listens to me and my wife always criticizes me. Those are the stories but if we slow down like, “What state is my body?” That’s what we want to invite you to think about. How can you tell? Let’s start with the protective system. If I’m in a protective or more of a defense. It doesn’t matter if you’re up-regulated or down-regulated. We’re saying, “Are you in defense? Are you in a protective mode?” One of the ways that you can tell is you’re feeling the heart rate go up. That may be one example but it also can be you’re going flatter. There are lots of ways to tell. It depends on what is activating. You mentioned, “Are you going up or down?” You’re going to have different signals that you’re in your defense depending on what you’re doing. You can go, “Which system am I? Am I in my protective system or in my connective?” The funny thing is we think so often we’re in the connective because, “I’m pissed at you, Sue and I need to tell you why I’m pissed. I need to tell you now. I can’t wait. I’m telling you that you need to sit down. We need to talk about this now. I am pissed. This is important and we can’t wait until later. I don’t know what my story is, why I can’t talk about it. You know why I can’t. It’s because my heart rate is up. The pressure is happening behind my eyes. The sound in my ear is changing. “Because I’m having a state that is activated, I believe I have to act on it.” You believe it to your toes. I feel the pressure. That’s one indicator. We think we’re smart like we can, “She’s always dodging. I’m going to not let her dodge this time. We’re going to talk about it now.” We’re not in any uncertainty and that’s another clue. The certainty is the problem. If you know like, “I have expertise in this area and you need to listen to me.” If you say that a lot, I want you to be self-aware that you might live in your protective system. Some of us live more because of our history and more in our protective system. It’s like if our feet are unintentionally resting on the accelerator or if the idea of chronic vigilance feels familiar, your body is oriented in this protective way. 90% of what goes on in our brain comes from inside of our body. If you feel defended and a little confident all the time but uncomfortable with the more difficult emotions of other people, you might act on your own and live more in your protective state. This whole dialogue is also going to sound familiar because it’s including the internal working models that we might live more in red or in blue. We want you to think about the protective versus the connective and the fact that the more that we can look at our system and we can go, “This conversation I want to have with you Sue is important and I could feel this pressure.” I’m going to realize, “Am I in my protective system?” I’m busy now. Can we talk about it later? Now, my heart rate went up and I’m more pissed. I’m increasing my story. You’re going to blow me off. You’re not going to talk. My narrative is all about you and I have to work even harder. When we’re in our protective state, it has become often about the other person. If I’m feeling defensive and somebody is like, “Listen to you.” It’s very difficult to reflect. If you’re very confident, you know what you know and you can see what you see, there’s no urgency. You can hold it lightly and deeply know in your solar plexus that you don’t have an urge to convince, control or persuade. All of those things are cooled off because there’s no threat to you making your point or not making your point because you have a deep sense of security and knowing. One of the clues is a sense of urgency. We’re not the advocate, nor do we act this out all the time. We’re all going to get on our defensive or protective systems. They’re going to activate our body and we’re going to act out on it. That is the most human nature thing. What we’re working on here is not getting everybody to live in a state of, “That would be great.” What we want to do is awareness. The pressure I’m feeling towards you to talk now is because I feel activated. It isn’t because you’re being a jerk, won’t listen to me or my body is on high alert. One of the suggestions even when you’re there is, “I am way too activated to talk but I’m upset. This is super important and I want to come back to it.” This is so important that let’s set a time where we’re going to come back and talk about it. I love that. The reason we’re calling the other part of our nervous system, where our longtime readers in which we’re talking about our ventral vagal, the green zone. The reason we want to approach it from that way is because it’s when we’re in our connective experience, we have the ability to feel safer in our body and not being ruled by the story so we can be more reflective. It’s also super important. If I walk up to you and I’m in my defense or my protective posture, I’m going to activate every of your body to come right back for the attack. We can’t help that. That’s the neural Wi-Fi. If we could all do a practice of learning our tells when we are not in that open and connected place sometimes you can see it in someone else. Their face get still and there’s a little bit more of a mask that goes on. They’re saying, “I’m open. I’m not defensive.” That’s the thing. The idea is to get to know your own tells. If you’re even asking the question, you’re above your limbic system. The more that you’re curious, that’s another sign. We haven’t talked much about the sign of being in our relational, safe or connected place. Curiosity is a good one. It could be that or this. It’s even the awareness of self while in the presence of another. The awareness of self and the fact that I can be aware that I’m in my defense or protective system. I’m already closer to my relational system. The reason we’re in our protective system is we sense danger. That’s the only reason our body responds like that. It’s your dumb amygdala that senses danger. There’s no actual danger necessarily. It’s the belief that we’re in danger that continues to tell the story. Try this at home, “I’m not in danger even if Sue doesn’t listen to me now. I am not in danger even though I’m pissed off.” I get to be mad still and I could feel like I was treated but I don’t have to tell myself I’m in danger. The more we communicate to our body and even the treatment of being trained to get trauma into a different place is to let yourself know that you are safe, even while you’re having a big experience. I can be safe, know I’m not in danger and still feel upset. How you know you’re moving towards the relational system is that awareness or the ability to go, “I can wait. I feel pressure. I’m rushing. I’m aware that I’m not in danger. I can see myself.” We talked about having the sunglasses on and they get darker and darker the more upset we get. To be clear, this is a model that we talk about when we’re in our grounded, integrated, balanced, thinking and feeling self, that’s our smartest brain. It’s when we can clearly see what’s happening outside and in us. As we get more dysregulated, the sunglasses gets more and more distorted in different directions. We’re talking about moving into your reflective place rather than staring through those sunglasses. You take them off. You still have the color but you’re looking at it. You know you’re holding them like, “My glasses are colored and I know it. I’m going to need some space and time.” Just what you said, you’re halfway there. I want to talk about it even when we’re not activated. When we’re talking about something hard for our child or we’re thinking about it and start to feel our body activate. Think about a fight that’s unresolved. You begin to feel what your body feels like in activation. There you are having the thought and your state but the feeling of threat starts to hit. What we could do in this session is give some real specific ways to bring someone’s body back into a relational space. For some reason, I’m also having the urge of knowing where we’re going. Can we talk for a minute about tells when we are in our connective to ourselves, the Earth, the world and your community? When you’re open and connected, wherever you’re reading from, do your own body scan. Maybe you want to get a sense of how your job is or what’s the pace of your thought. One of our examples is heightened activity in your body. We must tolerate difficult emotions. This might be a good time if you want to hit pause for a second and spend the moment reflecting and learning about yourself and your own habits or things that you can tell. One of the interpersonal ones, if we talked about ourselves, what is our heart rate doing? Do we feel the ability to think about our thoughts and our body and have that reflective space? If we’re with somebody, do you feel open to listening? Are you sitting with somebody? This also happens with anxiety. You’re sitting with somebody and start to think three steps ahead of what you’re going to say because you’re anxious. You’re in your protective state, “What am I going to say next?” In that state, it would be, “I’m not in danger. This person loves me.” Slow down and say, “I want to listen.” When you say listen, say a little more about what that looks and feels like. The feeling of listening is the feeling of openness. Can you maintain eye contact? Can you find interest in what someone is saying and hold your position without this pressure to speak, interrupt or interject? That’s such a sense of peacefulness. It also means that you’re not in your next thought. Do you know how we used to talk about ping pong, catch and stuff? It’s the catch. It’s like, “I’m letting you enter me through my ears, eyes and heart.” I’m hearing you and taking you in. I’m not going to pare back what you said. The word that comes to my mind is penetration. I’m in this receptive place. If you’re on an fMRI, you can tell if somebody is in that receptive place. What’s so interesting is as you open up and listen, you’re doing two things. The thing that’s so essential is, “If I’m a little anxious and protective, what if I slow down?” I say, “I’m safe and I’m going to listen.” I do that step. The interesting thing is it does two things about moving to our nervous system and that is by me slowing down and listening to you, your body opens up to me so you signal more safety. Our bodies are such communicative critters. If I slow my system down, I’m communicating to my brain that I’m safe. By being able to go, “I’m in my protective system.” If I can move myself out of it, no matter what the story is, what relevance or no relevance, I’m signaling to my brain that I’m safe. That calms my cortisol down, slows my heart rate, creases my pupils and signals to my whole body that I can be more in a reflective place. I like it because we can think about breaking it down into the pace. If you can slow down, that’s halfway there. If there is a pause or air around the next moment, you’re in a much safer place for yourself and the other person. What’s our resistance to slowing down? That word penetration is like we’re receptive and can be impacted, which is part of what makes us safe from the other person because they have an influence over us but that can also be a very scary thing to do. If you’re thinking about it at home or wherever you are reading, if you can feel your body rise about slowing down, compassionately care about that. Take a look at that and don’t criticize yourself because if it’s scary for you to slow down, there’s a reason that your body doesn’t feel safe. Connective Nervous System: If there is a pause, if there’s air around the next moment, you’re in a much safer place for yourself and for the other person.   What you’re introducing is talk to yourself but you are safe. What is the urgency? Slowing down seems like a good one. It could be this or that. One of the things to talk about here that would be important is to be able to be aware that you’re in your protective system and the best chance of moving it is to learn. We must tolerate difficult emotions. The thing that’s hard about our protective system is that it gets protective because we have an intensity or rush of what feels like a threat. If we can’t tolerate whatever gets activated, we tend to have to act it out. One of the powerful things to say to yourself is, “I can handle these strong emotions.” That’s one of the most important parts of relating to ourselves and other people. If we don’t do that, we have to quickly come to the fix. That’s that part where I have to be in the know. If I can’t tolerate the emotion of being in an unknown, I have to fix it so I have to correct you, tell you you’re wrong and interrupt you because if I don’t, I might have a surge of emotion or panic. These aren’t thoughts. You’re not thinking, “I’m going to panic if I slow down.” You are impatient. We’re using words to describe a state that is often wordless. That’s why we’re doing it because we want there to be words with it because you’re going to have your hands on the dial. You’re going to be able to manage better. The truth of the matter is if you don’t have your hands on the dial somebody else is responsible for you and that sucks. That’s the part of giving your agency away. If you believe your story and you stay in your story, you’re most often giving your agency to that story. Even thinking, “What else could be my story?” I listed impatience because that’s a good one. We can all relate to it a little bit. When you notice you start to feel impatient, one of the first things we want to do if we’re not aware of our own system and we don’t know that we’re in our protective system, we want to correct the exterior so that we don’t feel it. If you didn’t dilly-dally, I wouldn’t have any deep feelings and we would be great so now I’m pissed. If you say, you’re irritable with me. I’m like, “It’s because you’re so slow.” Here’s a key to think about. If you would stop being you, I wouldn’t feel me. Let’s stop and think about that. If I am the one taking ownership of my own dysregulation of my emotions and I still want to come to you but I need to know that to come to you and have a meaningful conversation about something that you may, in fact, have done, I need to be in my reflective place. It is my job to get me there. I might need help and we want to help each other. We’re big into helping each other get there. To summarize here, which system I am, how do I help myself get more reflective and get in my connective before I come to you? You were starting to say that and I diverted us a little bit about if you recognize that your teeth are clenched, you’re in a hurry and there’s urgency. Another way I often talk about it is that the stakes feel high and we want to move it to low stakes. You’re on a balance beam on the ground. You’re not 20 feet in the air with nothing under you. Can you say a little bit more about, “I either have the urgency or the stakes feel high. What’s next?” One of the things is using your own name to identify yourself. I know that sounds like a shocking thing to do. Make your strategy personal. “Sue, calm the crap down.” If you can’t recognize her name. That was my name. I’m talking to myself, “Calm your butt down.” If you were talking and in a reactive place, you don’t have to have this conversation now. You’re going to get your ass into another place and calm your butt. I’m talking to me instead of the whole narrative being about you. I always tell people to give yourself 30 seconds to 1 minute or maybe the 90-second rule is better to make it be about the other person. That’s fair. We’re not immediately going to go here. We’re not creating doormats here. As a matter of fact, the calmer you are and the more connected you are to yourself, your power is going to increase. Give yourself 90 seconds to be pissed and say, “Sue, I’m pissed,” in your own mind or verbally. Calm yourself down. You do not have to push forward at this moment. It will not be as effective and I can tolerate the experience of what’s going on inside me. “Sue, you can handle this.” “You can slow down and you can do this.” I’m not going to die if I have this feeling. I am not in danger. I just have big feelings and I can handle it. I have big gorgeous feelings. They’re beautiful and we love them. How rocking is that when you go, “I can handle this. I don’t have to be scared of it.” It’s because I’m talking about me. We can do anything from that place. We were super-powered. There are some ways to calm your body down. Peter Levine does an amazing job talking about some strategies, the hand on the stomach, heart and forehead. Sometimes, I’ll put both of my hands on my cheeks and squeeze my face or cheeks as a mother would with a child in a loving way. If you imagine that, your story will get introduced in that. It’s the same stimulus, which is a mother’s hands are on each side of a child’s head, that is, their cheeks. For some reason, I imagined somebody pushing it off. For me, when I think of that, it calms my body down and that feels so warm. If you’re one out there going, “Are you kidding?” I would whack those hands-off so fast. That’s your body and state holding that. You would probably knock those hands-off without even realizing why. That’s the state and it gets triggered. It’s for a reason. What’s happening is that your body does remember something that was threatening that contact or the feeling that’s in that and those cells remember. They’re protecting you. It’s not unconscious. It’s automatic. Connective Nervous System: You can hear the self-fulfilling nature of this because our story basically perpetuates our internal working model, which is why we’re saying, “slow down and question your story.” That is a great example of the state follows a story. Those hands are not dangerous to you but you will hit those. You’re not thinking about it. You have no cognitive awareness but your body feels that threat based on your history and you will act that state out in your heart. Let’s say you’ve done that to me. You are trying to be caring and I do that. Instead of being aware of me, I’m pissed at you that you did that. You can hear the self-fulfilling nature of this because our story perpetuates our internal working model, which is why we’re saying slow down and question your story. We love uncertainty. “That did piss me off but I’m curious why.” I want to tell a very quick face story. I may have already shared this on the show. For some reason, it feels familiar but probably most of you don’t know about it. When my son was very young, I can’t remember what initiated it but he came up to me and put his hand on my cheek. It was super sweet. I’m like, “What are you doing?” He goes, “I’m giving you a melt.” Apparently, what had happened when I would touch his cheek, his body would melt. He had done that with me before and it feels like my body melts. It became in his mind a melt so he was giving me a melt by touching my cheek. I could melt by just saying it. I can remember and feel him giving it to me, which is apt. What I love about that is you were saying, “Let’s talk about different strategies.” Make your strategy personal. For you that strategy of when you’re trying to calm yourself down, putting your hand on your cheek and think about that moment. If we bring ourselves into a moment of safety while we’re not, our whole body will respond in that and it will slow our whole system down. What happens right after that melt or the calm is a whole different trajectory. It changes the trajectory of what’s going to happen, which is why we want to help break this down. Don’t worry about red, blue and green. Don’t worry about up-regulated, downregulated or polyvagal. We love it all. This is all incorporated. We’re saying, “Are you in a connective place or in your defense system?” We were using the metaphor of the planes are out and scanning for danger versus if you’re in this peace and security department. These are other ways we’ve said it. We’re calling it, “Are you in your protective defense system or are you in your corrective relational?” We’re defending ourselves because we think we’re in danger. That’s what we’re defending but instead, we think we’re defending ourselves from the external source out there, which most often is not a life threat. That is why it’s defensive. We get defensive because of the threat inside of our body. The danger is us feeling a feeling. I have a big feeling and you stop that so I don’t have the feeling. If you’re going to tell a story, positively interpret it. You were talking about expanding our capacity to be uncomfortable. No matter what we’re feeling, it’s just a feeling. Nobody has died of having a feeling. You get to have the biggest feelings. It’s what we do with it that could kill us or somebody. That’s also an inability to tolerate the feeling. Many of our negative interaction or conflicts that continue and become repetitive is the intolerance of that feeling and the anticipation of that feeling. Your partner starts talking, you anticipate where they’re going and you anticipate what is going to make you feel, which is usually negative if it’s a conflict. It’s the anticipation. Whatever they’re about to say is going to make you feel that bad feeling that you get. You’re going to do a preemptive strike. This isn’t the answer to all conflict but to slow yourself down and go, “I am interrupting because I am not in my system.” I can say, “I’m not being my best self. I can feel it. I do not feel open to you.” “I can feel that I’m responding defensively. Give me a minute.” If your partner’s in a defense place, “Can we take a break?” Also, know that the break is to calm, not to load your arsenal. Wrapping around, most of our examples of the story follows state have been scary. I don’t think that we are thinking that we’re in threat or danger. Our bodies are pushed off of the hands. If that person is not thinking, I don’t like that. Their hand flies up and pushes it off. That story following state is true on the side of security. For example, the story that I tell based on all of our experiences is that something’s wrong. It’s still a story. Therapists might call that positive transference. You might think of that as love or trust that we’re still filling in the story and we’re taking care of the other person. It’s like a positive interpretation but we’re still filling in the story. Another way we’re saying this is if you’re going to tell a story, positively interpret it. If you’re not sure of two things, go ahead and give them the benefit of the doubt. That’s how powerful the story versus state is. Sometimes, you will defend somebody very quickly if somebody might be having a problem with them. It’s like, “I’m sure they didn’t mean such and such.” Part of why that’s happening is that there’s a story there around the validity and trust of that person or maybe even the story is, “I need to defend them from you.” That’s still a story. They’re not even here and I say something. Either way, if it’s like, “I know this person and this person would never do that.” That’s a story. Connective Nervous System: So many of our negative interaction or conflicts that continue and become repetitive is the intolerance and the anticipation of that feeling.   What part of your system is the story coming from? Is it coming to defend and protect yourself or because you feel connected, relational and you can give the benefit of the doubt? Flexibility, low stakes, no rush and curiosity then you’re in great shape. You get to have your stories because you can play with them like, “I never knew that about that person. That’s fascinating.” The other part of it is it’s the smart brain. It will learn and take in new information. It’s reflective. It’s good. The more positive engagements that you build up with these positive stories, the safer and safer it is. You’re on a different trajectory that the world is safe and you deserve it. You have control of that trajectory.

Brain breaks and the 3 C's for connection with social emotional learning, updated. Co-host Dr. Ann Kelley and child specialist, Lindsey Kealy dive into strategies for teaching kids how to regulate their emotions and promote postiive conecitons with others. Lindsey Kealey has developed a trauma and neuroscience-informed program that uses social emotional learning and problem-solving strategies to help us make positive decisions and thrive in our relationships. Find more at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes and join our online community at www.therapistuncensored.com/join.

Using neuroanatomy and her experience having a massive stroke that took her self-conscious mind, Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor and Sue Marriott discuss the 4 skill subsets in the brain that help us relate to ourselves and the world. Her TED Talk was the first one to ever go viral and has been viewed now 27 million times, so her ideas are clearly inspiring. Her new work brings together psychology, neurobiology and spiritual awakening.

There were so many exciting moments in the previous interview with Carol George that we couldn't help but sit down and get into with you.  We use excerpts from Episode 162, TU162: Adult Attachment Projective (AAP) Assessment & Clinical Use with Dr. Carol George and geek out as we work to continue to learn and incorporate the feedback from this legend in the field of attachment. We also worked to make this sometimes technical material more accessible to everybody, however, we'd still call this episode dense.  Yeah, well, good content should not be over-simplified, you are welcome! If you have not had the chance to listen to the previous episode with world-renowned Attachment Assessment pioneer, Dr. Carol George - that's ok, we cover a lot in this one but you will definitely get the most out of it as a follow up to hearing the original first. Be easy on yourself though, there is no right or wrong way to learn! Find show notes at www.therapistuncensored.com/163 and join our neuronerd community here www.therapistuncensored.com/join.

This is an incredible opportunity to sit with a legend in the field of developmental attachment research! Dr. Carol George worked directly with Mary Main, and her dissertation lead to the Adult Attachment Inventory (AAI). She and co-host Sue Marriott discuss wide-ranging topics all with the eye on using the whole of this research in real life and in the clinical setting. Learn about the Adult Attachment Projective, the history of the research and more about this incredible woman who is a living legend. Show notes for this episode can be found at therapistuncensored.com/episodes or search for 163 or Carol George.For more, join our private online community at https://therapistuncensored.supercast.com.

Overcome defense and fear to move towards "green" or grounding. Catch up with hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott while they discuss the difference between cognitive understanding of modern attachment and regulation and the bottom-up, experience of it. We distort information coming in - either by not registering interpersonal information or by over-interpreting the importance of an exchange (up-regulating with fear). This is an unconscious process that to undo we have to have the courage and the resource to feel the feelings that cause us to defend. They walk through it with you they don't just tell you what to do, so join us in understanding our own defensive process. Find episode notes at therapistuncensored.com/episodes.

This episode wraps up our 3-part series on the basics of attachment and what we call the attachment spectrum. Follow along as Ann and Sue take a deep dive into the fourth category: disorganized attachment. Regardless of your trauma history, this category resonates with everyone and many different areas of life. Learn more about how disorganized attachment appears and affects adolescent and adult life, and ways to combat these difficulties and form healthier, more secure relationships. Find more at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

When we have a repeated experience of inconsistency - sometimes our person is there for us and others they are not - our only solution is to hang on for dear life. Today's episode describes this relational adaptation, directs therapy around it and helps even if you aren't the one who "see's red." The Modern-Attachment Regulation spectrum is explained as a way to recognize how you dysregulate and what to do about it. Find show notes and more at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes.

Don't be fooled by the illusion of security. This episode is especially for those “talk to the hand” kind of people or those that love them. You know, the uber-independent, rational, left-brain, excel spreadsheet person that sees others emotions as needy and weak. Co-hosts Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP and Ann Kelley PhD translate decades of research and clinical experience into easy to understand usable points to help you improve your understanding of why people appear so irrational at times. They talk about how internal working models of the world are formed outside of our awareness in our early life and how they get passed forward over time, sometimes causing relationship trouble. Early stress responses and relationships create a pathway, and how we talk not what we say are clues to which pathway we may be on. This episode specifically focuses on the blue side of the spectrum, which you may be familiar from research as Dismissive or Avoidant. Hosts also discuss how an individual can move towards the secure middle of the spectrum and why it is important to integrate logic with emotion. www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

Replay - very popular episode literally packed with excellent clinical content. Learn about complex trauma, debunk myths of false memories from an expert witness for the prosecutors of child sexual abuse, and revisit the 3 Pillars Model of effective treatment for attachment disturbances in our conversation with Dr. Daniel Brown.

t’s hard to verbalize the problem with “evidence-based” models of care, but renowned psychoanalyst and psychologist Nancy McWilliams does just that. In today's replay, she further describes what happens in quality depth-oriented therapies such as psychoanalytically-informed, attachment-oriented therapy, and integrates the neurobiological aspect that Freud started that has now been confirmed. Enjoy this episode replay, because it still has so much wisdom to share.

What makes the ins and outs of sexuality so hard to talk about? We’re diving into it in this replay episode, so get ready. We’re talking about all things sex and overcoming the fears of communicating about it. It turns out if couples do talk about sex, the conversation often only covers the frequency, instead of the other important aspects like pleasure (or the lack thereof), fantasies (or the lack thereof), desires (or the lack thereof),thoughts and feelings towards intimacy, and even the basic mechanics as well. Learn more about how to have these understandably anxiety-inducing conversations, and overcome the difficulties of opening up to yourself and your sexual partner with Dr. Ann Kelley, and Dr. Susan Ansorage. Dr. Susan Ansorge is a practicing psychologist in Austin, TX. Her interest, training and experience in working with sexual issues began during her tenure as a staff psychologist at the UT Counseling and Mental Health Center, and has continued through her 17 years of private practice with individuals and couples. Dr. Ansorge was also member of the Austin Women’s Psychotherapy Project, bringing leaders in the field of gender-aware Psychotherapy to the Austin area, as well as presenting locally and nationally on topics in the areas of gender and sexuality as they relate to psychotherapy. Her written work has appeared in the National Center for PTSD Quarterly. Check out our original show notes for this episode, here! And follow us on our social media pages to get the latest updates and information: Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn! Like what you’re hearing? A great way to help others find these resources is to rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. This is an easy and effective way for those seeking assistance to be able to find it. Thank you so much for your support.

Unpack the neuroscience of shame with Dr. Stephen Finn and co-hosts, Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP. It is probably one of your least favorite feelings, but it contains important interpersonal information for us and is a good one to deep-dive around. This is a replay from the archives, but is highly relevant today as nobody is feeling very good about themselves right now. Find more at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

Boundaries are important. Therapist Uncensored co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott join the founder of IPNB Psychotherapy of Austin, Dr. Juliane Taylor Shore, in a discussion on interpersonal neurobiology and how it relates to boundaries. They explore 3 types of boundaries, how to co-create boundaries, and how to stay regulated using internal mechanisms. Learn to build your own “Jello wall” and better co-regulate you and others when you’re overwhelmed! More at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

While this episode explicitly sends parents support during this stressful time, it is worth a listen (or re-listen) to learn more about adding love and warmth in your home with kids or without them. Dr. Elizabeth Sylvester and Dr. Ann Kelley discuss practical ways to focus on the right things and ignore the wrong ones. It is a shot in the arm (pun intended ;) for extra protection and support right here, right now. Find more such resources for the child-free and for parents at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

Learn the cheat code to parenting in a pandemic with Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne-Bryson.  We’re all struggling with some uncertainty and fear right now, and as a parent it can often be especially hard to know how to raise a child during the rise of Coronavirus. Join co-host Sue Marriott and expert guests Siegel and Payne-Bryson to unpack their new book The Power of Showing Up. In this episode they use interpersonal neurobiology to break down the science of attachment, and share what it means to show up. Applicable not just to those with children but in all relationships, their four legs of promoting secure attachment can change the way we relate to ourselves, and each other, for the better. Even if you heard this one already, listen again it's full of great timely perspective - learn more at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

Ann and Sue’s reflections on the past 5 seasons with the theme of Growing Security In today’s episode, Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley conclude their fifth season, and it’s all because of our listeners and audience that we’ve been able to maintain our Apple Top 10 Social Science (independently produced!) podcast.  We’ve had many brilliant people on for interviews, and today we’re going to talk about some of the highlights of these episodes since it’s unlikely that you may have heard all 150 episodes. We’re doing this podcast because we’re excited about it, we’re passionate about it, and we are creating this content for ANYONE to help you grow security in your life. It’s a GLBTQI+ inclusive, female-led, independently produced show that will always be FREE to everyone (not on paid platforms), and we will try our best to remain AD-FREE thanks to our patrons.  The general theme is all about deepening security in yourself and your close relationships. Use the search button on our website to find topics you enjoy. We are working to lift under-represented voices so if you have a recommendation for a guest we may not know about, send us a note. We continue to value sharing the privilege of the mic.  As July is BIPOC Mental Health month (see below for resources and detail), we highlight several episodes on Hip Hop, community-based treatment and the story of resilience shared by Alphaso Appleton from Liberia. Looking Back on 150 Episodes to help you grow security in your relationships: TU133: Holding Your Own 1: Messy but Secure Relating On the Holding Your Own series, most frequent comment was an appreciation of basic humility in discussing mental health. Many of you think it’s refreshing that the podcast is about content not about personalities. TU 149: Modern Attachment Regulation Spectrum – An Integrated Model of Change TU130 – The Deep Biology of Love – Oxytocin Unpacked, with Research Pioneer Dr. Sue Carter The fact that Dr. Sue Carter launched the study of oxytocin makes ME happier! TU93: Polyvagal Theory in Action – The Practice of Body Regulation With Dr. Stephen Porges TU110: Story Follows State – Investigating Polyvagal Theory with Guest Deb Dana TU117: Resilience Trauma and the Brain W/ Guest Bruce Perry MD, PhD TU106: What Actually Heals in Therapy with Psychoanalyst Nancy McWilliams The difficult person we struggle with may be evoking the parts of ourselves that we hate.  It could be a disowned part that we have shame about, and we’re seeing a mirror. TU141: How We Become the Person’s We Are with Dr. Alan Sroufe, Attachment Through the Lifespan TU56: How We Come to Define Ourselves – Attachment Research Over Decades with Guest Alan Sroufe He talked about getting to know who we are, and our own authentic self. He’s a preminent attachment researcher in the field. TU89: Neurofluency – with Dr. Lou Cozolino, Applied Neuroscience Made Understandable One of the things Lou said that stuck with me was “You have to get in touch with your own flexibility, and tolerate the anxiety of your own ignorance.” TU145: Class, Race, Culture and Attachment, Re-examined It’s about being a good learner TU51: Conquer Shame by Understanding the Science Behind the Feeling, with Guest Expert Dr. Steve Finn TU81: How Good Boundaries Actually Bring Us Closer, with Guest Juliane Taylor Shore She talks about the Jello Wall, between you and something else to help think.. is this about me? TU63: Living with Cancer – The Six Principles of Emotional Healing with Guest Kelly Inselmann TU64: Mindfulness Meditation with Yoga Therapist Kelly Inselmann, Bonus Episode TU42: Sexual Vitality, Refreshing our Understanding of Sexual Health with Doug-Braun Harvey (Part 1 of 2) TU43: Sexual Vitality – Six Principles of Sexual Health with Doug Braun-Harvey (Part 2 of 2) Reframing “losing your virginity” to acknowledging your “sexual awakening”. TU69: Exploring Intersecting Genders – What We Can All Learn with Guest Li Brookens We are proud to be LGBTQ+ welcoming in all of our content.  The intersecting gender episode w Li Brookens was really impactful (we wonder if it remains fresh and up to date re: language though since it’s a few years old). TU139: Boys and Sex, Modern Young Men and Sexuality with Peggy Orenstein TU128 – Helping the Intense Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach TU38: The Blended Family – How to Create Strong and Lasting Step-Family Relationships This is a resoruce for anyone dealing with blended families to avoid high conflict through stress. Each position deserves a ton of compassion – the biological parent, the step-parent and the child. TU23: Building Grit Through Self Compassion with Dr. Kristin Neff TU125: Dan Siegel and Tina Payne-Bryson on Presence in Times of Stress TU27: Raising Secure Children With Guest Tina Payne Bryson TU62: The Luv Doc – Dating and Relationship Advice from the Trenches with Dan Hardick One of the pieces of advice that was powerful on ideal love was to look at your list of who you want. Could YOU live up to that list? Look at your own date-ablility, add some humility and hope and work from there. TU120: Finding Security and Healing Attachment with Dr. David Elliott TU34: Treating Attachment Difficulties with Dr. David Elliott We have forged a wonderful friendship and writing relationship with David Elliott. Highly recommend 34 and 120, in 120 he demonstrates the Ideal Parent Figure Protocol. TU 87: Treating Complex Trauma and Attachment with Guest Dr. Daniel Brown TU03: Different Sex Drives – Are We Screwed? One of the big hints for this one is that when you have two people with different drives, acknowledge the loss to the other person. Example, “I know you would rather be having more adventurous sex and that part so far hasn’t working out for us. It must be hard for you, and it means a lot to me that you are setting those desires aside while I work out what I am comfortable with.”  Dose those acknowledgements generously and it’ll save you a few years in therapy. TU85: Attachment in the Classroom with Guest Linno Rhodes TU119: For the Love of Men, Rethinking Masculinity with Liz Plank It’s important to talk to men about overturing the patriarchy. It’s not a gender war, it is a war between those who are wedded to a power-over heirachal system and those who are fighting for mutuality, raising voices of the under-represented and having freedom in individual expression. TU12: If It’s Not Good For You; It’s Not Good for Us – Interview With Relationship Expert Stan Tatkin TU121: Redefining the Purpose of Relationships During Quarantine with Stan Tatkin TU07: What is Group Therapy and 5 Reasons You Should Try It Group Therapy is one of the most powerful things you can do. TU22: Love Letter To Group Psychotherapy TU17: The Biology of Motivation and Habits – Why We Drop the Ball We’re not weak, humans just don’t really have a lot of willpower. It comes down to the fact that if you entertain eating the marshmellow, if you hold an internal  debate about it, you will likely give in. It’s about fatigue. TU91: Curiosity – One of the Most Powerful Tools For Connection TU124 – Hip Hop as Therapy: Beat Making, Lyrics & Community Empowerment I was super anxious to offend, but it was deeply important and I loved it because I grew so much. TU127 Grandma Heals: Community-Based Mental Health Care from Zimbabwe with Dr. Ruth Verhey It was a great way to highlight community based care that is highly effective treatment. You can find a whole category with Narcissism. Discussing Race, Class & Privilege Episodes: 20, 109,123, 124, 127 & 145.   Next Season Highlights: We’re exploring a series called “Therapy Vitamins” ie. super short snippets with no fluff at all to give you healthy little secure relating snacks, nutrients for you, your life, your relationships. We’re excited for our upcoming episode with Carol George, originator of several attachment instruments including the Adult Attachment Projective. You will LOVE this discussion on adult attachment, so stay tuned. Over the break, we are focusing on our online community group of Patreon neuronerds and finishing this dang book we are working on! However we will continue to publish some must-not-miss or worth-hearing-again episodes as replays! Don’t forget to join our Facebook Group, if you’d like to continue this conversation with other people! As a reminder, July is Bebe Moore Campbell National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month, also known as BIPOC Mental Health Month. Formally recognized in June 2008 (and still currently recognized today), Bebe Moore Campbell National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month was created to bring awareness to the unique struggles that underrepresented groups face with regard to mental illness in the U.S.  Bebe Moore Campbell was an American author, journalist, teacher, and mental health advocate who worked tirelessly to shed light on the mental health needs of the Black community and other underrepresented communities.  To continue the visionary work of Bebe Moore Campbell, each year Mental Health America (MHA) develops a public education campaign dedicated to addressing the mental health needs of Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC). Resources for BIPOC Mental Health Month: https://mhanational.org/sites/default/files/BIPOC-MHM-Toolkit-2021_Final_03_0.pdf https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2020/06/a-reading-list-on-issues-of-race/ https://www.magellanhealthcare.com/documents/2021/06/mental-health-resources-for-bipoc-and-lgbtq-communities.pdf/   You are invited to join our private online community through Patreon. It offers extra content and access, including reading groups…  Super cool – it also helps us keep the podcast running ad-free! We’d love to meet you there. Enjoy this episode? Please share, or rate/review – a powerful way to help us expand our reach. Tweet this!

The Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum is a model developed to describe attachment and neuroscience in the belly of cultural context. Sue Marriott & Ann Kelley summarize the 5 seasons so far and give a review of what they've learned. If you have ever wanted to understand attachment or keep up to date with the science, this podcast is packed with resources for you to learn and grown. See more at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

Today's episode dives into a specific form of healing relationships, Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT). Co-host Sue Marriott talks with therapist Camille Scent about Sue Johnson's widely-respected treatment model. EFT is based on attachment science is a powerful tool in transforming even very difficult relationships.

What's the difference between the brain the mind and the body? Bioenergetic therapist Dr. Robert Coffman joins co-host Dr. Ann Kelley for a conversation on body-focused therapy. Learn the interplay of our nervous system and how it relates to attachment and trauma. This is one of several episodes on somatically oriented therapies - see show notes www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

"Insight is the boobie-prize of therapy."  Lori Gottlieb & Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP discuss Gottlieb's NYT best-seller, Maybe You Should Talk to Somebody. There are many misconceptions and stereotypes about therapy, and in today's episode get a fast take on how to best use the experience to get what you actually need.  "We're unreliable narrators of our own story. The parts we DON'T see are the ones that can help us the most." Full shownotes at www.therapistuncensored.com/podcast

Attachment science is one of the most empirically validated theories of human development and is considered by many to be biologically driven and universal. But how can psychological science developed by educated European scholars in the 50's not unintentionally have some implicit bias? Join us in re-examining our assumptions about healthy child development, maternal sensitivity and attachment "insecurity." It's an overdue awkward and highly imperfect conversation but exactly what we should be talking about today. More at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes.

A poignant story about isolation to connection. There is hope for us all - no matter your attachment history, there is hope for change with relationships. In this episode, Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP shares a specific case about an awkward goose named Felicity as another way of looking at change in attachment. Many people develop strategies to deal with stress that make them awkward in adulthood, don't lose hope! Dan Stern's paper is linked and recommended. Find more at www.therapistuncensored.com

Is narcissism related more to preoccupation or a dismissing state of mind regarding attachment?  You may be surprised.  Learn more about the science of narcissism, abandonment and its relationship to attachment theory. Dr. Durvasula shares her deep study into these dynamics and her experience-based wisdom on working with those struggling with it as well as those in relationship to those who have high narcissistic tendencies. This is a supplemental episode to "Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities" series, and Dr. Ramani is a powerhouse clinician that can teach us a lot about these dynamics. www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

Attachment experts teach us how to boil down the essence of what heals humans. Learn more about trauma-informed parenting and therapy here. www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes.

Can the past actually affect you today... that was years ago, no way how your mom treated you has anything to do with now, right? Decisively, wrong. Attachment science is the most researched psychological concepts and stands up to decades of study. However it has evolved and been fine-tuned around what is actually happening as we develop into the persons we become. Dr. Sroufe talks with Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP about his life's work as an attachment researcher - join us to get the skinny on what is true, and what we thought was true but is not. Find shownotes here www.therapistuncensored.com.

Learn what the most common request in couples therapy is and why it hides more than it reveals. Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson expert guests.

Dive into hook up culture, locker room talk, and the modern shifts in youth sexual behavior and health.  Peggy Orenstein unpacks her new book “Boys and Sex” with co-host Ann Kelley. In this peak behind the curtain of the experience of young male sexuality, we’ll see how boys struggle with the conflicting needs of the conquest narrative of sex and their own internal understanding of pleasure and vulnerability. Her book was written about both cis and trans men, and covers the whole spectrum of sexual orientations, backgrounds, and experiences.

Last in a series on the various types of narcissism, borderline dynamics and taking a hard look at your part of difficult relationships. Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities is a 6 part series lead by Sue Marriott and Dr. Ann Kelley. Packed show notes and honest conversation gives you support to deepen your confidence in improving close relationships. Find more at www.therapistuncensored.com.

Accusations are their confessions. In this episode learn why we elect, promote, excuse and love those with malignant narcissist tendencies. Sort out the other forms of self-involvement, psychopathology and anti-social traits from this dangerous personality structure. Sue & Ann finish out their series on Holding Your Own with Challenging Personality Traits - this is session 5 of 6. Find more here www.therapistuncensored.com

When does sensitivity cross the line into clinical reactivity? Borderline traits, or those with highly reactive personalities, are another common challenge in relationship that we might need support to navigate well. Today's episode sees co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott unpack high reactivity through a caring and developmental approach. Together, they discuss how these dynamics and traits arise, what they look like, and what we can do when we find ourselves in relationships with them. Find more here www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

When does self-consciousness and self-reflection cross the line into self-preoccupation? Covert narcissism is also called thin-skinned, vulnerale, depressed or closet narcissism. It's a real thing but unlike grandiosity, it's quite hard to spot!  Think about it - if you feel when you walk in a room everyone is looking at you - admiringly or judgmentally, either way - that is a narcissistic fantasy. Today's episode follows the other side of grandiosity. Find more here www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

Second in a series of staying secure in relationship to challenging personalities.

First in a series Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities - this episode unpacks the 5 types of conflict in couples, conditions to develop security and cornerstones of what makes secure functioning couples secure. This sets up our later episodes on the various types of narcissism, misunderstood borderline relating, antisocial and malignant narcissism, unconscious defenses for everyone involved, suspected causes of high reactivity or impaired empathy, and a focus all along on what you can do to improve your circumstances - whatever that means for you. More...www.therapistuncensored.com.

Dr. Ann Kelley & Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP reach out to you directly during this time of crisis exhaustion and total burnout.  Love & connection cannot be stopped by fire, storm, guns or people in temporary power. Be a weapon of peace.

People are profoundly bad at predicting their own attachment status, and if you are trying to do that you are headed in the right direction.  :)  That sort of mindful inquiry is part of attachment security - learn more in today's episode. Bethany Saltman and Sue Marriott discuss the Strange Situation, the original attachment research by Mary Ainsworth. They bring to life what it means and how to see it in everyday life. more at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes.

Love is not a soft feeling, it is "deep biology."  Oxytocin research pioneer Dr. Sue Carter joins co-host Sue Marriott to unravel the mystery of Sue's favorite neuropeptide.  You may have heard of oxytocin in the popular press, it's often called that "love drug." You'll hear that t's story is a bit more complicated than just that, as it also helps us protect and defend from intruders, and heals our body physically. www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes.

What if you could get the benefits of therapeutic psychedelics without ingesting any drugs?!  Trey Ratcliff's new art creations, Machine Elves, may be just the direction for non-drug, mind-expanding experiences that can help us heal. In this concluding episode of Season 4, co-host Sue Marriott is joined by photographer, artist and consciousnesses-raiser Trey Ratcliff.  They dive right into the exotic world of mind-enhancing experiences, includes both psychedelics but also non-drug experiences that can bring the promising results that are emerging from carefully studied psychedelic research. See more at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

Challenging children - is it us or them? The Nurtured Heart approach helps us connect with kids we call difficult that builds trust & understanding. Dr. Elizabeth Sylvester and Dr. Ann Kelley break down the recommended steps and share the fundamentals on how help with the challenge of being a parent and of being a kid. Find more at www.therapistuncensored.com

Discover the 3-step community-based program that is has proven to be a powerful non-traditional model of mental health care delivery. In this episode, researcher and program director Dr. Ruth Verhey joins co-host Sue Marriott to discuss this community-based intervention, the Friendship Bench.  Together they explore the benefits and barriers to building a cutting edge community-driven approach to mental health.  By looking at what makes it effective, we can begin to explore what makes therapy effective in general and learn from the need to strip away the "extra" that may not add value to mental healthcare. Shownotes at https://therapistuncensored.com/tu127-friendship-bench.

Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum (MARS)... what is that, anyway?  Ann Kelley & Sue Marriott are back to discuss changes in the field of the attachment and the relational sciences. They share what they mean by modern attachment, review the science, and discuss their new Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum (MARS), a model to translate the cumulative and complex science so that those who would not otherwise have access (or understanding of) the material can benefit. They focus on clinical and real-life practical application. Learn more at Therapist Uncensored HTTP:www.therapistuncensored.com/podcast and get detailed show notes for this episode and many others there. Join their private online community at HTTP://www.patreon.com/therapistuncensored

Learn the cheat code to parenting in a pandemic with Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne-Bryson.  We’re all struggling with some uncertainty and fear right now, and as a parent it can often be especially hard to know how to raise a child during the rise of Coronavirus. Join co-host Sue Marriott and expert guests Siegel and Payne-Bryson to unpack their new book The Power of Showing Up. In this episode they use interpersonal neurobiology to break down the science of attachment, and share what it means to show up. Applicable not just to those with children but in all relationships, their four legs of promoting secure attachment can change the way we relate to ourselves, and each other, for the better. Learn more about real-life application of IPNB and the relational sciences in general by visiting us at TherapistUncensored.com

Hip hop can be used as creative tool to resolve the deep need for self-expression and trauma in black and brown communities. Song writers in hip hop culture are some of the greatest writers of our generation, they can use in depth metaphor, satire, and word play to express widely shared feelings. This process literally gives a voice to experiences that are otherwise unexplainable and can be used to build community. Guests Dr. Eliot Gann and Dr. Raphael Travis show us the way. www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

The violence enacted by the criminal justice system isn’t new, so what makes this moment feel so different? Dr. Raphael Travis joins co-host Ann Kelley to break down the now global protests against the murder of George Floyd. Together they explore the role of youth empowerment, coronavirus, and narrative storytelling in helping fuel the biggest social movement in decades.

When we think of ADHD, we often imagine a restless & figity child who loses focus rather than the grown up parent or partner these kids eventually become. It is a legit neurological condition - yet adults with ADHD or ADD often believe that they are forgetful, lazy, selfish & disorganized. Unfortunately sometimes so do their partners. This episode will help you apprecitate your unique gifts or value your distractable partner.

Learn to more effectively communicate in your quarantine bubble- (if you still have one). Stan Tatkin and Sue Marriott role-play effective and non-effective communication strategies and discuss defining the true purpose of having relationships at all.

Is this pandemic making your nervous system crunchy?   Find out how to use one of the Elliot and Brown's 3 pillars of healing attachment to cope during this society-wide emotional hotbox.  Using one of the three pillars of healing attachment, leveraging the power of mental imagery to gain security,  David explains how this practice can be beneficial during a time where we're looking for connection to regulate and heal.

It isn't a war between the genders, it's a war between those interested in freedom of individual expression and equality, and those wedded to and defending the patriarchal script.“I measure activism based on impact... .” - Liz PlankIn this episode, co-host Sue Marriott speaks with Liz Plank, one of the worlds most powerful and influential voices for gender and policy. Who is Liz Plank?Liz Plank is an award-winning journalist and senior producer at Vox Media. Her TedxTalk, How to Be a Man: A Woman's Guide inspired her first book, (https://amzn.to/3acOB8l) where she “offers a smart, insightful, and deeply-researched guide for what we're all going to do about toxic masculinity. For both women looking to guide the men in their lives and men who want to do better and just don’t know how.” Mediaite's Most Influential in New Media 50 Most Influential Women by Marie Claire Forbes' 30 Under 30 in Media Episode 119 Show Notes:Why do we need more storytelling around men?More progress regarding issues around domestic & sexual violence if men were more involved in the conversation. Human rights are not a finite resource and when there is more equality, the better it is for everyone. Open the conversation for men to talk about masculinity and what it means to be a man because they do not feel safe doing so. Having an empathic conversation about feminism that includes all genders, a movement that benefits the whole society. Rewriting Gender RolesThe lack of conversations regarding masculinity between men. Following gender roles based on societal pressures and family development. Exploring historical and cultural examples of how gender roles change and vary to give men permission to explore their identity. A shift in the younger generation being accepting of gender fluidity. What It Means To Be A ManIdentifying as a provider when many jobs traditionally done by men are disappearing or moving overseas. Starting to have the opportunity to have an identity outside of their career. Have both genders shoulder the emotional burden and do the work to heal. Narcissism & Toxic MasculinityThere is a higher percentage of narcissism in men. Have more female leadership represented in entertainment & media to provide an understanding of female complexity. EducationEncouraging curriculum that teaches anti-violence, anti-sexual assault, verbal consent, emotional intelligence, and interpersonal relationships. A universal understanding that we all experience similar emotions and social anxiety so we can all advocate for each other. Liz's Influence:Wanting to measure her activism based on impact. Wanting everyone to feel welcome to this conversation on masculinity and help men go through their emotional labor. Continue to open the conversation for men of influence to discuss masculinity openly. Masculinity Influence:Brad Pitt speaking openly about masculinity to give others permission to do the same. Tim Ferriss expressing that external performance is not where "success" is and inner work is the harder challenge but more important. Liz’s Recommendations: The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks (https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084) Thomas Page McBee (https://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Page-McBee/e/B00NDEXD5Y%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share) Wade Davis (https://wadeadavis.com/) Learn about and connect with Liz: (https://amzn.to/3acOB8l) TED Talk How to Be a Man, A Woman's Guide (https://youtu.be/9tNsNkzEzbw) Twitter (https://twitter.com/feministabulous) Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/lizplankofficial/) Web Series (http://www.elizabethplank.com/flipthescript) _____ Our course on Attachment and Neuroscience (https://courses.therapistuncensored.com/p/attachmentexplained) - It's Not Me It's My Amygdala, is now available to...

Throw out getting through this one on you own - autoregulation is for the birds right now. We need each others nervous system for mutual support through this sucker, here is how....

Get the latest from one of the worlds most renowned neuropsychiatrists working with interventions to heal trauma. Dr. Bruce Perry joins co-host Sue Marriott to discuss staging understanding and treatment intervention based on brain develop in a technique called the Neurosequential Model. Also, see our dense show notes for more! If you are interested in ACES, child advocacy, trauma, or therapy in general this is one you don't want to miss.

Are you a huge people-pleaser, conflict avoider, peace-keeper? Maybe you are just being nice, but if you are compelled to do it, driven, don't have much of a choice about it, there may be something deeper going on. If so, today's episode talks to you, friend. Freeze Appease Dissociate... Appease is Fawning in Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD)

30-Day Emotional Health Challenge Update In this episode of Therapist Uncensored, co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss their progress in their 30-Day Emotional Health Challenge. If you haven’t joined us in the 30-Day Challenge, you can start today by CLICKING HERE! No sales no gimmicks, just support for you to change! Positive, Humbling, and Frickin’ Hard Ann discuses the positive activation around sharing and discussing the 30-Day Emotional Health Challenge. Sue shares about the Challenge of the Emotional Health Challenge  A bit ambitious because it is a deeply held unconscious learning Working on Changing Adaptations From Early Childhood The consensus in the Facebook group and among our Patrons is that we’re picking something that was an adaptation from our early life. It was important that we learn to do it, but it’s not necessarily helping us now. The problem is it was laid down in our bodies so early and really without conscious thought, so even just thinking about it doesn’t necessarily change it. Instead, we adapt to it, repress it, etc. This leads to a cycle of recognizing something, acknowledging that it isn’t working, and then repeating the behavior, which is induces shame. Relief and Frustration These behaviors are implicit (unconscious) not explicit (conscious), which makes them really hard to change. The Process:  Community connection  Trying to teach ourselves to do something new  Picking one thing, not everything, with love, compassion, and curiosity  Examine the symptom or behavior that is no longer serving us  Just learning about it and becoming more aware Not trying to repress or change it Try something new and continue to learn  Are we resistant to changing? Reluctant to give up the old behavior? Etc Adjusting the Emotional Health Goal Sue discusses the zig-zag process of scaling her goal up and down based on her exploration process and how her thoughts about it changed after attending a conference with Bruce Eckert on Memory Reconsolidation.  Two Particularly Helpful Takeaways From the Conference We can’t know our unconscious Sue tests out whether or not The Memory Reconsolidation Technique is something we can do alone Because the behavior is implicit, it comes from the unconscious, so there is no way to see it by ourselves. But we can still move it by being curious about our responses and what comes up in the feelings of threat. Seeing the effects of the implicit coming out in our explicit reactions and working to get more comfortable with it invites it in more. State Dependent Learning When we’re in a regulated state, we have access to all this great knowledge and learned information. As we get into a dysregulated state, the neural network shifts and it becomes a different learning. We really actually kind of lose contact for a moment with that more reflective stance. Especially if we come from a neglect or a trauma background or had tough things in life or had adversity. We have these learnings that are on their own neural network. Neural Networks and Changing Symptomatic Behavior There are 2 different neural circuits, and the only way to change the symptomatic behavior is to access the other neural circuit. This has to do with activation, so we have to actually feel the feelings to improve emotional health. How Do We know What’s Changing? It starts with the behavior starts with the symptom. In recognizing the symptom that you want to shift, you’ve gone much more internal and you’ve named one part of it. In exploring it, we are un-layering it, and we’re smack dab on our which is to to go deeper and shift to more of a sense of security inside of you. Who doesn’t love special offers? Discounted course – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala! Advanced Course Connecting the Science(s) of the Mind to Interpersonal Relationships Our advanced course on attachment and relational neuroscience has been recently released and is now available (wahoo)! Since you are now deep into these shownotes, then you are one of us, use the code OURCLAN for an immediate discount for the course. This course is popular with clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION Dive in and get more involved – join us on Patreon! Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up. BOOK of the MONTH  Maybe You Should Talk to Someone– A Therapist, HER Therapist and a Life Revealed, by Lori Gottlieb. If you are looking for something to inspire you – make you laugh – tear up a bit and generally move towards being a better human this is the book we are recommending this month. Use the link above for a free audiobook!   LIKE this episode? Please please please leave us a review and rating on your podcast player. You also may enjoy these episodes related to emotional health: TU30: The Stages of Change: A Roadmap to Readiness TU88: 6 Steps to Increase Your Felt Sense of Security TU08: Understanding Emotional Triggers: Why Your Buttons Get Pushed and What To Do About It We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales (very fun swag!) to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Neuronerd private community. By joining as a Neuronerd premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content and first shot at very unique study opportunities. If we’ve provided value then please check us out, poke around, make sure you feel comfortable and then join us today!

Nobody is perfect. Let us support you in doing something you KNOW you need to do but may not know how. For 30 days, choose ONE old habit you want to let go of, focus on understanding where it comes from, challenge tired old troublesome beliefs, risk learning something new and updating your old map. Change can look like: insight, more compassion, new behavior, it can be small or large, but it's gotta change. We discuss examples and tie this into the Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum and the colors you may lean toward to help you pick something.

"Yes means yes is the new no means no!" Often we doubt our gut instinct,  question our right to take up space in the world, and live governed by fear -especially when we've experienced trauma. Meet the Safety Team, a group of ordinary women doing extraordinary work teaching women how to build resiliency and re-claim their sense of agency.

Memory reconsolidation brings awareness to old maps and traumatic emotional learning and gives us a clean slate to build new learning pathways. Powerhouse clinicians Bruce Ecker & Tori Olds join co-host Sue Marriott in a discussion on the science behind this process and Coherence Theory, which brings these ideas to life. Be sure to see the shownotes for great articles and an excellent PDF brief on the subject.

It can be surprisingly hard to identify the reality that your spouse or best friend has serious narcissism - find out why! Are you lost in a narcissistic relationship? The term narcissism is easily tossed around, especially in this world of selfies. However if you are deeply connected to someone with the personality disorder narcissism it is a very real, painful and a seriously disruptive experience. It is also surprisingly difficult to identify when you are immersed in it, and difficult to disengage the pattern of supporting their world-view.  We break it down here!

In this episode of Therapist Uncensored, co-host Sue Marriott explores the intersection of Polyvagal Theory, neuroscience, and attachment with Deb Dana. We will investigate how the mind creates stories from information relayed by the nervous system, and how we can rewrite the script to move toward security.

One man's incredible story from unthinkable trauma to healing and recovery using non-Western approaches. Alphanso Appleton's story of civil war, Ebola and tragic loss will bring trauma are resilience into sharp focus - you will be moved by this young man's story.

Judgement says more about the judg-er than the judg-ee.  It's not Judgement = Bad.  It's Judgement = Interesting!! Everybody judges and in truth, we unconsciously evaluate good/bad all the time - both positively and negatively.  It's our brains appraisal system.  However unchecked it's also a very handy interpersonal defense.  Today we explore one aspect of insecure functioning, unchecked judgement and harsh self-criticism.

TU107: What is Somatic Experiencing With Guest Abi Blakeslee

Evidence-based treatment sounds good but it has nothing to do with deep life-changing work of psychoanalytically-oriented attachment therapies. Dr. Nancy McWilliams takes on the issue of insurance and other institutions trying to define your issue and the care you deserve. She also tackles trauma, narcissism and the training of therapists.

This season we will be unpacking both narcissism and borderline personality disorder over time. Today we delve into the range of the issue, the types and compassionately look at what is going on inside the person who needs this defense. Hint: it's about their need to develop a false self.

Candid and hilarious conversation about translating the relational sciences to work and parenting by a single listener ready to challenge the premise!

Curiosity - It's much more than a quest for knowledge, not as simple as it seems, & is one of the most powerful relationship tools we have!

Bonnie Badenoch discusses how exercising “happy humility” and compassion can allow for an ideal presence in our lives using our autonomic nervous system.

We talk to Dr David Elliott about treatment for adults with attachment disruptions and much more! Check out the show notes for excellent resources!

We made it to our 100th episode! Here's a look at some of the favorite episodes of our listeners as well as our own over the last 3 seasons!

What if we flipped the script and learned to see our body as a messenger that needs to be heard rather than an obstacle to be conquered when it comes to our relationship with food? Using a somato-psychosocial model, we learn that the body has much to say not only about food but also emotional regulation and our basic human needs for attachment and defense.

Dive deeper into this new (to us) model of interpreting attachment science and discover how to apply it in your daily life.  Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP and Ann Kelley PhD have fun breaking down the last two episodes where Dr. Patricia Crittenden so generously shared her strategies of adaptation model known as the Dynamic Maturational Model (DMM).  Focus is on personal and clinical importance in this last of a 3-part series on the DMM.

Discover a new voice and unique perspective in the treatment and assessment of attachment injuries. Dr. Patricia Crittenden shares her model, the Dynamic Maturational Model of Attachment and Adaptation, and uses her rich international background to deepen our understanding of culture and context on self-survival strategies.

Discover a new voice and unique perspective in the treatment and assessment of attachment injuries. Dr. Patricia Crittenden shares her model, the Dynamic Maturational Model of Attachment and Adaptation, and uses her rich international background to deepen our understanding of culture and context on self-survival strategies.

Want a totally free, no-hangover naturally produced cuddle-drug?  Oxytocin provides a boost of the best bonding drug possible and is the natural love drug our bodies make at key relational moments such as child-birth, nursing, orgasm and falling in love.  In this episode we discuss how to create this moral molecule without even needing complicated human relationships by connecting mutually to our companion pets.  What's not to love about that?

The science of relaxing into love, this episode continues the exploration of Polyvagal Theory by bringing it to life through discussion and real-life examples.  Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley continue to break down one of the most important theories of our generation when it comes to trauma and psychological treatment.

Dr. Stephen Porges, the neuroscientist behind Polyvagal Theory & Sue Marriott discuss mechanisms in the brain that create an array of psychological symptoms. Learn how to regulate your nervous system and co-regulate those you love. Full version.

Learn 3 distinct features that make one vulnerable to addiction and understand the varied dynamics through the lens of attachment with guests Brad Kennedy and Dr. Vanessa Kennedy. By getting curious about our behaviors and understanding why we do what we do, we can begin shifting our narrative from one of shame to one of compassion.

Have you ever just sat back and observed a small child as they learn something new?  There is this profound sense of awe and wonder with each new discovery they make.  Kids are naturally curious.  As adults, we tend to take what we know about the world for granted. But, through the eyes of a child, the world is an exciting mystery just waiting to be discovered!  What if we told you that it is possible to experience that childlike curiosity in your day-to-day life, starting right now? What if we also told you that curiosity is one of the most powerful relationship tools we have?  Curiosity is much more than a quest for knowledge and is not as simple as it seems.

It's hard enough to unfold yourself in therapy, but when your life experience has challenged you, avoidance is sure to follow.  It is difficult to open up if you found safety in being cloaked - but that cloak can clog up our current adult relationships.  Dang it. Sorry to tell you what we imagine you already know. :) Gotta lose the cloak, friend.

This episode breaks down and enhances your neurofluency - the basics of neuroscience as it relates to human beings in relationship. This skill will help you with your boss, your teacher, your student, your child, you client or you spouse. Learn to use the solid findings from interpersonal neuroscience in therapy on either side of the couch, as clinician or patient, and across varied life experiences. Co-host Sue Marriott interviews Dr. Lou Cozolino, a master psychologist, researcher, and world renown author of a boat load of books and original articles on the subject. Please hit play and enjoy!

Building security by yourself can seem near-impossible, so for today we are ditching the heady neuroscience to break down 6 quick tips to improve self-confidence entirely on your own.  It's what to do, not why to do it.  You’ll discover how this handful of minute steps can vastly improve the way you feel internally and the way you carry yourself externally.

This episode is packed! Learn about complex trauma, debunk myths of false memories from an expert witness of child sexual abuse, and revisit the 3 Pillars Model of effective treatment for attachment disturbances! Also special offer included.

We end the year by co-host Sue Marriott addressing in depth 2 questions from our audience. These focus on mentalization, the attachment spectrum and regression. We look at how we can lose the capacity to mentalize when we are in a dismissing state of mind and what happens when we regress into early modes of functioning - fun juicy topics! Enjoy!

Using the science of attachment, mentalizing and emotional regulation in the classroom.  A look at the take-aways from a tour of relational science experts, guest Linno Rhodes joins co-host Dr. Ann Kelley as they look at applying the skills learned in one's life and the workplace.

Neurobiological differences can be detected between secure and insecure relating, and even between the two organized insecure patterns of attachment (Dismissing and Preoccupied)! Cool, huh!? In this Therapist Uncensored episode, co-hosts and real therapists Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP begin to the question – why are there only 3-4 categories established in the largest body of attachment research given the zillions of different experiences across the globe? We point to the neuroscience behind our attachment strategies that limit our biology in responding to stress and threat. This is cool because we can understand it and begin to gain mastery over our primitive reactions (& help regulate those close to us – quite a perk!). As always, we love to hearing from you! Uncensor you feedback, comments & discussion – get in touch, or better yet, leave us a live Voicemail that we can respond to by clicking the side button on our website (add your email to enable us to message back)! In this episode, TU84, we discuss: What is social engagement and what is the neuroscience behind it? The role of Oxytocin in positive interaction seeking behaviour Discrepancies in how information gets encoded between different partners can lead to difficulties with couples, especially with how future social information is encoded The link between attachment and threat The role of re-appraisal & neuroception The difference between emotional and cognitive mentalization How mentalization looks across the attachment spectrum Join the Conversation We primarily use Facebook and Twitter (@austinshrinks) This week’s question (for our private online Facebook group – join here if you are a neuronerd and would like interesting, supportive, non-solicitive engagement with other neuronerds!) Question: What 1-2 specific take-aways did you get from this episode? (ie. What do you want to remember or for other people to be sure to hear?) Explore these Resources from this episode: Neuroscience of Social Interaction and Adult Attachment Style – GREAT article! The Neurobiology of Infant Attachments – a list of articles Neurobiology of Social Interactions – for true nerds Liked this episode? Then you’ll probably enjoy this one, too Establishing Neurological Safety Through Relationships with Guest Bonnie Badenoch. Follow our Podcast Subscribe to Therapist Uncensored on any podcast player, there are TONS but here are links to:  iTunes, Android (Google Podcast app now supports all formats, it’s already on your Android phone) and Spotify  (this means epidsodes are downloaded automatically to your podcast player) You can listen via Alexa or Google smart speakers…  Check out our website to sign up for our email list (this gets you access to our private FB group if you want to sign up for that group).

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Interpersonal co-regulation requires boundary setting.  Most of us haven’t been lucky enough to learn to be good at boundary setting naturally, by good examples, so we have to literally be taught how to do this important skill.  Well today we are in luck!  Jello will be your friend.  🙂 Therapist Uncensored co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott join the founder of IPNB Psychotherapy of Austin, Dr. Juliane Taylor Shore, in a discussion on interpersonal neurobiology and how it relates to boundaries. We’ll explore the three types of boundaries, how to co-create boundaries and how to stay regulated using internal mechanisms. After this podcast, you may very well be on your way towards building your own “Jello wall” and better co-regulating yourself when you’re overwhelmed!  0:00-25:00  Some background on Juliane Taylor Shore: Founder of IPNB Psychotherapy of Austin with interests in interpersonal neurobiology, neuroscience, philosophy, biology and physics.  How are boundaries defined and what sort of connotations come with boundaries? How can the connection between boundaries and interpersonal neurobiology actually bring people closer?   The Three Types of  Boundaries  External, Behavioral Boundary: “I don’t want to talk to you when you raise your voice at me.” Or “I’d love to see you but I can’t right now.”  The concept of having to say “no”.  Psychological Boundary: separation between people, difference between true self and parts of self (“air” between people, your truth and my truth are allowed to be different) “Jello Wall”  Containing Boundary: (individually deeming what’s okay leading up to healthy shame) Boundary that stops you from acting out.  Co-creating boundaries between two people is a great way to negotiate disagreements and find a middle ground.  “Fucked up people will try to tell you otherwise, but boundaries have nothing to do with whether you love someone or not. They are not punishments, judgments or betrayals. They’re a purely peaceable thing. The basic principles you identify for yourself that define the behaviors you will tolerate from others, as well as the responses you will have to those behaviors. Boundaries teach people how to treat you and they teach you how to respect yourself.” – Cheryl Strayed (Author of Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail)   “Jello wall”: Stop and slow down all the input coming towards you so you can ask, “Is this true or not true?” and “If it is, is this about me or not about me?” This allows you to view the world around you without getting hurt. Allows you space to reflect and be in your own system.  The differences between the logical left brain and abstract right brain influence how they connect neural networks. Healthy shame is important to not beat one’s self up over establishing boundaries.  Using young ones and animals to teach your inner protector parts to have a better containing boundary, relieving trauma by talking to your young self (you at four, sixteen, etc.) rather than beating your present self up.  25:00-50:00  Exploring the connection between attachment and interpersonal neurobiology.  The anticipation of threat before setting a boundary and connecting to something after getting overwhelmed so that it’s part of your life narrative and not something that keeps popping up.  The individual nervous system isn’t meant to survive being alone after trauma but we need co-regulatory nervous systems AND you can be your own co-regulatory system.  You can start by building up your relationship with yourself and learning to trust your internal voices, neural networks or other people.  Examples working through the three types of boundaries; Co-creating a boundary with a spouse over lack of communication. Turning down a panicked client when you’re totally booked. Having uncomfortable physical contact with an older family member when saying good...

We joke around a lot on this show, but when it hits the fan we are serious therapists devoted to treating real people and all kinds of survivors.  Today we give our best guess on they science behind why people are responding overwhelmingly to Dr. Ford's testimony - calling national and local crisis hotlines in unprecedented numbers.  We speak in this moment not from a political perspective, but from a somatic, nervous system perspective.  Something has stirred in the American public even different than the #MeToo movement, and we speak to it on this episode. We also touch on the science of memory, implicit and explicit, mirror neurons, stress hormones and threat responses and most importantly the power of patriarchy to harm both women and men, both political parties and our democracy as we know it.

A guide to secure relating and using the attachment sciences and regulation theory to improve your understanding of yourself and others in your day to day lives.  Today we review what we've discussed so far on the podcast about the attachment spectrum and add more detail about the nervous system.

FAVORITE EPISODE!!!  This one takes a wide-angle look at attachment throughout one’s life, discusses how one’s environment affects their system’s involuntary response to stress, and how that stress response system impacts us from infancy to the autumn years.  In this episode, co-hosts Ann Kelley Phd and Sue Marriott LCSW,  CGP discuss attachment across the lifespan, specifically looking at the elder years and how our attachment system affects us as caretakers of our parents or as the senior who may be undergoing the various losses inherent in aging.

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Sue and Ann walk the walk by bringing authenticity and vulnerability to their listeners and seeking connection, engagement and feedback. They also request listener feedback and input to help them co-create an exciting and high quality Season 3 of Therapist Uncensored.

Mentalizing seems easy – but actually it is quite complex. Thinking accurately about our own and others minds is such a core skill that many consider it a pre-condition for self-soothing, empathy and other facets of emotional intelligence and social-emotional maturity.

Self Compassion is an antidote to shame, the underpinning of narcissism.  It is fierce accountability that is core to psychological health… who knew?   Most of us think of it as being soft on yourself, but our guest will reveal the surprising power and science of self-compassion in this episode. Co-host Dr. Ann Kelley interviews Dr. Kristen Neff, an Associate Professor at the University of Texas at Austin and a foremost author and expert on Self Compassion. Self Esteem vs Self Compassion This is not feel-good, la-la, therapy-talk, it’s real science. Learn the important distinction between self esteem and self compassion, and how one can lead to psychological instability, self-criticism, stress, competition and difficulty within ourselves, our relationships and our culture. You really want to get this right and may be surprised! Treating yourself as your own best friend.

Finding the middle ground between constantly attending to your child versus letting them learn to self-soothe is a challenge that all parents must face. In this episode, Therapist Uncensored hosts, Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP, break down the difference between “Attachment Parenting” and the science of actual Attachment theory.  They share key elements from research outcomes that surround many common misconceptions of applying the theory itself. You’ll learn that the ideals setup by Dr.William and Martha Sears and Richard Ferber might not fully translate in today’s world of parenting and that the way you respond to your child’s needs is a determining factor in how secure they will be later in life. Thank you to our sponsor!   Episode brought to you in part by Theranest, they help keep us on the air and being able to offset the costs of producing this show.  Please visit their website and check out their services, you have nothing to lose and produUtivity to gain! We’ve arranged a deal to get 20%off your first 3 months to give you a chance to try it out.  We know you don’t want to spend your time billing, you want to spend your time across from people you care about – clients, friends, family,  your pets, whomever.  But not the computer. Let them help you.U 0:00-10:00 Introduction Attachment Parenting is mostly associated with Sears & Sears Modern research shows that providing children love, kindness and responsiveness results in a more well adjusted person Attachment Theory: how a child learns that their primary caregiver can safely respond to them when they’re distressed Attachment parenting by Sears and Sears asserts the importance of the three B’s: Breastfeeding, Baby Wearing, and Baby Sleeping Attachment is a two-way process between parent and child 10:00-20:00 The three essentials for developing secure functioning Children use their caregiver to regulate their body until they can do it on their own Filling children up for exploration and being available for refueling rather than keeping children attached to you continuously Responsiveness doesn’t have to be so strict and can be attuned to your family’s needs Attunement builds secure attachment Children are resilient and will bounce back so don’t feel you have to follow all the rules, make it work for the parent-child dyad. Focus on attunement rather than strict adherence to a technique. 20:00-30:00 Babies sleeping through the night is not necessarily a sign of secure attachment Sleep training and Ferberizing is not necessarily allowing babies to “cry it out” but is a way of training them to sleep on their own. Research indicates that babies should not be sleep trained prior to 6 months of age Learning what your child’s cries mean helps you become attuned to them Putting children to bed prior to falling asleep allows them to learn to sleep on their own 30:00-40:00 Studies have shown that parent and child’s cortisol levels are both elevated at the start of sleep training but, over time the caregiver’s goes down as the child expresses less distress yet the babies often stay elevated. No shame parenting allows parents to respond to their children in a way that helps them grow Children need to learn to get distressed and cry and to be soothed be loving caregivers “Prepare the child for the path and not the path for the child” Wrap up and outro Resources The Attachment Parenting Book : A Commonsense Guide to U...

What makes the ins and outs of sexuality so hard to talk aboout?  It turns out, if couples do talk about sex, the conversation is often mostly about frequency.  However, what is missing are the zillion of other thoughts and feelings we have about intimacy (or lack there of), desire (or lack thereof), fantasies (or lack thereof), pleasure (or lack therefo) and, oh yeah, the mechanics of sex as well.   But don’t sweat it, in this episode Therapist Uncensored co-host Dr. Ann Kelley joins guest Dr. Susan Ansorge to talk about talking about sex.   Learn to overcome the difficulties of opening up to yourself and your sexual partner about these very personal and understandably anxiety-filled conversations. Dr. Susan Ansorge is a practicing psychologist in Austin, TX. Her interest, training and experience in working with sexual issues began during her tenure as a staff psychologist at the UT Counseling and Mental Health Center, and has continued through her 17 years of private practice. Dr. Ansorge was also member of the Austin Women’s Psychotherapy Project, bringing leaders in the field of gender-aware Psychotherapy to the Austin area, as well as presenting locally and nationally on topics in the areas of gender and sexuality as they relate to psychotherapy. Her written work has appeared in the National Center for PTSD Quarterly. 0:00-10:00 Introduction General difficulties in discussing sex with your partner Learning to talk about talking about sex Desire discrepancy and more complicated questions/conversations about sex The difficulty in beginning a discussion that you are afraid might be hurtful to your partner   10:00-20:00 How best to get dialogue going with your partner about desires and likes/dislikes When and where is the right place and time for the right conversation about your shared sex life? How sex is initiated and finding a compatible middle ground Desires and fantasies can often be considered taboo, but fantasies can also be a gold mine of communication Difference in fantasies between men and women, women of different ages   20:00-30:00 The element of novelty in women’s fantasies and element of pleasing their partner in men’s fantasies Part of women’s fantasies is being desired Caretaking and nurturing is counterintuitive to sexual narcissism Avoiding arousal/desire censorship   30:00-40:00 How to bring up talking about sex to one’s partner and using available resources Appreciating one’s partners perspective just like in any communication setting Wrap up and outro   Resources Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel, former guest on our show. The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin  Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex:  Reclaim Your Desire and Reignite Your Relationship by Laurie B. Mintz  Come as You Are by Emily Nagosaki We appreciate our sponsor TheraNest! Our show is not just for mental health professionals AT ALL, but if you are a mental health professional, you will appreciate our sponsor as well!  Most of us do not want to spend our time on the business aspect of our practice. TheraNest is a practice management software that will help you streamline and manage your entire practice with ease.

Do you use a to-do list as a way to justify the need to be busy rather then the other way around?  Idleness can breed discomfort and busyness seems to help to fill in the gap. Learn how conscious busyness and idleness can generate cognitive health and happiness, while unconscious busyness just adds to the stress trap. As real therapists, we challenge you to not believe what you think.  Inquire. It’s healthy to question the stories you tell about yourself and the world… update your model.  Check out your story.  See if what you tell yourself is still true, or has ever been true. If it’s right there is no problem in questioning,  but if you are in a mental rut you wouldn’t know it unless you cache the map and look again. In this episode we ask you, has being busy become an identity, a badge of honor, or is it simply a fear of being idle?  Perhaps an antidote to loneliness? A way to be needed?  A VIP?  Are you choosing your schedule or feel as if you are being handed it?  Is that true?  🙂 Dive deep into an exploration of how our relationship to busyness can distance us from ourselves and those around us. Therapist Uncensored co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss how a sense of urgency, a desire for a sense of importance, stress, and discomfort are all interrelated in dealing with idleness in your everyday lives. We’ll talk about how you can keep your mind engaged in moments of idleness and how you can make the most of your resting state by truly being idle or through purposeful activity. 0:00-10:00  Introduction Why do our minds want to be busy? How is being busy a culturally dictated status symbol? Choice and sense of urgency effect Purpose, busyness and stress The psychological discomfort of idleness despite the natural, evolutionary desire to choose it 10:00-20:00  Choosing idleness as a primal need to conserve energy Natural aversion to idleness without purpose The appeal of mindfulness through its intent to bring you something Keeping your brain busy with new skills keeps it healthier in the long run (processing speed, episodic memory) 20:00-30:00Differentiating being full vs. being busy Importance vs. urgency Your brain is always working, even (or especially) in idle times How best to use your resting state 30:00-40:00Learn to be idle rather than occupy your idle time OR move and be active (purposeful l idleness vs. purposeful activity) Boredom and stimulation, meaning and purpose Wrap up and outro   Resources: Being busy may be good for your brain!  Smithsonian Magazine.   The Challenges of the Disengaged Mind  The Busier the Better: Greater Busyness Is Associated with Better Cognition   We appreciate our sponsor TheraNest! Our show is not just for mental health professionals AT ALL, but if you are a mental health professional, you will appreciate our sponsor as well!  Most of us do not want to spend our time on the business aspect of our practice. TheraNest is a practice management software that will help you streamline and manage your entire practice with ease.  They provide HIPPA compliant documentation, full-featured calendar (even with text reminders!), insurance and client billing, credit card processing and live customer service.  Ourlisteners receiving 20% discount on first three months if you sign up with TheraNest.com/Therapistuncensored.

Walk through the discovery experience of coming to understand yourself as transgender and see how this coming to know yourself relates to everyone, not just those who identify as non-binary. What's the difference between transgender and butch lesbian, sex, gender and sexual orientation, tomboy and trans... and what's the deal with the strange pronouns. Find out here.

"Security" at the border?  Relational science professionals have a lot to offer to understand the human rights event that is unfolding on the US-Mexico border.  This podcast has been all about promoting security in ourselves and our loved ones, and a primary component to this is access to your caregiver when you are young.  It effects our biology, or persistent sense of ourselves and our view of the world.  But it works both ways... Stress and fear that is ongoing also has the same persistent thumbprint as well.

As we continue our discussion of the relational sciences in everyday life, this episodes examines practical treatment ideas from a practitioner's playbook. Mirroring Hands is outlined and demonstrated in this episode.

All the single listeners (think Beyonce!) heads up.  Learn to use attachment science at work and delve more deeply into the avoidant end of the spectrum. Attachment science isn't just about relationships, it's decades of research on how we come to see ourselves and have unconscious expectations about the world. This conversation really highlights how to think about applying it in real life scenarios, sans therapy-speak.

Learn how tapping into the depth of wisdom your body holds can have a huge impact on your sense of self.   Body attunement + conscious reflection (left/right, top/bottom integration) are hallmark markers of secure functioning. Tap into your own body as a deep and abiding source of information and means of finding self-understanding and closer connection.

Mindfulness literally soothes our nervous system - straight up, super cool meditation. Try it and repeat. Enjoy a straight shot of Kirtan Kriya Meditation from Kundalini Yoga Instructor and Therapist, Kelly Inselman. That's fancy for coolness and calm. Who doesn't want that? Dive right in and give yourself the gift of practicing along - we guarantee a more regulated nervous system moment. Money back guarantee. :)

Cancer sucks, no way around it.  If you have it, had it or are supporting someone who does, this episode will be nourishment for you by bringing your mind and body into the healing and recovery process for cancer and trauma is so important.

Get the Luv Doc's irreverent and bitingly honest insights on the dating scene and relationships that survive. Also known as Dan Hardick, the Doc provides a unique perspective with his decades of experience editing Personal Ads and giving cringe-worthy dating advice with his column in the Austin Chronicle. Great insights and rowdy fun.

The elusive 4th category of adult attachment, disorganization - and how this state of mind relates to everyone, no matter your trauma history.   Wrapping up this 3-part series (episode 59, 60 & 61) focusing specifically on adult attachment, Ann Kelley PhD and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP discuss disorganized attachment, how it forms, how it appears in adult life, and how you can identify when you fall in a pocket of it to organize yourself internally and externally. Learn how to adjust back into an organized and more secure state of mind and begin to conquer your disconnection through focusing on grounding your mind, developing coherence and building solid relationships!

Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP discuss the Insecure Preoccupied, or Anxious/Ambivalent side of the attachment spectrum.  This discussion can stand alone, but it also continues as a soft Part 2 from last episode TU59: Are You Cool or Just Cut Off – Dismissing Attachment.  The hosts begin to really go into how to use the attachment spectrum and use it to identify where you might fall and how to move towards a more secure place.   Find out how preoccupied attachment is formed and passed on, as well as how starting anxious effects relationships later in our adult life. You’ll learn how to manage relationships better by turning inwards and regulating yourself rather than focusing on others to calm you down. Ann Kelley & Sue Marriott, co-hosts, will also provide basic tips towards identifying where you are on the attachment spectrum and moving from preoccupation towards security.

This episode is especially for those "talk to the hand" kind of people, or those that love them.  You know, the uber-independent, rational, left-brain, excel spreadsheet person that sees others emotions as needy and weak.  Co-hosts Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP and Ann Kelley PhD translate decades of research and clinical experience into easy to understand usable points to help you improve your understanding of why people appear so irrational at times.

Enjoyable one -  learn the problematic and adaptive psychology behind online social interactions as Therapist Uncensored host Ann Kelley interviews the delightful UK-based psychotherapist.  Catherine Knibbs coined the phrase “cyber trauma” and is author of The Darker Side of the Internet for Children And Young People.  This is not conservative doom and gloom, they get into attachment and neuroscience and provide realistic recommendations to help your children navigate the web,  unpack myths, identify cyber bullying, discuss consent and provide proactive strategies that lead toward towards integration and health. Respond more adaptively to the to the internet and social media rather than swinging guardrail-to-guardrail with unkept promises and overreactions.  Explore the positive and negative elements of having a global “village” you can access instantly, anywhere via our phones and discuss the impact of the internet on developing minds and the interpersonal realm of young people and adults. It's not to late to SIGN UP FOR OUR LIVE CONFERENCE ON ATTACHMENT APRIL 7, 2018 –  Healing Adult Attachment, the 3 Pillars of Integrated Treatment  with Dr. David Elliott (Thank you to our fabulous co-sponsor Austin IN Connection.) Online reading group to start April 20, 2018 for  Attachment Disturbances in Adults Comprehensive Treatment and Repair (Norton 2016) by Daniel Brown and David Elliott.  Reserve your slot today!

This episode is for everyone – all genders and sexualities - but today we focus on same-sex oriented women in the LGBTQ community.  Learn to get out there and enjoy yourself as you peruse your choices.

Pick the brain of a leading attachment researcher to more deeply understand how attachment styles from infancy are both stable and can change over time. Dr. Sroufe leads us through his 40 years of research to give us his reflections on what is important in parenting and in relationships to grow security.

Hopelessness, loss of meaning, and existential distress – these are the characteristics not of depression as one might think, but of demoralization.  They are different syndromes with different directions for intervention. Find out more in this episode where co-hosts Ann Kelley PhD and Sue Marriott LCSW CGP discuss how transitioning from taking an active stance towards either situation can be beneficial. Learn how you can develop both internal and external coping mechanisms against demoralization.

Neuroscience continues to document our ability to change and grow throughout our life. This episode takes a wide-angle look at attachment throughout one’s life, discusses how one’s environment affects their system’s response to stress, and how that stress response system impacts us from infancy to the autumn years.  Learn how to adjust set stress “pathways” and move towards more secure relating in adult relationships, and also unravel the parallels that exist between attachment in infants and the elderly.

Whether it's your own history or someone you love, let's be honest - it can be challenging to be in committed close relationships when early attachment injuries have been layered and ongoing. Threat and unrepaired ruptures lie in our biology and our neurological systems. This episode addresses both children and adults with complicated attachment histories and gives ideas about how to manage.

Conquer your stress and worry using the neuroscience-backed techniques in this episode. Movement and yoga can enhance the depth of therapy and assist in reducing your upset no matter where you are. Also see the bonus track that accompanies this episode, a 12-minute high-quality meditation that you definitely want to give a try! Don't be scared, you'll be surprised you like it.

Yoga master and psychotherapist, Kelly Inselman, shares with us a 12-minute meditation we think you'll love! Check it out, and listen to the companion podcast Episode 52, Using Mindfulness Movement and Yoga to Manage Stress and Worry with Guest Kelly Inselmann.

Shame, the good, the bad and the ugly!  In this podcast, learn how to recognize the various forms of shame and how guilt can be an antidote to this pit in the stomach feeling.  Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP, Dr. Ann Kelley and guest Dr. Stephen Finn engage in a wide-ranging discussion about the least favorite feeling in most people – the collapsed feeling of shame!

Get your own dormant entrepreneur excited with this podcast, which delves into the psychology of these successful leaders. Also find out how to increase the "luck" factor in getting your goals accomplished.

Become a master not a disaster at relationships! Quick tips to help you regulate emotions in yourself and others. Deepen your skills at deciphering these things we call feelings (ack!) and learn how to use this information to co-regulate yourself and those close to you.

Can healthy dialogue around the #MeToo phenomena cross genders? We explore the tensions felt by both men and women in understanding one another and strategies to help listeners balance power and create safety together

Let's get real about not being a perfect parent or partner so we can do both better!   Regulation before reflection!   NYT best-selling author Tina Payne Bryson talks with Sue Marriott, co-host of Therapist Uncensored about being honest about parenting (& partnering) when you don't have a secure background yourself.  They cover constructing a coherent narrative and why that's not really enough, and what needs to be added to the equation.  they get into what healthy integration means and how it helps us navigate under stress and in the heat of an argument.  They also discuss the grief process in relation to our own parents and how that can open up possibilities of mending old ruptures and creating new growth. Finally they really get into the role of the body over the mind in creating the bottom line, a healthy regulation of self to help others.    Tina Payne Bryson is co-author with Dr. Dan Siegel of The Whole Child Brain, The Yes Brain and No-Drama Discipline and founder of The Center for Connection in Pasadena.  Dr. Bryson keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world, and she has written for numerous publications, for example mom.me, SkillForKids and the PBS series “This Emotional Life.”  She has also co-hosted a web-based parenting show and makes frequent media appearances at venues like TIME, “Good Morning America,” Huffington Post, Redbook, The New York Times, and Real Simple.  She is the Child Development Specialist at Saint Mark’s School in Altadena, the Director of Parenting Education at the Mindsight Institute, the Director for Child Development for Camp Chippewa in Cass Lake, Minnesota, and the Child Development Director for Lantern Camps.  Tina earned her LCSW and Ph.D. from the University of Southern California, where her research explored attachment science, childrearing theory, and the emerging field of interpersonal neurobiology.  Listen to the first one, Episode 27 Raising Secure Children here.

Guest Esther Perel shares her research on love, desire and infidelity in modern relationships. Update your model of relational and sexual health, and widen your perspective on the erotic, which is the difference between a relationship that just survives, and one that thrives!

Not only does Bob Schneider (professional musician and wicked Creative) share his navigation of emotion as he writes music, in this in-depth conversation he also shares personal information about his therapy and recovery with Sue Marriott.  He goes on to describe mediocre versus great therapy, how to train your critical brain like your dog, and taking in tons of information like a whale and spitting out “song turds” from his unconscious. Blending anecdotal stories, neuroscience and attachment theory, this interview both entertains and educates. Bonus section:  Sue discusses an extended excerpt of Schneider’s song, “Let the Light In” from an attachment perspective.

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IN THIS EPISODE: The Dark Side Of Therapy: Recognizing When The Therapeutic Relationship Goes Bad Show Note Queue Darth Vader music… we admit it, not all therapy is good therapy.  Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss the potential negatives in the therapeutic relationship – focusing on how a client might distinguish between good therapy, that’s tough at times and a genuinely dysfunctional relationship.   The difference between healthy dependency and one that erodes your sense of self is unpacked, as well as the idea of safe vulnerability that leads to change.  Finally, they name the truth that one can feel held hostage by the therapist and the darker more harmful effects that can happen when therapy goes bad.    Timeline  0:00 – Intro/Podcast Conference  2:48 – Recap on Episode 39 Therapeutic Relationship  3:41 – Introduction to dark side of therapy 4:12 – Types of discredited therapies: Conversion Therapy (coercive therapy that intends to change someone’s sexual orientation) Good therapy intends to assist self-exploration and colorful self expression  5:16 – Repressed memory therapy – Not helpful therapy and has potential to have traumatic outcomes.  6:12 – Sometimes therapists abuse role in exploitative way – Make sure your therapist is licensed and accredited  7:17 – What is good therapy that is hard and what is a dysfunctional relationship? It can be hard to tell the difference. Those who have experienced relational injuries and then begin to feel safe with the therapeutic relationship might feel unsafe and begin to evoke and enact what they need help healing. Therapists want to help you listen to your gut.  10:12 – Go for the connection in the therapeutic relationship and talk about relationships and attachment. Having a new experience where patient can unfold and be more themselves and be understood & recognized for who they are is in essence, therapy. Beginning to know what you think and feel already begins work on trauma.  11:51 – One of the dangers of working deeply especially with trauma is if it moves too quickly.   Sometimes the patient can feel like they’re being held captive by the therapist or acting as a narcissistic extension of the therapist  12:47 – Narcissistic Extension – Therapists as humans have their own needs and desires to be helpful but the client can potentially feel need to satisfy and gain approval from therapist in power differential.  15:43 – Therapists are in a position to keep clients hostage through barring the door by making clients feel guilty or shamed for trying to leave – Therapists need to understand desire to leave and affirm right to do so. Exploration is good but guilt and shame is something else.  Respect boundaries of patient.  Allow them to explore the urge to leave or to act and leave.  If it was wrong move they will figure that out and return on their own accord to you or someone else to resume.  22:12 – Sometimes clients can be difficult but this is healthy and normal. Discomfort directed at the therapist or expression of suicidal ideation can sometimes lead to a premature end to the therapeutic relationship. Therapist-initiated termination is a huge risk and always complicated and potentially harmful.   24:31 – Boundaries are important to talk about in the therapeutic relationship. No romance, sexuality or bargaining. Letting the boundaries slowly slip a little bit and eventually crossing the line can be extremely harmful to clients. Doing something like stopping a session on time despite making ground or even just collecting payment are healthy, loving professional acts in the relationship.  28:43 – Basic goal for patients in therapy: you should be getting better, not feel shamed intrinsically from relationship.  One can expect positive, challenging, growth-enhancing language from therapist.

IN THIS EPISODE: Meditation And Neuroplasticity Provide a Path To Healing: An Interview With Sarah Peyton Show Notes Patty Olwell interviews Sarah Peyton, author of Your Resonant Self: Guided Meditations & Exercises to Engage Your Brain’s Capacity for Healing on the neuroscience of language and emotions. Their discussion covers Sarah’s background in non-violent communication and her more recent work with the impact of specific interventions and meditations to foster brain plasticity and empathy towards ourselves and others. They explore what kinds of language can we use that lets brains relax and move into a space of fluidity? How does this relate to healing from trauma? What kind of language do we use with ourselves to develop empathy? How do we develop an inner voice of understanding rather than self-criticism?   Timeline 0:00 Intro 1:44 – What drew Sarah Peyton to this work – First non-violent communication (Marshall Rosenberg) Rosenberg weekend – first time hearing that use of language 3:51 – How non-violent communication works like therapy – a place where people listen rather than just try to problem solve – what happens when you use feeling words & how it changes the activity of the amygdala – (Matthew Lieberman) 4:40 – Matthew Lieberman study of facial expressions –when you accurately name the facial expression/emotions you’re seeing, the activity in the amygdala falls by half- people using language differently put Peyton into a space of fluidity (there is always an amygdala response to intense facial expressions) 5:29 – Daniel Siegel – Name it to tame it – Why does this work? 6:02 – What kinds of language do we use that lets brains relax and move into a space of fluidity? How does this relate to healing from trauma? How are brains impacted by trauma? Language as the neurotransmitters of human-ness – Verbal & nonverbal communication between two people 8:45 – Shift of focus from communication to brains – Daniel Siegel’s The Developing Mind, The Neurobiology of We 10:30 – How are we moved & changed by the words we use with one another? 12:00 – Dan Siegel’s contingent communication – how do our words reflect that we actually heard the other person? This quality comes through very subtly even in written communication 14:37 – Study of how Sarah Peyton used words with her children revealed the breaks & chasms between getting business of life done and having a relational connection 15:52 – What kind of language do we use with ourselves? Matthew Lieberman’s work with the default mode network. How do our minds think when there’s nothing else to process? When the brain is not directed towards something in particular, it reverses to default network. 18:07 – What is the automatic voice of our brain and can it be changed? 19:32 – Your Resonant Self: Guided Meditations & Exercises to Engage Your Brain’s Capacity for Healing – Speaking unkindly to yourself – Importance of warmth in language – Trauma impacts the default network – experiences of being alone create default networks that are trying to help us – How do we turn towards voice of understanding rather than self-critical voice? 22:31 – How to be precise with language: To be precise with what the feeling tone is. To be precise with what the deep longing is: survival, thriving, peace, room to grow, capacity to have your own timing, etc. Precision with what the timing of the trauma is – that the trauma is no longer happening – By using the past tense, the brain is using precision – What’s so upsetting is in the past and getting acknowledgment 25:01 – People often say yes most often when asked if they’re seeking acknowledgment for what happened in the past. Bonnie Badenoch’s study of Nepalese boy soldiers All boy soldiers had the same experience but the boys who went home to environments wher...

IN THIS EPISODE: Getting What You Want From Therapy: The Essentials Of A Therapeutic Relationship Show Notes Dr. Ann Kelley, Sue Marriott & Patty Olwell chat about the importance of building a strong therapeutic relationship with clients. We’ll discuss how feelings of love, hate, disappointment, excitement and more between a therapist and a patient are not only normal, but even potentially essential to working towards healing. They break-down counter-transference and how mutual influence works to help clients grow. Timeline 0:00-0:27 Intro Questions 0:27- Possibilities for Therapist-Client relationship (potential for harm from power differential in the relationship OR neural sculpting) – When choosing a therapist, be prepared to be changed by this new relationship. Therapists are permanently changed once attached to clients – mutual sculpting 1:53 –Old analytic model of psychotherapy – therapist as flat, neutral agent. Therapist actually can influence the client. Relationship as we know it now is not unidirectional – the most healing agent is the relationship in psychotherapy. 2:30 – How to pick a therapist – interview several 2:54 – What to do if you’re experiencing love, hate, disappointment, excitement, etc. in a relationship with your therapist The General Theory of Love – it’s normal to feel these feelings and it also may be essential to the healing agent 4:36 – Now that you understand these feelings are normal – what next? Talk about them with your therapist – express your feelings, then let process begin – However this experience may be regressive and if the therapist isn’t willing to help you may have to move on 6:44 – How to discern when emotional events are part of the therapeutic process of working through past trauma or when it’s harmful and retraumatizing Hope to have a different outcome than in the past – We can learn that we have difficult feelings or conflicts but it doesn’t have to end the relationship. It is possible to talk about and process these feelings with your therapist. 8:22 Discerning between healthy and unhealthy emotions in relationship Openness & willingness to talk through – Discomfort is part of journey towards healing 9:20 – Difference between feeling uncomfortable and actually being unsafe – Nesting Dolls – Problem of acting or thinking a certain way only around therapist versus outside the office 11:00 – Feeling safe, then feeling vulnerable when seeking advice in therapy 11:57 – Therapists need to follow the clients lead when someone comes in seeking career advice or a quick fix for a problem – If client isn’t ready or interested in deep processing we can move as quickly or as slowly as they need. 13:05 – Therapists want patients to find answer themselves, but often also want to be helpful – problem of giving/expecting advice 14:37 – Counter-transference – Therapists feelings get brought up – Therapy as an interpersonal dance 20:30 – Sue’s anecdote about the pay less price tag – compared to being in a family where you can’t name the embarrassing/traumatizing element in your life 22:31 – See therapist in a way that allows client to express emotions 27:00 – Empathy in therapists – don’t want to deny clients the power position in power differential 27:51 – As a client there’s a felt need to not have to take care of therapist in terms – expectation of a certain level of maturity, experience, intelligence, etc. ; have a bigger, stronger other that allows you to be “messy” 28:30 – How and why a boundary is important in a therapeutic relationship – need to feel safe – Frame (time, space, money) – Frame will not be broken 31:03 – Wrap up: All these thoughts & feelings are acceptable – Talk about them with therapist and if they can’t handle it then consider a new one – but first tell your therapist you’re frustrated and you’re...

IN THIS EPISODE: The Blended Family: How to Create Strong and Lasting  Step-Family Relationships Show Notes This episode breaks it down by debunking the most popular myths and giving specific do’s and don’ts to help you create secure long-lasting families no matter their origin. Blended Family Myths Wicked stepmothers and red-headed step children – our psyche with the help of Disney often portrays step-families through a suspicious lens. However, only 23% of families are made up of two heterosexual biological parents in their first marriage. So called “weird” families such as blended, same-sex parents, adoption and foster, grandparents parenting, polyamorous and so on are the new normal. Adults living with biologically unrelated children have unique challenges, and in this episode we focus specifically on blended families. Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss common myths as well as tips toward achieving a healthy blended family bond. We unpack the tensions that often emerge as two cultures come together and deliver practical solutions for how to avoid pitfalls and build a foundation that helps the process of reconstituting a new gaggle go smoother. Also, gender and developmental differences are discussed – you may be surprised that sons and daughters respond differently. Finally same-sex headed families are also discussed, the unique strethgs and challenges within these families. Hey glbtq – headed parents out there – don’t worry we totally have your back. We are all about it and are working on an entire episode on the beautiful and unique gifts of glbtq families coming to your podcast player soon. Timeline 0:50 – Intro 2:27–Blended family 3:52–Myth 1 of Blended Families: Stepfamilies are not as healthy as “real” families. 5:50–Why children struggle more than those in first-marriage, intact families andhow to prevent it 7:26–Effect of divorce on children–socio-economic drop and severe change of routine should be prevented 8:34–Whatever you do, don’t mess with the mind of the child in how they see theother parent (ie.alter the child’s internalized image of the other parent). 9:50–Myth 2 of Blended Families: Stepfamilies break up more often and that is a bad thing 13:36–Myth 3 of Blended Families: Children who come from divorced and thenblended families will likely struggle in life. (All families have problems–step families are just more exposed and therefore vulnerable) 14:45–Difference between boys & girls transitions becoming stepchildren 17:00–Time helps everyone–How can we expedite the process of feeling like afamily and speed up the process?  17:50–When parent’s sense of fantasy and pressure to get it right and rushing the process leads to combustible outcomes. 18:50–Being around parents that are overtly affectionately in love can be difficult for children and may increase the tension within the child or between the child andparent/stepparent. Many times children haven’t seen parents fall in love 21:25–Idealized fantasy of second marriage & pressure to get it right the 2nd time around 22:23–Blending families = blending two cultures (Don’t try to create one united front) 27:50–Differences in administering discipline is a frequent source of conflict in blended families (Permissive parents vs. boundary-setting parents) 28:50–Don’t step into direct-disciplinary role for the first year as a step-parent. Working towards a non-polarized, firm, loving place where child still has boundaries 33:05–The more stuck a child gets in an outside position, more potentially damaging (Bio parent & step parent need to have empathy for child who might be shifted into an outside position)

IN THIS EPISODE: Organizing The Disorganized: Understanding The Elusive Attachment Category Show Notes  Disorganized attachment states of mind happen to us all. We temporarily get lost in a jumble and it’s difficult to track what is happening… but for some this is a more serious concern that can reflect much of how we feel much of the time. By popular request, we begin to unravel the last attachment category and update current thinking that includes those who have unresolved trauma, loss or have had caregivers who were frightening. Disorganized Attachment In this episode, Sue Marriott, Patty Olwell and Dr. Ann Kelley discuss this oft-overlooked fourth category; disorganized attachment and how it affects our adult lives. We go over it’s development and move to our current thinking on what it includes. We’ll talk about how attachment is formed as a survival skill and how loss, trauma and frightening caregivers transport individuals to disorganized spaces. Towards the end you’ll learn how relationships can provide safety and security in neurobiological terms, and how you can affect change for yourself or a loved one. Timeline 0:00 -1:53 Intro 1:53 – 3:49 Quick review of attachment & underlying organized dynamics (Secure & Insecure) Insecure attachment (Insecure Preoccupied & Insecure Avoidant) 3:49 – 4:18 Data on attachment and historical figures (John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth, Mary Main) 4:18 – Attachment as biological imperative & cross cultural – everyone has an attachment system 4:59 Three distinct categories – The addition of the fourth distinct disorganized attachment category (The Strange Situation) 6:54 – The problem of disorganization in adults rather than children (update) – Applying data to real life individual people – Disorganization/attachment as a spectrum 7:59 – How can we begin to move towards the middle (secure) including the disorganized? 9:32 – Buckets instead of a category 10:19 – What does disorganized attachment look like in an adult? What does “unresolved” mean? Losing mentalization & context, disorganization in parents 11:59 – Frightening caregivers – Deborah Jacobvitz 12:51 – Moving unresolved into resolved space – Narrative coherence (resolved) Unresolved taking too much information forward so you can’t forget about the stress event or events bad (in the form of nightmares, intrusions, and pre-occupations) 15:03 Other side of unresolved – avoidance of incident/trauma 16:09 – Children with trauma don’t have narrative coherence – body remembers incident but it’s fragmented 17:09 = Clinicians that came in after Ainsworth Main and Bowlby – Patricia Crittenden (student of Ainsworth). Keeping the caregiver available. 20:09 – Finding an organized state balanced between thinking and feeling 21:00 – What to do in order to heal (developing trust is key to healing) 22:00 – Biology of attachment 23:00 – Free Online Course on Modern Adult Attachment coming soon, along with others that will include Advanced Studies – join the waiting list for the free course at www.therapistuncensored.eventbrite.com 25:47 – Outro Therapist Uncensored Online Course – Reserve your spot now! In addition if you enjoyed this, we will be providing much more from a synthesis of the latest and greatest ideas out there for intervention, prevention and clinical work for those of us that didn’t come by secure relating in the old-fashioned way, from parents. For those that are having to work to earn it or who treat people with attachment insecurities, we have an online course coming up soon. Email us at info@www.therapistuncensored.

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Guest Dr. David Elliott presents the Three Pillars of treatment for attachment disruptions.   Besides background on why attachment matters and the prevalence of insecurity, we focus mostly on how to apply the science in trying to heal relational attachment injuries for our clients, or ourselves.

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Podcast about patterns impeding couples communication. We educate you about your brain and strategies for avoiding or moving out of conflict.